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Motherhood Comes Naturally (and other vicious lies) is available in stores, and online, NOW. Do you have it yet? Have you told all your friends and family about it? **Get it, share it, and spread the joy!**
The Scary Mommy Book, Take 2
  • ScaryMommyScaryMommy
    Posts: 3,348Administrator
    Remember when my book came out and you scurried off to see if any of your confessions made it in? (C'mon, I know at least some of you did!) 

    Well, I'm writing another one and I want to make it easier for you (anonymous you) to appear in the book this time. And, easier for me, too, because OMG finding confessions to correlate with chapters almost killed me. 
     
    I thought maybe I could give you a sneak preview of some chapters and you can head over and help me out with confessions fitting the theme if you have any? PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, don't make me beg?  

    OR, if you're really brave, you can leave them here. :) 

    Anyone in?

    First up: The lie that we tell all new mothers, knowing it's not true: It Gets Easier. 

    If you've ever told it, heard it or have anything fitting that theme, fess up! 

    Thank you sooooo much!
  • eappleeapple
    Posts: 1,375Member
    well I've never confessed this but a confession about izzy came to mind right away... "I thought cleaning shit out of a diaper was gross...Until I cleaned it off of a covered baby, crib, and wall."
    And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. ~Nietzsche
  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 2,842Confessional Manager
    I looked for my confessions FOR SURE!! And if I wrack my brain I'm sure I've got a few for this topic, too....

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • eappleeapple
    Posts: 1,375Member
    Oh and I'm soo happy you're writing another book. Congrats mama, good on ya!
    And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. ~Nietzsche
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 7,734Member
    well, the whole explosive baby shit everywhere part gets easier.....................................
    i'm nekkid.
  • meandmy243meandmy243
    Posts: 6,333Member
    Lol can you compile all mine with raising 2 6 ye holds that are 6 months apart! Lol motherhood doesn't get easier you just have new things to deal with...
    mom of wild children
    going to the chapel 7/5/2014
  • ScaryMommyScaryMommy
    Posts: 3,348Administrator
    @eapple Thank you!!!!

    And, LOL, perfect.
  • irishlassirishlass
    Posts: 6,726Member
    I was told that changing nappies gets less gross, which is bullSHIT. The shit gets bigger as the child gets bigger, then you potty train and they shit everywhere. I long for the days of newborn nappies.

    I also just posted a few on @unforgiven's wall!
    "Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." - Dr. Seuss
  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 2,842Confessional Manager
    What we are looking for is new confessions.....Head on over to the confessional and share your thoughts!!! 

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • SasafrasSasafras
    Posts: 1,147Member
    You will tell other mother's it's important to not lose yourself as a person, wife, friend, etc.. But you fail to listen to your own advice.
  • sidsmommy3sidsmommy3
    Posts: 2,201Member
    You haven't lived  until you have experienced projectile vomiting while alone in the car with a toddler, in a snowstorm...
    Mary :-)

    Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,700Confessional Manager
    a friend of mine who is trying to conceive asked me if her lady parts will go back to normal after giving birth, I said OF COURSE IT WILL you wont even notice ! i totally lied.. i can barely sneeze wearing a tampon.
    Like (0)
    Hug (0)
    OMG, Me Too! (0)
    #242582

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • MorganD
    Posts: 3,451Member
    I can't remember the number, but if you do a chapter over ex-husbands, I once said that I sometimes wish my stb-ex would get hit by a bus, because while I don't hate the guy, it's cheaper and quicker than divorce. :)
    I told a friend, "Yeah, kids can test your patience!" Bullshit. Kids will break your patience into little pieces and leave you with clumps of hair missing and an eye twitch.
  • Lakegirl34
    Posts: 1,766Member
    The biggest lie I was told: The baby will eventually sleep through the night; unless they are teething, or sick, or have gas, or maybe they are cold, hot, bored, sad, lonely, happy, mad, hungry or thirsty.

  • Chocoholic
    Posts: 975Member
    The biggest lie I was told: Breastfeeding is the most natural and easy thing in the world.

