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The Mom Code
  • fatchickonabikefatchickonabike
    Posts: 5,508Member

    I came across this article on Mommy Tracked (http://mommytracked.com/21550?page=0%2C0) and it cracked me up. I would have been pissed if someone had given my kid a goldfish as a party favour, too.


    Here's the article:





    Breaking the Mom Code




    I think we’ve all seen enough bromance movies by now to know that men follow a “Guy Code.”  As in, they don’t talk about what happens at bachelor parties, they don’t date their best friends' exes, and they don’t eat each other's fries.  


    But whether you know it or not, there’s also a “Mom Code” that we all need to live by.  The rules are pretty simple, and you’re probably already following them out of courtesy, but just in case, here they are:   


    • You don’t poach another mom’s nanny. 
    • You don’t flirt with another mom’s husband. 
    • If you are driving your child and someone else’s child and you only have one booster seat, you give it to the other kid. 
    • And finally, you don’t give living things to other people’s children as birthday party favors.

    This last one was added to the Mom Code just this past weekend, after my son attended a birthday party and came home with a goldfish in a plastic bag.  The party was on a Friday evening (hey, there’s another one: don’t have birthday parties on Friday nights that require pickup at 7:30 pm), and since my husband and I had dinner plans, my son got a ride home from the party with another mom.  (That’s one more: if a party is at an inconvenient time and you are willing to be inconvenienced, offer to drive home as many other kids as will fit in your car).  Not five minutes after he was dropped off, my phone rang.  It was my daughter.  


    (Daughter) - Okay, you’re going to be really, really mad, but the party favor was a goldfish.
    (Me) - Why would I be mad that they gave him Goldfish?  I mean, they do have a lot of sodium, but is that really worth calling me during dinner?
    (Daughter, rolling her eyes through the phone) -  Not Goldfish, mom.  A goldfish.  That swims.  It’s in a plastic bag.
    (Me) - @$&#!  Sorry, honey, pretend you didn’t hear that.  Seriously?  They gave him a goldfish?
    (Daughter) - I knew you’d be mad.  Anyway, it’s in a plastic bag and we don’t know what to do with it.
    (Me) - Umm, flush it down the toilet?
    (Daughter) - Are you serious?
    (Me) - Would that upset you?
    (Daughter, calling to son) - Would you be upset if we flushed it down the toilet? (Son sobbing in the background) Yeah, I think he’d be upset.
    (Me) - @$&#!  I mean, shoot.


    So, now we have a goldfish.  Named Swimmy.  Because, you know, with two kids and a husband and a dog, I don’t have enough things to feed and take care of.  The last time we had a goldfish, my daughter got it from her preschool teacher as a graduation present.  She named it Seashell.  I thought Seashell would last five minutes, but she lived for over three years.  That’s three years of feeding her, changing her dirty goldfish water, and driving her - in her bowl, between my legs, water sloshing all over my lap - to a friend’s house every time we went out of town.  And now I get to do it all again, all because a fellow mom didn’t think to follow the mom code. 


    And so, if you ever find yourself even thinking about breaking the Mom Code, I’ll leave you with three little words: So. Not. Cool.
     





    So my question for SMs is, what would you add to the Mom Code?

    "The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shock-proof bullshit detector.” - Ernest Hemingway
  • serenitynowserenitynow
    Posts: 2,174Member
    think about what presents you give at birthday parties- if you don't want it at your house, don't buy it for my child! especially if it has no off button. because then i will have to 1 up your gift when your kid's party comes around....
  • ChristyJChristyJ
    Posts: 882Member

    Don't ask Kid A for an overnight visit in front of my kid and not ask him also.  Very rude.


    Do not ask what you can do to help setup an event after everything is done.  It is okay if you were not able to get there early or just really not want to help.  But please don't pretend after the fact.


    Do not under any circumstances talk about my kid with another parent right the freak in front of me.  I know you are a jealous BITCH, but grow the fuck up.

    Imperfect and proud of it.
  • LLB
    Posts: 3,308Member
    Do not ask my child if they would like to go to the amusement park, zoo, restaurant etc with you and then ask me for money for their share! Thanks a lot bitch now I have to explain to them that they can't go because mommy doesn't have enough money!
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 12,964Administrator, Moderator
    think about what presents you give at birthday parties- if you don't want it at your house, don't buy it for my child! especially if it has no off button. because then i will have to 1 up your gift when your kid's party comes around....


    WORD.

    Thou shall NOT bring or send gifts to my child that make an obnoxious noise.

    Thou shall not bring or send gifts that require batteries, without also including said batteries.

    Thou shall not come to my child's party and then refuse to let your child play outside with the children because 'he might get dirty'...

    Thou shall not drop your child off at my house and fucking LEAVE, without discussing it with me well beforehand. My child's birthday party is not an opportunity for you to sneak off to go whoring around. If you want a babysitter, be honest about it.

    Thou shall not stand and watch idly whilst your child makes a mess and not offer to help clean it up. This isn't a restaurant, I'm not the waitress, and I don't get paid to serve and clean up after you and your child. You could at least offer to get a towel for the punch your kid just dumped out in the floor.


