am i an ungrateful bitch?
  • SahmIamSahmIam
    Posts: 50Member
    DH has been trying to help out more and load the dishwasher and such. Every time he does, I go behind him, unload it, reorganize, show him how it SHOULD be, and that's that. I know he's trying to help, but if it were left his way, we'd be running the dishwasher twice a day because he just throws shit in there. He also doesn't rinse the dishes off very well, and puts stuff in there that shouldn't be. I can't let it go. Now, of course, he says, "That's why I don't do anything. You always have to have it done YOUR exact way". He's right. But my way is the right way. Can't he just do it the way I've shown him 60 times?!
  • katz_meowkatz_meow
    Posts: 6,380Member
    Don't take this the wrong way...but. let it go. At least he's helping. Micromanagement isn't Fun from either side
    There is nothing to be gained from treating others poorly.

    Don't be a dick.
  • tothemoonandbacktothemoonandback
    Posts: 3,934Member
    Maybe find other things for him to do.. I pick my battles usually (usually..), there's some things I just have to let go because I DO want the help and I don't want him not helping because of my opinion of how he does them, it still gets done, albeit differently than I would do them lol. (He would feel the same way about some things I do "wrong" that he does instead, like vacuuming.  Apparently I do it ALL wrong and he just does it over again, so I totally stopped "helping" with that). It used to infuriate me when he'd unload the dishwasher, shit ends up EVERYwhere randomly, but then I got over it..there's just other important stuff and it takes me 5 minutes to reorganize.  I would think of things that you're not particular about or that can't get totally screwed up and give him a list, guys love lists and direction, it's not enough to walk around saying "you never help me.." and another to just say "hey, could you take the trash out really quick?".
    Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. - Marilyn Monroe
  • momofdbbmomofdbb
    Posts: 10,900Member
    I honestly don't know ! Lol. I dont have a dishwasher so I don't know how to " load " one. I'm sure I would do it wrong too !
    " Wibbly wobbly timey wimey ......." The Doctor
    " I'm a leafe on the wind..watch how I soar ." Wash :((
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    yea I am geek !!
  • SahmIamSahmIam
    Posts: 50Member
    I know I need to let go of some of my control issues. Sometimes I feel like he does stuff "wrong" so that I'll just do it instead. Idk. This dishwasher thing has been going on for awhile. The main thing is that there is a spinny thingy under the top rack and if it doesn't get enough clearance then it doesn't spin. Meaning the dishes on the top aren't thoroughly cleaned. I've explained and demonstrated this. I don't want k be crazy anymore. I swear. Nobody would choose to obsess over this nonsense if given the choice.
  • ChibikoChibiko
    Posts: 3,329Member
    Tell him you'll take care of loading the dishwasher if he'll take care of wiping down the table and counters or something.  That's what I did w my DH.  Ahhh so much better!
    "We all cross over to the dark side at one point. We just all have different temptations" ~MarySunshine

    "You were the truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all" ~Death Cab for Cutie
  • katz_meowkatz_meow
    Posts: 6,380Member
    I do get it @SahmIam. When my stbx and I first got together I was obsessive over the laundry. If I bitched he wouldn't do it at all, but when he did it it was 'wrong'. But once I learned to let it go we were both happier
    There is nothing to be gained from treating others poorly.

    Don't be a dick.
  • SahmIamSahmIam
    Posts: 50Member
    @Chibiko I think you're onto something. I do want the help, but maybe just something that I'm not so neurotic about. @katz_meow Don't even get me started on the laundry lol
  • ABCABC
    Posts: 4,100Member
    Wait. Your dh's and SO's help around the house?? Ha! I wish. Once he gets home from work he sits. The end.
    Be in control of your own happiness.
  • jennygoat
    Posts: 492Member
    Ok DH is great but... He tries to help with his laundry yesterday. Does a load of his work pants. Ok. I look in the washer this AM and there are still 2 of his pants in there. Didn't get dried with the rest. I ask him about it and he is totally clueless that he did not get all his laundry dry. How hard is it to put the whole load on the drier?
  • jennygoat
    Posts: 492Member
    He is forbidden to touch my or dd clothes for laundry due to past unfortunate incidents.
  • shouldcleanshouldclean
    Posts: 2,808Member
    My dh never dose anything "right." As in my way but I bite my tongue because at least he did something
  • deviantqueendeviantqueen
    Posts: 337Member
    With my ex I picked my battles because it hit the point that I was desperate for him to help with anything. Even if he did it wrong ie the dishwasher loading I would thank him and tell him I appreciated the help. I would rather he try versus expecting me to do it all.
  • onetimeonetime
    Posts: 2,223Member
    katz_meow said:

    Don't take this the wrong way...but. let it go. At least he's helping. Micromanagement isn't Fun from either side



