rant about sahd's
  • onetimeonetime
    Posts: 2,223Member
    DH is a sahd. He is because that is what works for us. I respect him, he respects me. We do what we can. Tonight at work, a coworker implied that dh should get a job. And the inference of his not pulling his weight infuriated me. She said 'its a lot easier to stay at home with kids than work.' Which pissed me off, as I stayed home for a few months. I begged a job and feel working is a million times easier.

    He has a high school diploma. I have a master's degree..... hmmmm. I wonder who will get a better paying job. He is in therapy, and being the best him he can be for our family. He's working on the house and adding value to it. He's raising our children, not babysitters!

    What the Fuck is wrong with people?!! If it were me staying home, it is acceptable, but its him, so he's no good?! FUCK YOU!!!!

    Rant over.
    Suck it up buttercup!
  • CalliopemarieCalliopemarie
    Posts: 3,898Member
    wow. some people. are just idiots!!
  • onetimeonetime
    Posts: 2,223Member
    I'm so annoyed, because another coworker also said something about 'needing a sugar mama.'

    I'm so glad I let it go and ranted here. I could have lost my job.
    Suck it up buttercup!
  • mamamaybe
    Posts: 547Member

    Really funny how that double standard works......You do what is best for your family, it's a partnership, not a stereotype to be filled. (imo)

    And congrats on staying calm! I would have said something really snarky and regretted it.

  • CalliopemarieCalliopemarie
    Posts: 3,898Member
    hugs. better to let it out here where people would understand!!
    Posts: 2,936Member
    I dealt with that bullshit for years and still do. I fucking hate people. I'm sorry I have no rael advice though!
    "Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate." - UNK
    "The amazing thing about life is that you choose what you allow into it, you choose how things affect you, you choose how you react. Happiness is a choice. Make it." - UNK
    "Tattoos don't define the person, the person defines the tattoos." - Me
    “The pain now is part of the happiness then” – CS Lewis
  • onetimeonetime
    Posts: 2,223Member
    @ouch, do u have a good response? I'd like to say something to put them in their place... maybe just 'well, I hope your home is as happy and fulfilling as ours.' That sounds good, right?
    Suck it up buttercup!
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 10,374Member
    Just tell them, "well, it works for us," and walk away. There's no arguing with a narrow mind and so long as it works for your family, what the hell business is it of theirs?
    Bite me, cupcake!
    Posts: 2,936Member
    That sounds good. I usually just tell people that he does A, B, C, D... allll the way to Z around the house. Even now, with him working a few days a week and me being on winter break from school, he does a shit ton of the housework. He spent 3 hours at the laundromat today, dishes, kids to bed, etc. I also told people that it is simply what works for us. I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom and it was better than our kids being raised by strangers. I totally don't understand people that have kids just to pay a shit ton of money for them to be raised at a daycare... So I may tell someone something like that too. It just depends on how bitchy they are about it!
    "Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate." - UNK
    "The amazing thing about life is that you choose what you allow into it, you choose how things affect you, you choose how you react. Happiness is a choice. Make it." - UNK
    "Tattoos don't define the person, the person defines the tattoos." - Me
    “The pain now is part of the happiness then” – CS Lewis
  • Thefinder
    Posts: 1,775Member
    Okay I am derailing for a minute... @Ouch could you taste a difference in the chocolates?  I had always heard you could.....
    Posts: 2,936Member
    Lol @Thefinder I have heard the same! I ate one Twix the other day and the whole Reese's package today and yeah, I could definitely taste a difference, though it was just a slight difference. I really cracked up though at the French packaging! I'm wondering if the nutritional info is different, not because I care, I really don't read that shit ever, just kind of curious!

