This made me angry. Need opinions.
  • Mommyof5
    Posts: 94Member
    Ok some back story. I have a friend that has a beautiful special needs child. She is an only child. Today she posted this on her facebook page and it actually upset me quite a bit. I am a "regular mom" and have been a "special needs mom" and in my opinion there is no distinction. What do you think?

    Regular Parents vs. Special Needs Parents

    Parents, a stranger walks among you. We look like regular parents but
    we are the hybrid to your standard engine. Our child’s disability
    altered us, enhanced us. Many words describe us: resilient, creative,
    protective, emboldened, sympathetic, fierce and determined. We are
    special needs parents. How do our lives stand apart from your own? Take a
    look under the hood and see for yourself.

    Regular parents soak in the tub when they want to unwind.
    Special needs parents consider a bathroom break a luxury.

    Regular parents think OT means overtime.
    Special needs parents know that OT stands for Occupational Therapy.

    Regular parents know the names of all their friends.
    Special needs parents have lost touch with most of their friends.

    Regular parents tell their kids to wake up and get dressed in the morning. And they do it.
    Special needs parents put on battle gear to get our kids ready to start their day.

    Regular parents think accommodations refer to hotels.
    Special needs parents have memorized the top 20 accommodations for their child.

    Regular parents wave goodbye as their kids run off to catch the school bus.
    Special needs parents get awesome door-to-door bus service for their child.

    Regular parents judge other moms when kids have tantrums in stores.
    Special needs parents say to themselves, “Hmm, I sure can relate to that.”

    Regular parents complain about driving their kids to sports and recreation classes.
    Special needs parents grin and bear the weekly trips to specialists, doctors, and therapists.

    Regular parents kids have a teacher.
    Special needs parents kids have a team of multiple people and professions.

    Regular parents talk about accomplishments.

    Special needs parents talk about skills, as in play skills,
    conversation skills, life skills, social skills and vocational skills.

    Regular parents relax with their kids during the summer.
    Special needs parents start their second job as home teachers, therapists and skills coaches.

    Regular parents hope their child finds a good career.
    Special needs parents are hopeful someone gives our child the chance to work.

    Regular parents enjoy reading the latest best selling book.
    Special needs parents should receive an honorary degree for all the disability books they've read.

    Regular parents go out for dinner and a movie with their spouse every month.
    Special needs parents have a date night with their spouse every…wait, what decade is this?

    Regular parents complain their kids won’t eat their vegetables.

    Special needs parents are so desperate we consider chicken nuggets to
    be a legitimate meat product and throw in ketchup as a vegetable.

    Regular parents kids go to play groups.
    Special needs parents kids go to therapy groups.

    Regular parents meet for a ladies/mens night out.
    Special needs parents get together at support groups and forums.

    Regular parents have medical claim forms that fit in one file folder.
    Special needs parents will tell you a small forest was cut down so we could receive our claims.

    Regular parents have time to cook a full dinner every evening.
    Special needs parents will never admit how many times we've picked up fast food

    Most of the regular mom things I have not had a chance to do but not only that I think this creates a stereotype that being a mom to a regular child isnt a challenge. Being a mom is hard no matter your child or children.

  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    i don't think it was for you. it was probably because she feels misunderstood by other people, probably a family member.  
    i'm nekkid.
  • kittykisses80kittykisses80
    Posts: 1,012Member
    I also thunk it's a stereotype. I have no special needs children. But I find some of those as a regular mom far fetched. First off most those things fall for regular as well as special needs. Just cause i have regular kids doesn't mean i have enough time or luxuries cause i don't. Also having a sweet special needs child doesn't mean you can't do regular things. Stop playing the pity party card and grow up.
  • Mommyof5
    Posts: 94Member
    No its not for me directly. She always posts things like this. I dont know why it angered me so much.
  • kittykisses80kittykisses80
    Posts: 1,012Member
    I can see why it does. It makes me a little grumpy. Every child has a chance at life being handicapped is no excuse for her to think those things. :-)
  • I don't think she was trying to say that being a parent to a NT child is easy, but being a parent to a special needs child is different.  As the mother of a child on the spectrum as well as a NT child, I can tell you that my second child, my "normal" child IS much easier that my older child has ever been.  I know that my younger child is not going to have the social issue my big kid has.  I know he is not going to come home and tell me how lonely he was at school because he has NO friends.  Being a mom is hard, you are correct, but being a special needs mom is a whole other ball game.
  • MarySunshineMarySunshine
    Posts: 7,953Member
    I don't get to, or even want to, do some of things we "regular" parents get to do.

