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War on the school front!
  • mrsbehavinky
    Posts: 13Member
    Im at a loss today! So let me go back about 3 months ago I sent my son to the corner for hitting while "serving his time" he starts mouthing and calls me a fuckin bitch,, DH jerks him up pops him twice on his ass with a belt... typical right.Well 2 days later we get pulled out of the carpool line and interegated by social sercives and a fuck nut cop who not only calls me a liar and tells me I am protecting an abuser but tells DH "I should put ur ass in jail and let some one beat the hell out of u so u know what it feels like to be abused!!" Apparently what happen was in the process of his ass busting he wiggled and he got a 1inch bruise on his thigh beside his butt. We talked to the "former beauty queen principal" about this. 20 days later a s. worker knocks on my door stating someone from school reported my same child having a black eye... I called my son to the door had him say hi so she could check on him etc.. nothing that could even resemble a black eye... I went to the school laid it out and asked for suggestions.. the principal who is supposed to be a special needs specialist suggested i put him in a refrigerator box for time out.. (that is what she did in her old school in GA)..15 days later s. worker shows up again.. a bruise on his ankle and his story was the reason... he told his principal we made him sleep in the laundry room. In fact i did tell him "You are going to give me 10 minuted of peace i dont care if you stay out there all night.." he did fall asleep in front of the dryer and like typical parents we moved him to his bed!  When I told the s. worker we are trying to work with his school but they are making it difficult.. I informed her of his principals suggestions her response was "OMG that is child abuse! You cant stick a kid in a box..." DUH! "I know this is BS but I have to do my job and investigate whats on my desk but in my opinion they are wasting my time and yours." So I decide to swap schools.. announced this week would b their last on wensday...yesterday a teacher put her hands on my 5 yr old son hard enough to leave a red mark... so i marched to my local pd who pretty much refused to let me press charges! they didnt even take my name down or write what happened! I am so mad... the board of eduction said "we will look into it" which is there way of getting me out their door. UGH!! Im mad
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,614
    So glad my children are grown. I understand. When my kids were in school it wasn't as bad as now, but far from good. I had one teacher tell me my daughter must not feel loved at home because she didn't raise her hand enough in class! Huh? They had a counselor come in and ask her too many questions and of course she was very shy and refused to answer. They took that as some kind of guilt on my part. The questions were things like "What names do your parents call you when they are mad?" , "What do they fight about?" " What do you do when you are angry?" on and on and on! Then when you try to justify your actions etc. they say it is a sign of guilt? The whole time there are children that are truely in danger and nothing gets done. I hate teachers!
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,614

    I work in a school.  Kids with bruises from parents set off red flags, sorry they just do.  My husband was abused as a child, he had bruises and no one did anything for him.  Neither extreme is ok, but schools are mandated reporters, they don't have a choice and if they saw a bruise and did nothing and then there ended up being a serious problem they would be on the hook for not reporting. 


    It sucks that the world we live in is like this though, ti's a mess. 

  • mrsbehavinky
    Posts: 13Member
     I understand investigating bruises... I would have just let it go with the first report like i told them the first time its their job and id rather them investigate and it turn out as nothing rather than miss a child that needed help... BUT... the second time there was no bruise at all and the third time the bruise was on his ankle were he ran out on the wet deck sock footed an slid under the rail (not a critical part of the body for one to even suspect abuse) & my kids have been at the same school for years! This only became a problem when te new principal came in... so if they can report me for a mark why can i not press charges against a teacher for leaving red marks, now bruises, on my son? Then they give suggestions themselves that are merited aschild abuse! UGH!

  • MarySunshineMarySunshine
    Posts: 5,449Member
    I think your school sounds a little overboard, especially with the nonexistent black eye.

    I taught for 3 years...I know schools like to cover their asses, and as teachers (at least in NJ) we were bound by law to report suspicious bruises and the like to DYFS. Even if we did it anonymously, if we had any inkling that something was going on we were instructed to report it. If something was found to be going on and there was a possibility we knew about it and DIDN'T report it we would lose our jobs, not to mention face lawsuits.

    I think your school is going a bit overboard. Did you have any run ins with this principal before this began? Any run ins with the faculty prior to this? It's disappointing and aggravating, but teachers and admin are human and just as susceptible to petty grudges as everyone else.

