My father molested me and my sister as kids...
  • Supergirl
    Posts: 45Member
    Yes the counselor would definitely remember us and have no problem telling cps tgAt we were there.. I will do that, but I don't think it will do much. I told cps that we had gone..I really think they believe me, but horribly there is really nothing they can di
  • babycakes
    Posts: 109Member
    @supergirl I hope this doesn't feel judgmental or like I'm pressuring... because it really seems like you're doing the best you can.   But if you were to call CPS again and have enough info such as the kids name and DOB, or sisters new address/ work address or sisters license plate number... that's enough to generate a CPS investigation.  After reading what you wrote above I'm not saying some CPS investigator will be able to fix whatever pathology is going on with your sister- but it might be a really effective way of getting her new husbands attention because it will also impact his bio kids.  It might be easier to sort of brush you off as the 'crazy sister' if you go to talk with him but an investigator in his living room might be harder to ignore.  The other thing is that should you ever decide to call CPS again your allegations are "neglect of the kids by their mom."  You're not asking them to look at the history of sexual abuse, that will go no where fast (can't be proven he said she said crap) and trying to make allegations against grandfather is tricky for a few reasons. Have you ever contacted the licensing board regarding your sister?
  • Supergirl
    Posts: 45Member
    That email was written 15 years ago. I do not have it anymore. Certainly wish I did
  • Peace
    Posts: 3,230Member
    Holy crap. He basically admitted to it. Wonder if that guy has notes on that session...
  • xantipica
    Posts: 65Member
    yeah, what @curious said. ^^
    So he's a homophobe, too. what a great guy.

    You are doing a great job trying to intervene. Whenever you want to talk about it, come back on here and we will keep and eye out...I can't find that hug emoticon so ::hug::
  • Peace
    Posts: 3,230Member
    I figured..trying to come up with some ideas. Feel so bad this is all on you!
    It's bizarre!
  • chaosmomchaosmom
    Posts: 4,186Member
    @supergirl big hugs for you! I was molested as a child too (by my mom's bf) & it is something that stays with you forever. I know you will/have done everything you *can* to protect your nieces but unfortunately, what we can do is sometimes not enough. I am hoping that somehow the new hubby can at least be aware of the possible danger. Kudos to you for saying it outloud to your family because they are normally the harshest judges.
  • Supergirl
    Posts: 45Member
    My sister got her masters in counseling but then immediately got pregnant and never practiced. She now works as a guidance counselor. My parents have money- I am a single mom of 3 who gets no child support. When we initially sent the email, my father consulted with his lawyer and kept a huge binder of "documentation" about the whole thing.. We never threatened a lawsuit or anything.. I like the idea of bringing the cps worker with me to talk to her husband. I do have a bit of maybe ignorant fear that my dad will try to scare me off by getting his lawyer involved - libel? Harassment? Slander? Anything he thinks he could consider to threaten me with.. I would NOT have the money to fight that. I also have 3 kids of my own to think about and my job which is there sole support.
  • xantipica
    Posts: 65Member
    None of this constitutes libel or slander, or harrassment. You can't be punished for speaking the truth, charges like this have to be supported by proof that you made it up, and libel has to specifically be written.
  • Supergirl
    Posts: 45Member
    It is very crazy.. And being the one who no longer has any family it is very easy to start thinking what the hell is wrong with me? Noone else seems to be the least bit concerned. It's much easier to not have me around because I ruin their ability to live in denial:) my mom was abused as a child and always tells me whenever I have talked with her about it.. Oh my god get over it.. I did! I always think.. Really mom did you? Is that why you are still married to the man who you witnessed sexually abuse your daughter? THAT is why u refuse to get over it.. For my kids and my sisters if possible
  • xantipica
    Posts: 65Member
    I think you're the only one w/out something wrong....you protected your own kids!!!
    I know a lady who claims to have been abused...she wasn't....
  • Supergirl
    Posts: 45Member
    Yes those things have to be proven. But it can be very costly to go to court time and money wise. That fear will not prevent me from doing this.. It's just a concern that I hope does not happen.
  • Supergirl
    Posts: 45Member
    Thank you all for your support. And for those who were also abused. My heart goes out to you. Its a terrible thing to have your childhood taken from you. So very hard to overcome. I don't hate my father it's too exhausting but I know that he is a very sick man
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074

     sending support

  • xantipica
    Posts: 65Member
    I have to go to sleep, don't want you to feel deserted.... :(
    good luck, as useless as that feels to say!

    xoxo
  • SammieSammie
    Posts: 8,345Administrator, Moderator
    @supergirl, first I want to say that I am, from the bottom of my heart, SO sorry you had to endure this pain at the hands of your father. Secondly, you are SO brave to come here, and open up to us, like you have. That takes so much courage.

