OMG - Gummy Bear Warning
  • BankMom
    Posts: 716Member
    http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B000EVQWKC/ref=redir_mdp_mobile?ref_=tsm_1_fb_lk

    One of the kids sent me this with a note saying YOU HAVE TO READ THE COMMENTS!! I'm sitting in my car CRYING over the comments! Hysterical!!
    "...and when her feet hit the floor in the morning the devil says "Oh, shit! She's awake!"
  • Luna523Luna523
    Posts: 867Member
    OMFG LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
  • BeachyBeachy
    Posts: 4,697Member
    Oh my word! Lolol! I love the idea of giving them to someone you don't like though.......
    I wonder if my sister would be suspicious if I have her a present? Lol!
    Searching for my lost shaker of salt.
  • KrabbyKay
    Posts: 5,914Member
    Yep me too crying!!!!
    Take note SM's .... The next time anyone is constipated...
  • BankMom
    Posts: 716Member
    Excellent plan, @Beachy!

    Hey, @Willilee! Guess what you're getting for your birthday!!
    "...and when her feet hit the floor in the morning the devil says "Oh, shit! She's awake!"
  • LLBLLB
    Posts: 5,622Member
    That one reviewer (the space ship one) lost 7 lbs? SEVEN pounds of shit in 1 sitting?!?!

    Why are they not marketing this as the new weight loss products?
  • LLBLLB
    Posts: 5,622Member
    Oh wait... Maybe that's the secret ingredient in Alli...
  • shate98shate98
    Posts: 5,020Member
    Aw shit. I'm off work today. Guess I'm calling in about this... The account execs are not going to like this...
    "As you wander through your life, whatever be your goal,
    keep your eye upon the doughnut, not upon the hole."
  • QueseraseraQueserasera
    Posts: 2,367Member
    Hahaha! That's awesome!! Saving this idea for a gift.... Hmmmm.
    I am mom. Hear me roar.
  • mamamaybe
    Posts: 547Member
    =)) =)) =))

    Omg, some of the reviews are epic! 
    "Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited" 
    I am crying!
  • BeachyBeachy
    Posts: 4,697Member
    @mamamaybe, I am dying!
    Searching for my lost shaker of salt.
  • biancaleebiancalee
    Posts: 1,161Member
    Holy shit! I'm sitting in the waiting room at the clinic with DD11 and I laughed until I started crying. Some old man is staring at me like I'm an alien cause I'm still chuckling and snorting a bit!
  • MarySunshineMarySunshine
    Posts: 7,953Member
    @shate98 It's not your firm's fault these things are candy laxatives. You guys just did adverts, right? LOL

    The spaceship one was my favorite. LOLOLOLOLOL
    "I don't poop. I create magic."- ABC

    I'm as sexy as a burp mid-kiss. Watch out!

    For every loser there's one that has to win. So bite your tongue, grit your teeth and grin...
  • Luna523Luna523
    Posts: 867Member
    mamamaybe said:

    =)) =)) =))


    Omg, some of the reviews are epic! 
    "Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited" 
    I am crying!



    Loooooooool that was my favorite by far and I read like 10 haha
  • Katescrazymom
    Posts: 2,839Member
    =))
    Those poor people!
  • TheMomFactorTheMomFactor
    Posts: 5,092Member
    LOL And people wonder why I don't want to go sugar-free.
    "Anybody remotely interesting is mad in some way."-The Seventh Doctor

    "One may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel."
  • momofdbbmomofdbb
    Posts: 10,900Member
    Lol I have heard that the sugar free stuff will bite you !! =))
    " Wibbly wobbly timey wimey ......." The Doctor
    " I'm a leafe on the wind..watch how I soar ." Wash :((
    " Oh the wall had it comming.' Sherlock Holmes
    yea I am geek !!
  • rubydoorubydoo
    Posts: 328Member
    I'm wondering how they have them listed under "new" and "used" categories .... Wtf would the used ones do to you??!
    Telling the truth, and making someone cry, is better than telling a lie and making someone smile.
  • LLBLLB
    Posts: 5,622Member
    I too was wondering about the "used" ones.

    Considering how they came out after being consumed are we to assume the used ones are the toilet contents?

    Omg! Ewww totally just grossed myself out typing that... :-&
  • DeliriumDelirium
    Posts: 18Member
    My favorite is that there's a gastrointestinal warning on the package.
    "The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member
    "I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005."

