Phrases You Never Thought You'd Say
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    I am not sure if there is already a thread if so then let me know.  But what is the weirdest phrase you've had to say as a mom that pre-mom never would have come out of your mouth? 
    Mine today was:
    "Please stop trying to stick my glasses up my nose."
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    no power tools in the kitchen. You remember what happened last time.
    Quit trying to light your farts or I will make you explain to the e.r. Doctor when you burn your butthole.
    i'm nekkid.
  • RuralRebellionRuralRebellion
    Posts: 2,817Member
    "Don't touch me, I don't want to have sex"
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Most everyone's mad here. You may notice that I'm not all there myself.
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    "Don't try to flush HHH down the toilet."
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • KrabbyKay
    Posts: 5,914Member

    DO NOT pee in the litter box!!!!


    No you may NOT poop on the rocks, get in here this red hot minute and poop in the toilet like civilized people!


    Yeahhh...you can pee on the rocks.

  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    "mommy loves you, but you can't climb back in so get your head out of there."  
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • monstamomonstamo
    Posts: 486Member
    I'm pretty sure it's not cool to kiss Optimus Prime's butt.
  • mamaofboysmamaofboys
    Posts: 567Member
    Please don't let the dog lick your butt!

    Really? I actually had to say that? What is it with boys??
    Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift; that's why they call it the present.
  • VegantasticVegantastic
    Posts: 4,225Member

    Please don't let the dog lick your butt!

    Really? I actually had to say that? What is it with boys??




    I've had to say that too, along with "don't let the dog lick your peepee!" Lol
    "Be the change you wish to see in the world"
    "Don't Panic"
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    "Don't bite your dad's butt!"
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • MotherOfGizmo
    Posts: 140Member
    "Stop licking your brother!"
  • CinnaCinna
    Posts: 1,841Member
    Stop holding my phone up to your naked butt and taking pics
    Two hearts! Oh baby I'm beating out a samba!
  • forkinthehead
    Posts: 482Member
    If you kids don't pipe down! No monkey of the apes for you!...They were loud...was a bad day.
  • mommydeliriousmommydelirious
    Posts: 4,415Member
    Me to one of the kids I babysit:

    J don't lick those balls or put them in your mouth!!!


    Photobucket
  • DinoDangerDinoDanger
    Posts: 592Member
    When my (now 18 year old) cousin was little:  "Stop asking me for super wedgies, you might need that when you get older."

    Yep, he used to walk around asking all of us for wedgies... He liked them.  Weirdo.
    http://haynesfamilyhomestead.blogspot.com/
    Our integrity sells for so little, but it is all we really have. It is the very last inch of us, but within that inch, we are free. - V for Vendetta
    I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night. - The Old Astronomer, Sarah Williams
  • NoMoreMonkeysNoMoreMonkeys
    Posts: 533Member
    "Get your tongue out of the dog's mouth!!!"

    and the ever popular

    "Stop licking the dog!!!"
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member

    "mommy loves you, but you can't climb back in so get your head out of there."  


    I said this recently to my youngest. :))
    image
    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member
    Yesterday:

    Let go of my nipple. It's not a handle.

    Don't lick your brother.

    Please don't mute your brother.

    Please take your breakfast out of your pants. No! Don't. I'll get you another muffin. Go wash your hands.


    image
    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member

    "Stop licking your brother!"



    Just how common is this?!
    image
    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell
  • momofdbbmomofdbb
    Posts: 10,900Member
    Stop biting your toenails off !

    Stop fighting you two or you DS 13 won't get to play the wii and you DS 5 won't get to watch My Little Pony ! DS 5 started to cry !

    Stop running around the cemetery before you trip and fall and end up in a plot !
    " Wibbly wobbly timey wimey ......." The Doctor
    " I'm a leafe on the wind..watch how I soar ." Wash :((
    " Oh the wall had it comming.' Sherlock Holmes
    yea I am geek !!
  • mamaofboysmamaofboys
    Posts: 567Member
    @SAHM1020 I think I've had to say that before, too.

