Husband watching porn before sex
  • emmaoremmyemmaoremmy
    Posts: 1,313Member
    (93142):
    DH was watching porn earlier (he doesn't know I saw him) then he
    initiated sex with me a few mins later. Is this a good thing (like) or
    bad (hug). IDK if he had to watch it to get turned on in order to be
    with me or what.

    This is interesting.  The OC got mostly likes, meaning it's a good thing.  When I read it, my thought was to hug it because why would a man have to look at porn before sex?  I assumed it was to turn him on so that he could have sex with his wife (because he didn't really want to).  Any ideas?
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    I work on the presumption ALL men look at porn whenever and where ever they can..computer, phone, ipod, etc...I personally do not have an issue with it. I know many women do and their valid reasons. However, I 'liked' this, because she stated he initiated sex with her after he watched porn. If she had initiated and he said..oh wait..I'll be right back I have to pee..and was watching some porn...and then came back to finish the job...that would be terrible. But he was horny and he came after her....and that in my humble opinion ..is a very good thing!
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    I work on the presumption ALL men look at porn whenever and where ever they can..computer, phone, ipod, etc...I personally do not have an issue with it. I know many women do and their valid reasons. However, I 'liked' this, because she stated he initiated sex with her after he watched porn. If she had initiated and he said..oh wait..I'll be right back I have to pee..and was watching some porn...and then came back to finish the job...that would be terrible. But he was horny and he came after her....and that in my humble opinion ..is a very good thing!
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    I work on the presumption ALL men look at porn whenever and where ever they can..computer, phone, ipod, etc...I personally do not have an issue with it. I know many women do and their valid reasons. However, I 'liked' this, because she stated he initiated sex with her after he watched porn. If she had initiated and he said..oh wait..I'll be right back I have to pee..and was watching some porn...and then came back to finish the job...that would be terrible. But he was horny and he came after her....and that in my humble opinion ..is a very good thing!
  • ImWendyImWendy
    Posts: 6,529Member
    I'd assume he was watching it, then got turned on and wanted his wife. I don't think at all he was watching so he could have sex with his wife when he didn't want to. No matter how much porn he watched before, if he didn't want his wife he probably wouldn't be able to keep it up. Or he'd just take care of himself and not even try to have sex with her.
    deus ex machina
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,718Confessional Manager
    I agree with ^^... I think he could have easily went to the bathroom and finished himself off or something. I would still be pissed because I'm psycho like that, my husband knows this. 

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • I agree with @ImWendy.  I see it like this- DH and I have watched porn together before sex, does that mean we were doing it to get turned on? Sure, does it mean we don't turn each other on? No, we have a healthy amount of desire for each other, but sometimes porn gives it that little extra kick of hotness..
  • canadamom
    Posts: 880Member
    You can get your appetite anywhere - as long as you eat at home!!

    Kudos to him for turning to her when the mood was right and not just "taking care of himself" and kudos to her for accepting him and not freaking out that he only was turned on by the porn and not her.

    If he wasn't interested in her - he would have not approached her.
  • battibatti
    Posts: 2,167Member
    I think it would only be bad if he had to watch it every time/daily. As long as it's not an addiction, there's nothing wrong with it ;)

    SMSM_s_5

  • scotiamama
    Posts: 1,527Member
    I agree with @batti & @imwendy

    BUT lol, the other night we were watching some stupid show and it had a clip of a stripper dancing. Which I kinda thought was hot. Then I thought, "fk I wonder if he is gonna intiate sex now" & if he does, "why does he have to wait til he is seeing a half naked chick that isn't me?" Such a double standard since I wanted to intiate after seeing it. Then I snapped out of it... And no one initiated anything ha! I know in my head that its stupid to think things like that, but I still catch myself for a split second ever now & again.
  • ImWendyImWendy
    Posts: 6,529Member
    @scotiamama lol. I've done that too. I think it's normal. And I wonder if neither of you initiated sex because you were trying to make sure neither of you felt like it was just the tv?
    deus ex machina
  • scotiamama
    Posts: 1,527Member
    Probably @imwendy lol
    We never watch actual porn together, its not really my thing and idk if he ever watches it on his own or not. Its never really come up.
  • xsariesx
    Posts: 7Member
    I agree with @batti.
    So long as hes not watching it everyday and night.

    But.... I do know the feeling ur going threw. My soon to be Ex husband did that alot. In fact it was almost every night. He would stay up late and cyberporn. It was truly a difficult thing to have to deal with.

    Anyways girl make the best judgment here. Or if possible have a chat with him. For all you know it could just be the whole fantasy thing for him. Theres nothing wrong with a little roleplay for him from you. And who knows he might return the favor to you.

    Best of luck!! :-bd
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    Defo a good thing.  I agree it means he got horny and then immediately wanted his wife.  Why not watch porn with him? Make it something you can share too? Although he will want to watch alone sometimes.

    I like watching porn and I like talking about it with my man - it makes me feel horny and it's a great way to build anticipation before I see him again.

    All good.  It is bad if he watched it instead of having sex with you; it could have been that he 'banged' one out at the computer screen while not ever having sex with you!


  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    It is a good thing that he turned to you when he was put in the mood. Men and women are naturally drawn to some form of pornography at one time or another that 'excites' them enough to initiate sex with their partner. 
    I would however caution that if this is a regular occurrence it may mean that your sex life has become stagnant and that you may need to spice things up a bit.
    In today's society men perceive sex a lot different than they probably should. Because of numerous religious and societal changes in behavior sex has become something that is more taboo than natural. Men are more primal in nature in the sense that they like excitement, spontaneity with a hint of sexy here and there. 
    They're not machines. That's the first rule for a healthy sexual relationship. You have to realize that no one is some sort of sex robot that turns on and runs like a dream when you demand it to. Sometimes they need a little assistance, and a new way to look at an 'old' situation.
    Imagine that you eat a turkey sandwich every day. Same ingredients, same baggy, same lunch box. Every. Single. Day. You'd get tired of that sandwich wouldn't you? Now let's say you're somehow loyal to turkey and don't like any other meat, but now you're bored with the way lunch has been and some days you just don't eat because of the repetition. Makes sense right? 
    Now let's say the person sitting next to you one day is eating the same sandwich, but with a twist. This sandwich has avocado and dijon mustard. Suddenly, SPICE! It's exciting and new and just looking at that sandwich makes you want the same ingredients and you rush home to make it and it tastes so much better! 
    Same thing with your DH. He needs a little 'avocado and dijon mustard' every now and then. 
    My advice; Go to an adult store. I know it can be intimidating to do it, but give it a shot. The next step is tricky and can be a little difficult..... Talk about it. Go to the people at the register or the ones walking around. Believe me, if anyone knows anything about this stuff, it's them. Tell them what you're looking to do. If you're worried about taking things too far, let them know. They'll start you off with outfits or teasers or things of that nature. Subtle things that will drive him wild. It'll give him the spice he wants, a HUGE self esteem boost for you when you notice how much he wants you, and it'll give your sex life a wonderful and progressive push in the right direction.
    Still, I think you're fine right now and there's nothing to worry about. And as I've always told clients, friends and family, communication, communication, communication.
    If it becomes a problem you're having a hard time dealing with, you may want to bring it up subtly to give him a hint as to why you're distressed. Not only are they non-robotic, they're not mind readers either. You'll be fine, give him time, spice it up and watch the fireworks. 
    *Hugs*
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    It's a good thing...watch with him next time! Sharing what turns you on is scary but it can also brig you closer. 
    Who knew my husband was intrigued by swingers?! it started a wonderful discusson where we had an open honest exchange & awesome sex after!