Gets hard, Stays hard, Doesn't Cum
  • UnSuperMom
    Posts: 8Member
    Here's the situation - We have an awesome sex life: passionate, healthy, satisfying... I think. He gets me off with no problems at all. He is quite turned on by me, as is evident in his behavior and reaction to me and his pursuance of intimacy. The problem is, sometimes he doesn't cum. We'll be having sex or I'll be going down on him or he'll even be "working himself" for what seems like a long time and he won't cum. He stays hard - really hard - the entire time. He says he doesn't know what takes him so long or why sometimes he doesn't. He assures me it isn't because I'm doing anything wrong, but I wonder what the heck is going on. Any ideas?
  • AnonMomAnonMom
    Posts: 2,410Member
    I have nothing to say other than my husband is the same way.  Not all the time, but enough to take note of it.  He will wear me OUT!!  Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's just too much!
  • Is he taking any medication that could have this side effect??  Other then that I have no idea.  It's not healthy to keep it all "backed up" though so if its been going on for a while you may wanna get him checked out. 
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,718Confessional Manager
    ESHK, that blows. I have no idea... I want to say you're a lucky lady but that can't be easy on him. :(

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • SAHDude
    Posts: 130Member
    It happens,but don't worry about him.  Unless he is 22, then you might need to
    investigate.  I read , you said "awesome sex" , so just go with it.  Sometimes from my experience as I get older
    the frequency can backfire , like if he just did it yesterday.  Sometimes the mind wanders.

    The first couple of times it is frustrating, but don't dwell on it, say "I got my mine".

    He will be taking care of it later, because you said everything else is super.

    Suggestions if you really need him to do it:
     Porn on while you are too.  Heels and thigh highs and 
    use a plug in massager while he is standing and you are kneeling. You may have to do the "Begging talk" thing
    so prevalent in pornos.

    I get more out of getting DW off and I will do anything, if the normal stuff isn't working. So if you're like me
    go the extra mile.  He will appreciate the effort, I am sure.
  • DemandaDemanda
    Posts: 5,920Member
    Woah, @unsupermom- I totally could've written what you posted, verbatim.  It's tiring sometimes, isn't it?


    SAHDude said:

     Sometimes from my experience as I get older
    the frequency can backfire , like if he just did it yesterday.  Sometimes the mind wanders.

    I get more out of getting DW off and I will do anything, if the normal stuff isn't working. So if you're like me
    go the extra mile.  He will appreciate the effort, I am sure.


    @SAHDude, my BF has said very similar things when I tell him it bothers me, and I don't always believe him 100%...I feel like a failure!  But now that I've heard it from another guy, I won't be so doubtful of his reasoning.
    "The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off." ~ Gloria SteinemPhotobucket
  • SAHDude
    Posts: 130Member
    Really it is Ok to say" That's it, I'm done, you wore me out."  

    Promise a quickie later or just let it drop.  He thinks,"Wow, I wore her out!"

    Maybe next time promise to get him off first. 

    If I am first, after I am done, my desire
    diminishes quite a bit, so be fore warned.  You may have to keep him interested.
  • UnSuperMom
    Posts: 8Member
    VERY helpful to have a male perspective on this! He does frequently compliment me on my stamina to keep at it long after I've cum, so I have no reason to believe he wouldn't understand me confessing to being worn out.

    He's not on ANY medications (totally against even aspirin for a headache) so I know that isn't the issue. :)


  • DemandaDemanda
    Posts: 5,920Member
    Oh, we get plenty kinky, and I give it all I've got every time, and this isn't an issue that happens every time by any means.  Like the Dude said, it tends to happen if we've already had sex the day before. I just feel bad sometimes because he gets me SO very off and then I can't return the favour.  He really doesn't seem to care though, but in the back of mind I wondered if he was kind of just being nice, even though he seems quite content to just fall asleep after...it's not like he's going and jerking off in the bathroom or anything lol.  
    I guess it's not half as bad as being with a guy who can't get it up, or who is super fast... It's just never happened to me before, guys always seem  so easy to get off, and it was a little disconcerting at first; I thought I wasn't satisfying him when it would happen. He says we're just getting old and don't have the stamina we used to.  Over the years, I've been able to figure out his expressions and I can usually gauge whether or not it's gonna be worth putting in an extra 10 minutes or not.  It's usually him who calls it off when it's getting nowhere...and then he collapses and complains that he's getting old, poor guy.
    "The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off." ~ Gloria SteinemPhotobucket
  • chaosmomchaosmom
    Posts: 4,186Member
    Sometimes, it just doesn't happen. Same with women. If my head isn't ikn the right place, I may enjoy the fuck out of it but the big O just isn't going to happen. SO, bless his heart, tries so hard & I just have to tell him to stop. We have been together long enough that no feelings get hurt & we move along to his happy ending. No biggie.

