• GlitterQueen GlitterQueen
    Posts: 2,491Member
    I think most of us have talked about our mothers, but lets hear about your Daddy....

    My dad didn't know how to be a dad when I was younger. He loved me but didn't know how to do it right. He is an alcoholic, and would take me and my sister to bars and liquor stores. He would drink when he was driving. He would pass out from drinking and make us take a nap with him

    But he let me drive sometimes, he used to sing pretty woman to me. He would take us sledding and hunting. he took us swimming in creeks, turtle hunting. Fishing and taught me how to build a fire for the house. to keep it warm all night. He would grill and pour beer all over it (gross) He would make me eat the fat off steaks cause he said it was good for me.

    He stopped talking to me for awhile when I hit puberty and he did alot of hurtful things.

    Now he calls occasionaly and we talk, he is supportive and gives advice. When he comes to town for a visit he buys the kids clothes, and takes me grocery shopping. Last time he bought the kids $200 worth clothes and shoes, got me a new coat. Then he spent $500 on grocery to help me out. Lots of meat I could freeze and canned goods.

    My relationship with my dad has been rough but I love him
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,718Confessional Manager
    My father cheated on my mom multiple times, took advantage of her, walked out on her. He brought me around the woman he was cheating on her with and eventually left her for. He let this same woman influence him to stop visiting me on his weekends. He threw me across the room once out of frustration... I was 4. I went to him multiple times after I turned 16 and begged him to be a part of my life. He turned me away every time. He will probably never know the amazing woman I have grown to become. He will never share in my joys and successes as a person and as a mother. He will never know his beautiful granddaughter. He's the reason I've run away from almost every relationship I've ever had once things got rough. He's the reason I'm petrified of feeling alone and rejected. He's the reason I go to therapy, and if he called me tomorrow and said he was sorry and that he loved me, I would forgive him. 

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • AnonMomAnonMom
    Posts: 2,410Member
    My dad is my hero.  He is the oldest boy of 5 boys and the 4th oldest of 10.  His mom went through men like water.  The 10 kids come from 3 dads.  The last being the longest and the one that abused the boys physically and the girls sexually.  After being horse whipped by this man at 14, he left home to go live with his aunt and uncle.  He finished school.  Went to live with an older sister in IN to work in the coal mines.  Came back to UT to work the uranium mines.  He fell in love with my mom in their home town.  She was 15 at the time, he was 18.  Mom was 16 when she got pregnant, 17 when she had me.  Had to drop out of school because of the small town vibe and the era.  Dad loved her and me, but was young and partied.  When I was 6 they separated for a year.  My brother and I spent weekends with my dad in the big city.  Mom dated other men.  But when everything was said and done they came back to each other.  Six yrs after getting back together and several moves, they got pregnant with my sister.  Then my youngest brother.  He had a temper.  He gave us spankings.  But he took us camping, fishing, hunting and shopping.  He showed me what love was all about.  He let me be me and loved me for me.  My dad worked hard.  He took care of our family.  Provided for all our needs and our wants.  He was the complete opposite of how he was raised.  He loved me unconditionally and without falter.  I do not doubt this for one second.

    He also passed away 9 years ago this June.  He lived 6 months almost to the day after we were told he had cancer and had about 6 months to live.
  • battibatti
    Posts: 2,167Member
    My dad is amazing. He is usually quiet and soft spoken, but when he pipes up, he is hilarious. He stays out of everyone's business, but is always there to talk. He taught me that I'm valuable, important, and deserve to be respected. He has always supported my adventures, allowed me to get into a little trouble, and loves me unconditionally. And he is the proudest grandpa I've ever seen. He loves my sons so much. I hate so much to now see him suffer (recently diagnosed with diabetes)
    Of course, my 'rents aren't perfect, but I feel pretty lucky that they are fairly normal people who did a pretty good job raising me and my brother, and we all have great relationships :)

    SMSM_s_5

  • AnonUser23
    Posts: 2,270Guest

    I had the best Dad. He was far from perfect but boy did I ever love that man. My parents were happily divorced when I was 8. When I say happily I mean they were very good friends even after the divorce. Yes my Dad drank a lot, he worked in bars and would let us sit up on the bar stools and give us ginger ales and pretzels. He had us every Sunday, and whenever else he wanted. I knew he felt bad about the divorce because he always had a fun day planned for us and spoiled my little brother and I everytime he had money in his pockets.


     He got involved in a very bad crowd (Irish mob in South Boston) and went to jail for 2 years. It was a huge blow to our family. After that he wanted to fix his life and get the hell out of Boston so he moved to Florida. After that we only saw him when we went to Fl. for summer vacations and he would come up a few times a year.