    Laughed till I cried.
    image
    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell
  • OpheliaOphelia
    Posts: 4,866Member
    This was so great I had to share on fb
    Nothing left to do but smile, smile, smile.. -Grateful Dead<3
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 10,374Member
    I couldn't get to the comments....damn, I know it's on FB, so I'll have to try there.
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • meandmy243meandmy243
    Posts: 9,474Member
    Lol I read a few of those and my first thought was damn I want gummy bears!! Full sugar though.
    let them eat cake! because id rather have pie!!!
  • shate98shate98
    Posts: 5,020Member
    @MarySunshine the ads and interactive stuff and social media...

    Crap!
    "As you wander through your life, whatever be your goal,
    keep your eye upon the doughnut, not upon the hole."
  • xanadu96
    Posts: 76Member
    have tears running down my face from reading the comments!
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    I can't access the comments thru my phone. It wants to buy the damn things. Can you post it?
    i'm nekkid.
  • LLBLLB
    Posts: 5,622Member
    There's a bunch @undercoverbanana.

    Here's one:

    Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

    First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

    BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

    Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

    But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

    AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

    I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

    I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

    Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

    Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

    If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.
  • LLBLLB
    Posts: 5,622Member
    And the spaceship one:

    I was looking for a low calorie 'grazing' snack when I originally bought this product. Tastes fine. After my first enjoyment, I experienced something less enjoyable. That might have been something else I ate that day, so some time later, fully of wariness and scientific curiosity, I ate some just before leaving work.

    1 hour, 30 minutes later, after retrieving the children from school, we arrive back at home.

    During this time, the gummi bears, hereafter referred to as The Fuel, were being carefully processed in the fuel system of Space Ship Me. I can only assume that The Fuel is a highly advanced binary propellant because it is non-reactive and benign in storage and even during initial ingestion. But as with all binary propellants, when mixed with the complementary other half of the pairing, the results are highly energetic.

    Turning my parental duties over the the capable hands of the Roku and widescreen TV, I proceeded upstairs apace, shedding unnecessary accoutrements as I could tell this cowboy was about to Go Rodeo.

    Entering the Launch Facility (a.k.a. real estate agents refer to it as the 'master bath') I approached the Launch Pad itself, a fine furnishing manufactured by American Standard. As it was handy the the direct path of travel, and to further the cause of Science!, I stepped onto the bathroom scale and made note of my weight. I then configured the Launch Pad into the second receiving mode and positioned Space Ship Me atop the launch aperture.

    All hatches closed!
    Exhaust fans to full power!
    Sitzfleisch sealed to Launch Pad support ring! (It's a German double entendre, look it up.)
    Fuel flow starting, easing open sphincter, commence count down!
    10!
    9!
    8!
    Whoops, 1!

    Thrust built rapidly to the 100%$ rating of the nozzle. The exhaust thundered against the parabolic shape of the Launch Pad and reverberated back upwards, buffetting the structure of Space Ship Me.

    I swear, if I had thought ahead to equip the Launch Pad with the kind of camera available for the Discerning Customer with Refined Tastes from a Discrete Retailer, you might have seen shock diamonds.

    I know some other customers have though that they might have needed seat belts, but from my dispassionate observation point, I could objectively see that I had not yet achieved Lift-Off. That happened on the Saturn V launches as well: they had to sit on the pad for a while at full thrust until just enough fuel has burned off to make the thrust exceed weight.

    It's a long way to orbit, and I was in a hurry to get to the ISS, so the only thing to do was to go to 125% on the nozzle.

    That's where things started to go wrong. Thrust increased, to be sure, hammering the porcelain, but the exhaust flow became turbulent. It was also becoming asymmetric. The signal came from below, "The engines cannae take any moor, Cap'n!" (I have no idea why my arse has a Scottish accent.)

    Fuel flow dropped off and the nozzle output dropped to merely 10%, with some damage to the combustion chamber.

    But luckily, sitting quietly for about five minutes, The Fuel had regenerated enough pressure that I could make another attempt.

    After about thirty minutes and several attempts, I had not achieved lift off, and Thank God, because I realized belatedly that I hadn't a plan for how to get through the ceiling and roof.