    I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope the new school/district works out better for you all!
    I'm as sexy as a burp mid-kiss. Watch out!

  • ImWendyImWendy
    Posts: 6,562Member
    OMG. Call the news. Show them the pics of the marks the teacher left on your son. Go to the highest person at the PD.
    deus ex machina
  • mrsbehavinky
    Posts: 13Member
    no run ins at all.. the principal came in about 3 weeks after school started no priors with teachers we were by every teachers definition of a "non problematic" family... my special needs son has progressed by leaps and bounds over the last year.. his resource teacher (who is the only consistant teacher he has had for 4 years) sends us post cards & drops by for "non school related" visits with my son while school is not in session telling us what wonderful parents we are and more parents should be as dedicated as we are and we love her! (This school is not in our home district! its over 20 minutes away.. I drive him back & forth everyday because it has the best special needs program in the area.) I understand grudges but NORMAL people do not do things to endanger a family. I have had teachers sign my name to permission forms, school fundraisers etc. (Example: My son was doing the magazine sales & if he brought the form in the next day they got a little toy... after hours of bad mouthing etc. I refused to sign the form to punish him.. the thing he cared about most at the time... he came home from school with the toy anyway! They have allowed him to play outside when I specifically told them not to, given him candy even though too much sugar makes him crazy and I have specifically told them unless its a special occasion like a party he is to have no extra sugar during the day! UGH! But I do understand mandating and investigations but where is the line drawn between reasonable cause and harassment!?
  • mrsbehavinky
    Posts: 13Member
    @soupermom hes 10 soon to b 11  5ft tall and about 110 lbs he stands to my shoulders
  • MalmqukMalmquk
    Posts: 638Member
    It's like it in England too...

    Alf did a buzz light year off of the sofa and ended up with a cricket bll lump on his head, and his face erupted in blood blisters. Being the 1st time I ran him to a&e to check it out as was huge, and they called in the social workers !

    Even tried to claim a thumb print size bruise on his tummy was a bruise and it's a bloody birth mark !!!!
  • mrsbehavinky
    Posts: 13Member
    First... we did go to the school when language started about 2 years ago... they were no help! Second, no one is going to tell me i cannot spank my child PERIOD! The problem is most kids are not spanked enough and I am not going to hurt my hand just to have a child turn around laugh and tell me "That didn't hurt!" and go back to doing what he was doing. So yes in this case a belt was in order... that punishment is reserved as a "last resort" and the executive judge agrees with us.. I'm sorry I got my ass busted with coat hangers, water hoses, wire ends of fly swatters, switches etc... I respect my elders. I NEVER spoke out of line to my parents until I became at least 25 years old. I show compassion I am humble and I know humility... why because I knew I'd get my butt busted! So other than BS time out what can we do? allow him to pass a potty mouth to his younger siblings? Hell NO! I appreciate your feed back but its not right for you to judge a situation you have never been put into and say we are 100% that is wrong and is small minded... spanking regardless of using your hand or an object does not show out of control behavior on a parents part it shows we are in control of him regardless of if he likes it or not. Now if it had been an out right lashing yea thats different...


    And FYI we quit spanking for awhile just to be sure no other accidents would happen.. we were met with I'm tellin the police etc... My DS made the comment "I'm telling the cops and you wont ever see ... (he proceeded to name my younger kids) ever again! Made our life crap until we had a police officer friend explain that we can spank them and they have to listen
  • luvin3babies
    Posts: 216Member
     @mrsbehavinky i have a DS9 that is giving me alot of trouble. luckly he doesnt cuss at me, YET. bbut he does tell me to shut up, calls me a butt, yells, hits. and weve done the dr thing and hes fine just stuborn/rude. i know the hopeless feeling. we work with him as best we can but its frustrating!! so no advise from me hopefully ill get some from this thread
  • momof4momof4
    Posts: 324Member

     