    He was so much fun to be around. He was the kind of guy that if you were with him he was going to show you a good time. He was so funny and kind and generous to a fault. He made lots of mistakes but I would not change him for the world.


     He died at the age of 47 a little over 10 years ago. He went into the ER complaining of back pain and never left. He died 3 months later of lung cancer with his car parked in the same spot when he waled into the ER 3 months prior.


    I miss him every minute of every day and now here I go....crying again! Damn!! lol

  • chaosmomchaosmom
    Posts: 4,186Member
    My sperm donor took off when he found out that my mom was pregnant. She never tried to get him involved in my life. She was with one bad dude after another: alcoholic/drug addict, alcoholic, alcoholic that molested me, asshole, alcoholic, biggest fucking asshole ever, now alone. I managed to get up enough nerve to call him last year. He told me that his life was going good right now & didn't want a relationship with me because it would mess things up. Eh, fuck him.

    My grandfather was my daddy figure. He was kind & loving. Always loved to make people smile, singing silly songs he made up or telling jokes. I love that man. Unfortunately, he died 8 yrs ago :(
  • battibatti
    Posts: 2,167Member
    @handtowellady and @verdictlesslife you both seriously made me cry a wee bit. I'm such a daddy's girl x'D

    SMSM_s_5

  • AutumnAutumn
    Posts: 898Member

     

  • batshitsillybatshitsilly
    Posts: 27Member
    My dad raised me...my mom and dad were married for 14 years I was 9 when they divorced. My mother was heavily addicted to drugs and drinking. My dad filed for divorce and I stayed with him in our family home. At the time I did not understand why my sister went with my mom and I stayed with my dad. Many years later I found out it was because my sister was not really my dads biological daughter. My mom threatened to tell us if she fought him about taking her.

    Growing up my mom was in and out of prison and on drugs. My dad worked really hard and long hours to support me. Eventually my sister moved back in with us at 15 and pregnant. My mother let her do whatever she wanted. My dad had some help from my grandmother who lived about 3 towns away. She made sure I knew all the "girl" stuff and that I had a woman to go to and talk. My dad taught me to do all the things a man can do. I love that,  to this day he says for a girl I can do more things then most men!! He laughs while telling me this. Because my XH could not even change the oil in the car or put furniture together...much less put a nail in the wall.

    To this day we go to the car show together every year, fish, and do yard work. Heck I just helped him remodel a room in MY house!! I love the man who raised me and am proud to call him my FATHER!! Back when I was a kid it was very unheard of for a single man to raise a little girl who has a mother on drugs and in prison. I think I turned out well and in turn I raise my daughter a little different because I did not have a mother in my life. I teach her to be independent, but I also teach her to be a girl and I talk to her and stay involved in her life. I wanted that so much growing up to have a mom. I remember at my girl scout meeting and sporting events when moms were supposed to go my dad went and all the girls loved him.

    He did the best he could and for me it was good enough!!
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,125Member
    Oh geez... Well my dad is an asshole. The main thing I remember from my childhood is the screaming and ranting and raving. The smallest thing would set him off and he would scream at us (mom and little brother) for what seemed like hours. He treated my mother horribly and cheated at least a couple times that I know of. I could never understand why she stayed with him. They separated once and he moved out for a while but he came back. It wasn't all bad, he was a hard worker and worked shifts for 30 years. We always had everything we needed and sometimes he would decide to get us something special like I got a horse when I was about 9 and he always made sure I had a car since I turned 16. He took us on vacations and played baseball with us. He can be the nicest funniest guy but when something irritates him he turns into the most hateful nasty man. The constant verbal abuse and criticism when I was little definitely did some permanent damage. I've always been unsure of myself deep down inside even though I can put on a confident front. I think that's why I turned to drugs, b/c I didn't have to feel anything. And my parents never told me what drugs can do to u, I just knew u werent supposed to do them but I knew nothing about them. Neither of my parents ever taught, explained or talked about anything I would need to know in life. Money, sex, alcohol etc. So I pretty much just had to wing it and I fucked up really bad. I have some serious resentments b/c of that. I know I can't blame them for my mistakes but they certainly had a part in it. I just think, if only I had KNOWN maybe I wouldn't have made such bad choices. I can see making ur kid be independent and letting them make their own decisions, but they should have provided me with the information so I at least had the option to make educated decisions. They told me nothing. I don't see how u can send ur kids out into the world with no preparation at all but it seems to never have occurred to them to this day. Idk if my brother feels the same way, he turned out fine. But anyway I'm getting off track here. My dad is pretty much the same today as he always was, maybe he's mellowed out a little in old age. I guess he's always been there when I need something but its hard to be grateful. He's a good grandfather. When I watch him with dd I'm like why the fuck couldn't u have been like that with me? U didn't think I needed that? It stirs up a whole bunch of shit.
    ~slim shady~
  • MarySunshineMarySunshine
    Posts: 7,953Member
    My dad is awesome, not without flaws (who is?), but great just the same. He always had time to play with my sister and I. He took us fishing with him, and even made me my own fishing pole when I was 6. He and my mom taught us how to throw a ball and swing a bat. He loved to teach us about the environment and critters around us. He encouraged us to pursue whatever interests we had, there was never any "That's for boys" talk in our house. He was just as happy to rough house with his wild little girls as he was to cuddle with us. After my parents divorced he did his best to see us every weekend he could, plus come to all our school events all the way through college to see me sing in the chorale and play in the college concert band. And he was proud as punch when I took woodshop in HS. He beamed at my crappy little footstool and told anyone who came to his house that I had made that footstool in woodshop.