    I have the opposite issue. SO can't keep his at attention half the time but he still cums :-/
  • episcopal
    Posts: 1,851Member
    I don't know how old your husband is, but if he's over 40, his testosterone has probably started its descent.  Every year a man loses a little bit more testosterone.  After even just a little bit of foreplay, it takes my wife just a few minutes to climax.  Our timing was good when we were younger.  But now it takes me a bit longer and often I'm not ready when she is.  It's a struggle right now and may be part of the reason we're in the midst of a drought.
  • WickedDunkieJunkieWickedDunkieJunkie
    Posts: 8,649Member
    My husband IS only 23, Soooooooooo... why does he also sometimes have this issue?
    He says that it's not anything to do with me, that sometimes he just... can't. (he'd probably kill me if he knew I was posting this)
    But, I end up feeling like maybe it just wasn't any good for him. That maybe "I" wasn't any good. I've never had a man not get off before.

    We've talked about him seeing a doctor about testosterone issues. I realize he is young, but...
    WDJ_Avatar_zps4536679b
    We Are The Music Makers... And We Are The Dreamers Of Dreams...

  • MaryPoppins25
    Posts: 1,667Member
    I had a bf, he was 22 i was...errr younger than him. he came the first time we had sex and never again. I was like wtf!!!?? He said that it happens and not to worry about it but I have no clue what was up! So i guess its not that uncommon and @kdt7688 it DOES happen to younger guys too... hmmm now I wonder why!
  • KellynnKellynn
    Posts: 2,284Member
    I dated a guy that had this problem, only it wasn't occasionally, it was pretty much every time. I was so puzzled, he wasn't that old, didn't seem to be any other problems. Then he takes out this gigantic tube of astroglide, and it's almost gone. Mind you, he'd been single, not dating or having sex for a long time before me, so where's all that lube going? Then he showed me the technique hand job he wanted. Dude, my hand can't go that fast, and I finally figured out he had been masturbating so long and so hard, no way was my vajayjay going to compete with THAT. He had pretty much desensitized himself. I don't think this is particularly your problem, just wanted to share my experience and see if a little of this could be happening.
  • MaryPoppins25
    Posts: 1,667Member
    omg @cklw he rubbed all the cum right out of him!
    :-S
  • KellynnKellynn
    Posts: 2,284Member
    @eapple, right! =))
  • AnonUser26
    Posts: 1,069Guest
    My guy had this issue when we first got back together. He had not been with anyone for eight years and just gotten used to the way he minded his own business. Now, after almost a year those days are gone. He usually goes twice a day, on occasion three. The first week we were back together we were like bunnies. I could hardly walk, but he only came three times, we laugh about that now. Does he mind his own business a lot? If he does, ask him to stop so he can get used to the way YOU feel and not himself. See if that helps.
  • boring_nameboring_name
    Posts: 670Member
    There is also a form of ED called delayed ejaculation... but excessive masturbation is one of the possible causes... so yeah.. what they said.. :D
    B
  • katz_meowkatz_meow
    Posts: 6,380Member
    I'm so glad to have read this thread, and a big thank you to @SAHDude.  My DH has this problem occasionally.  Every time it happens, I feel like I did something wrong, or that I'm not attractive/sexy/exciting enough.  He tries to assure me otherwise, but when it comes to confidence ans self-esteem, I am my own worst enemy.

    So, I'm glad this is somewhat "normal", and I especially appreciate hearing from a dude that it just happens sometimes.
    There is nothing to be gained from treating others poorly.

    Don't be a dick.
  • AnonUser24
    Posts: 2,594Guest
    .
  • MaryPoppins25
    Posts: 1,667Member
    Why do they act like it's such a fragile and sensitive part and then aggressively rub the shit out of it!!?
  • momofeveryonemomofeveryone
    Posts: 1,917Member
    dh and i have this issue only in he take care of himself in the shower in the morning. he's a morning guy so he tends to get off more then. try changin the time you do the deed, int he morning b4 stress of the day can get your mind out of wack. 
    i want a nap. and some chocolate. who's with me?!
  • cr8zy_mom_of_4cr8zy_mom_of_4
    Posts: 49Member
    KDT7688 said:

    My husband IS only 23, Soooooooooo... why does he also sometimes have this issue?
    He says that it's not anything to do with me, that sometimes he just... can't. (he'd probably kill me if he knew I was posting this)
    But, I end up feeling like maybe it just wasn't any good for him. That maybe "I" wasn't any good. I've never had a man not get off before.

    We've talked about him seeing a doctor about testosterone issues. I realize he is young, but...




    my husband is also 23 and i have the same problem sometimes. i don't understand it either.
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,718Confessional Manager
    @eapple  =))

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"