I am really not sure what to do. I know where my heart is but I wonder if I don't have a clear objective.
I was in a physically abusive relationship for about 10 years. I have 2 wonderful children with my now ex husband. I found the will to leave. About a year after I left I fell in love with my closest friend. We have had an amazing relationship, and very physically and emotionally satisfying.
Now come to today. We live together all the time with my kids. We are both full time (non-traditional) students. We go to school on alternating days and stay with the kids on alternating days. I know sometimes relationships fall into a pattern, but I am very sad. We have very little money and are constantly fighting, I fee like I am the only one paying for anything, the only one doing the house work....
I am not old, I am pretty young but I feel like an old soul I have been through a lot. My other half now doesn't seem to want to help around the house, help with the bills, seems short tempered lately with the kids, and our sex life has stopped. We are not married now, but were planning on it. I am wondering if I should stay in the relationship at all.
Now, here comes the really hairy spot. When I first left my ex he begged me to come back all the time and swore he changed. I knew better then to buy it. But now, 3 years later, there is an obvious change in my ex. He is much more friendly, helpful, he speaks to me as a friend, and we have become friends. He is always willing to help me with money if I really need and I help him out with things I can handle for him (we live 8 hours apart).
I have been toying with the idea of moving into a house with my ex (as friends). That way the kids would have their dad, I would have an equal partner in house work and all and much more financial security. (he makes excellent money in a secure job). When we talked about it, he has asked me where I would want to live (I never had a say before - we moved a lot for better jobs for him), what I would want to do etc....
if you have read this far, what would you do if you were me? I'm really feeling lost.
@OhKay - Oh yea, I would cut shit and run really fast if he as much as raised his voice at me... I am pretty sure that is clear to him and me.
katz_meow said:I'd leave the bf and stay away from the ex. All abusers 'change' until you take them back.
I'd leave the bf and stay away from the ex. All abusers 'change' until you take them back.
@MollyGraham - I have never been a grass is greener one. I have been in other awful relationships, and never looked back. Even when things got tough with the current. In the beginning if I wanted to go back to the ex, I would have agreed, but it has been 3 almost 4 years since we split up.
Thank you, @katz_meow - I appreciate your bluntness. I am in the middle of this and too emotional I need input from all sides.
@ruralrebellion - I have asked for more help, and still haven't gotten it. He doesn't even do the things he used to do. The other day he didn't even bother to put out the garbage can at the curb. I came home the other day after the "come to jesus talk" with him and my daughter hadn't had her bath, she was a mess, the house was a mess, the dishes filled both sides of the sink, etc.
So I had a "Come to Jesus" talk to my bf yesterday. I told him that if we couldn't figure out how to make things better and if he wasn't going to help I want to end things. He didn't seem too phased. He said he would do his best.
I have until May when I'm finished with school and when my son is finished with his school. I haven't decided where I will go, but I have told my BF I will be leaving the area, and probably the state.
I hope this is enough of a wake up, but by tomorrow afternoon he was referring to our relationship as it is all but over already. "We'll still be friends, we'll talk everyday, we e-mail, stay friends on facebook, maybe when we're both done with school we can get back together since we'll be financially in a better place (financial issues are 99% of our issues)
Honestly, I would get back together with him if he grew up and could be a productive member of the family, etc. I know this is going to kill me, but I know it is the right thing to do, and honestly his reaction to the whole thing seemed to cement the idea that this was right move. My daughter was sad this morning because not only will she be loosing him, but she will lose his parents who love her dearly.