    And having been a teacher, I'm familiar with a lot of the special needs things.

    The truth is the grass isn't greener on either side. It's relative to the parents. My worst days with the beasties could be a dream day for others. Our best days could be someone else's worst days.

    We should be united in that we all do the best that we can for our children, special needs or not.
    "I don't poop. I create magic."- ABC

    I'm as sexy as a burp mid-kiss. Watch out!

    For every loser there's one that has to win. So bite your tongue, grit your teeth and grin...
  • Mommyof5
    Posts: 94Member
    As I said I have a special needs child as well. There are struggles with every child.
  • BlessieBlessie
    Posts: 2,108Member
    I found it kind of pretentious. Yeah, there are a few things on there that only special needs moms go through, but most of it is just "mom" stuff. And I am mom to a "regular" (that kind of bothered me, too) and special needs children.
  • SammieSammie
    Posts: 8,345Administrator, Moderator
    At the end of the day, we are all parents doing the best we can for the ones we love most. I think that is what matters. Whether you're a special needs mom or a "regular" mom (I hate that term, by the way), you're a MOM. We are all moms and we are better served to stand united versus divided. 

    That is not to say that I am discounting in any way, shape or form the journey of a special needs parent. I mean NO disrespect. 

    Every child is a unique individual with unique needs, so every child is an adventure in itself. 

    ETA: Or I could have said ditto to @marysunshine ;)


  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    i bet a lot of that is wishful thinking, though. what "regular" parents do.
    i'm nekkid.
  • kittykisses80kittykisses80
    Posts: 1,012Member
    Well said @sammie =D>
  • AAA08
    Posts: 427Member

    I think she must feel isolated and misunderstood, and often times, I'm sure, judged by people who just don't get it or don't care. I used to teach special ed. and I cannot imagine what that would be like all day and all night, especially with a child who is on the moderate to severe end. Her child will always need her to that degree, where our children will eventually grow up, move out, and be independent. Finding a sitter for a special needs child is VERY hard, and in many cases, they will never grow out of needing one.

    I don't think she needs to grow up or stop having a pity party. I'm just grateful I don't have to be in that situation. Then again, anyone can become disabled due to injury or illness, so you never know what the future holds. I've had students who were honor students, then had a traumatic brain injury, a high fever that caused brain damage or got brain cancer(the radiation "fried" their brains). They were reduced to wearing diapers and functioning as toddlers.  They never grow out of that. Their parents never got to go out because no one they could afford or trust wants to change a 13 year-olds diaper, or deal with a kid who is non-verbal and hits, screams, and runs off...and is as big or bigger than they are. It's a very hard life.

    True, being a mom is hard no matter what, but I'm sure she is just venting. I can see the frustration, but maybe she needs someone to talk to, or a night with her husband. Would you be willing to watch her kids?

  • AAA08
    Posts: 427Member
    and I didn't mean that harshly or meanly...I was just thinking I wouldn't want to watch them. I have baby sat special needs children, and I wanted to cry by the end. I have a friend whose family members will not watch her severely disabled son and exclude him from everything. She tries to understand but it eats at her at times.
  • Mommyof5
    Posts: 94Member
    I would watch her daughter in a heartbeat. Her mom and grandma give her two nights a week overnight without her daughter (which is amazing) I wish I had the same sometimes. I agree she might feel isolated but she has said on more then one occasion that my son can't compare to her daughter. Which no he can't, he's 13 and she is 1. She hasn't had much time to grow yet. No one can say what her daughter will grow into if she would give it a little time.
  • AAA08
    Posts: 427Member
    Hmmm....that is more time than I get alone, lol. I have not had a night alone in 3 years, or a date night. We never vacation either, hah. I see where you are coming from in this situation.
  • tothemoonandbacktothemoonandback
    Posts: 3,934Member
    Did you respond to it at all? (on FB)

    (it bugs me too.. and ditto to @MarySunshine :) )
    Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. - Marilyn Monroe
  • Mommyof5
    Posts: 94Member
    I think she is depressed as well and may benefit from talking to someone. I wasn't prepared for my son at first either. But kids are amazing and are all precious.
  • Mommyof5
    Posts: 94Member
    I did respond on FB to her and put it as nice as I could. Then came on here to vent a little because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    whoever wrote the original is probably fantazing a little....ok, a lot. as a single parent (14 yrs), i thought married moms had it made. didn't realize they didn't until i got married myself....of course, i had already done the hard part with the kids alone.
    i'm nekkid.
  • fatchickonabikefatchickonabike
    Posts: 6,590Member

    I'm sure having a special needs child isn't a walk in the park, but it's not all hell all the time, either.