    Oh and to derail the thread a little further... It was cold enough (for me anyway) to wear that awesome winter wonderland blue scarf on Friday! Love it! Thank you again!!
    "Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate." - UNK
    "The amazing thing about life is that you choose what you allow into it, you choose how things affect you, you choose how you react. Happiness is a choice. Make it." - UNK
    "Tattoos don't define the person, the person defines the tattoos." - Me
    “The pain now is part of the happiness then” – CS Lewis
  • Thefinder
    Posts: 1,775Member
    Woo hoo for scarf usage! :D  Glad to hear you didn't think it was crappier @OUCH

    Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.  Sorry @onetime
  • GoddessGoddess
    Posts: 2,637Member
    @onetime, that has to be so frustrating. You shouldn't have to defend the choices you make for your family. Maybe just say that?
    "I don't ask u to defend the choices you make for your families. I would appreciate the same respect. " and leave it at that?
    Idk. I hope you find a good way to out them in their place.
  • Mommyliciousx4Mommyliciousx4
    Posts: 1,768Member
    A matter of six out seven inches shouldn't determine someones "eligibility" to be a stay at home parent.
    Fuck their ignorance.
  • katz_meowkatz_meow
    Posts: 6,380Member
    I think my response would be something like " wow, interesting.  Most women I mention this to say they're jealous that I get to go out and further my career knowing that I don't have to worry about who is taking care of my family and home.  Most women I talk to about this wish they had the same type of support from their spouse.  Most of them say I'm lucky.  And you know what? I think I am."

    Pretty shitty that you're bashed for this choice.  I tell my DH all the time that I wish I made enough that he didn't have to work. 
    There is nothing to be gained from treating others poorly.

    Don't be a dick.
  • eappleeapple
    Posts: 1,997Member
    It's complete bullshit that you have to defend yourself but since you do I'd hit them where it hurts. Sorry but you fuck with my family and the gloves are off. I'd simply say "why would we pay someone to raise our children when we can afford to raise them ourselves?" I'd probably also add, because I'm a bitch and sometimes immature "wouldn't you rather your husband raising your children than a stranger?"
    And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. ~Nietzsche
  • Katescrazymom
    Posts: 2,839Member

    I know that I've come across similar situations a few times, and it's made me pause.  I know when I, or my family do anything unusual, I expect people to take a second to process it.  But to say anything, or insinuate anything is rude and ignorant.  You don't have to respond to them at all, but a raised eyebrow and an "amused" smile have worked well for me. 

  • RedTiger
    Posts: 535Member
    How much do your co-workers actually know about your situation? If they just have a few details then to them it may look as if he's mooching off you or something. You don't have to give a detailed explanation but make it clear this is YOUR preference as well as his. You like things the way they are and that's all they need to know.
    Posts: 5,622Member
    You and your dh have made this decision together. What the hell business is it of anyone else?

    If that is what makes the most sense for YOUR family then screw them!

    I am a SAHM because that was the decision me and my husband made when we decided to start a family. Dh has the ability to make more money than I do so it made sense for me to be the at home parent. I take care of our home and have a small eBay business but dh's income is what we depend on to pay the bills mine is just supplemental.

    Daycare is expensive and I would basically be working just to barely cover the cost of daycare if i were to WOTH. It's what works for us so if him being a SAHD is what works for you then screw what anyone else thinks.

  • mommydeliriousmommydelirious
    Posts: 4,415Member
    People always have an opinion, don't they. Some years ago a women would be criticized for working out of the home, and now if you were to stay home and your SO worked I bet someone might have something to say about that too. No advice, just agree that people are assholes :P
  • rockmomrockmom
    Posts: 332Member
    I'm sorry you have to go through that. I have the same problem, except it's MIL that crticizes contantly.
    DH (who is much bolder than me) basically told her to STFU because SHE was a sahm and it is exactly the same as what she did!