    I really could go on and on...

    community-manager


  • fatchickonabikefatchickonabike
    Posts: 5,508Member
    @LLB, that's just fucking rude! (The behaviour you wrote about, I mean, not you).
    "The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shock-proof bullshit detector.” - Ernest Hemingway
  • serenitynowserenitynow
    Posts: 2,174Member

    Don't send your child to my house for an overnight knowing full well that they have lice, scabies or bed bugs!

    Is it really necessary for the "Tooth Fairy" to leave $10.00 or more for 1 tooth? Because then I have to come up with an answer as to why the "Tooth Fairy" that comes to our house doesn't leave that much!

  • ScaryMommyScaryMommy
    Posts: 3,565Administrator
    I have a post in my drafts on exactly this! Love these.
  • fatchickonabikefatchickonabike
    Posts: 5,508Member

    "Well, honey, the tooth fairy has to visit a lot of houses every night and she doesn't get much sleep, so sometimes she goes a little crazy and leaves more money than she's supposed to."


    @serenitynow

    "The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shock-proof bullshit detector.” - Ernest Hemingway
  • AnonUser27
    Posts: 1,779Guest
    Do not have a child call and ask if they can come over/sleep over or whatever. Its hard to explain to a child why not. Parents call parents to find out what can work and what can't.
  • beachmommybeachmommy
    Posts: 2,477Member
    Do not bring your toddler over to my house to see my newborn, and then insist that he/she "holds" the baby.
    My beach is still Sandy....
  • LLB
    Posts: 3,308Member
    fatchickonabike said:

    @LLB, that's just fucking rude! (The behaviour you wrote about, I mean, not you).



    Yes, yes it is! If I offer to take a kid somewhere I do so with the full intention of paying their way. I would never assume that the child's parents would foot the bill!

  • LoveLove
    Posts: 12,964Administrator, Moderator
    OH and 

    Thou shall not come to a child's birthday party whilst drinking....without bringing enough to share with the host.

    community-manager


  • VegantasticVegantastic
    Posts: 3,404Member

    Do not tell my children their mother is a "weirdo" because she doesn't eat meat

    Do not tell a child their parents are going to hell because they don't go to church

    If you're hosting a birthday party, don't put noisemakers in the freaking goodie bags!

    Always offer a helping hand/ wet wipe/ fruit snack to the mother with the screaming toddler. Don't shoot her dirty looks because that could be (will probably be) you someday

     

    "Be the change you wish to see in the world"
    "Don't Panic"
  • serenitynowserenitynow
    Posts: 2,174Member

    if you don't send your child to school because they are sick and contagious, why the hell would you allow them to come to my house, where 3 small child reside? family or not, that's just wrong.

    if your child is coming for an extended visit, please pack them clean clothes that fit them!!! i shouldn't have to do laundry before your child wears the clothes and i shouldn't have to go buy him/her new underwear, pants, whatever because theirs are 3 sizes too small.

     

  • katz_meowkatz_meow
    Posts: 4,243Member
    Don't ask me to babysit for free because you're so broke and then start telling me how much it costs to rent a cello and pay for lessons.

    Seriously this wouldn't bother me except mom works all weekend every weekend and kid eats me out of house and home. All weekend.
    Judgement comes in many forms but never scarce or shy
  • LLB
    Posts: 3,308Member
    Do not bring your obviously SICK child over my house and tell me "oh, it's just allergies" when they have snot dripping down their face and are sneezing every 30 seconds. Me and my children don't want your sickies tyvm.
  • stinkersmommystinkersmommy
    Posts: 1,322Member
    Don't promise my kid something (sleepover,movie,playdate) and not do it, I get stuck with the heartbroken kid!
    Glitter Words
    [Glitterfy.com - *Glitter Words*]
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 7,721Member

    if your teenage kids get invited to a party, and you know drinking will most likely be involved, call the other moms of the kids that were invited. swear them to secrecy, but call them.

     

    i'm nekkid.
  • CrabbypattyCrabbypatty
    Posts: 193Member
    Ok I get a lot of these, but I just have to say I usually buy the most obnoxious toys for kids that I can find, and get lots of extra batteries for them :-)) why you may ask? Because I can! It's kinda a contest with my friends and I, who can find the noisiest toy in the world...
    I def agree with @stinkersmommy

    I also think there should be set price amounts for tooth fairy, and party gifts.

    If you are attending a child's bday party where you know there will be a lot of kids always bring the host a bottle of booze, if nothing else for later that night!
  • AnonUser33
    Posts: 747Guest

    Do not expect me to treat your children differently than my own if they come for a sleepover. If your child eats or plays, I expect them to help clean up. Your backing me up on this would be very much appreciated.

    If your kid comes for a sleepover then calls and asks you if they can stay an extra night, please call me and talk to me first. Its probably ok but I do have a life too and I only had 2 kids for a reason.

    If you are a whore and you have a boyfriend who sleeps in your bed while your husband sleeps on the couch, please do not get offended when I say my child is not spending the night at your house. Also when your child tells me that said boyfriend is "not supposed to be in the county because he will have to go back to jail if they catch him but he didn't do anything really bad" and that "he is willing to take the risk because he loves us so much" do not tell your daughter that I am a bad parent for not trusting you. Your child will tell my child who will tell me. then when you see me at the store do not act like we are bffs.

  • UnrestMomUnrestMom
    Posts: 92Member
    Always always always have a pick up time on sleepovers! As much as I love love love your child I really need a time to count down to, the time my house becomes normal again (volume and mess). It doesn't matter if your child is 6 or 16, share the pickup time with your kid, me, &your kid again....and unless you hear from me don't be late!
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 8,166Member
    DON'T bring a date to someone else's kid's party, especially when you didn't even RSVP for yourself and your kid, and ESPECIALLY one who's obnoxious and drinks ALL the damn beer!
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 8,166Member
    @Crabbypatty:  you'll definitely NOT be coming to my kid's party, if you like to buy obnoxious toys!  :P, Unless of course you bring me lots of really good wine or whiskey.
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • CrabbypattyCrabbypatty
    Posts: 193Member
    Lol it evens itself out obnoxious toy, bottle of booze :P I usually only get the really bad ones for my nephews, and close friends kids, but then there are those parents I just really don't like haha!!
  • WildandFree
    Posts: 1,580Member
    Do not ditch on babysitting for me ONE TIME when I babysat all FOUR of your kids FOR FREE for three WEEKS STRAIGHT 7-9 hours at a time. PS I was even offering to pay and only for one kid for 3 hours. Come on, really? That's cool. I haven't babysat for her since.

    Do not look shocked when I tell you when I'm due then proceed to tell me that "I'm huge" or that I look "ready to pop." Thank you, I'm aware that I have cankles and a watermelon where my uterus use to be. No need to point it out.

    Do not tell my child "Oh it's ok!" When I've already told them "No." I get enough undermining from their Grandmother. I don't need it from you too. Same team?

    Do not tell my child about something important such as a field trip or party and neglect to tell me. That's a recipe for disappointment.

    I don't mind toys that make noise if my toddler really loves them, but if you must buy them, please include a set of batteries. I would. That's not a must but it is an irritation.

    Do NOT buy my child a gaming console. And if you must (and of course, Grandma just HAD to) please include a game! Those fuckers are expensive. Not only did I tell you NOT to buy a console for a reason, but I cannot afford the games that come along with it.

    Do not buy my child a pet.

    Do not ditch on our one day out together as moms. I never get them, and it really does hurt when you bail last minute to go with another mom. Just tell me ahead of time so I can do something else by myself!

    I could go on!

  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 8,166Member
    Don't tell me you'll be home by x time so my child can play with yours, then screw around and not show, that makes mine cry and whine and hurts her feelings.

    Don't tell me you'll watch mine for a couple of hours then call me 30 minutes before and say you can't, I don't mind if you can't or don't want to, just don't tell me you will.
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • AnonUser33
    Posts: 747Guest
    Don't assume that because I am a SAHM that I wouldn't mind babysitting or running errands for you. I do, I really do.
  • VegantasticVegantastic
    Posts: 3,404Member
    unknown1 said:

    Don't assume that because I am a SAHM that I wouldn't mind babysitting or running errands for you. I do, I really do.



    Yes!! I hate that! A don't assume that because I'm a SAHM I "don't work, so I must have lots of free time". I get it if old men think that, but other MOTHERS say that!
    "Be the change you wish to see in the world"
    "Don't Panic"
  • realtormomrealtormom
    Posts: 645Member
    serenitynow said:

    Is it really necessary for the "Tooth Fairy" to leave $10.00 or more for 1 tooth? Because then I have to come up with an answer as to why the "Tooth Fairy" that comes to our house doesn't leave that much!


    This. Exactly.
    The past has a vote, not a veto ~ Moredecai Kaplan
  • DreamerDreamer
    Posts: 2,272Member
    I skimmed some, so I hope Im not repeating...

    But If BOTH my kids have played with yours,and are friends. Do NOT invite only 1 of them to the party.  
    There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other. Which one are you?
  • KacerpieKacerpie
    Posts: 883Member
    If your not going to rsvp to a child's party, fine. But PLEASE don't bring your one child, plus the other 7 people in your family (mom, dad teenagers, cousins, ect), and please atleast try to speak English and thank the hostess, because after all, its my 6 year olds party, not your family get together.
    "Please don't talk mom... It makes my brain work..."
  • missmama5missmama5
    Posts: 3,580Member
    I don't really have anything to add but the tooth fairy thing is funny. My child is obviously a genius and awesome, and I will tell you why. He told me he likes chocolate and money the same, so he hopes the tooth fairy brings chocolate coins when he looses teeth. Guess who is spending a buck at the dollar store for a big bag?! This momma!
  • AnonUser26
    Posts: 1,161Guest
    Do not talk shit about a parent possibly within earshot of that child.

    If you know my kid has severe allergies, don't offer her something saying "one bite won't hurt", yes, it will, and it makes me look like an asshole when I take it away.

    Don't treat your stepkids differently than your own children. They didn't choose their parents. It makes you a jerk to take your petty bullshit out on a kid.
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