    To this day he is supportive and a great ear to bend. He came down two weekends ago with my uncle and took DH, DS and myself to the motorcycle expo and out to dinner. He loves being a grandpa- you can see it in his eyes the minute he walks in the house and sees DS.

    I also have to say how much I love my stepdad. I honestly can't imagine my life without my dad or my stepdad. He was strict, and it drove me nuts as a kid, but when I hit college I realized how much I appreciated his strictness. He was always willing to help us with any project for school, he did as many drop off/pick ups for sports, band, plays, whatever other activities as my mom and dad did. He didn't get to have a great relationship with his girls (I hate when parents play games with the kids after they divorce), so I feel like he really took us as his own. Things are much better know between him and my stepsisters, thankfully. Today he is just as fun to watch with DS, and DS will never know the difference between his Grandpa and his Poppy. They're his grandparents, just as my PopPop Joes was my grandpa and never step grandpa.


    Sheesh, I could go on about my grandfathers! I had 4! All were wonderful and loved very much.

    Really, all the men in my life have been wonderful role models and have always made sure my sister and I knew we were loved, cared for, and appreciated. I am truly lucky and blessed.
    "I don't poop. I create magic."- ABC

    I'm as sexy as a burp mid-kiss. Watch out!

    For every loser there's one that has to win. So bite your tongue, grit your teeth and grin...
  • AnonUser34
    Posts: 1,796Guest
    My Dad was a good father to his other 4 kids that he has with his wife just not me.. I think he would visit me maybe once a year but that's because my Grandma his Mom would make him My Grandma and Grandpa took over as my Dad really without them I wouldn't of had half the things I did including love I was the biggest Grandmas girl when I turned 18 I didn't see or talk to my Dad until I was 20 and that time was to meet my DD who was alreadly a little over 1 year then my Grandma died a couple of years ago (which he stopped talking to her when she was sick because he couldn't see her in pain that really made me mad) and now he talks to my Grandpa again you know after he stopped talking to them for a year or more and now that my Grandma is died ..I went from the age of 20 to 27 with out seeing him now he kinda wants to be around I think mostly for my kids and his kids want to get to know us but it's only once a year we get together at my Grandpas when myself DH and kids visit him I usually go twice a year to see my Grandpa (He's on the other side of the state) so its hard but my Dad only shows up once it's very awkward and forced I'm still pretty pissed about him not being there I think it makes it worse that as a kid I went thur a lot that he could of stopped.. It really did a number on my self-esteem growing up thinking I wasn't good enough for him to be around and to this day I can't call him Dad when we talk I just can't get the words out I'm trying to be nice for my family.
  • CanadianMamaCanadianMama
    Posts: 10,374Administrator, Moderator
    My dad is amazing. He's as supportive as he can be without letting us make too many life altering mistakes. We have a great relationship, and when we don't live together (ugh, i hope that's soon) we have hour long phone calls about nothing. He's super smart, and very funny. He's a daddy, not a father, and I love him for it!!! He's also the best Grandpa in the world!!! Completely doting, and full of laughter and love! 

    community-manager


  • Boriquamami75Boriquamami75
    Posts: 111Member
    My sperm donor didn't have what it took to help raise two daughters but ironically was a loving and devoted father to my half brother (go figure).  Thankfully, I had an uncle and a grandfather that were perfectly willing to handle that responsibility.  They were my father when he didnt have the balls to be my father.  They constantly told us that were were smart, beautiful, and could be anything we wanted to be with hard work and determination.  They made it so we never wanted for anything.  They are both gone now, but they always made it a point to tell us they were proud of us no matter what we did in life as long as were good people.  My uncle would give us his last dollar if we needed something to eat and my grandfather always told us not to worry about anything, that Grand-pa would always be there, and he always was.  They made it a point for me to know what a good man is and that they still exist. 
  • AnonUser37
    Posts: 1,741Member
    I'm a daddys girl. He is the best dad a girl could ask for. Seriously....

