Sexting with your Husband
  • Coconuts
    Posts: 29Member

    A few months ago I sent my husband a picture of me in some lingerie. It was not too revealing and did not include my face.  I first sent him a text and said "What are you wearing?"  Then I sent the picture with a caption that read "This is what I am wearing"  He had been out with friends for a couple of hours and was due home anytime.  I figured that would prompt him to come home soon.  I lit some candles and waited in the bedroom.  How wrong I was.  Hours later I fell asleep in tears. My husband never brought it up.


     


    A few weeks later I sent him a slighty racy text again nothing too out of line.  No response.  I finally broke down and asked him what was up and he told me it was trashy. I'm baffled.  We used to go to strip clubs and watch porn together before we were married.  Now all of that is tabu?


     


    I'm looking for some feedback.  You ladies are generally pretty level headed on the MB.  Sex once every 8 weeks is killing me.  Nothing is working on spicing it up.

  • lynnw
    Posts: 2Member
    Oh, I am so sorry!  Most husbands would rush home after a sext from their wife.  Nothing can be trashy between a husband and wife in a monogomous (spelling?) relationship.  Sounds like a fun thing between a husband and wife.  You should definitely be having sex more often if you are wanting it.
  • MomofALL
    Posts: 1Member
    "Nothing can be trashy between a husband and wife in a monogomous (spelling?) relationship.  " - exactly! 

    I am so sorry! He may be hiding something? You may want to talk to him further about it, the worse thing to do in a relationship is hold things in. Speak up. You have every right to be happy. 


  • ChibikoChibiko
    Posts: 3,329Member
    I sext my DH all the time. Just today I sent him a tittie shot, a close up of my hard nipple and a crotch shot. Now we both can't wait till he gets home and we can put the kids to bed (hopefully early).
    "We all cross over to the dark side at one point. We just all have different temptations" ~MarySunshine

    "You were the truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all" ~Death Cab for Cutie
  • ChibikoChibiko
    Posts: 3,329Member
    Oh and if some 15 yo boy would ever come across the SD card in my phone it'd be his wet dream for months.
    "We all cross over to the dark side at one point. We just all have different temptations" ~MarySunshine

    "You were the truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all" ~Death Cab for Cutie
  • GlitterQueen GlitterQueen
    Posts: 2,491Member
    how would he feel with just dirty talk?
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,125Member
    That is wrong of him to make u feel bad for wanting to be a little naughty. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. I have never heard of a man being offended by that, he should feel lucky as hell to have a wife willing to do things like that. It is not trashy if its within a relationship. Sounds like there is something going on with him since he used to like things like that.
    ~slim shady~
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,125Member
    Also I think it was pretty cruel of him to not respond and then not come home for hours. He knew u were wanting some loving. And to just never say anything about it... Seems awfully strange.
    ~slim shady~
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    I don't want to scare you, but he may be hiding something... I really hope not, but most men would love the sexting.  It's actually a fairly innocent way of spicing things up.  I'm so sorry he's making you feel this way.
  • ImWendyImWendy
    Posts: 6,529Member
    Hmm.

    I wonder if his parents hid everything emotional or sexual from him. He might think that's only what you do with women you don't respect. You should talk to him more and see where this is coming from. And if he still doesn't want to, you probably need to try to respect that. If there was some sexual act you were very uncomfortable with, you wouldn't want him to try to force you to do it.

    I don't think it means he's hiding anything, though. That seems like jumping to conclusions to me. And depending on his phone, it might pop right up with the pic on the screen, which could be embarrassing to him if someone was sitting right there.

    Just saw the part about every 8 weeks. Is he having some medical problem you might not know about?
    deus ex machina
  • PurpleFlowersPurpleFlowers
    Posts: 6,043Member
    I never sexted with my husband, but after he left, I've been doing it a lot with someone else. As a matter of fact, I just took some racy pics and sent them. Waiting for a response as I write this ;-)
    Stay away from my chocolate and nobody gets hurt!

