Letting An Uncle Change Your Child's Diaper
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    I have a 9 month old daughter and my husband recently told me that he is uncomfortable having my brother change her diaper. My brother is divorced and has 2 kids of his own (9 and 6). He has changed lots of diapers so that's not the issue. He knows how to do it. My husband's issue is that he feels uncomfortable with the "intimacy" created when a diaper is changed and that my brother is a "guy" and our daughter is a "girl". I personally think my husband is nuts and I told him so. There is no improper behavior on the part of my brother when he changes our daughter and my husband is not alleging any. He just feels uncomfortable and wants me to tell my brother that he can't change his niece's diaper anymore. He doesn't babysit her, but there are lots of times when he's around and he'll volunteer or I'll ask him to change her. Since his kids are older now, he kind of enjoys taking care of her (plus he has two boys and he really makes a big fuss over her because she is the first girl in our family) and it is a novelty for him to change her and help care for her. He'll be crushed if I tell him that he can't and I don't see any reason why he can't. I think my husband is really wrong on this issue and I told him so. He told that if I don't tell my brother, he will and I know that will start a world war family fight. I feel helplessly caught in the middle and I'm mad as hell at my husband. Any advice? Is it wrong for her uncle to change her? Thanks for listening.
  • InsanityandChaosInsanityandChaos
    Posts: 1,924Member
    I don't know about an uncle or anything, but when we first had dd my husband was very uncomfortable changing her or giving her baths. He finally told me it made him feel like a creep and weirded him out. I know it wasn't bs because he just didn't want to do it, because he was awesome about that when ds was born. I finally just shoved her at him and left for a few hours. Is this your only daughter?
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    Wow. That's a hard one. My first reaction would be 'What exactly are you implying about my brother?!?'

    I really don't see a problem with it, BUT if it makes your husband uncomfortable, then maybe he should step up and say 'I'll do it!"
    That way, he isn't being rude overtly, and taking care of it himself.
    Sometimes, especially with girl babies, you just can't help when something makes you leery, you know?

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  • AnonUser24
    Posts: 2,594Guest
    I don't think it's wrong for him to change it. But if the roles were reversed wouldn't you want your husband to respect your wishes concerning your daughter and who changes her diaper? It doesn't need to be a big deal though, just don't ask him to do it anymore and if he offers just say no that's ok my hubby can do it (since he's the one making you do this). And I'm not being rude but I do think its weird that anyone would volunteer to change a diaper...blech! I know I would never volunteer that's for damn sure lol.
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,718Confessional Manager
    I don't see what the problem is. Unless he's got a history of child abuse or touches her inappropriately obviously. Some people are just weird about that stuff. My friend wouldn't let her HUSBAND change their daughter's diaper. If it makes him uncomfortable then how about HE change her. lol

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  • breezybreezy
    Posts: 3,465Member
    I agree @freedomlover ... Volunteering to change a diaper is kind of odd. Maybe its just me, my kids are potty trained.. no thanks.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    i would trust DH. there might be something you don't know. or he's picking up a different vibe not on the mommy frequency. guys generally don't give a rat's ass who changes a diaper, as long as it isn't them.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    wait! i take that back! i misread, thought it was HIS brother!
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    I don't think it's wrong at all, and I think your brother should be allowed to change his niece's diaper whenever he wants. Would your husband have a problem with it if you had a son instead of a daughter? Honestly, I wouldn't say anything to your brother if I were you. If your husband has a problem with it, tell him to get off his butt and talk to your brother HIMSELF instead of hiding behind you like a coward and making you do the dirty work!! I realize he's your brother, but YOU aren't the one who has a problem with it. Your husband does, so tell him to take care of business himself.
  • I think that something that everyone is overlooking is that he's her dad. He's going to be over protective. Maybe he had a sister that was molested, maybe he had a friend, and so on. Disregarding his feelings isn't fair.

