ugh....really?
  • loveitloveit
    Posts: 1,738Member
    So annoyed. Bf and I had been getting along so well for the past month or so and shit just hit the fan AGAIN. Got in a fight about my family again. They don't like him, he's pissed bc I don't MAKE them like him. Ummm how am I supposed to do that? At times like this I'm glad we are not living together, engaged , or anything else. Ugh.
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    Did he have any suggestions about how you are suppose to twitch your nose and change their feelings?

    community-manager


  • SammieSammie
    Posts: 8,345Administrator, Moderator
    Ditto @love

    What does he honestly expect you to do? You can't make someone like someone else. He's acting like a little bitch! I hate when guys pull this crap.

    community-manager


  • loveitloveit
    Posts: 1,738Member
    He expects me to tell my family that its them or him, basically. That he is part of my life and if they don't like it bye bye family.
    I don't play that game. My family isn't going anywhere and if he wants to make it right its on him. When he met them he was acting like an ass in general and the only ppl who will change their mind is him.
  • loveitloveit
    Posts: 1,738Member
    Person not ppl
  • SammieSammie
    Posts: 8,345Administrator, Moderator
    So, he gave you an ultimatum? To divorce yourself from family that you love? Yeah, no! That's a total jackass move. I can't believe he even had the audacity to suggest such a thing and actually expect you to choose him. Puh-leez. Man, this really chaps my ass. It sounds like, from what you said, that your family is somewhat justified in not thinking highly of him, so you're right it is on HIM to set things straight and make them better.

    I agree with you. At times like these, I'd also be happy to have my own home and my own last name. 

    This issue is old news, right? He has known your family isn't fond of him for awhile, so why continue to argue about it? Why issue an ultimatum now? I'd call his bluff @loveit. I'd tell him you choose your family, and tell him to take a hike. Give yourself some space from him for awhile and let him know you're 100% serious. If he can't put the issue to bed, and refuses to try to make it better, then you deserve better. 

    community-manager


  • loveitloveit
    Posts: 1,738Member
    Exactly. He didn't actually give me an ultimatum but that is pretty much where this is leading up to. And yes it IS old news. This argument started on Halloween. I brought up my sister bc I talked to her today and it started all over again. He actually thinks he is right and that my family and I are crazy. I'm over this whole thing...he needs to grow up. Relationships SUCK!
    Ps @sammie I LOVE that u say "chaps my ass"!! Lol!
  • Unless he is your husband, he truly has no right to expect you to put him above them or make you choose, bottom line. I do want to show you something that may help. But I do not have enough background to know if this is the case with him and your family. My husband's family did not like me, and I dealt with it. I was worried it would become a bad situation later and I was right. Once we maried, they began to completely be rude, snotty, mean and disrespectful to me, even around him. At first they did it in a very snide way so that he barely recognized it was happening. Later they got bolder and became outright assholes. At this point, he did finally step in, but because he was so close to his family, he wasn't really aware that they were being snarky and snide for awhile until they were more direct about it. My point is this: is there any way that they could be being rude and then he reacts to their rudeness with his own rude behaviors?
  • loveitloveit
    Posts: 1,738Member
    No @mommyoutcast . Were were on vacation with his two dd and my dd at the beach. My bil and sister came along too. They live far away so it was the first time meeting everyone (they met us there ) Bf is a control freak and ocd about cleaning so when we got to the condo he started unpacking, cleaning, getting settled and the rest of us we were all just relaxing and talking and catching up. He was storming around being an asshat and went off the deep end about one thing or another. We were fighting the whole vacation and now bil has it in his head that bf is verbally abusive (he is not but he is a loudmouth and speaks his mind unlike my family). Now bil wants NOTHING to do with him. I kind of get it bc he was acting like such an ass at the time.
  • loveitloveit
    Posts: 1,738Member
    BTW this all happened last June!
  • Oh wow. He sounds a little OCD or something. Why so much anger coming from him? @-) doesn't he understand that he needs to earn their respect? It goes that way with all inlaws.
  • loveitloveit
    Posts: 1,738Member
    @mommyoutcast my feelings exactly!
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    Yeah, you can't expect to treat your SO like crap in front of their family on first sight, and then have them welcome you with open arms. He can't be that much of a moron?

    community-manager


  • SammieSammie
    Posts: 8,345Administrator, Moderator
    @loveit, I just love that saying! Total cracks me up too.

    Seriously though, his first impression sucked ass! I get that he likes things to be organized and clean, but doing that straight away AND storming around because he was annoyed that everyone else was chatting it up and having fun? That's all bad. If I was in your shoes, then my family would probably feel the same way. Everyone was their moments, but for him to act like an ass from the VERY beginning is not good at all. How could he expect them to feel any different? Is he insecure about how close you are to your family? Or does he have issues with his own family that he's projecting on yours?

    I know you love him, and I know things have recently gotten a lot better and more serious...but this is a real issue and will continue to be problematic in the future. Maybe you guys could go to counseling?

    community-manager


  • loveitloveit
    Posts: 1,738Member
    I have told him all along this is his problem to fix. He goes to atl for work all the time he could easily arrange a meeting with bil and hash it out and put it to bed but he won't. It's somehow MY responsibility to fix it. He stormed out of here and the next time we talk I'm just going to tell him this: this is your problem and you need to fix it. I will help u but u know what u need to do. Or we can put it to bed as is buy I am NEVER talking about it again and you CANNOT insult my family. If that is too much for you this is clearly not going to work.
  • loveitloveit
    Posts: 1,738Member
    But not buy
  • CanadianMamaCanadianMama
    Posts: 10,374Administrator, Moderator
    oh @loveit, I remember this, he got disinvited from Thanksgiving, right??

    Yeah, he needs to lay off, forcing you to make a choice isn't going to work out well, especially with all of the other shit that's going on. I understand that he's insecure, but he has to trust that you love him, and that although your family isn't being entirely supportive, they aren't influencing how you feel about him, HE IS!
    Super big, monstrous gigantic, massive (((((((Hugs)))))))) You are WAY too gorgeous to be putting up with this crap!!!!! 

    community-manager


  • loveitloveit
    Posts: 1,738Member
    @canadianmama yes the thanksgiving incident!! Good memory!

    And thanks so much for the compliment that is so sweet. You make me feel like "I still got it"!
  • loveitloveit
    Posts: 1,738Member
    Omg I think I finally get it!! Maybe its bc I've been out drinking with my friends BUT... here is the thing. He thinks he is indespensible when in fact he is not! He thinks my family is dispensible. But they aren't! The boyfriend is the dispensible one!
  • SammieSammie
    Posts: 8,345Administrator, Moderator
    Sweetie, it is time to drop the zero and get yo self a hero! *snap snap*   

    ;)

    Seriously though, you hit the nail on the head right there about the indispensable vs dispensable. I think you're right and I honestly think he doesn't know his role yet. He might not realize how much your familial relationships mean to you and that you won't be forced to choose. I'd make that crystal clear and like you said last night, tell him you are DONE talking about it.

    community-manager


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