I currently HATE happy people!
  • triceratopstriceratops
    Posts: 12Member

    I used to be 1/2 of a ridiculously awesome happy couple. I met my husband at 14. We dated through HS and College, moved in together, got engaged, all while being so in love and so happy. People always asked how we managed to stay together so long and still be happy. It was effortless, he was my dream man. Then, we got married. Four months later, he told me (for the first time) that he wasn't happy. I was blown away. Nothing had changed other than that ring on his finger. We didn't get married until we were 27 and had lived together for 5 years. Being married was not a huge change to our lives. Since that time, I have been told that he isn't happy, that he knows I'm not happy, that maybe we should get a divorce, etc. This tends to take place in the winter every year. (The man has seasonal affective disorder but won't admit it). The rest of the time, he is the amazing man I've always known. He tells me he loves me more than anything in the world, he appreciates me, he's affectionate, he's sweet and he works really hard. So, I've dealt with it. We now have a daughter. She is my world and the best thing that has ever happened to me. We tried for 3 years to get pregnant and suffered one loss. She is the child we were meant to have. She is perfection.

    Cut to me moving out of the home I love into a one bedroom apt while only getting to see my daughter 1/2 of the time. That was 6 months ago. After a typical arguement that got blown out of proportion, I was asked to leave. I said no, he said I had no choice. We talked, we made up, we discussed finances, we slept in the same bed all while I looked for a place to rent. We still talk everyday, he still tells me he loves me, he still kisses me, he still thanks me. I am so fucking confused. I don't know what I did or said that was so bad. If he loves me, how can he hurt me so deeply by making me be away from my daughter? We agreed this was temporary, We haven't done anything legal. I only signed a 6 month lease. He agreed to work on us. I've started therapy, he doesn't think we need it. I've asked him how he feels. He isn't sure or "doesn't know. I wrote him a 7 page letter, he never mentioned it or responded to anything in it.

    My lease is up in 14 days. I am moving back to my house bc this has totally screwed us financially. My credit is now shot bc I after I pay rent and feed my kid, there's nothing left. So, in 2 weeks I am moving back in with my husband. We have a 2 bedroom house and currently, I have no idea if I'll be sharing one with him or our DD. I have acquired an apt full of furniture that we will store in the basement just in case he decides to move out next time. WTF happened to my life? At one time I was a strong, independent woman. Now I am a sniveling, crying mess that puts up with shit from the man that used to be my best friend. I never fathomed that we would be in this mess. I still love him, I want to stay married, I want us to be happy and raise our DD together. She is a year old now and so different than when I left. It's going to be odd to parent her together now. Don't get me wrong, I'm pissed and part of me hates him for this. He's no where near perfect but I believe in the vows we took. I feel like he just gave up. But, if he told me tomorrow that he's sorry and that he's happy I'm moving home, I'd let it all go and focus on our future. My life plan has included him for 19 years. That's well more than half of my life.

    I know only time will tell. I just wish he still wanted me the way I want him. My hope is that once I'm back, he'll realize what an idiot he's been and spend the rest of our lives kissing my ass. Then again, I thought that would happen when I left...

    So, I currently HATE happy people. Especially happy couples and familes becuase I am jealous and bitter and misery loves company. I used to be happy and I'm afraid I never will be again.

  • AKimiBAKimiB
    Posts: 1,809Member
    I'm so sorry that you are going through this.
    I hope that you both will be able to talk through this and resume the happiness.
    SMSM_s_5 photo SMSM_s_5_zps5d122d86.jpg
  • GritsGrits
    Posts: 4,370Member
    Definitely not ideal, and I can see why you're unhappy right now. I hope you get through all this and get your happy back!

    "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn
  • SassySassy
    Posts: 4,488Member
    *HUGS* I'm sorry hon....
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 10,374Member
    Sounds like hubs needs a good shrink!  I think all men go through periods like this...grass always greener type thing, but it blows chunks when you're at the other end...

