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Should we have more children?
  • MrsScratMrsScrat
    Posts: 43Member
    I'm hoping to gain perspective from all sides of the table.  We have two DDs, 3.5 and almost 2.  The soonest we would be trying to conceive would be next winter.  We are both 31.  My DH makes just enough for me to be a SAHM and is in a demanding industry.  Our house and vehicles would not need to be upgraded to accommodate more children.  I'm afraid of regretting not having more children when I am older.  But, at the same time, I'm afraid of regretting having more because of financial or physical strain.  We have decided to stick to two or try for four.  I would really like to be done with all of my child-bearing by age 35.  So, this is a decision that needs to be made soon.  My DH says he would really love more children, but is also worried about money.  He is ultimately leaving the decision up to me.  I grew up with only one sibling and always ached for more.  I always pictured myself with more children and I really enjoy being a mother.

    So, what's your take?  Are you an older mom that wished she had had more?  Is your house full of kids and you wished you stopped at two?  Or do you just think I'm crazy and should have baby factory closed now?  All opinions are welcome.  It's a big decision. 
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,022
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    well behaved women seldom make history
  • 2girlsand1boy
    Posts: 9Member
    I had my first at 34, second at 35 and 3rd at 37. I got married when I was 32. I am a SAHM and even if your husband makes good money u still have to make sacrifices. We don't have brand new cars or go out to eat a lot, etc. More kids equal more stress on your relationship but also more love and laughter. If it won't cause you to go on state assistance I'd say go for it. It's sounds like you really want more. I also wanted four, but after having 3 that's plenty! Lol
  • LostDreams
    Posts: 32Member
    I think that if you have to ask if you should have more kids then you probably shouldn't have more kids. 
  • QueenOfSwordsQueenOfSwords
    Posts: 91Member
    I have found that life is what happens while you're making other plans. (Totally stole that quote from John Lennon!) Anyway, many years ago, my first husband and I had two little boys. We didn't plan to have any more, at least not right away, because #1, we were broke, and #2, our marriage was on shaky ground. Well I got pregnant anyway (using a diaphragm) and had a beautiful little girl. Those kids are now 25, 21, and 19 and all three are now amazing young adults.

    After that my husband did NOT want any more and tried to talk me into getting my tubes tied. I wasn't ready to do something that drastic (even though I assumed I was done having kids) so he had a vasectomy. Two years later we split up.

    Then, I met a fantastic younger guy with no kids. We started dating, and one of the first things he asked me was, "Are you willing to have more children?" I had to really think about it. I was 32 and pretty overwhelmed with the three kids I already had, but I wanted to keep this guy. So I said yes, IF he married me someday, and ONLY one. Well it took him 5 years to get around to proposing, but he finally did and I got pregnant right away and had our little boy at the age of 38. Totally not in my original plan! 

    That little boy is now 10 and is the light of my life. His daddy died unexpectedly in 2010, and I am so grateful that I can look into our son's face every day and see my late husband's eyes and smile. I don't regret having a single one of my children. They are all unique and amazing and I can't imagine my life without them.
  • Lakegirl34
    Posts: 1,977Member
    @queenofswords your story is very touching, and I am so sorry for your loss.

    @mrsscrat I am trying to decide if I can manage a second child given my age and work demands. I asked a friend who just had her third about how she made the decision for more, and although she said "having 3 kids is crazy" she was lighting up from the inside. I think the decision comes from that (rare) quiet, centered place within that's deeper than finances, timing, etc. So I wonder if you ask the intuitive, wise woman inside of you this question, what does she say?
  • shouldcleanshouldclean
    Posts: 2,551Member
    I don't think there is ever a perfect time to have a child. After some debate we are expecting #3. We have ds4 and dd2, I'm not worried about extra work, what's one more :)
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