Their house, never mine
  • spoiledrtn
    Posts: 23Member
    This seems to happen to us a lot and I wondered if it happens to anyone else.  My kids are invited to other peoples house for play dates, sleep overs, whatever.  Other parents never have an issue having our kids over there, but when it comes time for their kids to come to our house it's a big fat no!  They tell their kids things like, we don't know them, we don't know if it's safe, blah blah blah.    My husband is prior military so yeah, we haven't lived here our whole life, but most of them haven't either.  We aren't drinkers, fighters, etc. We are a normal family.  We live in a nice neighborhood.  What is the deal?  I've already told my oldest that she isn't going anywhere again until someone comes here.  I just had to tell another mom that I wasn't comfortable with my kid going home from school with her so our kids could hang out. I've never even met her!  Are you kidding me!  Is this an issue for anyone else?
  • loveitloveit
    Posts: 1,738Member
    That's crazy! It's the opposite here! We have playdates probably twice a week after school at our house and it is reciprocated probably once or twice a month. I kind of understand though bc dd is an only and everyone else had a whole mess of kids
  • CrashCrash
    Posts: 10,571Member
    Yeah we have the opposite issue also. My daughter could have someone over every single day if she wanted....but she *never* gets called up to come over.
    Why be a king when you can be a God?
  • collegemommy
    Posts: 426Member
    We are the opposite...my kids have friends over here all the time but they never get invited anywhere.  I'm not sure why, they are normal friendly kids who are very well behaved and respectful.  The only thing I can come up with (because I'm trying to not freak myself out by thinking everyone hates us!) is that other people are in a lot more activities than we are and usually spend their weekends running from game to game.  My kids are not interested in sports at all!!  My son is in band and my daughter loves art so that leaves us free most weekends :) 

    I think maybe the problem is all of these crazy scare tactic television shows that paints the guy next door as a gun wielding child molester?  It seems like there are a lot of news stories lately about kids being abused, hurt, or killed by someone who the family completely trusted.  I know it makes me wonder about my kids friends sometimes!  When you hear the statistics that are broadcast on the news all of the time it can make people paranoid!
  • NinLee
    Posts: 729Member
    My DSD was molested. I had a terrible feeling about the person who did it, but I thought I was mad. After we found out, I swore that I would follow my gut instinct - so I suppose that I am kinda neurotic these days. My kids only  have sleep overs with people that I know well and whom I trust .   Since moving my daughter has made a friend at school and this friend is always asking for my DD to have a sleep over at her place. I feel terrible for always saying "no", but I just get such a bad vibe from the childs father (his parents have custody of his child, but he lives in an outside room at their house) that I won't allow my DD to stay there for a night. I have explained to my kids recently that sleepovers are out of the question for now - we don't know anybody well enough for me to be comfortable to let them go.
    But this is just our story...
  • WickedDunkieJunkieWickedDunkieJunkie
    Posts: 8,649Member
    My kids were allowed to go to friends houses, but I liked having their friends at our house too. That way I KNEW what they were doing etc.
    Perhaps it's just a case of the parents liking to know whats going on, or maybe they need control.
    Try inviting the family over some night. Dinner, pizza, games, whatever.
    Maybe once they see that you are just a normal family like theirs, they will loosen up some.
    WDJ_Avatar_zps4536679b
    We Are The Music Makers... And We Are The Dreamers Of Dreams...

  • sanityseekersanityseeker
    Posts: 3,404Member
    I hate having kids here, but don't mind my kids going to other's houses....maybe set up some sort of play date where you make sure to include the parents?
    "I thought maybe the kids could play and we could get to know each other?" type of thing? 
    or even (if possible) invite just the mom over/out  for coffee during a school day?

    "If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear?" -Castiel
    "Dobby never meant to kill! Dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure.” -Dobby
    Genealogy: Where you confuse the dead and irritate the living.
  • motymoty
    Posts: 442Member

    This very thing is going on at our house right now!! DD14 is invited to a sleepover at a friend's house, whom I have never met. She has alot of friends and is allowed to go quite a few places, b/c I know the parents and the girls are allowed to come here also.

    I know that i'll probably get some flack about this b/c she is 14 but I still worry. You have to worry about everyone in that house, mom's boyfriend, the daddy, older step brother, whatever the case is. I'll admit that I am paranoid as hell, when it comes to my kids. People are so fucking crazy.

