I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been there and it hurts...BAD. I had been in love with my XH since I was 13. 18 years later, after 7 years of marriage and 3 kids, I caught him cheating, with a 19 year old girl who was still in diapers when XH and I met. I had long suspected, just never had any proof. He tried to make it better by saying it wasn't just about the sex. LOL...that just made it worse. I too had the uncontrollable crying after sex with him. Even after I caught him, he still continued to cheat with many women and I eventually divorced him. I am a much better and healthier person now. He had me feeling so worthless with the cheating and telling me every day what a shitty wife and mother I was, when I really was a damn good wife and mother. I realize this now. Divorcing that asshole was the best thing I ever did. I realized that the kids and I were not priorities in his life, especially since he has refused to pay any child support at all and has not seen our kids in almost 3 years. I am now much happier and I have an AWESOME BF who treats my kids as if they were his own. The kids are much happier too.
I do believe that some relationships can be salvaged after cheating, but the fact that you've caught him in other lies and you saying he treats you like shit makes me want to tell you to get out now. Yes, 13 years and 4 kids is hard to throw away. You wouldn't really be "throwing it away" anyway. The kids are still there and need you to be the best mom you can be and need him to be the best dad he can be. By all means, give the therapy a chance and try to work things out. However, if he's still treating you like shit and lying to you it may be time to rethink your priorities. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! You need to do what's best for you and your kids. Sometimes, that means staying with someone who made a mistake and moving on, but sometimes it may mean getting rid of an asshole whose priorities are obviously not the same as yours.
@jencmo wrote "There is a ripple effect that I don't think the cheater thinks about. He thinks the grass is greener, but what he doesn't realize is how many people are affected and how much they are affected. And he doesn't think about how long this ripple effect lasts... But 11 years later, I am still cleaning up the mess he caused. In case you can't tell, I am VERY angry still.... imagine how angry I was before!! "
This is so, so true. My kids don't know about the cheating, but they sure can tell that there dad has chosen to not be there for them in any way.
@raspychick You've been on my mind for days. Just wanted to let you know. I remember that sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach and I do not miss it nor wish it on anyone on the planet. Not even the pig that was cheating with my Exhole. Coming to a decision is the hardest part....Once you get there ...The work to either stay or go will keep you busy enough to lessen the nausea.
@anon- betrayal is betrayal ....I wish you the best as well...
How did I get over a cheating hubby? Well after he was "doing" my best friend and not me, I got a bit suspicious and was able to prove it. did nothing for a long time other than sitting in the recliner after he went to bed. I was nursing one of the babes while the rat slept. While he snored, I fantacized about how to "allow him to excel on the other side". YUP, I dreamed up ways to kill him. Usually had something to do with a gun intimately to one of his favorite places on body. Poison came to mind, but was afraid either one of the boys would get into it, or wouldn't be enough and would get me in more trouble. Was also afraid to do it and get caught. Where would the boys go?
We eventually did split, went through some really rough times. Thank heaven for the boys, but am now wishing that there had been something like this site back then.
Heck, the internet hadn't been invented back then...Yes Victoria, there was a time before internet. :)
hushpuppy1 said:I am 51 years old I have been married 33 years. My husband went out on me with a heavy set woman. She looked at me and said quote 'you are my friend and I would never do that to you', but they did. She is married as well. He has stoped seeing her, he told me that he loves me, but it means nothing. To me he told her some very private things about me. I think that hurts more that any thing. All I can say is it F's to be this age and they still go out on you.What do I do from here?
I am 51 years old I have been married 33 years. My husband went out on me with a heavy set woman. She looked at me and said quote 'you are my friend and I would never do that to you', but they did. She is married as well. He has stoped seeing her, he told me that he loves me, but it means nothing. To me he told her some very private things about me. I think that hurts more that any thing. All I can say is it F's to be this age and they still go out on you.
HUGS!!!! One day at a time, @hushpuppy1. We're always here to listen to you, too :)
sam said:How did YOU get over the pain of cheating husband? can't say that I've ever fully gotten over the cheating my DH has done. Lord knows I've tried. from time to time i can actually forget, then something with happen and bring it all back up again. reopen never fully healed wounds. i would love to say there is some magic cure. but there's not. time will close to gap, but some wounds never heal. sorry
How did YOU get over the pain of cheating husband?