    I'll be done with grad school next spring, and the crappy teaching income I get now will hopefully be multiplied by several factors, DS will be old enough for preschool, and THEN our situtation can change. Screw the haters.
  • SaraMommySaraMommy
    Posts: 878Member
    Ugh. People are so close-minded and judgmental. They have no clue what your life situation is, so they need to mind their own business. If your husband took a job that pays minimum wage, that would likely be completely wiped out after daycare costs. So there would be no point in working just to pay a stranger to take care of your kids. And as far as the  'its a lot easier to stay at home with kids than work.' comment...either they are completely ignorant or they have never been a stay at home parent. I stayed home for almost 2 years and I am so happy to be working outside of the house now! It is hard work! I think being a SAHM/SAHD should earn a real paycheck! So really, screw them and their negative, ignorant comments. YOU know YOUR family and you are doing what's best for them and that's all that matters. People need to keep their nose in their own business.
  • WebosMama
    Posts: 265Member
    Fuck em. My husband is a SAHD and loves the amount of time he gets with our son. Most folks are just jealous you can do it on one income.
  • onetimeonetime
    Posts: 2,223Member
    @webosmama, we give up a lot of luxury for it, but I'd rather give up cable at this point, kwim?
    Suck it up buttercup!
  • doubletroubleplus1doubletroubleplus1
    Posts: 246Member
    If I could get a job making what DH makes, I'd jump on the chance to let him be a SAHD! Let's see...adult interaction every day, getting out of the house, lunch breaks without kids...sign me up! And he would love more time with the kids (not to mention he is a MUCH better cook than I am).
    People are so narrow-minded, probably because they are jealous. This country is so backwards about parenting roles. I know in some European countries (Sweden comes to mind, but I'm not sure), men are giving an insane amount of paid paternity leave, and are actually looked down on if they don't take the time off of work to bond with their children. As long as it works and everyone is happy and healthy, who cares what other idiots think?
    "There's nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time."
  • MorganD
    Posts: 3,436Member
    Damn! How rude! I can't believe she had the nerve to say that. I hate rude people, I'd have given her a piece of my mind. Ugh.
  • Manders15Manders15
    Posts: 3,423Member
    @onetime I think @katz_meow had a really good response.  Another one that might work (w/o you losing your job) "Have you eve been a full time SAH parent?"  Since she thinks it's so easy then I'd guess the answer is no & she can just STFU.
  • 456Imamom
    Posts: 550Member
    Why do people have to be so rude and ignorant! I love my job and went nuts on 11mths of mat leave. DH loved every minute of the 1 mth he got. This baby I'm taking 9mths and he's taking 3mths. If I could make enough money to carry the family he would jump at the opportunity to be a SAHD!!!! 
    (side note: before we had kids went were posted with my job somewhere he couldn't find work, so he stayed home and worked on his masters degree via distance learning. So we got used to the "sugar mama" comments. He would just smile back and say "Yep!!!")
  • Sultry
    Posts: 97Member
    Gosh really? This is not the year 1913 for crying out loud. I think it's great that dads stay home with the kids!
  • MollieMc87MollieMc87
    Posts: 22Member
    Omg! I would kill to be a sugar mama! You go girl and that is a hell of a man and daddy to stay home with those babies! Can most women say that about their DH? Um negative!!!
  • annieru
    Posts: 55Member
    Good for you all you ladies who have careers and can support your families!!! I love my kids but being a SAHM is way harder for me than working, but if I worked I wouldnt bring home enough $ after paying for childcare to make it worth it.  Anyone who makes snarky comments about SAHMs or SAHDs should be told to mind their own business!!! 
  • SAHDude
    Posts: 130Member
    I love this thread! You SM's are awesome!
  • onetimeonetime
    Posts: 2,223Member
    @sahdude, total shout out to you and all the other sahp's!! :)
    Suck it up buttercup!
  • Quilting_grandmaQuilting_grandma
    Posts: 114Member
    What a great upbringing your kids have, just ignore the ignorance, I was lucky and got to stay at home with my kids until they started school, then I got a part time job, it was fun we had all kinds of adventure, library, park, museums etc.... All cheap or free.... And we had lots of learning play.... You are so lucky that he is handy as well to do some improvements on the home as well.
  • catzfan
    Posts: 361Member
    My sons had a European raised (born to american parents) dude as a soccer coach and his European upbringing and SAHD made a huge impression on them! So ignore the haters and rock on!
  • gramalibbygramalibby
    Posts: 3,744Member
    My girlfriends daughter has a Masters and is a teacher , hubby an artist and sorta a free thinker . He is a stay at home dad and a great dad to his boys . Cleans cooks library story time . They are happy the boys content so why are they getting grief from one and all , leave em both the fuck ALONE , it works its not broken . Nuff said :-c
  • SalllyWingo
    Posts: 1,557Member
    Bottom line @onetime is that it's noone else's business.  And you should have told her that.  I know that your temper probably wouldn't have allowed you to be calm cool & collected lol... but I have found that if you look someone in the eye and very calmly tell them that it's none of their business, they act like you told them to STFU!  It's kinda fun (;
  • onetimeonetime
    Posts: 2,223Member
    @soupermom, you know me so well. I didn't have the restraint to speak and not lose my shit. No matter, I will keep my cool from now on, and simply wish them the happiness that my family has. :)
    Suck it up buttercup!