    @itgetsbetter I disagree.. there is nothing wrong with swatting your kids on the ass with your hand when they deserve it! I do agree that belts and other objects should never be used. But maybe if kids got more swats on the ass then there wouldn't be so many damn juvinille delinquints!! Kids have to much power now a days because of school,cps etc. Then courts tell the parents well it's your problem you deal with it. Until your paying my bills and supporting my kids MY HOUSE MY RULES!! My 15 year old came home and something happend and i swatted her ass and she threatened to call the cops I told her go a head you have from the time u call til they get here to be with me and i'm gonna make the call worth it. I am not gonna set there and let my kids walk all over me and have more power than i have. I do both sides of the punishment fence. I take stuff away and ground them etc but for the big offences they get a swat on the ass. and no my kids aren't scared of me or any of that other bullshit. It's been probably 2 years or greater since one of my girls needed a swat. My girls 15,14,12 and 9 are well behaved and get compliments all the time. I respect my daughters and they respect me and they know when i say something i mean it.You may disagree with me and that's fine.

  • InsanityandChaosInsanityandChaos
    Posts: 1,925Member
    I think I would change schools too. As far as whether or not it's ok to spank, or use a belt, I honestly believe that it is different for every kid. Some kids just do not respond to anything else. I fully agree with a comment I heard from that celebrity doctor who's always on tv. Dr. Drew I guess he is, the rehab guy or whatever. He said physical punishments are not abusive or causing long term harm as long as there is equal love and positive reinforcement in the home as well. I agree with that, it makes sense. Time outs don't work with my son. However neither do spankings. Frankly, the only kind of discipline that ever works with my son could probably be considered far more harmful than a spanking because it's emotional blackmail basically. I have to tell him how sad he makes me when he's bad, or that I'm mad or really disapointed with him get him to stop behaving however he's behaving.
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,891Confessional Manager
    I agree with you @mynahbird.

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 5,265
    Without reading the  whole thing, I'm NOT anti-spanking. I think its a necessary means. HOWEVER..... With a belt? Are you SERIOUS? and left a bruise? Too much. Too much. I cannot even comment on anything else, that is wrong.
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 5,265
    @MammaTeeRoll, I 100% agree with everything you said..
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,891Confessional Manager
    LOL I just pictured you running after a grown man with a belt. LOVE IT!

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • babycakes
    Posts: 109Member
    In most states hitting a child with an object resulting in a physical injury (such as a bruise) is physical abuse as defined by law. Your "ass busting" is not typical, having CPS involved with you 3 times over the past 3 months is not typical, having the police refuse to assist you is not typical. Talk to your social worker about what changes s/he thinks you need to make for you and your family. Try to have an open mind because whatever is going with you and your kids now clearly isn't working well. I fully understand I don't have all the details here but it really sounds like you might need some better support to understand more effective ways of managing your kids challenging behaviors. I'm sure you love your kids very much. Poor choices, that we all make as moms (to whatever extent), have nothing to do with how much we love our kids.
  • NoDramaMamaNoDramaMama
    Posts: 134Member
    Besides the spanking debate (I don't do it because I just don't like doing it & I tell my kids that, too. "Stop! Because I hate spanking but I will do it!!"), I think that your principal has made up her mind that your child is being abused & once that happens, she's not likely to walk away from it so I say right on on moving to a new school. We had our 3 year old once in a preschool program & she tells her teacher that we made her eat socks (???) and she turned us in, I was beyond livid!!! I'm sorry, but children who are in fact abused, have CLEAR signs of it in behavior as well as visible marks. Common sense people!!
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,614

    I agree with mamateeroll.  I would beat the crap out of DH with a belt if he ever hit our son with a belt.  I was hit with belts and spoons as a kid and while it may have worked in that minute I always resented it and found other "ways" to act out.

    I also think switching schools is the best option because they have already made up their mind about your family.  Good luck!

  • LoveLove
    Posts: 12,968Administrator, Moderator
    We spank rarely, I can't even remember the last time, I know it's been years...
    But I'm telling you right now, if ANY of my older kids (10,11,12,13) called me a 'fucking bitch'...someone would probably need to call CPS. I won't stand for it, my husband won't stand for it, it's NOT going to be tolerated, and I can't even imagine that any of mine would go there in the first place.

