I used to be 1/2 of a ridiculously awesome happy couple. I met my husband at 14. We dated through HS and College, moved in together, got engaged, all while being so in love and so happy. People always asked how we managed to stay together so long and still be happy. It was effortless, he was my dream man. Then, we got married. Four months later, he told me (for the first time) that he wasn't happy. I was blown away. Nothing had changed other than that ring on his finger. We didn't get married until we were 27 and had lived together for 5 years. Being married was not a huge change to our lives. Since that time, I have been told that he isn't happy, that he knows I'm not happy, that maybe we should get a divorce, etc. This tends to take place in the winter every year. (The man has seasonal affective disorder but won't admit it). The rest of the time, he is the amazing man I've always known. He tells me he loves me more than anything in the world, he appreciates me, he's affectionate, he's sweet and he works really hard. So, I've dealt with it. We now have a daughter. She is my world and the best thing that has ever happened to me. We tried for 3 years to get pregnant and suffered one loss. She is the child we were meant to have. She is perfection.
Cut to me moving out of the home I love into a one bedroom apt while only getting to see my daughter 1/2 of the time. That was 6 months ago. After a typical arguement that got blown out of proportion, I was asked to leave. I said no, he said I had no choice. We talked, we made up, we discussed finances, we slept in the same bed all while I looked for a place to rent. We still talk everyday, he still tells me he loves me, he still kisses me, he still thanks me. I am so fucking confused. I don't know what I did or said that was so bad. If he loves me, how can he hurt me so deeply by making me be away from my daughter? We agreed this was temporary, We haven't done anything legal. I only signed a 6 month lease. He agreed to work on us. I've started therapy, he doesn't think we need it. I've asked him how he feels. He isn't sure or "doesn't know. I wrote him a 7 page letter, he never mentioned it or responded to anything in it.
My lease is up in 14 days. I am moving back to my house bc this has totally screwed us financially. My credit is now shot bc I after I pay rent and feed my kid, there's nothing left. So, in 2 weeks I am moving back in with my husband. We have a 2 bedroom house and currently, I have no idea if I'll be sharing one with him or our DD. I have acquired an apt full of furniture that we will store in the basement just in case he decides to move out next time. WTF happened to my life? At one time I was a strong, independent woman. Now I am a sniveling, crying mess that puts up with shit from the man that used to be my best friend. I never fathomed that we would be in this mess. I still love him, I want to stay married, I want us to be happy and raise our DD together. She is a year old now and so different than when I left. It's going to be odd to parent her together now. Don't get me wrong, I'm pissed and part of me hates him for this. He's no where near perfect but I believe in the vows we took. I feel like he just gave up. But, if he told me tomorrow that he's sorry and that he's happy I'm moving home, I'd let it all go and focus on our future. My life plan has included him for 19 years. That's well more than half of my life.
I know only time will tell. I just wish he still wanted me the way I want him. My hope is that once I'm back, he'll realize what an idiot he's been and spend the rest of our lives kissing my ass. Then again, I thought that would happen when I left...
So, I currently HATE happy people. Especially happy couples and familes becuase I am jealous and bitter and misery loves company. I used to be happy and I'm afraid I never will be again.
heck yeah! i we ever got away from the kids for a weekend i think we would sleep and upon waking see most of our issues are bc we are beat. when the kids are gone for the night we go to bed at 9, and dont even do it lol
i hope one of these suggestions works though. seriously! you deserve to be happy!
I can't believe it's been so long since i've been on here but i havent had the time. things here are super awkward. we get along but its so platonic, he used to be very affectionate and now everytime he leaves without a kiss or walks past me without patting my behind, i die a little inside. hell, he barely even looks at me. i am beyond thrilled to be with my daughter everyday but i feel like im living with a man that hates me. after 19 years together, he is a complete stranger. i find myself alternating between being hopeful that it time it will all work out and wishing he'd just leave. this is so paonful and cunfusing. i just want to curl up in bed with my little one and never come out. god this sucks!