    Just like having a non-special needs child isn't all heaven all the time. Everything's relative, everyone has challenges, and getting into a who-has-it-harder pissing contest is pretty pointless, IMO. Which is kind of what irked me about it - "you all have it so good, I have it so much harder, boo-hoo." Most of that stuff happens to all parents, not just special-needs parents.

    Part of growing up is learning to forgive your parents for being human.
  • WebosMama
    Posts: 265Member
    I don't know if it is a pity party, but as a special needs parent I sort of understand what is going on with her. The post is over the top, because I know most families with typical kids don't do a lot of things on the list. Unfortunately, many folks do not get what is involved in the care of a special needs child and the poster probably spent some time recently with someone who does not get it.
  • SchweddyBallsSchweddyBalls
    Posts: 4,891Member
    I need to make my own list......

    Mom of regulars....
    Mom of speciall needs.....
    Mom of TROGLODITES.......
    I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, UNTIL you fuck with me or the betches I love.......
  • eappleeapple
    Posts: 1,997Member
    @schweddyballs don't forget moms with a 2 and 3 year old 11 months apart! Yep that's right folks for a month and 2 days I had two 2 year olds and they certianly weren't twins!

    I have it the worst nana nana boo boo!

    In all seriousness though parenting has it's ups and downs and each situation is going to be different and good and bad in different ways. I hate the whole I have it so much harder than you thing. You know what I say when ppl ask me the girls' age difference, then look at me like I just told them I kill kittens in my spare time? I tell them it's sometimes crazy but they are soo close that they can play together while I do the dishes or get laundry done. In reality playing together=not hitting or having a "youuuuu" fight and laundry and dishes are never done here, who am I kidding!?
    And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. ~Nietzsche
  • toadintheholetoadinthehole
    Posts: 1,883Member
    Ok i'm gonna stick my neck on the line here. I can see exactly where she is coming from. There are days where i totally and utterly feel like this, not every day but sometimes more often than not. I can totally relate and i'm sorry but she has every right to have a pity party just the same as any mother of any child, typical or not.

    But how you feel is relative to your own personal situation at that particular moment in time, doesnt mean its felt all the time and each special needs child has their own individual and unique circumstances.
    "mummy I love your testicles" - mini-toadinthehole aged 3.5 years
  • SchweddyBallsSchweddyBalls
    Posts: 4,891Member
    @eapple.....adding to the list
    Mom who are batshit crazy and got knocked up again right away.....lmao!!!!
    I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, UNTIL you fuck with me or the betches I love.......
  • KacerpieKacerpie
    Posts: 1,119Member
    I can see how it would upset someone.I have 4 "regular" children. Everyone has good and bad days. I don't get 95% of what the author assumes I get.

    On the other hand, I could never imagine having the patience, strength or courage to get up and raise a child that had special needs. Those mommas are my heros!
    "Please don't talk mom... It makes my brain work..."
  • eappleeapple
    Posts: 1,997Member
    Ok... Sometimes the dishes get done but never laundry, I swear!

    8-} @schweddyballs
    And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. ~Nietzsche
  • shouldcleanshouldclean
    Posts: 2,808Member
    I think that as moms no matter what type of kid you have we don't get a lot of these luxuries.  I mean really, a bath?????  When is the last time I relaxed with a bath?????  Probably before ds5!  I haven't peed by myself in 5years never mind a bath! Perhaps she is having a bad day and just wants some sympathy, we all have bad days.
  • Katescrazymom
    Posts: 2,839Member

    There's no denying that having a special needs child would be more work in a lot of ways, but it would (and did) rub me the wrong way, too. 


  • LiquidPeppermintLiquidPeppermint
    Posts: 841Member
    Hm...I can relate to the "special needs parent" lines.  But I don't have a special needs child.  I have a two year old.  I haven't soaked in a bath for over two years.  Nor have I relaxed during summers.  DH and I haven't had a "date night" ever since she was born. 

    I don't know that this makes me angry, exactly, but I think that perhaps the role of "regular" parents is downplayed here.  Parenting isn't easy for anyone. 
    Posts: 2,936Member
    Yeah, I don't like this either. Since when is parenting (regular X( parenting that is) supposed to be easy? According to this I am a special needs parent. I guess I sort of actually am, but I don't look at it that way. He is my son, she is my daughter. They have challenges, but that doesn't make me any more of, or less of a parent than anyone else.