    When we were little he played barbies, let us put bows in his hair, wrestled with us, wiped our tears and tucked us in every night after reading chicken little or the three billy goats gruff....ten times.

    He raised us to be as tough as any boy. I can shoot, fish, throw a football, change a tire and my oil. He rescues us when our cars break down, fixes them for free and makes sure we have a nice car....so we're never driving anything unsafe. When I got into an accident, the first person I call is daddy, not the police, not 911. It's always dad.

    He held us when our hearts got broken, dried our tears and reassured us our princes were out there. He made sure we heard that we were loved, that we were beautiful. He paid for every prom gown, hair do, manicure and worked extra hours to make sure we had nice clothes, cell phone, accessories, everything we could want. He not only took care of us, but my mom when she was bedridden, my grandparents, his sister when she fell ill and her daughter. He took in our friends when they needed parents and stable homes.

    He struggled a lot when I got pregnant, it was hard for him to watch his little girl go through that, and our relationship when through a rough patch. But eventually he came to recognize, that I'd make the best of what I had, and is proud of the mom and woman I've become, and though he says it less as I get older, I know, just from the way he treats me and the relationship we have.

    As I've grown older, my dad has also become my friend. He's hilarious, and we have the same sense of humor and twisted mind set :D. He's also been the most amazing papa a little boy could ask for. He stepped in when my ex left and my son thinks his papa hung the moon and stars. I can't think of a better man for my son to look up to.

    My sister and I know how lucky we are....I don't know how to exist without my dad, he is my hero, my friend and the only man I've ever been able to trust. The knowledge I will someday have to learn how....is terrifying.
  • AnonUser29
    Posts: 1,157Guest
    Dads,... what a touchy subject for many of us, it seems. My dad has never been a dad. Oh, sure, he tried. My dad is your typical alchoholic and the reason I never have more than a drink or two, even at special celebrations. My grandmother started giving him beer in his bottle so he has pretty much been dependent on it his whole life. He and my mom divorced when I was 2, after he "raped" her one drunken night. (Whether my mom is telling the truth here is beyond me.) I saw him on weekends until I was 8. Generally seeing him consisted of my mom taking us over to my grandfathers, dad visiting with us a bit, then going out drinking, leaving my sister and I with my grandparents. When I was 8, mom remarried and we didn't see my dad anymore.. he went to prision for too many DWI/DUI's for 3 years. When I was 18, events happened and I became estranged from my mom and stepdad and decided I wanted to know my dad so I looked him up. Sorriest mistake I have ever made! For years, things were great(ish). He had remarried, gotten sober and was living a life. I always felt like the outsider in his family. When I got married, he was there and my mother refused to come. Fast forward 3 years. When my daughter was 3, I get a phonecall. Dad had been arrested drinking and driving. He had been sober 11 years.. what the crap. Because he was a repeat offender, he went to a treatment facility for a year.. his wife left him. After getting out (the whole time he was in promising and swearing up and down he would NEVER drink again..) he moved closer to me and my family. He has been drunk since. I have talked, I have screamed, yelled and told him we don't want anything to do with him when he has been drinking and threatned to have him totally removed from my life. I don't want my daughter growing up like that. I don't call him, he calls me. Half the time, I don't answer or return his calls. For Christmas, he asked my DD what she wanted and of course, she had a list. Well, it's Feb 23, nearly 2 months later and she has yet to recieve anything from him, not even a phone call. Oh, he DID call at 3:30 new years morning drunk off of his ass. He just doesn't get it and I wish he did. 
    My husband and daughter have such a great relationship that sometimes, I am jealous. I have no clue how that is and that bothers me.. A LOT.
    on a bright side, my maternal grandfather is damned near the best man EVER. He is right there with my husband and possibly one of 2 men I truly love. He and my grandmother have been my rock on so many things that I have no clue what I will do when they are gone. They aren't allowed to leave me and they know this. 
  • NinLee
    Posts: 729Member
    Sperm donor told my mom to get an abortion when she found out she was pregnant. My mom said no and told him he didn't have to be involved. My mom never got involved with any other guys after him. I have never met him, but have spoken to him on the phone once after I had my daughter (I just got any background medical history about his family). He said if ever I wanted to meet I must let him know. To be totally honest, I don't want to meet a person who has never tried to contact me - not even after speaking to him has he ever made an effort... So blah! His loss!!
  • onetimeonetime
    Posts: 2,223Member
    I've read this post a few times, and it's been difficult to reply to it. It's been just a few weeks since the 3 year anniversary of Daddy's passing. My Dad was amazing. He was my world for so long. He was far from perfect, and for a good part of my childhood, he was WAY less than perfect, but through my teen/early adulthood years, he was my rock. He's literally the only person I've ever inked my body FOR. He held my hand and lent his ear at all times. I miss him. The best thing I ever heard come out of his mouth was when I told him DH and I were engaged, he said, "I'm glad, you'll be happy with him." Which was intense, since he's never really approved of anyone I was with. His passing had ALOT to do with why I couldn't have a big wedding. How could I without him to give me away?!
    Suck it up buttercup!
  • Goddamnitalltohell this post makes me sad as fuck. I love and miss my dad. He died of a sudden unexpected heart attack when I was 17. My last words to him were "fuck you" because of a stupid argument about my high school boyfriend.

