Kids, cell phones, rules, Ex's.
  • JillyB
    Posts: 6Member
    Family = Me, Hubby, I have custody of my 13 year old twins, he has custody his 2 kids (9 and 10).

    My ex bought my 13 year old twins phones a few years ago, upgraded to smart phones this holiday.  My house has boundaries and rules for all electronics for all 4 kids. We are The Mean Parents. No electronics upstairs, timer for video games and phone calls/texting. They aren't allowed to take the phones to school except when they have an after school function. We don't let them just carry the phones around 24/7.

    I checked grades yesterday and DD13 is getting an F in her Tech class. It was a low D=/C- at midterm. She says she "just doesn't like the class."  Regardless, she is now grounded - in my house this means no electronics, no phone calls from friends, and no cell phone use.

    ExH thinks that because he bought the phones, they should be able to do with them as he sees fit. I've told him several times, my house my rules. If this is a problem, I will send the phones back to you and they can stay there.

    To me, at 13, a cell phone is a privilege.

    There is a land line in our home, and it was in existence prior to the cell phone being bought 3 years ago. They are NOT grounded from calling or receiving calls from their dad or stepmom on the home line, they are grounded from the cell phones. Which also means no texting. My ex thinks they should be able to call and text with him and their stepmom regardless of being grounded.

    And here is my dilemma. I am okay with the kids using the cell phones, while grounded, to TALK to their dad & stepmom, but not to text. My husband thinks allowing this is a slippery slope into allowing my ex to dictate the rules in our house. My ex thinks the cell phones should be available to the kids to contact him in all capacities regardless of grounding, since he bought them. 

    I don't know what to do. I'm so tired of fighting over "my house my rules" with everyone. I just want a happy medium.  Anyone else in a similar situation? Advice? Wine you like? ;)

  • shate98shate98
    Posts: 5,020Member
    Have you seen the article that was out last week? It was something like "18 rules for cell phones" or something like that. Those are some pretty good rules for teens with cell phones.

    I don't have a teen (yet) but I thought you might want to google that article. :)

    Cabernet Savingnon please.
    "As you wander through your life, whatever be your goal,
    keep your eye upon the doughnut, not upon the hole."
  • BlessieBlessie
    Posts: 2,108Member
    I agree, slippery slope. No phones = no phones. And send those suckers back to uour ex (the phones not the kids lol) it's not worth arguing.
  • SchweddyBallsSchweddyBalls
    Posts: 4,891Member
    I agree with @Blessie.......if use of the cell phone restriction in YOUR home is an issue for him......then he gets to be the one to deal them.......send that shit right on back to his ass.........
    I'm the nicest person you will ever meet, UNTIL you fuck with me or the betches I love.......
  • kittykisses80kittykisses80
    Posts: 1,012Member
    My kids don't have cell phones. However i agree with you're rules same one's I apply for the electronics ect. You're house your rules. He should obey them. :-)
  • JillyB
    Posts: 6Member
    Thank you all!! I sometimes strive for PEACE with the exes (his too) so hard, that I create problems that aren't there.

    Across the board, my house my rules. 

  • ChickieChickie
    Posts: 158Member
    Blessie said:

    I agree, slippery slope. No phones = no phones. And send those suckers back to uour ex (the phones not the kids lol) it's not worth arguing.


    sometimes karma needs a nudge
  • chaosmomchaosmom
    Posts: 4,186Member
    As long as the kids have unlimited access to their dad/stepmom & a reasonable expectation of privacy when doing so, the ex needs to step back. You make the rules in your house. He makes the rules in his house.

    We have a similar situation & are talking about getting a cell phone for my sd12 with the stipulation being that she can use it to talk to her dad or me 24/7 even when grounded. Because right now, when she is grounded, mom won't let her talk to dad on the phone and if she does, it is on speaker phone. We are not ok with that at all.
  • chaosmomchaosmom
    Posts: 4,186Member
    @leopardgirle, exactly. This is some not great stuff going on over there & we need for her to be able to communicate with us. But if sd is telling us the stupid reason why she got grounded for a month (got a low A on a report), mom hangs up really quick before dad can speak to her or get the whole story. But honestly, it's the least concerning of the issues. We are just biding our time.
  • meandmy243meandmy243
    Posts: 9,474Member
    My ds uses speaker phone to talk to his dad but that is because he hangs up. im not in the room its there conversation. his dad listens to everything its annoying..
    let them eat cake! because id rather have pie!!!
  • JillyB
    Posts: 6Member
    I have no problem with my kids talking to their dad when they are grounded on the land line or even my cell phone. They're 13 - at this point the cell phone is nothing but a toy and another way to disconnect. I do not listen to their phone conversations.

    He lives about 2 hours away. We've been divorced going on 7 years. In that time, he has rarely called them. I got a magic line about 4 years so the kids had a number to give their friends. That was around the time he got them their first cell phones, over my objections. He claims that texting is easier for him b/c he doesn't always have time to stop and take or place a phone call. 

    Insert my sarcasm font here.... because carving out 15 mins a few times a week, Mr. I Have Every Friday Off, to speak to your children is just sooooo difficult. .. end sarcasm font.

    When I look at their texting log, they hardly ever text with him. They text with their stepsister and stepmom more. Their stepmom was the one who sent a text on Monday asking how their first day back to school was!

  • Manders15Manders15
    Posts: 3,423Member
    @JillyB I agree w/ the "your house your rules" thing.  I fell like it's a power play your X is trying to win for whatever stupid reason.  You don't do anything to stop communication between him & your children so he need to grow up and help show a united front, end of story.
  • Mommyliciousx4Mommyliciousx4
    Posts: 1,768Member
    Your house, your rules.
    Your not blocking their communication to their father.
    Your not abusing your kids, your disciplining them, he doesn't like it? Tough fuck!
    Stick to your guns mama!