    I know you are scared shitless for your nieces and their well being. What came to mind to ME was trying to get in touch with her ex husband. Maybe he doesn't know that she is leaving his children in the hands of a sex offender? Or maybe he will care more now that they are divorced? Maybe he doesn't know as much as you thought. Just an idea. He'd have more pull than your sister's new husband. 

    Did your Dad actually admit in mediation that he did these awful things to you and your sister? If so, you could get in touch with the counselor to get a copy of those records and give those records to CPS. Then maybe they would take this case more seriously? 

    I'm honestly so sorry. I just can't imagine ever going through something like that...let alone having my siblings and mother not show one shred of support. Sickening and devastating. 

    community-manager


  • Supergirl
    Posts: 45Member
    And thank you for deleting that nasty ignorant comment..it brought tears to my eyes that someone would think or say that about me., so I am very happy it is gone!
  • Supergirl
    Posts: 45Member
    My sisters exhusband completely deserted her and the kids when they split up. No one knows where he is
  • Supergirl
    Posts: 45Member
    My dad neither admitted or denied it. He said IF he did it he must have been drunk because he has NO memory of it. He did it for YEARS. He did it to my sister one might with my mom in the bed..,in a rare moment my mom shared that with me.. But would certainly deny saying it if questioned
  • SammieSammie
    Posts: 8,345Administrator, Moderator
    @supergirl, NOBODY thinks that about you. Not even the troll who made the ignorant, misguided, hateful remark. They were obviously a lonley, hurting soul and thought that was a good way to get attention. It wasn't, obviously. I'm sorry you were exposed to that!!! Don't let it take up any space in your mind.

    That sucks about your sister's ex. Man, those girls have already had some traumatic things happen in their life. What about the old counselor you went to for mediation? Can you get those records? Or did your Dad always deny the abuse?

    community-manager


  • babycakes
    Posts: 109Member
     a good CPS investigator would be more than happy to go out with you and put your POS father in his place and knows childwelfare law and policy so well that s/he's not be at all bothered by an attorney.  I completely understand all of your concerns.  It's hard being the truth teller in an incredibly dysfunctional family.  The fact that you continue to talk about it and haven't allowed them to silence you about the abuse is (or maybe will be) a powerful message you're sending to your nieces. 
  • Supergirl
    Posts: 45Member
    My mom happened to wake up and saw my dad with my sister.. He apparently claimed he thought it was my mom . ... Yeah dad... A 6 year old girl and a huge breasted 40 something year old woman...anyone could make that mistake! :) I need to turn in too. Thanks again
  • CanadianMamaCanadianMama
    Posts: 10,374Administrator, Moderator
    Alright, now that I've had time to read through this whole thread....

    OMG, I am so unbelievably sorry you are going through any of this. It makes me sick to my stomach. Not only what your father did, but what your family and sister especially are doing now. To knowingly put innocent children in that position is disgusting, I have no idea how she could possibly be justifying that to herself.

    I don't have anything in the ways of advice, but I'm absolutely here for you if you need to talk about it, BIG BIG HUGS Lady!! 

    community-manager


  • Supergirl
    Posts: 45Member
    Yes it's hard it sucks and I am sick of it!!! But my kids have had a childhood!!!! My dad has NEVER admitted to the abuse. He apologized in general and then two days later he told us he only apologized sober would shut up and because my mom had told him too. Until the last time I saw him.. Even after the mediation and all that, my dad never stopped making inappropriate sexual comments to me when I would see him- in front of my mom... Everyone else just ignores it all - that's just dad! Aggggh!!! I lost some big lottery before I was born lol.. I need to go to bed. Night all.
  • Supergirl
    Posts: 45Member
    Not sober - *so we
  • Supergirl
    Posts: 45Member
    Hugs back to everyone :)
  • Peace
    Posts: 3,230Member
    Get some rest, hope you sleep well.

    Good choice on a user name, btw. Fits you. :)
  • AnonUser24
    Posts: 2,594Guest
    I don't know what else to say, other than I am sorry from the bottom of my heart, that you were hurt as a little girl. And I'm sorry that the people who were supposed to love and protect you, are still hurting you, by denying you the truth. I can relate to those feelings. I admire the strength you have in confronting your father, and facing all the people who won't admit the truth. I hope with all my heart and soul that your nieces will be able to have your protection. I'm so proud of you for breaking the cycle! You are amazing.
  • TexasMamaTexasMama
    Posts: 167Member
    @Supergirl--I am so sorry.
    There's a site called www.peoplefinders.com that might help you find out your sister's new last name.  I wish you all the best.