    My daughter, when she was around 9, was grounded once, when her bestest little girlfriend was having a birthday party. She begged and pleaded, but she was grounded. She wrote in her notebook :"momma is an evil bitch"...
    My son, because he's a right stand up little guy (lol) brought it to me, and I made her write 1000 times "I will respect my mother."

    community-manager


  • NoDramaMamaNoDramaMama
    Posts: 134Member
    @Love, LMAO~!!!
  • SammieSammie
    Posts: 7,359Administrator, Moderator
    Agreed @mamateeroll and @babycakes.

    Also you mentioned your child has special needs, could it be that traditional discipline methods are not going to be successful because he doesn't fully understand what's going on?

    This whole post left me feeling very very uneasy and a bit woozy in the stomach.

    community-manager


  • LoveLove
    Posts: 12,968Administrator, Moderator
    @Sammie I missed that. I'm cheating on my taxes with Scary Mommy in another tab lol

    What kind of special needs? 

    It's true not all children respond the same way to the same type of discipline. Even in the same household. I can raise my voice to Grace, and she'd cry, but you could beat one of these boys with a lead pipe and he wouldn't care. You have to take away his precious. <---said in that creepy Gollum voice.

    community-manager


  • SammieSammie
    Posts: 7,359Administrator, Moderator
    I gotcha at @mamateeroll. Even switching schools, the files will follow and the social worker assigned to the case usually follows as well.

    @love, OP mentioned it in her 3rd comment on this thread. I had to go back and check to verify...not enough coffee yet. ;)

    community-manager


  • LoveLove
    Posts: 12,968Administrator, Moderator
    @Sammie Gotcha! I don't know why, but I read that as a different kid. Definitely not enough coffee for me yet either! 

    community-manager


  • AnonUser24
    Posts: 2,610Guest
    This kind of shit makes me sick and angry. I completely disagree with using any kind of weapon to hit *anyone with, let alone a child. And an excellent point was made- if your 15 year old (!) Still "needs" spankings... Its obviously not working! Btw... As a 15 year old girl I would turn around and beat whoevers ass who tried to lay hands on me!!! WITH whatever weapon they tried beating me with. Just because you are a parent and happen to be bigger and stronger does not make it ok to beat your child into submission.
  • momof4momof4
    Posts: 324Member

     


    @mynabird If you read more carefully on my post i said it's been a few years since i've had to spank .


    And that It's used as a LAST resort. So spanking does work when it's not over used!  I'm tired of going to school,stores and any other public places and seeing kids of all ages acting like spoiled,disrespectful little brats. I agree with @InsanityandChaos if you show just as much love and respect as you do punishment to even things out then an occasional spanking isn't gonna scar a kid for life. And no one else better lay a hand on my child not even other family members. They can discipline them but I and only I do spankings and my husband. it's a flat hand and 2 swats at most EVER. It's all about finding the right balance for every kid and family. We've found what works for us and will contiue with it. All I have to do is change my voice and generally that's all it takes because they know how far to go. All 4 dd are on high honor roll and honor roll and they do it on their own. Only thing i do every night is ask do you have homework. they say yes i say get it done and that's it. I can't take credit for the good or the bad grades that's all them. They have responsibilites around the house to. I'm not their maid and they make messes so they can help keep the house clean. I make mistakes,they make mistakes and all we can do is learn from them. I'll take 50 girls like mine anyday!!! Compared to 1 spoiled,undciplined,swearing one.


     

  • LifeinIDaho
    Posts: 3Member
    spanking happens.  it shouldn't be the first tactic you use to change behavior.  But we used it when there were very serious consequences if their behavior didn't stop.  It did not have to happen often.  Sometimes, using words too much, especially if you have a special needs child who may not have the auditory ability to process, doesn't work.

    Most of the time, for us, time outs worked.  The worst one was in the shopping mall.  I plunked my 2nd grader down in the corner of a window between two stores in the mall and went and sat on a bench with my other daughter until she calmed down.

    yup, got funny looks, yes, even some disapproving looks, but I was parenting.  I was not going to let the bad behavior continue.  

    I am also a school teacher.  Yes, we are mandated reporters.  Yes, there are probably things I could report if I let my personal opinion get in the way of common sense, but instead I monitor.  I have 1st graders.  Changes in their learning and behavior are a bit more obvious in nature.  Plus the fact that most of them are so blatantly honest and tell me much more than I should know.  The ones I worry about are the ones who don't talk. 

