my husband and I have been separated for years, but still live together, I would like to say, "for the sake of the kids" but in actuality I can't afford to move out on my own, yet. so I harbor deep resentments. He shaves his head, and used to always miss spots, when I would tell him, he would get mad at me, (? I know!) so I started drawing on his head when he fell asleep, he sleeps on the futon. I once made a spot into a Hitler mustache, once made it into a face, once I drew a big eye in the middle of the back of his head. He also sags his pants, claims he has no hips, he is a larger guy. and I guess the belt does not help but he used to always sport crack, it was so embarrassing watching people point. I took pictures of him bending over in public, and would send it to him. also, when he was asleep I once wrote above the start of the crack part in thick black sharpie "got crack?" "awhahahah!" he started buying better undershorts.. I know I am mean, but damn, we are separated because of his crap... lalala, I have more, but this is probably enough for now.

@notsohotmomma
Yes I do lol. Somebody posted one of a dude sucking his own dick on here that was an instant forward to him. He is always asking is that what you do all day at work...search the net for cock pictures.
Yes...yes I do.

I (gently) headbutt him and call it a "goat kiss."
He's Puerto Rican, so I call him a Mexican.
I stick my finger in his ears and his belly button.
I press on his tummy when I know he has to pee.
I act like I'm going in for a kiss, then lick his cheek or the tip of his nose.
I take pics of him in weird positions while he's alseep, and set them as the background on our desktop.
When I want him to get me something, I ask, "How much do you love me?" in a whiny voice.
I refer to his bff as his girlfriend, and make comments about their bromance.
He talks to himself in the shower, so I sneak in there and listen, then respond to one of his random comments, making him freak out and ask me how long I've been there.

When I do any of the above, and he gives me his fake angry face, I just stick my tongue out and say, "But you love me!"

Last night I offered to help him move and clean his apartment because he bought a house and just got possession at the beginning of the week. I showed up with a clipboard and told him that by help I had really meant supervise. The look on his face was priceless.

I asked bf if he would be open to a vasectomy. He is 27 and has no kids of his own. He looked at me like I had three heads and told me to stop fucking with him.

BiscuitsMom said:

I (gently) headbutt him and call it a "goat kiss."

omg im so going to start doing this!

 

 

I love to get him all hot and bothered when it is the *rush hour* at home. You know dinner, kid's home work, baby bottle.  I will just random rub him until it is visible and he has to go hide and get it down unless he wants the kids pointing at it.  >:)     But then again, there is the payback later. He gets me all bothered then stop everything and go watch tv laughing at me. 

I tap his nips, he hates it.

When he's bending over to pick up his boots or anything else... Badboy gets a wind-enema.

When im bored, I get him to the store for something simple, then text him other things to get, usually super-embarrassing things. On purpose. Like say, I want bananas...Then I text for condoms, lube, and hemorrhoid ointment.

I also like to insert my finger repetitively into his belly button and ask him, "does this turn you on?" He thinks I'm weird.. lol

OH! I can do the Carman voice... I should start trying it that way!!  =))

I made him let me draw an elephant on his "special area" one time. I'll let yall figure out what was the trunk. Sadly, he wouldn't let me take a pic. Said he thought I would post it on FB or share it with my friends... Funniest thing ever! 

breezy said:

Or I tell him "don't talk back" with a pop on the mouth when he is talking about something really boring... Like March madness and the bets he won with his friends... *yawn*

=)) I loooooove this