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Any Foster Parents out there?
  • AloneOverseasAloneOverseas
    Posts: 2,252Member
    Hi!

    Are you a foster parent now or in the past? Care to share your story? The ups, the downs, the why you decided to become a foster parent?

    Briefly, this is our story ...
    I'd always planned to adopt and said if I didn't have another child before I was 30 I would adopt siblings. Well, being a single mom at 30, adoption wasn't feasible. Then I married at 36 but we were unable to conceive. DH's grandma was a foster parent, so we thought aout it and decided why not? DD was 12 and I did not want her to grow up 'alone'. Anyway, we took the step, as a family. DD had to be ok with it, too! A year later we had our first foster child!

    Fast forward to today, DD is now 22 and married. DH and I have had over 100 kids through our doors since we began fostering in 2003. We currently have two boys 6 1/2 and 8 (not brothers) who we have had for a long time (18 months and 3 years) and next month we go to court to become their legal guardians.

    We love them like they are our own, but of course they have bio parents and we are required to maintain contact with their bio parents. This year, knowing we are going to court, they have asked to use our last name at school so that is what we are doing. No legal name changes now, we feel they are too young to make that life long decision. The school is happy for the informal change.

    No, they don't call us mom and dad, not yet anyway. It has popped out now and again and feels a bit weird, but good, too. If they do they do, if they don't they don't.

    So anyway .. that's us in a nutshell. Would love to 'meet' other foster parents and hear your story, the good and the bad. The laughter and the struggles (of which there are many of both!!!)

    Cheers
    I love purple; I love cats. Imagine if cats were purple ...
  • Thisisthenamethatneverendsitgoesonandonmyfriend
    Posts: 1,495Member
    Came from a 2 foster moms both saved my life and tough me many lessons it was sad to see a lot of the kids come and go I was at each of their houses long term 5 yrs for one 7 for the other.

    One of my foster moms just passed away :( last friday.

    I refered to them by their names for 2 yrs then mom and dad after that I keep in contact daily with them up until one passed.


    Sometimes I still talk to other sibling that came and went.


    This was typed on phone if there's errors. Sorry.
  • GrainneGrainne
    Posts: 855Member
    Former cps front line worker who has also done respite care once was no longer front line. Really enjoyed it. But the foster parent we did respite for retired
  • AloneOverseasAloneOverseas
    Posts: 2,252Member
    It's wonderful, @ohkay that you were able to keep in touch with them over the years and that you had a good relationship with them. :)

    @grainne, respite is soooo important!
    I love purple; I love cats. Imagine if cats were purple ...
  • GrainneGrainne
    Posts: 855Member
    We really enjoyed doing respite for that foster parent! Maybe we should look into being regular respite and get on the list! It worked well with the fp we know that retired because we had a relationship with her so knew the kids beforehand and she is a big part of our family (chosen grandma to our boys) and we knew she wOuld never ask of
    The foster kids would not be any risk to ours.
  • AloneOverseasAloneOverseas
    Posts: 2,252Member
    Definitely! That was always our biggest 'complaint'. When DH and I wanted to do something we would ask for a respite carer and there were rarely anyone available! And since we have no family in the area and friends who weren't 'approved', usually DH would go out but I would stay home. One time we were told to call an agency, we had three kids in care at the time, boy 6 and two girls 12 and 13. We went out to dinner with a group of foster parents, only gone three hours. Cost us $60 for the babysitter. That was over two years ago. Never went out to dinner just us again. Respite caregivers are gold!
    I love purple; I love cats. Imagine if cats were purple ...
  • meandmy243meandmy243
    Posts: 6,274Member
    Ive done respite and considering doing it again..
    mom of wild children
    going to the chapel 7/5/2014
  • meandmy243meandmy243
    Posts: 6,274Member
    We may do foster care in a couple years but we dont live in a big enough house right now..
    mom of wild children
    going to the chapel 7/5/2014
  • SassySassy
    Posts: 2,386Member
    I havee always wanted to foster or adopt later in life but SO doesn't want to. I got him to say maybe after our kids are grown, but he wants five or six and we are only on number one! So....idk.
  • bluemom
    Posts: 154Member
    We have had one foster child, he came to us at 14 and we became his legal guardians, he's 20 now and shares an apartment with my 21 year old. I am glad we got him but I worry that we didn't do enough to help him, he still has a lot of problems. You can't take these kids with the intention of "fixing" them, sometimes you just have to love them while you have them and hope for the best. I would do it again but we have too many kids at home right now, in our state you can't have more than 6 kids in the house at one time. We might do respite care next year after we update our classes.
  • yourmuthayourmutha
    Posts: 335Member
    I just want to thank everyone that has ever helped a foster/abused/adopted, etc child. From my heart.

    Every child deserves to b loved. They don't need fancy games, clothes, phones,
    etc. Just someone to love & care abt them.

    One of my goals down the road is to get serious abt whether I can foster.
  • WillileeWillilee
    Posts: 1,004Member
    @bluemom, I agree, you do what you can but hope for the best. We are also in the Extended Plan Bonus Feature Hoping-For-The-Best mode at the moment.
  • pissedoff
    Posts: 15Member

    I'm not a foster parent, but an adoptive parent.  I could never do foster as having children come in and out of our home constantly just wouldn't fit our on the go lifestyle.  Nor do I have any desire to work with the biological parents.  I admire and respect those that can foster and those that have adopted more than 1 child.  We had always set out to be a single child household and now that we are one, it's confirmed that we can't handle more than 1 child.  I post on here quite a bit in the confessional about our DS.  I thank the good lord every day I found this place as it allows me to vent my frustration and anger.  To anyone wishing to foster or adopt, you need to realize that this isn't about you or what you want.  You have to do it because you want to help a child, not because you  need fill a void in your life.  Many of these children come with baggage that will spill into your life and be life changing for you.  In our house, it can be a constant battle of wills over the simpliest things in life.  Many say, choose your battles.  Unfortunately, with our son, if you let him "win" a battle he thinks he should win them all and the battles become more intense each time.  We've come along way since we had him come into our home but there is still a long way to go.  Currently, we're battling over breakfast.  Whether he eats or not and what he eats.  It may seem silly to some but until you've lived with in an oppositional definant child, you can't understand. 

    So my point is if you're wanting to foster or adopt, please realize that it is not all flowers and rainbows.  There is a lot of anger in many of these kids and you'll be the one they'll take it out on.  You have to have a spine and balls of steel to do this and still love them because they really know how to hurt someone.  After all, they've been taught how.

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