    I think I like who I am becoming...
  • AnonUser29
    Posts: 1,157Guest
    I tried once and all I got was a "lol."
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    Did you send it to the right number?
  • serenitynowserenitynow
    Posts: 2,210Member
    My extent of sexting is telling dh fuck u when i'm angered by him
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    Late to this so you might have already figured something out, but a slightly different take, does any of his other behavior suggest a bit of the Virgin Mary complex?  I think it has a real name, but I can't recall.  Sometimes husbands start to see their wives as their children's mother, some untouchable, pure mother figure.  Sex every 8 weeks and thinking sexy pics are too trashy ping my radar.  (I've had two friends go through this.)  Also, one of the things he might be hiding that people don't often think of is a porn addiction.  I tweeted a link about that a few weeks ago, lemme see if I can find it.  Yep.  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2062466/Confessions-online-porn-junkie.html  Money bit:
    I’m becoming increasingly convinced that the buzz I get from using internet porn is diminishing my ability to emotionally invest in a woman. It’s not that I don’t want to fall in love, but I’m beginning to feel like I don’t need to. If the sex life I’m having vicariously online is better than the sex life I might be having in the real world, then I’m not sure what the incentive is.


  • Coconuts
    Posts: 29Member
    You always want to hope nothing is going on. I snoop just to be sure. He may just be good at hiding it but I really don't think he has the time. I pretty much know where he is most of the time.

    The every 8 weeks thing has been going on for years. It is definately not a medical thing. He can drink a ton and still go for hours. Comes up all the time in counselling. Even the therapist tells him to step it up and see how my attitude changes around the house. I tried the sexting to spice things up. I tried lingerie and candles and he scoffed at that. I am at my wits end. We had a great sex life even after the kids.

    I also sent him a shot of my boobs - just the clevage no response. I did learn my lesson to delete those when my 5 YO found it on my phone. He has a personal phone in addition to his work phone so the phone is not it.

    Anon in London might be on to something with the porn. When we do have sex he has this move where he flips me over closes his eyes and sticks his fingers in my mouth. I hate it. I feel like I'm in a porno. Its fun every now and then but when you're emotionally drained and getting it only every 8 weeks (mostly so I will stop begging) it's not the move you want.

    BTW you guys are coming up with great suggestions!
  • Carynm29
    Posts: 7Member
    This situation needs looking into further!! What man wouldn't like sexy texts???? Or what man would only want to have sex every 8 weeks???? You must realize something is wrong. I would have him followed one night when he goes out. Seriously. I would.
  • breezybreezy
    Posts: 3,465Member
    sticks em in your mouth? Why? I don't get it...