    Really!? Because my chafed nipples, plugged ducts, mastitis, thrush, overactive letdown and fluctuating milk supply were a just a total walk in the park. Oh, and don't get me started on the joys of pumping...
    The answer is chocolate. I don't care what the question is.
  • PenguinsMommaPenguinsMomma
    Posts: 1,307Member
    Everyone says oh just wait for the terrible 2's.  But no one mentions that they start at 14mos. and last till...well DS is 3 and they are only getting worse.  So i'll let you know 
  • Ashdawn684Ashdawn684
    Posts: 850Member
    Biggest lie I heard was actually told to me by my MIL (I will be nice fr now) after a rough night I asked for help I was at my breaking point she said "it gets easier once they can walk and talk and go to the bathroom themselves" um yeah right now at 7 I can't put her in a crib and walk away if I needed now damn it she follows me and keeps asking why I am mad
    ~Live life to the fullest, or die trying~
  • mommydeliriousmommydelirious
    Posts: 3,224Member
    Why is it that new mothers (and not so new) hate being told what to do/how to parent/what we SHOULD be doing with our newborn but as soon as a friend or family member becomes pregnant it all spews out of our mouth like a freshly fed infant?
    Photobucket
  • mommydeliriousmommydelirious
    Posts: 3,224Member
    I guess in confession terms it would be "I hate people telling me how I should parent but as soon as someone tells me they're pregnant the advice and war stories commence. Mom brain makes us forget more than pain I guess."
    Photobucket
  • onetimeonetime
    Posts: 2,014Member
    For me, everyone said it gets easier with the second kid, the only thing easier with this little monster is appreciating how easy DS was!
    Suck it up buttercup!
  • shate98shate98
    Posts: 2,804Member
    It doesn't get easier, but it does get worth it. :)
    "As you wander through your life, whatever be your goal,
    keep your eye upon the doughnut, not upon the hole."
  • shate98shate98
    Posts: 2,804Member
    The biggest lie I heard was that one the baby (he's not a baby anymore!) started sleeping through the night the sleep deprivation would get better. Oh, yeah? Bullshit. The best sleep I've had since my kid was born was when I went to see my bestie for a weekend- by myself!
    "As you wander through your life, whatever be your goal,
    keep your eye upon the doughnut, not upon the hole."
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 8,177Member
    I was told, and read, that breast fed baby poop "smells sweet." Pardon the pun, but that's a load of shit...poop stinks, don't care what it's made of!  No, I don't perpetuate THAT lie!
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • SaraMommySaraMommy
    Posts: 862Member
    The biggest lie I was told is how rewarding and awesome being a SAHM is...nobody mentioned the fact that while it is nice to stay home with your kid, it also makes you WANT to go to work where you actually get paid! I loved being a SAHM for almost 2 years but Oh my goodness there were days where I wished I had a daycare to send my son to! My patience was worn so thin that I just needed a break!!! Now I am working full time and I miss DS, but then again, I am loving this job!
  • momsaidnomomsaidno
    Posts: 1,805Member
    Make sure you use the coco butter 2 times a day everyday. I swear you won't get streach marks! yeah right

  • momsaidnomomsaidno
    Posts: 1,805Member
    can someone fix that spelling or do i have to re confess

  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 2,842Confessional Manager
    There's no way to edit a confession.....sorry....you woukd have to resubmit....

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • annieru
    Posts: 19Member

    If anyone told told current non parents the truth no one would procreate. 

  • gardening_bear
    Posts: 53Member
    It Gets Easier. Once you establish a routine.
    Between my every changing work schedule and dhes that will never be possible.


  • irishlassirishlass
    Posts: 6,726Member
    Omg yes 'buy bio oil! It worked to well for me, and its only $100000 per bottle! Yeah, I bought that crap and my stretchmarks have stretchmarks'

    "Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." - Dr. Seuss
  • Dragonbabyx3Dragonbabyx3
    Posts: 1,137Member
    "If I could go back to that one moment in time... when I told him to forget that rubber... I would."  Yes, I said it, Still don't regret it.  But ya know, the little buggers grow on ya :P  I love my kids... but oh the places I could go without them....  wishful thinking... lol
  • ZidashaZidasha
    Posts: 830Member
    LOL! 

    You'll have more free time once they start school.  I have yet to see this between house chores, errands, Cub Scouts, School functions, homework and school projects. I had more free time before the school thing.

    Yep, yep.
    "I have a theory that placenta is brain matter I push out, so with each child I get dumber and dumber." ~ Unknown

  • ZidashaZidasha
    Posts: 830Member
    Just thought of another one:

    You can't spoil your newborn by holding her too much all the relatives said as they were visiting. Well someone forgot to send her the memo said the mommy with the neglected house and unused stove.

    Yea, the boys rarely got an actual home cooked meal thanks to my daughter, who by no means has the capability of getting spoiled by holding her too much, would not let me put her down for even a min. the first 2 months of her life.  
    "I have a theory that placenta is brain matter I push out, so with each child I get dumber and dumber." ~ Unknown

  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 2,842Confessional Manager
    #243049 They tell you having 2 kids is easier than 1.. I think that a huge lie filled into our head by our mothers for revenge!


    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 2,842Confessional Manager
    @zidasha I was just coming here to copy and paste that one about the spoiled baby!!!