    We are all moms (dads too), what the fuck with the fighting about who has it harder...
    "Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate." - UNK
    "The amazing thing about life is that you choose what you allow into it, you choose how things affect you, you choose how you react. Happiness is a choice. Make it." - UNK
    "Tattoos don't define the person, the person defines the tattoos." - Me
    “The pain now is part of the happiness then” – CS Lewis
  • Jessiesmom
    Posts: 195Member
    I have both special needs and "regular" children. I have has one bath in the last 10 years and that ended in about 5 minutes with them trying to get in with me. To me, each of my children are different and each bring a different kind of joy or frustration to me each day. Some days are easier and some days are harder, but I don't think that ANY mom can say that they have it harder than any other. I hope that she gets some help, because she really doesn't sound ok. :(
  • momtomany74
    Posts: 294Member

    Yeah, it's relative. They can all have issues, parenting is stressful no matter what, I couldn't agree more.

    That said, I am a mother of a special needs DD 5 yo. I've had my ups and downs with all of my children, a son who had a drug issue(which got very costly legally and emotionally) for a while, another who had adjustment issues and acted out bad after the divorce of my first husband, and other day to day pains that come with parenting.

    I will tell you NOTHING in this world was worse for ME (not speaking for all parents) than what I've been through with my DD in her 5 years. Her first year and a half included three PICU stays which included being intubated and fighting to merely live, numerous 'regular' (I know that's not a popular word around here) hospital stays as well in that year and a year up until she was 4 years old. It seems that the hospital became our second home. We were there for several holidays, birthdays, and once when I had surgery, I had to cut my own hospital stay short to accompany her to her hospital which is 3 hours from our home. As of now she's 5 years and 8 months and is cognitively at the age of 22 months. I no longer live in constant fear of her seizures (which has lessened tons, knock on wood that trend stays) which is positive, but what they've done to her little brain is lifelong. I look at her brother who is 2 years and 9 months her junior, and he's long since surpassed her in every way. This is the totally short version of everything I have been through with her so yeah, a pity party indeed.

    Parenting in every aspect is hard, I will tell you, but in my experience, the special needs part has been most challenging for me anyways but for someone else, they may be able to handle it better than say a teen with a drug issue (just throwing examples out there.)

  • ZidashaZidasha
    Posts: 831Member
    This goes under the long running battle of which is harder: A stay at home mom or a working mom.  I roll my eyes a little bit at this.  I can kinda understand where your friend is coming from but at the same time I would like to know whose "normal" child is so well behaved that the mom has most of those luxuries.  

    I have two friends who have sons that are on the spectrum.  Ds7 happens to be best friends with one of them.  I know they are not as severe as some and I know that the most severe ones you have to make special accommodation for.  I also know that some of those things my friends deal with I also have to endure with my "normal" boys.

    As it's been said, we are all moms, we all have one common goal and that's to raise our kids to be the best they can be.  Does it really matter how we get there?  We need to support each other through the good and the bad and although we may not completely understand what each is going through we're all we got.  
    "I have a theory that placenta is brain matter I push out, so with each child I get dumber and dumber." ~ Unknown

  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member
    I'm pretty sure that was a cut and paste, not at all an original post. I have two kids on the spectrum and dietary restrictions and our parenting does come with *different* challenges.

    I can understand a lot of what is said in the FB post, but that doesn't mean I agree with it whole-heartedly. Say someone in my life complains her daughter is talking too much during classes and not focusing on her class work. It is a genuine problem/concern, but while she says that, I quietly wonder if my eldest will ever talk voluntarily or even tell someone his name if he ever gets lost. Or what if he doesn't watch for traffic? We've been working for years on road safety. He's nine and isn't showing much awareness. I nod and try to be supportive, and I don't share what I'm thinking because I get accused of minimizing this other mom's concern. I can't relate to parents at get togethers bragging about their kid learning violin and a second language. I want to be happy for them and happy with what my kid is doing, but I lie awake wondering if we should put an addition on the house for when Indy is older, or how far down he'll be on the waiting list for community housing, and what if someone sexually assaults him and would he be able to tell anyone? I know other parents worry, but I don't know what it's like to have a NT child and I do think the worries and concerns can be different.

    Raising a kid *is* hard whether or not they are "typical". We do have more in common than not. It is important that we stick together.

