How do formerly single moms do it??

notjustamom

I'm a single mom of 2 boys (11 & 9). I've been single since their dad left when I was 6 mo pg with ds9. When my youngest was about a year old I went out on a few dates with a guy (turned out to be kind of a freak). I haven't been on a date since - unless you count the occasional booty calls with exhole that ended about 3 years ago. I just don't know how to get back out there. I like being single - being independent, not having to answer to anyone but myself - but I really miss having someone. I miss having sex most of all - I used to be a very sexual person, always up for new things.
So I guess my question is how did you do it? How did you find the time to put yourself out there in between working and taking care of the kids? Online dating scares me - afraid I'll hook up with an ax murderer or something. Thanks in advance :)

godseeker

Make it a point to go out at least once or twice a month, yes babysitters are expensive, but,,, they are waaaay cheaper than therapy. You've got to make "you" time a priority just as much as you do your boys. I have 4 sons ages 26,17,14 and 3.

And the best advice I've ever got was 1. Anyone you date is a potential mate and therefore also a father-figure for your child., Choose very carefully.

2.For the love of God, ASK FOR HELP, and take it

silken

I had a sitters. In fact, i had a teenager--who I would take my daughter too on weekends. Sometimes I would go shopping and sometimes I would go home and get some rest.

I met some nice guys on line I looked at it as a way to control when and where if I ever met someone. I could also get a sense if the guy could write a decent letter and use decent grammar. I also greet that anyone you date is a potential father figure to your child. I know with my daughter I would go and meet a guy at a resturant but he was not introduced to my daughter. I realized early on that she would get attached to him and if I broke up with him it would be hard for her to understand.

Remember that your kids need to see that you take time for you. If they see that everything revolves around them they will grow to think that is the way it is suppose to be. You need to love yourself and take care of yourself. You deserve it hon.

Ms_JAQ

I guess my situation is a little different to yours in that my ex is still in the picture and we share custody of our daughter 60/40 so I use the time I have when she's with him to date etc. I found dating online was a good option in the early days as at that point I had my daughter 80% of the time. I would use lonely evenings at home (after DD was asleep) to chat online and screen potential dates and this meant that I didn't have to waste free nights trying to meet men in bars. Instead I could schedule dates with men I was reasonably interested in for those nights. I get your fears about online dating and they are totally valid but if your smart and cautious then you should be ok. Just remember to go slowly and use your common sense. Meet him somewhere public and don't give out too much information too fast. I didn't give any of the men I met more then my first name and mobile number until I was sure they weren't a freak. I wouldn't even be friends with them on facebook. And I never ever brought anyone home until I found someone I was serious about. Even if you don't want to meet any of these guys just knowing that you're still attractive and desirable may help - it did for me.

You could also ask friends to fix you up and again they do the screening which saves you time and you can meet them in a safe place i.e dinner at said friends house.

The good thing for you is that your kids are a bit older and starting to become more independent. Hopefully they have some friends they can go have sleepovers with or hang out with on weekends so you get a break. Maybe work out a system with a couple of friends where you all take turns babysitting for free so everyone gets a chance to have a regular night off without too much expense. Also remember that it won't be long before your eldest is old enough to start looking after his brother, maybe start with just a few hours during the day on a weekend while you go get a coffee and build up to night time babysitting (with a trustworthy neighbour on call just in case).