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • instantmomo4
    Posts: 70Member
    On my two SDs and SS: It gets easier once they get used to you, just try to be their friend...ummm no. I am not their friend, I am a parental figure in their lives and they will know the difference. I care if they are productive, happy, healthy contributors to society, their friends do not! And STFU, you just had your first baby, WTH do you know about my situation?
  • ZidashaZidasha
    Posts: 830Member
    @lesbomom, Haha, yea, I've been told that about the 2 kids is easier than one.  Maybe if they weren't 4 years apart but let me tell you, having a 7 and 3 y.o. has really taken a toll on my sanity most days.  I do admit it makes everyday an adventure but some days I just want a vacation. 
     
    that was my confession about the spoiled baby.  Figured I might as well make it an official confession.  LOL!
    "I have a theory that placenta is brain matter I push out, so with each child I get dumber and dumber." ~ Unknown

  • irishlassirishlass
    Posts: 6,726Member
    O god yeah; "it gets so much easier once they start school!" Bullshit! I sit at home worrying about him, after walking 2 miles in 10mins, only to walk another 2miles in an hour.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." - Dr. Seuss
  • Thefinder
    Posts: 1,633Member
    You life will be so much easier once your kids go to school.....yeah sure
  • tothemoonandbacktothemoonandback
    Posts: 2,128Member
    When new mommies ask me when it gets fun and easy, I only smile.  Little do they know that I'm holding in gut busting laughter and a few tears behind it.
    Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. - Marilyn Monroe
  • RinRin
    Posts: 965Member
    How about motherhood in general? My mom constantly says "didnt your mother tell you there would be days like this?" And then follows it up with "don't worry honey, it gets easier" LIAR! It never does, motherhood NEVER gets easier!

    On a side note, i can't wait to read the next book, i have passed my copy to my whole family and we talk about it all the time!
    "There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart.. .pursue those"
  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 2,842Confessional Manager
    These are great, everyone. Thanks so much!!! Keep 'em coming. There will be more themes of the week coming up. 

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • IWISHIWEREKBIWISHIWEREKB
    Posts: 67Member

    You will probably have to catch either poop and/or vomit in your hands at least once in their childhood.

    I don't care what anyone says, huge nursing boobs are do NOT feel sexy.

    The best baby shower gift anyone gave me was a box of pads for after the baby.

     

     

  • IWISHIWEREKBIWISHIWEREKB
    Posts: 67Member

    I guess I read that wrong. I thought it was stuff to tell new mothers that others wont.

     

    In that case:

    Nursing is really easy!

    You'll really get used to the sleep deprivation, it'll just become natural

    You can talk to me about anything!

  • gramalibbygramalibby
    Posts: 2,629Member
    Hmmmm biggest lie , your stretch marks will fade in time , ha I am 64 and all the belly oil I bought , though at times now I meditate on them thinking of my kids in the younger years , that and the saggy boobs and that belly flap. Yep The living rem nets of mommy hood
  • starryeyednpstarryeyednp
    Posts: 70Member
    that if you breast feed your boob will go back to normal when your done, umm normal isn't down by my knees with stretch marks in them don't get me wrong it was totally worth it
    stare at reality while on the edge of insanity
  • starryeyednpstarryeyednp
    Posts: 70Member
    or that your young your body will bounce back, not so much I think i will forever have what I like to call my front butt from the saggy skin of pregnancy
    stare at reality while on the edge of insanity
  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 2,842Confessional Manager
    @starryeyednp THAT was hilarious!!!! Your front butt....and I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. 

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • WhoDatIsWhoDatIs
    Posts: 733Member
    Looking forward to some freedom once they all hit school-age, instead I get phonecalls at work from the school & added forcing crying children to do homework to my daily to do list
    You and me, we go way back.
  • WhoDatIsWhoDatIs
    Posts: 733Member
    The money I save on not having to buy diapers goes straight to the laundry bill because even though they're all potty trained, two of them (6 and 8 y/o) insist on wetting the bed every other night.
    You and me, we go way back.
  • TheHeadacheslayer
    Posts: 2,752Member
    @scarymommy I was told that breastfeeding would get easier. BULLSHIT. Hardest 26 months of my life. and yes I did it and I'm proud I did. And yes I'm a bit wistful when I see a nursing mom. But I swear that letdown reflex also triggered my IBS reflex and irritated the scar tissue in my breast from a surgical biopsy a year earlier. And teeth? And distracted baby? and not being able to pump which meant I could not be away for more than a couple of hours....plus he had eczema which made his skin hurt so he didn't like to be held all the time.....I am glad I stuck with it but easier? HELL NO!
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