#141678 pain med addiction
  • TheHeadacheslayer
    Posts: 2,472Member
    No one knows that I'm addicted to pain medicine and now I'm afraid that the new federal reporting systems will bust me. Hate myself already enough for this.

    *HUGS* Hating yourself isn't going to fix things. I know you're scared and obviously in pain (either physical or emotional to keep using). Please find a support group :

    You can do this. It will be hard. But it will be far better than the ramifications if you get caught. I don't know if you have kids or a husband--you need to do this for YOU though.

    I have to take pain meds and I know how scared the idea of going off them is to me--so I can only imagine how frightened you are.

    I'm praying for you. Check in anonymously if you can. We're here for you.
  • mommydeliriousmommydelirious
    Posts: 4,415Member
    Iv been there, and it is possible to quit. If you can, fess up to someone in real life that you trust and who would be supportive and find some support. I still struggle with addictive personality, have to keep a close check on myself but am not taking those effing pills everyday of my life to feel "normal" anymore!
  • ohjoyohjoy
    Posts: 89Member
    I wish you luck, the first step is admitting right?
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    i have actually signed out to post this.  Although I have smoked a cigarette, or done a "street drug" in my life, I am/was a chronic pain patient who was prescribed methadone for 13 years. I hated being on it, but I couldn't imagine getting off it...until...my doc said I failed his drug screen, gave me another prescription, and fired me.  For the first while, I didn't bother doing anything, thinking it would be easy to get another doc. What a joke! No one would even see me once they saw that i "failed" his drug screen.  Finally had one day's worth of pills left....I was completely desparate. I contacted a psychiatrist who specialized in addiction.  He put me on a short term opiate for a week and then on suboxone.  The week with the short term was pretty bad, I'm not going to lie. But as soon as I got that suboxone in me, I feel like a completely different person. I'm no longer so drowsy, and I have NO cravings at all.  It has been three weeks since I have been on methadone, and I really am fine. Fine is strange for me, I was so used to not having enough meds, or feeling like crap and needing to take more. Fine is good. Fine is wonderful. I am so grateful to God for feeling fine.  I am pretty mad at my original pain doc, but I am trying to get over it.  I am glad that it happened, I don't know what it would have taken to get me off of it, if he hadn't dropped me. 
    My point is, that you will be ok, you can do it! Believe me! After 13 YEARS on methadone, if I can do it, you can do it! I still have to work on not looking to take a pill every time I feel a little achy, or whatever, but it really is better than I imagined.  Look up an addictionoligist in your area.  They are not going to ask you where you got them from, or judge you. They are just there to help. Take the first step and call yourself, or tell someone you trust and ask them to call.  Good luck! Feeling "fine" is just around the corner for you too! No more ups and downs, no more dr. shopping, no more counting pills, no more worrying about withdrawl. Right now, "Fine" is good enough for me, and I have to say, it feels DAMN good!
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    Ha! That was supposed to say "NEVER smoked a cigarette or done a street drug" ------not that I judge anyone who has----I just know myself, and I know that if I smoked a cigarette, I would have smoked pot, and if I smoked pot I'm fairly certain I would have ended up a heroin junkie. Again, not judging, just knowing myself.
  • Monkeynmoo
    Posts: 1,420Guest
    Please, please, please get help... my sons bio father died from an overdose from pain pills. I won't take them unless I am in extreme amounts of pain, like its unbearable.
  • Anonymous
    Posts: 29,074
    I discovered Hydrocodone or more commonly in Vicodin, when my son was 2 and I was a stay at home mom. I was miserable that time, felt alone, husband worked long hours, and our marriage was on shaky ground at that point. Maybe it was because we were both so miserable with our "jobs" I don't know. We're fine now, or more accurately extremely strong, and life is good. But at that point, I was in the most miserable and lonely place ever. I was exhausted, never had any help, had undiagnosed PPD and had people especially my MIL whispering in husband's ear that it was "Just because I missed sleeping in and my old life of being able to do what I wanted when I wanted, and I was just lazy and a shitty mother, and that as a mother it was MY place to care our child since he worked, he didn't need to do anything." Being in the bad place he was in at that time, he believed her. So my life was TWICE as miserable because he refused to help because he thought I was just being selfish, when in actuality I was tired, overwhelmed, and lonely.

    I went to the doctor during that time when I had a REALLY bad bronchial infection and was hacking up a lung. Since i'm allergic to a common pain medicine, he gave me something called Hycodan, which is pretty much pure Hydrocodone with a little bit of a mucus thinner. OH BOY. That stuff was freakin AMAZING. Balanced me out, gave me energy, made me patient, strong, and silly with my DS, AND got rid of my cough. Also heightened my sex drive, and gave me the energy to be intimate with DH, and blunted the pain of how he was treating me at the time. I was pretty much hooked right away. I had been to the same family doctor since I was 12 and since he had no reason not to trust me, he gave me refill after refill, after refill, and then after that bottles of Vicodin when I would "hurt" my ankle or wrist.  I had finally found something that helped me be the best wife and mom in the world! Until finally I think they figured out what was going on when I started missing appointments, and I got dismissed from the practice, something I regret since I really liked that doctor, the same thing happened with my gynocologist since I was getting bad cramps (Which I actually was.) He gave me refills on it too. I had to go to several different doctors, to keep taking it. I wasn't taking much but it was enough. These days, I buy it from friends, and take a couple pills a day. I have been on it pretty consistently since about 07. It still levels me out and helps with the REAL pain I do have from surgeries and my demanding job. I don't abuse it like I used to now, but it is definitely my mother's little helper.
  • workinmommy
    Posts: 57Member
    for the record I wish I could write this anon but alas...I was addicted to pain meds. Well first I was a raging coke addict and stopped doing coke and starting doing pills. I was addicted to the pills after a few short weeks and it got really bad. I don't want to get into the details of the detox, but yeah it was difficult to say the least. But after I started to feel better I decided to get outside and take a walk. It was one of the best days of my life. I was still itchy and sick but I was euphoric like I never was on drugs. The handcuffs were off and I wasn't strangled or hostage to the shit. If I did it you can too. I do think that you should tell someone, a doctor who can help you get off less painfully than cold turkey. You will feel so much better. Life is so much better on the other side my friend. I bet you know this and remember from before it had you. Sending you strength. Don't hate yourself, you are good. Many are powerless for a time in this respect.
  • workinmommy
    Posts: 57Member

    @workinmommy here

    @itgetsbetter You're sweet. I actually am really proud. Congrats yourself on getting clean. I totally get it re: wonder how you are still alive, me too. I remember I had major issues with my bladder in those first few weeks after I got off the shit. Went to the emergency room because the situation got so bad and told the doctor about the detox (that I did in an effing mice infested apartment alone) and my past drug use. My entire story was quite sordid and complicated so basically I expected judgement and I got the opposite. She told me I was amazing and that I did something that many can't do on their own. She encouraged me to tell a family member, which I did a few months later. A nurse hugged me. They arranged for a doctor to help me. I hope the OC realizes that there are people who can really help her get through it. And that she has enough strength to do it.

  • bamamama
    Posts: 129Member
    I am also a recovering opiate addict. I have fibromyalgia and chronic low back pain from a fracture. I took it as prescribed for years off and on. Then I had a miscarriage and it all went down from there. This is very common because opiates do relieve depression and make everything all better... For a while then your BFF turns on you. I will have six months on feb 6. My advice is do a slow taper and/or detox and get into a program. AA is my lifesaver. This issue doesn't make you a bad person. Addiction is a sneaky disease that can lie dormant for years and years then one day the switch gets flipped. I wish you luck and will keep you in my prayers.