    I miss him everyday, an it kills me he will never know my daughter.
  • deviltwinsmommadeviltwinsmomma
    Posts: 2,743Member
    I'm sorry ladies but i going to show this thread to my dh. He has no clue how much a daddy really means too a young girl and how the smallest thing can shape or completly damange a girls future.

    I love my dad now with all my heart and soul, i just wished he would have been more of a father when i really needed him. Btw my dad didnt drink he was just emotionally absent it was like having a ghost for a father.
    my mother used to sing me a song. It went like this: "Life is short, life is shit, and soon it will be over.
  • SerendipitySerendipity
    Posts: 1,177Member
    My dad is Atticus Finch.  Completely.   He is the most honest, gentle, smart person I have ever met.  He took a $0.69 light bulb back to WalMart because he forgot it in the cart and went home with it.  He was probably the smartest person I ever knew.  He could have made a ton of money working at any other job, but he chose to be a teacher then a guidance counselor because he loved the kids.  He gave himself an ulcer one year making sure the entire class had enough credits to graduate. 

    He started dirt poor, and his family drove from AR to WA in the 30's to pick apples so they could eat.  Just like in The Grapes of Wrath.  They always made sure he got home in time to start school because they knew that was the only way he'd get out.  He had a picture of his 1st grade class and the 1 room school house he went too on one wall of his office and his master's degree on the other.  He told the kids, if I can get from here to there, you can get anywhere.  He always told me, do the best you can and that's all I can ask of you.

    He didn't meet my mom until they were in their late 30's.  They taught next door to each other.  My mom is a loudmouth, like me, and after a bunch of meetings they were all glad to be done with announced in the faculty lounge she was going for a drink after school and who was going with her.  Dad spoke up and said he would, and everyone was quiet.  Mom said she thought it was first sentence they had heard him say.

    He was a lot older when I was born and I was a girl, so I don't think he knew what to do with me.  He was kind of distant when I was younger, but I knew he loved me.  He showed it by taking care of my car.  I didn't put gas in my own car until moved out after college.  He would always get up before me and take it to the gas station, then casually tell me "I filled up your tank, babe."  That meant "I love you".

    He had a very dry sense of humor, that I inherited, which most people don't get.  He was so quiet that when he'd make a crack no one could tell if he was serious or not.  He was so shy he didn't talk to my husband more than "hi" until we'd been dating for 2 yrs.  He was convinced dad didn't like him.  But when he asked him if he could marry me, Dad said "I have to say yes or she'll kill me."

    Dad is now suffering from Alzheimer's.  Some times there are flashes of the same person, but most of the time he's in a fog.  He doesn't know my mom now more that every once in a while.  He seems to know me when I visit, but who can really tell.  I breaks my heart that my boys, especially my youngest who is his namesake, will never know him as he was.
  • motymoty
    Posts: 442Member

    My dad is the best. He used to play with us, tickle us, take me hunting/fishing. He would go out and start everyone's car before school and wipe off all the mirrors. He would practice softball with me for hours. He was the father of three girls. He used to tell our dates that they had to be able to "whoop his ass" before they could take us out, b/c then he'd know that the boy could take care of us as good as he could...lol! He never made one really try.