    This being said, when I was pregnant with DD, our close friends moved in our rental upstairs and they had a baby girl (she was less than a year). DH and DS both spent a TON of time upstairs playing with her, changing diapers, heating bottles (of breast milk!), and DH volunteered to babysit her any chance he got (with me there, he was too scared of being alone with a baby). They were both so excited for DD, that they wanted to learn absolutely all they could to help me. Plus, they got attached to her, she was just so sweet, still is. So, there are reasons it might not be weird.
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    Both my brothers have changed ALL the kids' diapers at some point. But hey, when you're as big a family as ours, you don't wait to find the Momma when baby needs a dry butt. You just do it. Close families are awesome.

    community-manager


  • @love-in our family, if you find it, you change it! LOL!
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    Same here @rap422!
    Although I have been known to get a good whiff, crinkle my nose, and say "Daaaaddddy! He made you a preeeeeeesent!"
    LOL

    community-manager


  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    Well, it would seem I'm a strange one then! I volunteer to change my nieces and nephews nappies all the time. I have one DS and have been trying to conceive for nearly 3 yrs now. I love kids soooo much and seriously, it really doesn't phase me! One of my sisters have 5 under 6, so she's always eager for and extra hand when I visit...
  • brandyhx
    Posts: 365Member
    i think when it comes to your children and family you can't worry so much about upsetting other members of the family. if your dh feels this strongly about it you should tell your brother i think. You don't have to say anything against him even, just say "from now on only dh and i will be changing her diapers" and stick to that. u def need to put ur hubby before ur bro in this situation
  • AnonUser24
    Posts: 2,594Guest
    I'm not trying to specify that men are weird for wanting to change diapers, I'm saying *anyone* who wants to change a diaper is weird. Lol. And I'm saying that in a totally lighthearted way because they are STINKY.
  • @freedomlover, I agree(with the exception of the reason I listed above). Diapers are nasty WTF is wrong with someone?! LOL!
  • CanadianMamaCanadianMama
    Posts: 10,374Administrator, Moderator
    My bro watches my DD for me, so what's he supposed to do when her diaper needs changing? Wait until I get home? That's ridiculous!

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  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    Hey, if someone else is offering to change my DD diaper, then have at it! I'll take the offer :P
  • bendorbreak bendorbreak
    Posts: 494Member
    I rarely have to change diapers at home. BF just does it, always has. If we are out or with family its whoever discovered it. I think it depends on the relationship you have with your brother. With mine, I could say, BF is being Captain Douche lately and thinks he's dad of the century so make sure he gets all the diapers and other messy stuff.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    My siblings and I (2 sisters and 3 brothers) have all changed our neices and nephews diapers. If we are at a family gathering and my brother goes to change his son and two other kids need changing, he'll just take them along and change them too. There have been kids in diapers in our family for 20 years now and that's a lot of diapers that have been changed and everyone pitches in. That's just how we are. My kids will take baths with my nieces and nephews too and if one of my brothers is doing the bathing, he bathes the girls too. And, yes, if the kids are still in diapers, you know they have to be washed thoroughly and touching a kids' privates in that situation is not perverted or sexual. It's parenting. Everyone needs to wake up and realize the difference. Sad that some men still won't change diapers and even sadder that your husband thinks your brother must be a perv because he does. Sounds like your husband has issues that could be treated in therapy. Could be from his own childhood perhaps. True, changing diapers might not be the same as picking a bunch of flowers at the florist, but it does provide bonding like the other poster said. It needs to be thought of as a positive act rather than a negative act all the time.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    rap422 has a point--he is probably being a protective daddy, and he may not know your brother very well. it's probably a guy thing. nobody gets upset when a female relative wants to change a baby boy's diaper. especially if it's your 1st little one.
  • ven12deenven12deen
    Posts: 294Member
    i say ur husband has a point if thats how he feels let him hes always going to feel that way and her first boyfriend hell have a shot gun in his hand the first time she brings him home thats his little girl and will always be his little girl cant change that
  • loveitloveit
    Posts: 1,738Member
    Um....I agree with the pp..why the hell would someone WANT to change a diaper? I think that is way suspicious enough to not let him do it. I absolutely LOVE babies but when it's diaper time its "back to mommy!" If any man I know, be it my brother, husband, friend, regularly offered and enjoyed doing it I would get sooo freaked out! There's no way I would allow it.
  • MJC10177
    Posts: 69Member
    I let my brother change my daughter once I think, it was my first day home from having her and I was pumping I believe and she had a huge blowout. Obviously I was right there the whole time, but I didnt have a problem with it. He has raised all his kids and his wife "didnt like " the baby phase, so he was all diapers all the time. That was about it though, not bc I didnt trust him, but if me or DH (or grandma hehe) were around, we just did it.
  • scotiamama
    Posts: 1,527Member
    I think you just have to respect your DHs wishes, since it is his baby as well, not sure how you would go about talking to your brother though.
    I would think it was weird for anyone to regulary volunteer for daiper duty, other than trying to give burnt out parents a change to relax once in a while, it seems odd. My bro has never changed daipers, just because he doesn't have much experience with babies and doesn't want to be hands on like that lol
  • Brooklyn44
    Posts: 1Member
    If he doesn't trust your family, then maybe that's something that he should have considered ahead of time.  I think he should be calling the shots in regards to the members of his own side of your daughter's family, but not yours.  I've seen a lot of posts about women not allowing male members of their husband's family to change their babies' diapers, and in some cases, male members in their own family, so this one kinda added the other side of it.  Some women go even further and won't allow their own husbands to bathe or change their own daughter, which is, or should be, out of bounds and beyond their control.  Some of this might be culturally influenced, but I'm not Puerto Rican, everyone in my family changes diapers.  I've never been faced with this predicament, but if every man on my side of the family wants to change my little girl's diaper once in awhile, and I say it's okay, I'm going to let them.  If my DH or myself feels suspicious about any particular person, then I would have him or myself watch them do it, but they are still allowed to do it.  
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 10,374Member
    I wouldn't have a problem with it...my step-BIL is AMAZING with his kids, one of which is a girl, and if I could GET my brother to do it it wouldn't bother me either.