    Hugs, hon...it will get better...
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • Katescrazymom
    Posts: 2,839Member
    He needs therapy. You might too, after dealing with this. >:D< to you, I hope he can get his head together, but you deserve better.
  • MorganD
    Posts: 3,436Member
    *hugs* This sucks.
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member
    O_O  That royally sucks. 


    I hope things get better and soon. 
    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell
  • sidsmommy3sidsmommy3
    Posts: 2,522Member
    I am really sorry!
    Mary :-)

    Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.
  • triceratopstriceratops
    Posts: 12Member
    Thank you ladies so much for taking the time to read my very long story and for your support and kind words. This was my first post and it feels really great to get it all out there.
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    Hugs. Whether or not you guys plan on getting back together, you will be under the same roof. Maybe couples counseling is in order. If you have insurance, it will most likely be covered.
    i'm nekkid.
  • triceratopstriceratops
    Posts: 12Member
    Counseling would def help us a lot. I need real answers and feel that is the only way I'm going to get them. He finally agreed to go one time to see what it's like. I made the appointment with the therapist I started seeing and then she had to cancel it. I haven't been able to get in to see her since. I'm going to start looking for someone else. BTW, today is our 7 year wedding anniversary. We have spoken three times today (our DD started daycare today) and neither one of us has said anything. What do you say to your spouse in this situation? Are we just supposed to ignore it? Maybe I should just say "Happy Awkward reminder of the day we got Married"! I wonder if Hallmark makes a card for that! :|
  • momofeveryonemomofeveryone
    Posts: 1,917Member
    would your dh be open to a couples retreat? i know they have popped up alot since 'the love dare' and they even have some w/o the christian bent. maybe getting away for all the day to day blah can help him open up. good luck.
    i want a nap. and some chocolate. who's with me?!
  • msperry
    Posts: 70Member
    There is such a thing as to happy and those people really do make me sick! lol I try and be a happy person but come on in real life no one is happy 100% of the time so dont hide it.
  • triceratopstriceratops
    Posts: 12Member
    @momofeveryone A couples retreat might be fun. Esp. if it were one like the movie! :D
  • momofeveryonemomofeveryone
    Posts: 1,917Member

    heck yeah! i we ever got away from the kids for a weekend i think we would sleep and upon waking see most of our issues are bc we are beat. when the kids are gone for the night we go to bed at 9, and dont even do it lol


    i hope one of these suggestions works though. seriously! you deserve to be happy!

    i want a nap. and some chocolate. who's with me?!
  • triceratopstriceratops
    Posts: 12Member
    @momofeverone thank you so much! That is very sweet. The big move is this weekend. I'm sure I will have lots of fun stories to share soon. Thankfully, I have a ton of crafts on pinterest I've stored to keep me occupied when things get weird! I may not have a happy marriage but at least I'll have a nicely decorated house! LOL.
  • triceratopstriceratops
    Posts: 12Member
    So, finally made the move. It was delayed due to us all getting super sick. Been awkward to say the least. At least I get to be with my daughter every day! slowly getting my hooks back into the house. I will not be leaving again!
  • MistressHeidiMistressHeidi
    Posts: 984Member
    I'm so sorry you're having to go through all of this, I read your story with tears in my eyes. It must be so hard on you. I wish you very the best.
  • triceratopstriceratops
    Posts: 12Member
    @misstressheidi707 thank you so much. If it weren't for this site and the kind words all of you ladies, I don't think I could do this.
  • KrabbyKay
    Posts: 5,914Member
    Oh my effing gosh. SOOOOOO similar except I never moved out. I'm sure my H has a PD but used to be violently opposed to counseling. After I became suicidal, i went to my OWN counselor to figure this shit out. I became a reasonably normal person, he has chosen to follow me. 
    If you want to mail me separately, I can tell you what *I* do when shit gets weird. It has been good for a while now, but it's not like PD's go away, and he never sought counseling.
    I had to LOL at "Happy Awkward Reminder"...BTDT. 
    it's 16 years now.
    YOU get and be healthy and well. If he chooses to follow great, if not, you will still be well. That's what some really smart lady I know always says!!!
  • Willow
    Posts: 22Member
    I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.  It's hard dealing with an adult to adult situation, but throwing a small child into it makes it so much harder.   I wish I could tell you what you should do, but I clearly haven't figured it out either.  Counseling is definitely a good start.
  • realtormomrealtormom
    Posts: 722Member
    Hugs to you
    The past has a vote, not a veto ~ Moredecai Kaplan
  • triceratopstriceratops
    Posts: 12Member