    I just recently went through a really rough patch, financially and medically (foreclosure, cancer). And he bought out my aunt's part of my deceased grandmother's house and paid to put a new roof on it. I will pay him back when I can, but he hasn't asked or even hinted about it.

    I recently had surgery to remove the cancer and mom told me that he cried when the doc said I came through surgery alright and they were able to remove all the cancer.

  • CalliopemarieCalliopemarie
    Posts: 3,898Member

    my father was and still is a jack ass.  he is better with my kids then he ever was with me and my siblings.  He's an alcoholic. he would go out after work every night drinking and not come home till the bar closed.  he and my mother fought terribly.  when i was little my mother took us kids out in the middle of the night when she didn't want to fight with him.  some nights we got a motel but when we didn't have the money we slept in the car. he did hit my mom i don't know how often as she hid it but when I got older i realized what was going on. he cheated on my mom multiple times and the did seperate at one point but got back together because he stopped drinking for a bit  when my older sister (not his) was 16 he kicked her out because he found her and her bf talking in her room on new years eve.  she fought with him alot.  When i got old enough at 14 or 15  he and i fought alot.  i tried to avoid it some nights but he would come into my room and start fights with me.  he only ever slapped me once.  it was the night he blamed me for my mothers miscarraige.  i did the best i could to protect my younger brother and sister.  about a week after he slapped me and my mom had the miscarraige she caught him at his g/f's house and ended up packing a bag for him and took that and her car and left it there and walked home.  she took my bike the next morning to go get cigarettes and didnt make it there.  she came rushing back home hemmoraging.  she had to go to the hospital and get a d&c.    i called my older sister and on her way to the house she saw his car at the bar.  she and i along with a friend of mine took it upon ourselves to pack his shit up and drop it off at his girlfriends house.  he came at me that day because i called his g/f a whore. his buddy stopped him.  my mom and him divorced soon after but my mother never was happy about what he did.  she and my dad ended up back together in 2006 after my moms house flooded.  she stayed with him and my little brother. they still fight even now when he gets trashed.  hes learned not to mess with me after he came and started with me and dh one night when my oldest was a baby.  he showed up at my grandfathers house where i was staying, he showed up with one of my cousins.  they came in and started a big fight and then my dad went after dh.  dh is a former marine and almost unintentionally killed him.  my father had bruises on his neck for weeks.  ive fought with him since then but no where near what it used to be.  he knows i'm not afraid of him and that dh will kick his ass if he ever tries something with me.  i try to keep my temper if he says stupid shit while i am visiting my mom at his house because my kids dont need to see that side of him. 

  • irishlassirishlass
    Posts: 7,057Member
    @chocoholic im so sorry!

    @unforgiven, my heart just broke reading that :(

    My dad is a funny creature! He has an undiagnosed mental illness. His moods are extremely erratic and as a child i grew up learning to avoid and fear. He wasnt always bad, but times with him were either crazy and exciting and wonderful, or awful. My parents divorced when i was 11, and i was a major source of support for both of them. I saw the complete breakdown of them both. I constantly seek his approval. He loves me unconditionally, and is very generous with money and stuff, but he doesnt know how to just 'be' with me, or my sisters. When we talk or see each other it always has a specific point or purpose. I would love him to just want to be around me and B. He was there when I first had B, and was a great help. But he was either doing something useful, or gone, if that makes sense? I would love to just hang out with him. He is coming to Tenerife in a couple of weeks, and Im really looking forward to it. I hope we can get some good daddy daughter time. I do NEED his approval, and what kills me is that he has taken bfs side more than once when im telling him about disagreements weve had. He doesnt recognise how hard ive worked and what a good job ive done. 
    "Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." - Dr. Seuss
  • Determined12
    Posts: 70Member
    I had a "Daddy" until I was about 10 years old. He was my everything and I was the light of his eye. That didn't stop him from cheating on and abusing my mother. He was an alcoholic and went to the bar everyday before he came home. Many nights he would pick my brother and me up and take us with him. He was fun and funny. People liked him. I thought he was amazing. Even when I saw him hold a pistol to my mom's head when she threatened to call the neighbors to help her control him.

    My mom finally got the confidence to leave him and he took this as an opportunity to be relieved of all fatherly duties. We saw him a few times as we were growing up but he didn't call and he didn't make an effort.