    Is this mostly what boys have done or do girls get their fair share of crazy phrases thrown at them?
    Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift; that's why they call it the present.
  • Xraymom
    Posts: 102Member
    Stop that! Your brother is not a parking garage!
  • deviltwinsmommadeviltwinsmomma
    Posts: 2,743Member
    Get your naked ass back inside the house.
    my mother used to sing me a song. It went like this: "Life is short, life is shit, and soon it will be over.
  • pennypenny
    Posts: 1,599Member
    Yes, sweetie, if you finish your piece of chocolate you can have an orange.
  • CrashCrash
    Posts: 10,571Member
    @RachelH19 My son went through a wedgie loving phase too! Omg. He'd ask anyone for a wedgie!

    I guess that ranks up there with my strangest phrases too...."No..you do NOT need a wedgie!"
    Why be a king when you can be a God?
  • LLBLLB
    Posts: 5,622Member
    I've said the "don't lick your brother/sister/the dog" more times than I care to remember!

    "Please leave the dogs butthole/peepee alone!"

    "No you cannot go play in the snow in your underwear !"

  • dasnax
    Posts: 114Member
    I thought I'd never say " I am starting to sound like my mother!" However, that is not the case.
  • rabbitw4
    Posts: 94Member
    Lol, I've said all of the dog and lick related stuff.

    "Don't flash me your books/ butt/ penis/ balls"
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    Who was the mommy that told her little naked boy to get off her pillow, she didn't want his nuts on her pillow and he wailed "I want my nuts on your pillow!" god that was funny.
    i'm nekkid.
  • LiquidPeppermintLiquidPeppermint
    Posts: 841Member
    "Take your (finger/toy/spoon/toe) out of the cat's butt."

    "I know you don't like the green ones, but please don't throw them on the floor."

    "No one else wants to taste your boogers."

    "The carpet is NOT toilet paper."

    "The CAT is NOT toilet paper."

    "Stop eating pennies."

    "Please don't put any more crayons in the air conditioner."

    "You can't fly off the couch."

    "Daddy already has enough diapers."

    "No, we can't shave the cat just because I can shave my legs."

    "Lamps are not swords." (strangely enough, this admonishment was for DH and DSS15, not DD2.)

    "No more titties at 4 AM." (strangely enough, this was for DD2, not DH.)

    "I don't care how many boogers you've got, please don't blow your nose on the couch."

    "Dvd's aren't books.  I can't read them to you."

    "The Lorax is on vacation today."

    "You can't take your potty to bed with you."
  • shouldcleanshouldclean
    Posts: 2,808Member
    Please don't bite the cat.

  • DinoDangerDinoDanger
    Posts: 592Member
    @Curious  It's soooo odd!  You'd think that wouldn't feel good!  I've never heard of a little girl asking for one... Guess it's a little boy thing?  He's going to hate me... I'm totally bringing it up at his graduation party ;)
    http://haynesfamilyhomestead.blogspot.com/
    Our integrity sells for so little, but it is all we really have. It is the very last inch of us, but within that inch, we are free. - V for Vendetta
    I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night. - The Old Astronomer, Sarah Williams
  • fatchickonabikefatchickonabike
    Posts: 6,590Member

    Sniff.
    Sniff.
    Sniff.
    Sniff.
    Sniff.
    Sniff.
    Sniff.
    Sniff.
    "For the love of God, would you blow your nose? Blow! Blow! Blow like you mean it! Blow like you're trying to shoot your brains out your nostril!"

    Part of growing up is learning to forgive your parents for being human.
  • mama2boys
    Posts: 45Member
    haha.  I am dying reading these.  My most recent favorites are:
    "If you blow (your nose) hard enough, I won't have to wipe it so much"!
    "Stop licking the floor, the dog, etc"
    "Don't put the dog toys in your mouth"
    "Stop playing with your wee-wee", 
    "Put your underpants back on", 
    "You have to wear underpants to be in the kitchen"!
    "Girls don't like it when you touch their boobies.  Mommy's boobies are only for the baby."

    oh boy.

  • MomaFive
    Posts: 1,539Member
    LoL @ the chocolate/orange one... I caught myself saying similar things to my DD the other day "okay hun you can have an apple when you're done your M&Ms"

    "get your finger out of your hoohaa so I can wipe your ass"

    "no i wont read you another book, go watch tv"

    I know there's tons of them... but can't think of any right now
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    lol These are great, ladies.  I'm dying reading them.
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • missmama5missmama5
    Posts: 6,874Member
    Omg the noise blowing.