    Maybe take charge of the sex... he might like it and you won't get your fingers in your mouth.
  • RaahemeRaaheme
    Posts: 63Member
    @breezy: the soft feeling of a tongue is erotic. If fantasies are playing out in his mind then he may be imagining a BJ
  • Hopey0_0Hopey0_0
    Posts: 169Member
    i'm so sorry @coconuts ! try having sex around the house like in the kitchen, on top of the washer, in the living room. just to switch it up, sometimes routine can get boring. Since you are having sex only once every 8 weeks try like initiating it more often? if all else fails come out and ask him straight forward if something else is going on.
  • Coconuts
    Posts: 29Member
    Tired that Hoeyo_o. I quit initiating because the rejection was tearing me apart. It was worse than not having it at all. I've tried asking him and I get vague stares and non answers. In therapy he says it is directly related to my behavior. If I yell at him he doesn't want sex. I'm no angel but I'm not a psycho either. Thinking about asking him to go to a sex therapist instead of marriage counseling.
  • breezybreezy
    Posts: 3,465Member
    Do you make his dinner? Start slipping him some viagra in his soup.>:)
  • DemandaDemanda
    Posts: 5,920Member
    Oh, @Coconuts, "I quit initiating because the rejection was tearing me apart" - that could've been me when I was married saying that.  I know how awful that feels, I'm so sorry.
    I think sex therapy is a great idea.  I tried to get my ex to go, he wouldn't.  I tried to bring it up with our marraige counsellor and he got mad.  I knew already that he had been molested as a teen and thought maybe that had something to do with his lack of a sex drive.  I too got called trashy if I tried to spice things up a bit.  I hope you guys can work it out.  *HUGS*
    "The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off." ~ Gloria SteinemPhotobucket
  • DemandaDemanda
    Posts: 5,920Member
    I don't know why my post looks like that...
    "The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off." ~ Gloria SteinemPhotobucket
  • Catalysttryst
    Posts: 3Member
    OMG ME TOO! we are in a LDR, which is tough to start with. We used to have sex all the time when we saw each other but then it kinda just stopped. We starting to sext back and forth, and even when we were visiting each other but away from each other for a bit..but hed be all into it then when we were face to face..NOTHING! we go weeks without sex (and not for lack of seeing each other!). He's never told me it was trashy, he seems just as into as me, but when it comes down to "doing something"he acts completely uninterested and acts like the "foreplay" never happened! Ive tried dressing up for him and stopped that pretty quick when he rejected it(after saying how hot it would make him). I love him with all my heart but I've stopped initiating.he knows I wont say no to him,but I dont have that in return..so I cant justify putting myself out there like that anymore. I wish I had answers or suggestions for you..but I dont...I'm just in a similar boat and feel your pain! I know how your hurting and am sending you a *hug* from far away! I hope you two can work past this and get back to a healthier, happier position!
  • breezybreezy
    Posts: 3,465Member
    Ever play hard to get?... It's cliche but it gets dh more worked up when I try to turn him down. It might be hard to go of for 16 weeks if it back fires though. :/
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    no offense but your husband sounds like kind of uhh....conservative. not fun. i think sexting in a marriage is totally playful and fun- i don't see why marriage should equal the death of a fun, playful sex life. next thing he's gonna say any other position except missionary is trashy.
  • sdu49
    Posts: 11Member
    Men are fantastic liars - how many women do you hear about having 3 wives in 2 different states with 6 children between them?  they're all men. Most guys would have a boner that wouldn't quit until they got home. I'm old, saggy, and fat and my husband would love me to sext him (thank god his eyesight is going). I don't because I'm so depressed and it's not something I"m comfortable doing.
  • AnonUser24
    Posts: 2,594Guest
    Hugs babe >:D<
  • junebugjunebug
    Posts: 255Member
    We're sexters, and have loads of dirty pics on our phones too. Just a tip for any of you if you're interested...we have Vaulty installed on our phones. Its an app that you can automatically store pics onto that reqires a password to get into (there are other apps similar). We have older kids who have on occasion used our phone to play a game or make a call...didn't want dad's cock showing up when searching for a game to play !
  • junebugjunebug
    Posts: 255Member
    @chikbo your post about boys made me think of Vaulty...I broke my phone once and had to bring it in...had many photos of myself and of course the guy at sprint nicely transferred my photos to my new phone...prior to Vaulty. So, yeah, he got an eyeful
  • ChibikoChibiko
    Posts: 3,329Member
    lol @junebug when I got my new phone the guy transferred all my pic too.  I kept trying to distract him with a convo so he wasn't getting an eye full.  I bet they get that all the time though. 

    And yeah, I'd seriously freak if something happened to my phone.  Too many pics fo sho.
    "We all cross over to the dark side at one point. We just all have different temptations" ~MarySunshine

    "You were the truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all" ~Death Cab for Cutie
  • AnonUser24
    Posts: 2,594Guest
    Thanks for the tip @junebug :)
  • lala036
    Posts: 1Member
    I sext my husband all the time when he is at work and though he doesnt often respond with more than an ok or kay when he comes home he tells me about the big smile he walked around with all day or how he read my messages like ten times. He says he really appreciates them but that he doesnt really respond to them because he cant be walking around a bunch.of men at work with a hard on. He just shows me how much he enjoyed it when were at home in bed. Its really the best pcave for it because the loving is sooooooo much better and hotter.
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member
    I keep reading the thread title and thinking, "Oh, no you're not!" (sexting with *my* husband) He almost never carries the cell phone. 
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    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell