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B-day Party Strangler
  • lisalegatolisalegato
    Posts: 3Member
    My DD just turned 3 on Saturday. I invited her best friend from school to the party thinking she was a normal little 3 year old girl. Well this little girl ended up full on strangling a little boy at the party until he turned red and her fingers had to be pried off his neck. My DD also told me she put her hand on her neck. And then today my DD's preschool teacher told me that this same girl had her hands around my DD's neck AGAIN. My issue is that this girl's mother really wants to do play dates with my DD. How do I tell this mom nicely that her child scares me and I don't really want her around my kid? I feel bad because the mom seems pretty cool otherwise.
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 8,169Member
    Nothing nice about it...just tell her (and I certainly hope the school did) that you have very real concerns about this and would prefer not to do play dates until this kind of behavior stops.

    I know 3 is a little young for a  psychopathic diagnosis, but this kid sounds like one right out of The Bad Seed.
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • fatchickonabikefatchickonabike
    Posts: 5,493Member
    I concur with @BellaBefana. Just say it, flat out. It's weird behaviour. I know kids that age will sometimes hit or bite in frustration, but I've never heard of strangling. Makes me wonder where she learned that behaviour.
    "The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shock-proof bullshit detector.” - Ernest Hemingway
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 7,722Member
    just in case the mom does not know her daughter does this, for the love of christ, be honest!  or just in case her mom doesn't know that shit ain't normal! it could be something as simple as her older siblings watch the simpson's reruns, or it could be something really serious. either way, straingling other children means whatever it is, it has BECOME serious.
    i'm nekkid.
  • momofdbbmomofdbb
    Posts: 9,070Member
    I would tell the other mother.
    " Wibbly wobbly timey wimey ......." The Doctor
    " I'm a leafe on the wind..watch how I soar ." Wash :((
    " Oh the wall had it comming.' Sherlock Holmes
    yea I am geek !!
  • MorganD
    Posts: 3,451Member
    I would definitely be talking to that kids mom. And I would tell my kid to do whats necessary to defend herself.
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 2,528
    Whoa! She could kill a kid! If she knows and isn't concerned, that's a problem. Crazy. No way in hell would have a play date with them until this problem is solved.
    Get me a damn beer.
  • tothemoonandbacktothemoonandback
    Posts: 2,126Member
    Holy crap!  I would be very honest w/ the mama.
    Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. - Marilyn Monroe
  • Katescrazymom
    Posts: 1,847Member
    Pushing, hitting, kicking, scratching, biting, even pinching are normal, strangling not so much.  I'd only be allowing playdates when I could supervise them 100%, if at all. 
  • MorganD
    Posts: 3,451Member
    notsohotmomma said:

    Whoa! She could kill a kid! If she knows and isn't concerned, that's a problem. Crazy. No way in hell would have a play date with them until this problem is solved.



    ^^This.
  • Peace
    Posts: 2,080Member
    Holy crap. I thought this title was an auto correct from "straggler".
    If you didn't already, I would tell the teacher what happened at your house.
    And tell her mom, poor lady. Be as gentle as you can, but she needs to know.
    Maybe get her aside & say that your dd loves hers & considers her her BFF, but now is afraid of her? And they're so cute together, you're hoping they can stay friends after this is over?

    Like everyone else, strangling is a new one to me. Really disturbing.
  • momofdbbmomofdbb
    Posts: 9,070Member
    One of my friends told me he did that at a party one time when he was a kid ! He said he picked the kid up by his neck and squeezed till he noticed that the kid was blue ! Then he dropped him. Ok everyone was trying to pry his hands off of the kid. He then ( I'm not so sure on the timeline) he tried to slit his wrists. He was 12-13 at the time. He was a missionary kid.
    " Wibbly wobbly timey wimey ......." The Doctor
    " I'm a leafe on the wind..watch how I soar ." Wash :((
    " Oh the wall had it comming.' Sherlock Holmes
    yea I am geek !!
  • momofeveryonemomofeveryone
    Posts: 1,709Member
    for you dds sake, teach her to punch or something.you never know.
    we got the house!!!!! i have worked so hard for 5 years to get us in a spot to buy! isnt it cute?!?!?!?
  • CrashCrash
    Posts: 8,173Member
    Apparently my son 'strangled' a couple of kids at the beginning of the school year last. That was embarrassing. I almost pulled him out and home schooled him. But it was just a play-acting phase, and he stopped. Thank god. Well he didn't strangle anyone to red-faced and choking either. He's autistic, and he was just acting out something he'd seen in a movie/tv show. I still have no idea which one it might have been. Ugh. 

    My point is...tell the parent. Always. In any case of violence, tell the parent. It might mean your kids aren't besties anymore, but it's a hell of a lot better than the 'strangler' going on to be a complete whacko misfit.
    See ya in another life, sister!
  • GritsGrits
    Posts: 3,745Member
    Curious said:


    My point is...tell the parent. Always. In any case of violence, tell the parent. It might mean your kids aren't besties anymore, but it's a hell of a lot better than the 'strangler' going on to be a complete whacko misfit.


    This.
    "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn
  • DebbiedeeDebbiedee
    Posts: 17Member

    I would definetly let the mother know about her daughters behavior.  I am wondering if the mother herself is not being abused by hubby.  This child has to be learning this behavior from someone.  yes, i would be gentle with the mother.


    Good luck!

  • TheHeadacheslayer
    Posts: 2,752Member
    WHOA. Scary scary scary. I would definitely tell the mom AND the teacher. I remember seeing a thing on TLC about a 3 yo w/ schizophrenia. The mom and dad lived in separate apartments to protect their other child (and one had no knives, matches, scissors, etc).  You just never know. No WAY would I let my kid near this one until she had a psych evaluation.
  • mills827
    Posts: 68Member
    Oh man. No way would I want to do play dates with a kid who tried to choke my kid. And I'd be straight with the mom. She needs to know that her daughter is a danger to other kids.
  • BunnyBunny
    Posts: 437Member
    Tell the other parent, they may or may not know what is going on and they may have a idea of where this is coming from, maybe someone in the home is having it happen? 
    Crazy? I was crazy once...they locked me in a room with no windows. That drove me nuts. Nuts! Squirrels eat nuts. They drive me crazy. Crazy! I was crazy once..
  • TKDuncan
    Posts: 53Member
    Definitely tell the child's mother, and ask if the teacher has reported the behavior to CPS. You don't know how this child is being treated at home. I wouldn't jump to any psychological conclusions. Likely it is just poor parenting. I have a niece that is a very big hitter (she's 7) and it is because her parents encourage it by saying how "cute the baby is" when she does it. Ridiculous.

    Protect your child. Don't teach her to reciprocate violence, but make sure people know what is going on.
  • Steph
    Posts: 62Member
    DEFINITELY sit down and have a talk with the other kid's parent.  And I wouldn't let my kid go over there until something is done.
  • lbm05trr09
    Posts: 101Member
    Definitly talk to the mom just choose your words carefully so she doesnt feel like your atracking her parenting skills
  • nursetobe
    Posts: 67Member
    I would talk to the parents. They may not know their child is doing this or they may think it's normal child development.  I would not want to have that child over playing with my kids since they don't know its wrong

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