    "blow your goddamn snot out child! Harder! Harder than that! Fine, keep your head full of snot."
  • Zela
    Posts: 2Member

    my two fav's both for the same ds

    "we don't kiss doggies butts"

    "noooooh, don't lick that it's not ice cream...it's seagull poop!"

    and of course: "blow your nose"  and "use your fork" repeated about 2 frickin million times!

  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    "Please don't push on Mommy's belly after she eats or she'll puke on you." lol
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • MollyGrahamMollyGraham
    Posts: 1,446Member

    "Don't pee in the dog's water bowl" - when DS was 2


    "How did you get your leg stuck in a basketball hoop?" - when DS was 7


    "Stop throwing oranges at the house" - this summer, he's 13 now


    What next??

    Normal people never change the world.
  • shouldcleanshouldclean
    Posts: 2,808Member
    Tonight, both kids strapped in car next to each other. Me to ds5, "stop making your sister smell your feet."

    Seriously????
  • WickedDunkieJunkieWickedDunkieJunkie
    Posts: 8,649Member
    "Stroke my fish"

    WDJ_Avatar_zps4536679b
    We Are The Music Makers... And We Are The Dreamers Of Dreams...

  • LLBLLB
    Posts: 5,622Member

    "Stroke my fish"



    I'm gonna need the context of that one @wickeddunkiejunkie

  • WickedDunkieJunkieWickedDunkieJunkie
    Posts: 8,649Member
    @LLB
    Daniel & I have 2 fish left out of the 6 we had.
    (Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Larry, Curly, & Moe)
    We still have Curly & Moe.

    Poor Moe has been through everything. He lost his tail, grew most of it back. Got sick, we found him floating... thought he was dead... nope. That was a year ago.

    For the past month or so... longer, he has been floating... like he is dead. We have to check him daily.
    But, he is hanging in there. He will swim around... eat. But then stop... float sideways. Like a little old man that gets tired.

    Earlier Daniel saw him stuck to the filter intake tube. He was gonna scoop him up & flush him. But, he came unstuck when he hit him with the net & swum away.
    Yay Moe!

    So I told him, try massaging him... maybe he has a gas bubble & just needs a fishy burp or something.
    He thought I was kidding but I stared him down & told him, "Stroke my fish."

    And he did...
    WDJ_Avatar_zps4536679b
    We Are The Music Makers... And We Are The Dreamers Of Dreams...

  • lostinthewindlostinthewind
    Posts: 1,617Member
    " I know it hurts when you hit your balls, no I won't kiss them to make it better" DS was almost 2 at the time I seriously cried I was laughing so hard as I said this to him.
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    One that was cute, "Don't try to tickle your dad right now.  He's sleeping."
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • JustAConfusedMamaJustAConfusedMama
    Posts: 4,527Member
    "We don't throw our friends..."
    Don't worry, my son didn't turn into the incredible toddler Hulk and start throwing children.  The friend I was referring to was his LOL Elmo.  lol
    If you would like to sponsor me for the Imagine Walk for Autism in April, for my friend's son please click the below link and donate.
    http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/sfamily/12th-imagine-walk-and-family-fun-day-for-autism
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    Don't you ever put a lizard in mommy's bra again. Do you understand?
    i'm nekkid.
  • momma2A
    Posts: 1,148Member
    Hmm let's see

    "get your finger out of the dogs asshole"

    "don't touch the dogs weiner"

    "stop crawling under the dog, your rubbing your head on his weiner"

    "Get out of the dogs water, it's not for washing/drinking"

    "don't touch your daddy's pee" mid stream stuck her hand in it!

    "don't bite the dog" followed by " you have hair in your mouth because you were biting the damn dog, the hairiest one at that"

    Needless to say we have plenty of soap on hand and lots of han washing in our house
  • fatchickonabikefatchickonabike
    Posts: 6,590Member
    "Where did you leave your panties this time?" DD is a little nudist. She now wears panties in the house, but only under protest.
    Part of growing up is learning to forgive your parents for being human.
  • RuralRebellionRuralRebellion
    Posts: 2,817Member
    I'm starting to notice most of the weird shit I say is to DH.

    Today:  "Stop shaking snails all over my table."
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Most everyone's mad here. You may notice that I'm not all there myself.