    In short, I think the FB post is slightly off-target and you are not the intended audience for that cut & paste.
    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell
  • RedHeadMamaNCRedHeadMamaNC
    Posts: 165Member
    Wowsers, ds3 is a "regular" kid and I don't get to do any of those "normal" parents things.

  • CrashCrash
    Posts: 10,571Member
    I agree with @gingersnap. It's just a regular cut and paste, or "Shared" link. The author was simply writing a post to lift up those special needs parents who feel like they're drowning every day. It isn't an attack on regular parents, it isn't trying to say that special needs parents "have it harder".

    It's just a rah rah post for special needs parents to tell them they "have what it takes" to get their kids through the day. It's a list of accomplishments for special needs parents, that they have and will do what their kids need them to do.

    I'm a special needs parents, but I've never considered my boy to be high maintenance, so I don't know what it's like. BUT...I have a fb friend who HAS a high needs kid...she pays someone to come in to care for him, because she's literally unable to do so, while maintaining her household as well as care for her other 3 kids. What she posts is never sympathy garnering, or pity seeking, in fact, if anything, she acknowledges that its tough. But you can hear in her tone how difficult it really is, and how some days, its just put one foot in front of the other.

    These parents are who these posts are for.
    Why be a king when you can be a God?
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 10,374Member

    I didn't have to read beyond the second or third in the list...nope no difference here, a mom is a mom is a mom.

    And no offense, to mom's with special needs kids because I'm very, very thankful my daughter was born healthy and normal, but depending on the severity of the disorder, most of them qualify for respite care that many insurances will cover.  "Regular" moms don't get a break unless they pay a sitter $10/hour. 

    I have a close friend who's child has Down's Syndrome, and I take my hat off to her, she has never, ever complained to me, works full time as a Nurse Practitioner, and has got the patience of Job.  Gabe is a wonderful, loving, amazing child and that's due in large part to all the effort my friend has put in over the last 11-12 years as not only his mother, but his advocate, and chief cheering squad.

    Bite me, cupcake!
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member
    @bellabefana - Just FYI. I've never had an in-home care worker I didn't have to train myself. They may come "trained" for special needs kids in general, but they need more training for each individual. I've never pursued respite care because I'm not leaving my kid alone with someone he doesn't know and that doesn't know how to care for him, insurance or not.

    Kudos to your friend.
    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,125Member
    Yeah I don't think its purpose is to minimize regular moms, but that regular list is pure fantasy. Maybe it would make her feel better if she knew that its not so. And there are lots of issues kids can have even though they don't have the special needs label, like diabetes or something like that wouldn't be considered special needs. Its a condition that has to be dealt with on a daily basis like anything else, like what about families in difficult situations like poverty and addiction etc. Is there really even such a thing as a regular mom? My kid isn't special needs but I'm sure not regular. Everyone has their own cross to bear. Yes it would be a million times harder if mine were special needs but that doesn't negate the struggles of regular moms. Does a mom who is financially comfortable with regular kids have it easier, well probably. But the desperately poor mom of 5 compared to the financially comfortable mom of 1 special needs, I don't think anyone can say that the "regular" mom has it better. Its really pointless to compare people's situations, all it does is make u feel bad or jealous and that's not helpful to anyone's situation. Maybe it is supposed to be a rallying thing or whatever but that could be done without making it seem like regular moms do nothing.
    ~slim shady~
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member
    I figure the post is off the mark in that: most moms I know don't get to pee by themselves much less take a bath, leaving the kids unsupervised. If you do so, maybe your kids are a little older, and you know you're taking a risk - as in nail polish all over the carpeted bedroom floor. Most moms I know live in a state of constant vigilance - it's exhausting. What was that noise? Better go check or you'll be cleaning or supervising the cleaning of whatever it is for the next half hour and or this bath is going to cost $$$. Being a parent is more isolating than I ever knew it would be, whether or not the child is "typical". If you weren't a worrier before kids, you probably are now. Moms are the most neurotic guilt-magnets I've ever met. If you're not, good for you! You're doing better than I am. All moms seem to have a running list of things-to-do in their heads. Almost all the fucking time (no pun intended, but an orgasm is just about the only thing that stops that inventory). 

    I may have to keep track of all of his special appointments, meetings, therapies etc., but I don't have a big social calendar to keep track of, nor do I have to host sleepovers or worry about him spending the night at a friend's house for the first time. He's never had an invitation. He might not talk much, but that also means I don't have to put up with incessant prattle about shit I should pretend to care about. I might have to keep track of all his special gear, but I don't have to keep track of sports equipment for a team sport. He doesn't bug me about toys unless he *really* wants them. He's not easily influenced by what his peers are interested in. If he sees something that interests him, it's not because it's popular. He doesn't constantly hound me for approval. He doesn't feel the need to share all the things he's doing (like some kids do).

