kids caught us having sex
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    There have been a lot of confessions about this lately. Some of us think it's weird, some of us think it's no big deal. 

    My personal opinion is this: What kind of message do you think it sends to a child, when they walk into the room or wake up or whatever the situation may be, and witness their parents having sex, and both adults freak out, trying desperately to cover themselves? Shouldn't we be teaching our children to love their bodies, and not be ashamed of this beautiful act that our bodies were MADE FOR? Shouldn't we explain to our children that mommy and daddy love each other, and this is the way they show it? Shouldn't we celebrate ourselves, not hide in shame? 

    Because I think that's where dangerous taboos come in. What happens to the little girl who is taught to be ashamed of being curious about her body, that these curiosities are wrong instead of COMPLETELY NATURAL? Isn't she going to end up with messed up body image and have sex too early (like many of us did, weren't we just talking about that too?) and all manner of issues later on in life? 

    Why are we all so scared of sex and our bodies and what it means to be these sexual beings? What would happen if our children were taught to celebrate instead of hide? What would happen if we told them it was okay to explore their own bodies, instead of telling them that touching is wrong? Why can't sex be a beautiful expression of love instead of something we have to hide from our kids for fear of TRAUMATIZING them?
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    I don't think anyones point is that you should be ashamed of sex. I think the point is that sex is a private act and should not be done in front of minors. Once a child reaches a certain age you should no longer be having sex in the same room as them whether they are asleep or not. That's just gross and wrong. Would you want someone else having sex in front of your child? Would you believe the line, oh they are too young to know whats happening? No! You'd be outraged if they spent the night at their aunts house or whoever and you found out they had sex in the same room with them.
  • chaosmomchaosmom
    Posts: 4,186Member
    I get being embarrassed because your kid walked in the room. I get trying to cover up because your kid doesn't need to see you naked. But don't freak out about it. Explain very generally what's going on if your child asks you about it. Be calm and normal because it isn't a huge deal. And if they are half asleep, they probably won't think anything other than mommy and daddy are playing around. Depends on how old your child is. Shut the door. Lock it if you need to. Teach your kids to knock before entering. Feel free to openly show affection to your SO in front of the kids on a PG13 level. They need to learn healthy relationship and they learn it all from us.
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member
    I have no difficulties with my boys exploring their own bodies - I just encourage them to do it in private. We all walk around in various states of undress in the morning and it's very natural for us. However, I don't want my boys watching me have sex with their dad. Yeah, if they walk in on us I am going to cover up daddy's wet erection and my gaping vagina because that's really TMI. I am not going to continue what we were doing as if the kids weren't there. We will very likely ask them to leave the room, get ourselves together and address the topic and answer questions openly and honestly. I do not think this means we are *ashamed*. Nor do I think they will be scarred for life. 

    Given my background, I don't think I will be telling my teenage boys that "sex is an expression of love". I will tell them that sex is best when it is an expression of love. Any child with access to the internet or a television will discover, fairly early on, that sex is not just an expression of love. Many people who do not love each other have sex. 
    image
    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell
  • kmetz44kmetz44
    Posts: 2,848Member
    lol the one time my dd walked in on us he was on top and he just flipped the blanket to cover his bare ass (all while still in me) and told dd to go get us some fruit snacks...she was more than happy that she had a job to do , went downstaris, we got dressed and ate fruit snacks...she didnt even wonder what we were doing but we didnt freak out or scream at ehr to get out...we jsut told her to go get us a snack!
    Im pretty extraordinary in an ordinary way
  • MommaWombat_Erin
    Posts: 132Member
    It is important to teach kids to not be ashamed of their bodies--or anyone else's for that matter.  However, sex is a private thing that shouldn't be shared with kids until they reach the level of maturity that comes with the, "EWWW!  My parent's don't do that!"  when you have the talk. 

    However, accidents happen and I agree with MomOfFour...be calm and normal about it.  However, where I disagree is between sex and nudity.  They are two different things.  Kids shouldn't be exposed to sex until they are old enough to understand not only the biological, but the emotional aspects as well.  Being ashamed of nudity is where they become ashamed of their bodies.  We are not a bunch of nudists here, but there are 5 people sharing an itty bitty bathroom, so it is not uncommon to get barged in on during a shower or getting dressed.  Nor is it uncommon to have the 3 year old running naked through the living room in attempts to gross out his sister.  The kids know what a body looks like and so it has lost some of its mystique and taboo.  It's simply a non-issue at our house.  Normally, a "hey, close the door" suffices. 

    When it comes to sex and the "touching" that 12:19 has commented about, we have had a few instances of that, but we also explain that touching oneself is done in private with the door closed.  It's nothing to be ashamed of, but it's also not something that you do in front of other people. 

    Kids shouldn't be taught that sex is taboo, wrong, or whatever. But, they should be taught that it is done in private and doesn't require an audience.  They need to be taught to respect privacy and most of all, to respect their bodies and their selves! 

  • ImWendyImWendy
    Posts: 6,529Member
    If you missed the original confession last night, woman said her 1yo woke up and the middle of it and they finished. I imagine it turned into a quickie, and they were covered, and it was quiet. To me a 1yo is a baby and had absolutely no idea what was going on.
    deus ex machina
  • emmaoremmyemmaoremmy
    Posts: 1,313Member
    We always make sure we lock the bedroom door.  Plus, we usually only have sex at night, so it's never been a real issue for us.  Once when we "thought" the kids were outside playing, one of them snuck in and banged on the door, but it was locked.  It was just instinct to jerk the bedspread over us.

    I think it's horrible to try to make your kids ashamed of their bodies/things they do (esp. touching themselves/masturbation) but I also think it's just weird to be walked in on by your kids.  (Older ones, that is.  A 1 year old is no biggie in my book because they have no idea what's going on).  For the older kids though, some things should just be kept private. 
  • emmaoremmyemmaoremmy
    Posts: 1,313Member
    @Gingersnap  "gaping vagina"  LMAO  Something about that just struck me as really funny.  :D  hehe
  • InsanityandChaosInsanityandChaos
    Posts: 1,924Member
    We haven't had it happen yet, but I'm sure if you just act natural about it it can be no big deal. It's probably a gut reaction for some people to freak out though, lol
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member
    @emmaoremmy - You're welcome.




    I think. *snort*
    image
    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member
    @ImWendy - I didn't know about the original post. I guess it depends on how groggy the 1yo was, where he or she was, how covered we were, and how close we were to being done. . . 
    image
    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell
  • ImWendyImWendy
    Posts: 6,529Member
    @gingersnap Well yeah. I mean, I assumed they weren't having porn star sex with the kid in the room. Noah walked in on my xh and me when he was 2. He's a pretty normal kid, so...
    deus ex machina