    Some schools go over the edge of common sense.    

    One year I had a student in my class that was in another school the year before.  The child hated school because of that teacher and the bad relationship the teacher had with him and his parents.  So when he came to my room, we had to chip the ice.  I had to work around parents that probably did not exude perfect parenting...let alone a perfect marriage.  But would calling in social services improve that situation more than creating a place in my classroom where he felt loved, appreciated, and smart.  That way if he needs me, he knows I'm there? 
  • momof4momof4
    Posts: 324Member

    @mynahbird sorry yeah it was wrote poorly on my part and it was like 2 seperate stories in one. on a whole seperate note i'm in bitch mode cause of having extra company for to long. On that note I still stand by everything I said thow.


    But even at 15 they forget and get a little to big for their britches and can still need a swat!! 

  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,614
    If you hit your kids with a belt you are a bad parent- PERIOD!

     And frankly, if you left the kid in the garage until he fell asleep, you likely did leave him in there too long.

    I am an ESE teacher and I think spanking special needs kids is disgusting, personally and professionally. However, I don't think the original post says her child is spacial needs.

    And in my state, leaving a bruise in any manner while "punishing" a child is consider jailable child abuse.
  • babycakes
    Posts: 109Member
    @chocoholic I totally agree. Postings from open online forums are prompting more and more initial investigations with CPS and are being used in lots of trials where parental rights are concerned. And as mentioned, teachers are mandated reporters- so they will likely continue to call CPS with their concerns. I doubt moving to another school will fix the issue. The only thing I have to add is that, as mandated reporters, teachers are not allowed to file their reports anonymously and their info is loaded onto the system. **It is illegal to file false reports with CPS. So if the family is actually being targeted by the school (or for example other people who have vindictive reports file by ex's etc) there is a clear paper trail. Depending on the state- teachers can also be investigated by CPS for abuse because they are considered to have a care taking role during the school day. Just keep in mind that if a parent files a FALSE report against a teacher it could end up being a pretty big issue.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,614
    i read on that the child does have special needs. this is really disgusting.
  • cammiemammie
    Posts: 7Member
    You sound SO dysfunctional... the language you use with your child for starters is where your child learned how to curse.....they knocked on your door how many times????  you left your child out of your sight for how long and was sleeping in a box......OMG I DONT KNOW YOU BUT YOU JUST BUSTED YOURSELF LADY
  • momofdbbmomofdbb
    Posts: 9,057Member
    So what we can't let our children out of our sight now?? I must have missed the sleep in a box part. Where does it say she cursed at her child.
    " Wibbly wobbly timey wimey ......." The Doctor
    " I'm a leafe on the wind..watch how I soar ." Wash :((
    " Oh the wall had it comming.' Sherlock Holmes
    yea I am geek !!
  • LLB
    Posts: 3,319Member
    Gotta love pulling up old threads to ream someone out without actually reading what she wrote... She never said any of the things you claim she said! In fact the principle told her to put her child in a box.

    Also She hasn't been on here since January, I have a feeling she will never read this.
  • momofdbbmomofdbb
    Posts: 9,057Member
    Lol I was wondering !! Where she got that info , it made no sence to me. :-/
    " Wibbly wobbly timey wimey ......." The Doctor
    " I'm a leafe on the wind..watch how I soar ." Wash :((
    " Oh the wall had it comming.' Sherlock Holmes
    yea I am geek !!
  • mama2tutnkcmama2tutnkc
    Posts: 1,039Member
    I was like.. "what?!? ... spanking debate AGAIN? ?! are you kidding me?!" Lol
    feels like *home* to me
  • mericksmom
    Posts: 388Member
    We had this happen to a mom  I know. It was for her adopted daughter with behavior issues. (basically moved home to home only because of the behavior, a liar,etc)  She was in luck and had the case worker and all the information from the adoption and what not to back her up. But when the cops and CPS and school all  come together it is harder on you because they will watch him and ask him question about home life, just to double check. If he is at that stage where he is lying or exaggerating that bad you may want to take him to counseling. Or start writing a detailed report of behavior and discipline given... and if need be pictures with time stamps.  I wish you the best and hope it doesnt get worse for you.
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