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When will My Give A Damn Be Busted?
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,315
    I am a mother of grown children,a wife & gram! I have beed dealing with my oldest girl's very unhappy life! She was with a guys whom our whole family liked! Turn's out he was cheating on her while she was pregnant with their son! She has a girl from a previous relationship..her father died in a car wreck & this guy has been a father to her! Anyway now my daughter is so depressed all the time, has been left with no car, no job, no self estem, etc. My husband & I have both been very ill for the past few year's..me with cancer & he almost died of internal bleeding from ulcer's! We are trying to pick up the slack for his being out of their lives, He pay's NO Child support (for son) He is trying to get her to come back & is using her being broke & scared to control her. We help with her bill's & with Christmas coming are feeling so tired! I am trying to get her to file for child support & full custody! I know she still loves him & does want to try again with him, but she is to scared & upset to take that risk fully! I say fully because she has tried spending time with him & then something happen's & they are arguing! But I am at the point where I want her to do something...anything! It has been a year & she is still in the same spot with her life! I have told her that I do understand, But there is a time to stop letting the day's fly by & get up & make a change! Life is what you make it & I need mine back! We have tried to get her to put the grandkid's names on the local giving tree. But she is ashamed & scared someone will know it's them. Which once again leaves it all on me.. I can not stand to see them do without, but I also feel she knows this & has come to just expect me to make it all better! Christmas will be here soon & it's all on me to make sure the babies have one. I have not been able to tell anyone that I have to go back in for more test & may have cancer again! I love my daughter & I will NEVER let her & the kid's do without! But, what about my life, nerves, sanity...etc..etc.. I know some will say I'm an enabler for her not to do what need's to be done... I already know that, but can not walk away when babies are involved! 
  • singedwingangel
    Posts: 8Member
    As a mom who has my kids on the Angel Tree because I know how that feels, you need to let her know that their names are NEVER made public, not even to the person buying them the gifts. They are simply listed by sex , age, wants and a number. That is how the gifts will also arrive.
    Sit her down and be honest. Trust me I have a 19 yr old bipolar who I had to put out of my home because he was continually going back to this girl who has done him every way but right. Sometimes they have to have someone take a step for them, be that making her apply for help or jobs. I think she has lost faith in herself which is a hard thing to overcome. Especially if she lost one man and the other didn't treat her right.
  • ImWendyImWendy
    Posts: 6,561Member
    I went through what your daughter is going through when my xh cheated and left. It's HARD. It kills you on the inside. That being said, you can't make her get better. She has to want to get better. One thing that pushed me was knowing my parents couldn't help me much financially. I had to get a job!

    Is she getting any therapy? It helped me a lot, but an anti-depressant helped even more.

    I think you need to tell her that you have to have more tests, and be honest with her about your feelings. Tell her you're sympathetic to her situation, but you can't afford to keep supporting her. Tell her you can only do it for so much longer, like 2 months. If this guy cared about her or his kid, he'd at least be helping her out financially.

    Maybe you can offer to let the kids stay with you until she finds a job? Feeling like she's taking control of her own life again really will help her get back to a healthy place! I know it's hard, but sometimes people need a little more motivation to help themselves.
    deus ex machina
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,315
    yo are going to have to push her. i don't think she realizes what a burden she is putting on you. sounds like she is stuck in "helpless/hopeless". insist. tell her you can't afford to support her, and make her do it. she needs to hear it straight.
  • ImWendyImWendy
    Posts: 6,561Member
    ^^^ Agreed!
    deus ex machina
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,037Member
    why the hell hasn't she filed for child support?
    ~slim shady~
  • ImWendyImWendy
    Posts: 6,561Member
    I bet it's because she wants him back, and since they're talking, is afraid that he won't want her anymore if she does. I think he's actually just manipulating her into letting him off child support. A REAL man doesn't need a court order to make him provide for his kids.
    deus ex machina
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