    I can't believe it's been so long since i've been on here but i havent had the time. things here are super awkward. we get along but its so platonic, he used to be very affectionate and now everytime he leaves without a kiss or walks past me without patting my behind, i die a little inside. hell, he barely even looks at me. i am beyond thrilled to be with my daughter everyday but i feel like im living with a man that hates me. after 19 years together, he is a complete stranger. i find myself alternating between being hopeful that it time it will all work out and wishing he'd just leave. this is so paonful and cunfusing. i just want to curl up in bed with my little one and never come out. god this sucks!

  • triceratopstriceratops
    Posts: 12Member
    Update: things have been civil but tense. Hubs pretty much has one foot out the door with his back up plan and I'm not so sure I want to stop him.
  • RosamundiRosamundi
    Posts: 1,412Member
    I'm so sorry for your struggles. The days are starting to get longer now, so if he is seasonally triggered maybe better days are coming. Have you found a counselor? Maybe springtime would be a better time to try to drag him to one? I really wish I had a magic wand to make it better for you, I really do. Hugs. You deserve better than this.
  • triceratopstriceratops
    Posts: 12Member
    @Rosamundi Thank you! A magic wand would come in handy for so many different reasons! :) I actually just began my search for a new therapist today. My poor DD has been sick with double ear infections for 2 months now so there have been lots of sleepless nights and busy, fussy days. She is getting tubes put in tomorrow and I pray they bring her some relief. The new year (and all of this madness) has made me very introspective. I've decided to take care of me. I want to be better for my DD and if the husband decides he wants to be a part of it then great. If not, I have no choice but to except it. I can't stop him and really do want him to be happy. If that means leaving, I've realized I love him enough to let him go. I refuse to spend anymore time feeling sorry for myself and beating myself up. Crying in the shower is so lame. It's the only time I get to myself, I should enjoy it! The effect my depression is and will have on my DD came crashing down on me yesterday. I couldn't stop the tears and when she saw me this time, she cried too. She is now old enough to understand that something is wrong and it scared her. I WILL NOT let her grow up that way. She and I will be happy. It's time for Daddy to make some decisions.
  • regpregp
    Posts: 1,445Member
    hugs hugs hugs and more hugs to you. You are right, your daughter will know and think it's ok for things to be the way they are. That was the final straw with my xh, he started treating our DD like he treated me.
    You are a strong mama, you and your daughter deserve better!
    The only thing saving you from me is Jesus.
  • RosamundiRosamundi
    Posts: 1,412Member
    Good for you @triceratops!
  • triceratopstriceratops
    Posts: 12Member
  • Manders15Manders15
    Posts: 3,423Member
    I'm sorry chickie >:D<
  • triceratopstriceratops
    Posts: 12Member
    I need to tell someone and I'm  not ready to tell my friends and family yet. It's over. Yesterday was the last sign I needed. We talked, he said he loves me and always will but isn't in love with me and doesn't want to go to counseling to try to make it work. I told him that I deserve better and would rather be alone than live this way. I also told him that he needs to leave. He asked where he was supposed to go so, I told him that I had to figure it out the first time and now he can. I truly cannot belive that it's really over after almost 20 years. I'm dreading going back to missing time with my DD but part of me is releived that I finally have a real answer. I cannot believe that I am actually going to get divorced. I still pray that one day we'll find our way back but I'm done now. It's time to focus on me and DD. Thank you all so very much for reading my rambling and for all of your support! this site has helped me stay somewhat sane through all of this. >:D<