    Anyway, we are probably letting her go, but I really don't want to :(  I will be crazy mom that night and text her like crazy...lol!

     

     

  • CrashCrash
    Posts: 10,571Member
    I will worry with my 14 yo dd....because kids around here start drinking/smoking at that age.

    And...they're starting to grow up and come into their looks. And makeup. And boobs. Oh lord.
    Why be a king when you can be a God?
  • AnonUser29
    Posts: 1,157Guest
    opposite here too. Well, it was until we moved. There were ALWAYS neighbourhood kids at our house before. Of course, we lived in a trailer park where my husband was a maintenance man so everyone knew us but still. As for now, my daughter never gets invited any where and no one ever comes to play. I feel so bad for her. 
  • motymoty
    Posts: 442Member
    Yep @Curious , she is practically in a womans body already! She has a pretty good head on her, but she tends to be a follower.
  • AnonUser29
    Posts: 1,157Guest
    I know the feeling though about being a kid in a woman's body. DD is 8 and can already fill an A cup. I don't know what I am going to so when she IS a teen. I have faith in her though. She can be a royal witch and HATES people to touch her. 
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    well behaved women seldom make history
  • shouldcleanshouldclean
    Posts: 2,808Member
    My kids aren't old enough but my sister has a 9 year old son. She lives in the town we grew up in and no one will let their kids sleep over her house. They can go to play but not sleep over. I think parents are overly paranoid these days.
  • momofeveryonemomofeveryone
    Posts: 1,917Member

    i wont let dh bathe or dress my 4 year old niece anymore bc i dont want people to have ANYTHING they can use to stir up trouble. (mostly my nieces dad who has tons of issues.) its not that i dont trust my dh with her, he is her uncle and was there the day she was born. he loves her like his own and has cared for her like his own. i just dont want to give people ammo needlessly.

    im also lazy, it is waaaaay easier for you to bring your kid here and i mind them, then for me to pack up my group and bring them to you. id rather never have an afternoon free and have a slew of kids running rampent and knowing who and what my kid is getting into then always wonder.

    i think DS has been to 3 ppls houses that are not relatives in his 3 years....

    i want a nap. and some chocolate. who's with me?!
  • spoiledrtn
    Posts: 23Member
    @moty- I would be texting like crazy too!  I've let her go once and that was awful.  I sent her several messages and she is such a great kid and she responded to all of them.  I don't worry so much about the drinking and all that just because of the kids she hangs out with, but you never know about the family members.  Her friend is an only child so there aren't any brothers to worry about, but still.  I think I'm going to try to invite the family over for dinner.  That was a good idea, thanks KDT7688
  • yarrrrrrrr
    Posts: 207Member
    I'm nervous about how I'll handle it if/when my kids are invited over to another kid's house without me.  They've had play dates at friends' houses, but I've been there because they're so young.  I would be nervous to let them go to other people's houses if I don't know them REALLY well.  When I was a kid/teenager, most of the stuff we did wrong was thanks to our friends' parents who gave us alcohol, cigarettes, let us be alone in bedrooms with boys, etc. and they did this knowing our parents would not have approved-- AND they lied to our parents about what was going on.  They were trying to act like our friends instead of parents.  I'm going to do everything in my power to avoid leaving my kids with anyone like that, and if I don't know them, my kids won't be there.  But I'd be glad to have others over here because I know what's happening here.
  • motymoty
    Posts: 442Member
    Holy SHIT!! DD just told me that she didn't want to go to the party. I pressed as to why. Did she and the girl have a fight or is someone coming that she doesn' t like. She finally admitted that they might be drinking at the party!! SOOOOO Glad she is going! And I don't think we'll be doing anything with that friend, either.
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 14,066Administrator, Moderator
    Same here. Of course, we just moved here 3 weeks ago. But my DS11 came home last week, "Can my friend come over this evening?" I said Sure. So his little friend called a few minutes later, and DS told him I said yes, and then he called BACK a few minutes later, and said that 'My dad says I can't come, because he don't know yall....but you can come over here."
    WtF.

    I told DS Well hell, I don't know them either. Just tell him maybe another time, then.


    He came over with his dad two days later. BUT, his dad never came in the house, or even checked to see if there was a grown up here. Fuck, I guess seeing the house from the driveway was good enough.

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