    It's different. I do think in some ways it's harder, in the long run, but mostly it's just different. 
    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell
  • katz_meowkatz_meow
    Posts: 6,380Member
    I really like ^^^ this @Gingersnap. We all have challenges to face, whether special needs or 'regular' kids. I hate those labels, btw.
    There is nothing to be gained from treating others poorly.

    Don't be a dick.
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,125Member
    Also the reading books, date nights, ladies nights, summer relaxation and cooking dinner every night are highly unrealistic. I think its assuming there are no issues at all like finances. But oh well if it makes someone feel better no harm done I suppose
    ~slim shady~
  • ChristyJChristyJ
    Posts: 982Member
    He he he.  I just got to pee by myself.  \:D/
    Imperfect and proud of it.
  • katz_meowkatz_meow
    Posts: 6,380Member
    Not just finances I could afford to go out but the h is the sticking point there. I have sitters, I have a lil extra cash, I also have a dh whose idea of a 'date' is getting showers and geting busy. Lol. Reading? Not often, no time. Girls night? Nope. No real friends since I had kids. Cooking everynight? Lol. Unless frozen chicken nuggets count.

    It IS all relative to each moms situation. No two of is has the same life. Period.

    And congrats @ChristyJ. Peeing alone is a luxury
    There is nothing to be gained from treating others poorly.

    Don't be a dick.
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member
    I cook every night. That's another non-point.

    I have to battle just to empty my diva cup in peace. I mean, really. I don't want to completely traumatize my kids!

    @shadylane - I LOLed that because I don't know any moms that have that active a social calendar.

    I must off to bed. Scary Mommy is most of my social life and I'm grateful to have it. Thanks for being here.
    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell
  • rockmomrockmom
    Posts: 332Member
    I see where she's coming from, but still. This bothers me a bit too, because I don't get to do half of those things on the "regular" kid list. I am a mom, blessed with a healthy, regular, child, but I still have to do all that the job entails. It sounds kind of like an "I'm better because I do more" type of thing.

    On another note, I do feel for the special needs kids and their parents. That's a lot to deal with emotionally.
  • I have to say I really don't like the "regular" mom and "regular" kids, regular or normal is relative.  Who is to say what is normal?  My child is not abnormal or irregular, his is different just like everyone else.  Not to say that moms of neuro typical kids don't have it rough at times, but it seems like a lot of the post are moms of young children.  The thing that probably hasn't crossed your minds is that someday when your child is older, say 11, 12, 13, you will be able to leave them home and run to the store or have a date night.  A parent of a special needs child won't (generally) have that ability.  NT children grow up and become independent, a lot of time special needs children do not.

    I understand that being a mom is hard, I really REALLY do!  I promise lol, I'm just saying that sometimes NT parents don't realize how different it can be.

  • Peace
    Posts: 3,230Member
    Agree that she most likely read the 1st few lines, identified with it, pasted it & moved on.
    We probably read more of it.

    From the other things you said, it sounds as if she's more into finding differences than commonality with other parents. She has it harder. I think this is a newish mom realizing that motherhood is tough & is coming to terms with her child's needs.
    From what you said about her comparing, she's doing the one thing guaranteed to yield the opposite effect of what she wants.

    I hope her mom & grandmom aren't on FB. If I was taking her baby two full nights every week to give her a break & then saw that post on her wall? I'd be hurt & seriously pissed. How many moms ever get that type of break?
    Her next post should be a tribute to them.
  • SnugglePussSnugglePuss
    Posts: 233Member
    Every mom has challenges and to make a list of differences in responsibilities, special needs and situations we ALL face as parents makes it seem like there's a separation between us. I guess in reality there is. I wear rose-colored glasses and try to see the positives in every aspect of life. To me, the list is focusing on negatives and hardships. I'd love to read a list about the positive, fun parts of being a parent to a special needs child.
    I was a nanny to a severely autistic 8 year old for 2 years (no comparison, I know). It was very difficult to deal with at times but he was so awesome in many other ways. We focused on that the best we could. That was one of the most rewarding and difficult jobs I've ever had. I miss him, he must be at least 19 by now :( They moved away.
    Anyway, I'm a little bothered by it, too. I wonder if a list by "normal" parents making comparisons would be ok. This one is.