    But the scale revealed that I had lost seven (7) pounds.
  • ABCABC
    Posts: 4,100Member
    Omfg. =)) =)) =)) Can't. Breathe.
    Be in control of your own happiness.
  • MadHatterMumMadHatterMum
    Posts: 1,492Member
    Oh.god.i.cant.stop.laughing!!! =)) =)) =))
    Dh just looked at me and said he didn't even want to know what was so funny, cause it had to he disgusting!! =))
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    I am snickering and tearing up and choking on my taco. @shate98 im so sorry.....i can see your execfs might not be pleased.
    Quick damage control......i can see this becoming a fad. Control and market it as the beginning of a healthy diet.....
    Kids get constipated, and they hate medicine.......who doesn't like gummy bears? They dont TASTE like medicine. Thats seriously useful when you are dealing with children and older people.
    warning for parents of teenage girls.......gummy bear diet isn't a good idea. I can see kids capitalizing on it and skipping school, doctors assume its a weird virus.
    Slow down production. I dont know what they use as the sweetener, but market it as a children's medicine. Or grab it and market it, before Hollywood finds out and makes it a fad diet nobody else can make money on. Gummy bear cleanse is probably better than some of the shit I swallowed to jump start a diet plan.

    Im still snickering about seat belts. And imagining g force.
    i'm nekkid.
  • WillileeWillilee
    Posts: 1,621Member
    @undercoverbanana - you better lock your phone down because it's probably buying 40lbs for you AS WE SPEAK!
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    Maybe it will pick a good song and warn me when it does that shit. Tonight it was voodoo daddies instead of Bloomberg news while I was re arranging the imported cheese display. @willilee
    i'm nekkid.
  • WickedDunkieJunkieWickedDunkieJunkie
    Posts: 8,649Member
    I woke up Daniel reading these. My cat jumped off the bed because it was shaking from me laughing. =))
    WDJ_Avatar_zps4536679b
    We Are The Music Makers... And We Are The Dreamers Of Dreams...

  • kcsmommykcsmommy
    Posts: 264Member
    LOL!! Now I have evil thoughts of giving Sugar Free gummies to people.... >:)
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    Its a long way to orbit.......oh, my lord. Im dying....i have raccoon eyes and mascara floating on my eyeballs.....my stomach hurts.......i am, however, thinking about buying some for my MIL and a couple BILS.........and maybe an ex boss or two.....
    i'm nekkid.
  • Manders15Manders15
    Posts: 3,423Member
    =))
  • missmama5missmama5
    Posts: 6,874Member
    Oh my God. Woke the baby laughing. Can't. Gasp. Holy fuck.
  • SweetCaroline66SweetCaroline66
    Posts: 697Member
    I want some of these......I need to poop like nobody's business lol
    Everyone has their own issues. But it makes the world a more interesting place!
  • fatchickonabikefatchickonabike
    Posts: 6,590Member
    This would be a great thing to bring to work as a "treat" if you really hated your co-workers.
    Part of growing up is learning to forgive your parents for being human.
  • SweetCaroline66SweetCaroline66
    Posts: 697Member
    @fatchickonabike.....I used to work at a Dr. office with a lady who was a complete bitch. I mean like she was unreal!!! So mean to everyone and she actually used to throw things!!! I told everyone else in the office if I ever brought brownies in with powdered sugar on top to NOT EAT THEM!!! They would contain a "special" ingredient which may or may not have been chocolate ex-lax.....
    Everyone has their own issues. But it makes the world a more interesting place!
  • fatchickonabikefatchickonabike
    Posts: 6,590Member
    @SweetCaroline66, did you ever actually do it?
    Part of growing up is learning to forgive your parents for being human.
  • SweetCaroline66SweetCaroline66
    Posts: 697Member
    @fatchickonabike, No I never did but boy did I think about it several times lol
    Everyone has their own issues. But it makes the world a more interesting place!
  • LiquidPeppermintLiquidPeppermint
    Posts: 841Member
    I'm totally ordering a bag of these! DD is a poop holder.  Bet a handful of these would do the trick! (ok, not really.  But it did cross my mind!)
  • undercoverbanana
    Posts: 12,609Member
    Why not? just do it on a weekend, and only give him ONE.
    i'm nekkid.
  • SammieSammie
    Posts: 8,345Administrator, Moderator
    I can't breathe. OMG!

    community-manager


  • KrabbyKay
    Posts: 5,914Member
    Omg did you read the one about the dude that took them to WORK?!?!? =)) =))
  • meandmy243meandmy243
    Posts: 9,474Member
    I need these for work... Not for the employees but the uptight contractors who think I'm their whooping boy!
    let them eat cake! because id rather have pie!!!
  • organicbabyorganicbaby
    Posts: 2,020Member
    Next time a scary cannot poo we sure know what to give her :)
  • Sabbyfrog2
    Posts: 32Member

    I'm crying! CRYING! I'm, ironically, having tummy issues myself today (non-gummy related, thank HEAVENS) and this has me laughing hysterically. Not helping my tummy but it has certainly shifted my mood.