    Yep. I agree. I've fought forever about dh doing laundry ( he doesn't fold, it goes into a ball, and it goes on top of the owners dresser). Compromise. I ask him to help out washing and drying, but ask him to let me fold and put away, and make NO fuss about it when i have baskets to Fold. Hey, he helped, and I'm grateful for that. That is 1/3 the work, right?! Score!!
    Suck it up buttercup!
  • Marionettevie
    Posts: 2,729Member
    i agree with having him help with other shit. it drives me nuts when he piles everything in the sink. i have a system that gets more washed at a time than just throwing shit in and having a million "loads"  so i told him to help with something else. when he does laundry i dont mind. as long as he doesnt throw the greasy shit in there because he has ruined so many things like that. and the way he "cleans' the living room is throwing everything in the toy box...trash and all.... augh!!!!  makes me so mad...... HELLO. its trash. but i let that one go because at least its in one place where i can pick it out instead of having to hunt for it everywhere.  i say let go of some things and just dont let him do other things
  • KeepstaringKeepstaring
    Posts: 2,086Member
    We have our fixed tasks and are both anal about it...
    I do the laundry and he can't touch it because I am sure he would fuck all our clothes up, fold them so they they don't fit in the dressers, etc. And he is in charge of the dishwasher, if I would do it he would probably do the unload and reload thing as well.

    My advice: pick your battles and divide tasks according to competence, and indeed let go once in a while.
    “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
    ― Albert Einstein
  • stinkersmommystinkersmommy
    Posts: 1,887Member
    My hubs is banned from the kitchen and laundry and all small appliances including my vacuum he likes to short them out. Lol so he gets trash, litter box and toilet duty and helps me manage kiddos chores
  • jennygoat
    Posts: 492Member
    Oh oh. When we first got married he would put stuff he wanted in the trash. Like maybe a paper with someone's phone number on it and expect to be able to take out again. Like the trash was his version of a filing system. Then he got mad at me for taking the trash out. I figured out it never occurs to him to empty a trash can. He has gotten better on this over the last 14 years.
  • SahmIamSahmIam
    Posts: 50Member
    I know I'm crazy. I would love to just let go. I guess I see it like this- if you're going to do something, do it right. Don't half ass it. I honestly would prefer that he not do something at all rather than do it shoddily and me have to do it again anyway. Maybe I have some sickness where I just want to bitch. I guess I just answered my own question. I am a bitch, but I don't think I'm ungrateful.
  • regpregp
    Posts: 1,445Member
     I'm a little OCD about how the dishwasher is loaded too. I don't rinse the dishes off though...DH is OCD about that lol
    Will he unload it and put the dishes away if you load it? 
    I hate to unload it and but the stuff away, so that's DD11's job.
    The only thing saving you from me is Jesus.
  • SahmIamSahmIam
    Posts: 50Member
    @regp I think that's where we are. He can unload, I will load.
  • MollyGrahamMollyGraham
    Posts: 1,446Member
    Omg, I have had this arguement sooo many times. Sometimes, I think DH does stuff wrong on purpose just so I won't ask him to do it again. I'm constantly amazed that he managed to survive to adulthood (and I use that word loosely). He's blown up popcorn in the microwave, washed two jackets that were clearly marked "dry clean only" and completely destroyed our old dishwasher...don't know how, I wasn't home at the time. smh
    Normal people never change the world.
  • SahmIamSahmIam
    Posts: 50Member
    @MollyGraham we are married to the same guy! My moron, I mean DH ;) , put a metal coffee mug in the microwave. Didn't know you couldn't do that. Into his 30's without knowing you can't microwave metal. He's a chef for fucks sake. Smh indeed.
  • MollyGrahamMollyGraham
    Posts: 1,446Member
    @SahmIam Lol, yep...sounds like the same guy. Separated at birth, maybe. :))
    Normal people never change the world.
  • Policemans_wifePolicemans_wife
    Posts: 6Member
    Let it go! At least he's helping....
  • EllieEllie
    Posts: 59Member
    I had the same issue with the dishwasher, but it wasn't with my husband, it was with my grandma  (she lived with us for 6 months until her condo was ready). I think that she thought that there was a team of elves in the dishwasher who would pick up each dish and wash them all individually - how else can you explain why she'd stack bowls or glasses ontop of each other while in the dishwasher? And while there are 6 places for cutlery, she'd jam the first 2 full and leave the other ones empty. Our cutlery was always dirty!

    If I ever opened the dishwasher it would make me mad and I'd have to rearrange everything. I tried showing her the correct way, but it never stuck. In the end I just decided never to go in there and let her do her thing, even if it was so very very wrong. She must have thought I was a slob who never did the dishes, but really I did it so that I wouldn't kill her! Now that she's happily in her condo, I happily load the dishwasher correctly.
  • SahmIamSahmIam
    Posts: 50Member
    @Policemans_wife I want to let things go. I swear. How do I do it??? How do I just let shit go? I'm tired of being so gd peeved all the time over such trite shit. I used to be so 'go with the flow'. I have no idea what happened.
  • SasafrasSasafras
    Posts: 1,627Member
    Look at the big picture, in the end is the dishwasher being loaded properly some how going to enhance your happiness or quality of life?