    He got to where he would call and want to see his kids a weekend in the summer. Of course, these turned out to be drunk fests (we were adults at this point) with fun had by most. A couple years ago he announced he was dying at one of these get togethers. It seemed as if he wanted us to be sad but I was just numb. I couldn't help but think how selfish he was and how is absence affected me so deeply. Last summer he died a slow painful lonely death. Sure, we were around in and out of hospital bit he didn't have anyone that felt devoted to him. Thanks to the preacher that would be present at his funeral, I was encouraged to talk to him about my emptiness he had so much to do with. I did and he listened, I think. Regardless, it helped me to get out the feelings I had been holding for so long.

    He's a memory now. I don't miss him. I dont know if I even loved him when he passed. It's confusing.

    My relationship with him has left me terrified of abandonment, but I'm realizing those scars he left are what makes me me.
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    When my parents met, Daddy was 19 and Momma was 16. They both worked at the local grocery store, in the bakery. Momma at 16 was already a widow who had lost both a husband and a child. (Her husband had been killed in a car wreck, and the resulting shock caused her to miscarry at 8 months.) They fell in love in Foodway, and got married 6 months later, a month after her 17th birthday, and I was born the next year.

    Daddy was a hard man. The oldest son of a severely alcoholic father, and responsible for his brother and sister from a very young age. He used to tell me how he'd drive his dad around at 9 and 10, because his dad was too drunk to drive. He grew up in the swamps of Louisianna, working construction as a young teenager to help his mom keep food on the table. The jobs played out, and his dad got in trouble with the law, so they moved to Georgia for a little bit, before coming here to Mississippi. He dropped out of school and got his GED, and worked in the furniture factories from then, until he was forced to retire in disability last year.

    I remember when he sold sold his Harley to buy a station wagon LOL You would have thought the world had ended. And in a way, for him, I guess it did. But it was just one of a million different sacrifices he made willingly, to make sure we had what we needed. 

    He took me to all my karate classes, every single one, for almost 10 years, no matter how tired he was, no matter how broke we were. He bragged on my singing to everyone who will listen (and still does :D ) He has been an amazing grandfather to ALL our children, not just the biological ones. We rubbed each other like sandpaper when I was a teenager, but we learned to avoid each other when necessary. (I'm the only girl)

    He taught me how I should expect to be treated by any man, not in words, but by example.

    community-manager


  • MiaMommyof2
    Posts: 152Member
    My dad was not around when I was young. I believe he was at the hospital when I was born and maybe came to see me on my birthday and christmas until I was about 4. He was one of those who would bring a large gift to try and compensate for his lack of parenting. He would only call my mom to show off his new car he got or to bring over my insurance card. Now let me tell you of the back story...my father was marrid when I was conceived and my mother had no idea. When his wife found out about my mom, she would randomly show up at our home and call my mom a whore and homewrecker. She finally called the cops about that and it stopped. I also have half siblings, I believe there are 4 of them, 3 girls and 1 boy. One of them is two years older than me and another is a year younger. My mom never expressed any anger or illwill toward this man. She never bashed him infront of me and whenever he did show up, it was not like he was my father, it was more of he was a friend of my mother. He stopped coming around when I was home. He would make sure to drop off the insurance card in the mailbox and leave. There was never any limitations to him seeing me so it was all on him. When I was 15, my mother had to go back to court for a child support issue and I had to go also. When he got to the courthouse and saw me, he gave me one of the dirtiest looks I have ever received in my life. His attorney asked if I wanted visitation with him and I told him flat out "nothing stopped him from seeing me.
    Hakuna Mata....
  • MiaMommyof2
    Posts: 152Member
    his attorney then said i was ruining a good relationship and i would be sorry. I was never sorry...he choose not to see me. Two years ago I found him on facebook and decided to email him to let him know he has two grandkids (not sure if he has any or not). Told him I wasn;t looking to start anything but that he should know that he is missing out on some great kids. He emailed me back and said "I am sorry this is too much for me, I can't deal wth this right now" I found one of my "sisters" and emailed her and she was more open with me for about a week and then it stopped. I am not sorry for what I said in court. I only wish that I could have had the love of both parents but I am great from just my mom. She did so much for me and I can appreciate her more for that.
    Hakuna Mata....
  • workinmommy
    Posts: 57Member
    This thread has brought me to tears. For those of you that didn't have the father you needed/need - I'm sorry. That breaks my heart. My son's dad isn't really in his life and I wonder if one day he'll have a story that's sort of bitter sweet like so many above. I feel so lucky to have the Dad I do. Gentle, progressive, smart and sweet. And a million other good things. He's an institution. He's "manly" in ways, hockey, horses, woodsman. But also an environmentalist, a hippie and the best grandfather/babysitter on the go. When we were kids (I have 2 sisters) our Dad put a poster on the wall, it read: Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill became a doctor. That's my Dad. Unassuming and open-minded. Poor guy -- I was so very difficult to manage as a teen -- worried him lots as a young adult as well. My Dad and Mom are currently raising my younger sister's DD. The man has no enemies. He is loved by all. Dad's example made it so I'll never stay with a bad man for long :) and will always be able to look after myself. Thinking about what life might be like without him is making me so sad right now. My heart goes out to those who must walk without their dads. Hugs to you @onetime. @serendipity your story made me hurt and heavy. I wish you didn't have to go through that. I see my Dad in the description of yours.
  • forkinthehead
    Posts: 482Member
    My old mans alright. I had a pretty good childhood for the most part. He taught me how to scout, hunt, fish amongst many othet things. There were times that I didn't like him and felt that he was unfair. Those turned out to be some of my best lessons learned. My dad is human, has made mistakes....so what? So have I and everyone else.