    I think your hubs needs to chill, unless he knows something you don't?  Does HE  change her diapers?
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  • meandmy243meandmy243
    Posts: 9,474Member
    My sons uncle was the only one who would babysit for us...
    let them eat cake! because id rather have pie!!!
  • momofdbbmomofdbb
    Posts: 10,900Member
    I don't think my brother would change a diaper. He doesn't have kids , I think if he did he might. I wouldn't ask him too , my dad has changed more diapers than XH.
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  • momnipotentmomnipotent
    Posts: 498Member
    my mom is the only person I will let change my sons diaper, the only other person to do it is my dads gf when they were babysitting, I dont see that changing anytime soon. I am insanely uncomfortable with someone touching my kids junk.
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  • Katescrazymom
    Posts: 2,839Member
    I think your dh is being unreasonable. He is seeing this as an "intimate" experience?
    Is this your first? How often does he change diapers? She's 9 months, not brand new, so that first overprotective ness should have worn off.
    If it bugs him, this might have to be one of the compromises you have to make, but if your dh is around, he should be changing her. Or, if he's worried about when he's not around, you could tell him you'll make sure you're in the room. Or just don't tell him.
    Diapers, especially just pee diapers, don't bother some people. It's just part of the satisfaction of caring for a baby and being part of their lives.
    The way you worded it, your dh doesn't seem worried about your brother in particular, just this 'intimate' situation between a guy and a girl. He needs to think about if this is his hang up, or if it bugs him for a reson.
  • OtakuHimeOtakuHime
    Posts: 357Member
    I volunteer to change my nieces, but I don't jump up and down and say, " pick me, pick me"..my youngest are 10, and I enjoy my baby time.
  • BeautifulDefianceBeautifulDefiance
    Posts: 739Member
    I don't see why it should be a problem. Guys can be very overprotective of their girls though. But like the other ladies said- if he has a problem he should step up and just say I can do it. No need to make a formal announcement that will cause a rift in the family
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  • irishlassirishlass
    Posts: 7,057Member
    I think changing is one of the best times, of course unless its really gross! But mostly the baby looks right at you. I always took it as an opportunity to chat and look right at the baby and get to know them. My mum always wanted to change my son, mostly when he was tiny cause its easy because they don't roll about, and also its really good one on one time. I don't get why people these days make everything so sexual! Its a tiny baby and its excrement! Nothing sexual or weird about either of those things, its just part of life!
    "Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." - Dr. Seuss
  • BeautifulDefianceBeautifulDefiance
    Posts: 739Member
    irishlass said:

    I think changing is one of the best times, of course unless its really gross! But mostly the baby looks right at you. I always took it as an opportunity to chat and look right at the baby and get to know them. My mum always wanted to change my son, mostly when he was tiny cause its easy because they don't roll about, and also its really good one on one time. I don't get why people these days make everything so sexual! Its a tiny baby and its excrement! Nothing sexual or weird about either of those things, its just part of life!


    I completely agree with this as well. Hanging out with a baby, they aren't really talking to u yet. They are more interested in the room or what's going on. But if u are front and center changing them, u get their undivided attention
    I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

    SMSM_s_5