    I wish that he had learned to be happy, and self confidant. I wouldn't change my dad in any way. He had a choice in to how he would live his life. I do believe he did the best that he could.

    I am the daughter of an alcoholic...It was his choice. And I love him just the same.
  • MegTheGem
    Posts: 6Member
    My parents divorced when I was 6, having split up when I was 2. They decided it was better for me to have my parents apart than together and fighting all the time. They were so much better as friends than as spouses. I was a Daddy's Girl; I adored him. When I was 10, my Grandma (Mom's mom) paid for me to fly from TX to OR--where my mom is from, Salem--for the summer...less than a month later, my mom got into some trouble (she hit her now-ex hubby with her truck and didn't want to face the music) so she and her POS BF ran up to Oregon. I didn't get to see my dad again until I was 12, almost 13, when we went to TX for a summer vacation. We kept in regular contact until just after my 16th birthday, when my mom forced me to tell him about losing my virginity. After that, due to both him and I moving often and having number changes, we lost contact. I knew he loved me and missed me; I was his only child and NEVER doubted his love for me. Flash forward almost 11 years, to 2010. I had married my high school sweetheart, and he was serving his 2nd tour of Iraq with the Army (he's still AD, just passed board to become promotable from Sgt to SSgt), and our DD was 8 months old. I get on Facebook one day and see a friend request from a woman I could remember from my childhood. I call my mom to confirm; it is someone who's known me my whole life. My mom contacts her, and gives her number. The woman calls Mom and after Mom asks if she knows anything about Dad, she's told, "You're her mother, it isn't my right to tell her that he's in the VA hospital in Dallas, dying." Mom tells me; I'm devastated. All I'd ever wanted was to find my daddy, but not in that condition. A few hours after Mom tells me, DH gets online; he knew that I'd been found by the woman. I sent him a cry-face, and he knew I'd been told something bad, so I tell him. Right away, he tells me to book a flight for me, Mom and DD to TX; he knows my dream was to find my father. He was so happy to see our savings account drained for it, lol. Thankfully, my mom had a friend who was wealthy and insisted we stay with her and borrow her car to visit my dad. The night I found out, the woman visited Daddy in the hospital; he didn't know I'd been found. They called me and put me on speaker...he was too ill to speak, but the descriptions I got...he lit up and thought he was dreaming. He got to hear me say I was married to a great guy, and that he was a grandpa, and that I loved and missed him. Anyway...after getting to TX and meeting up with the people who were acting as his guardians, I discover that he was a raging alcoholic and the driving force of it was ME; he was unable to cope after losing contact with me. All he ever talked about was me; he wanted to know how I was, if I was a mommy, etc. The time I was there, he'd gotten so much sicker, he knew I was someone important but couldn't remember WHY. The nurses said that whenever I had to leave, he would get agitated. Sadly, he was in the ICU and because DD was so young, he couldn't meet her (but he did know what she and DH looked like, his friends had printed pics from my FB page, one of DD at 6 months, and one of DH and I the day he deployed). Unfortunately, we had to go back home after a few days, but I'd apparently impressed everyone with how fast I'd gotten there--about 48 hours after being found--and how willing I was to take over from his friends for his care and decision-making. On the flight home, I got a call...he passed away less than 12 hours after I left. I held it together until I got home, and was able to get a message thru the Red Cross to DH's Command and they let him come home for 10 days emergency leave. Only then was I able to break. The plus side? We concieved our son, who will be 1 on March 15. I take solace in that he knew I loved and missed him, that he knew I had been there, that I'd gotten there as fast as I could, that I had a good life with a good man, and that he was a grandpa to a beautiful little girl who was partly named for him.