The absolute worst thing to say to a military wife with a deployed DH.
  • mrsabmrsab
    Posts: 24Member
    "Suck it up, you married him knowing he could be deployed!"

    Um really? I had no idea he would miss the birth of our first child and then the first 6 months of her life because he was supposed to be in a non-deployable unit but we kind of got screwed over. Thanks for the support!
  • batshitsillybatshitsilly
    Posts: 27Member
    quick jab to the throat is what that person should get!!
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 2,632
    @mrsab - I am sure that you have a knife nearby, comments like that are what I call "shankin' time!"  Or, a good old fashioned slap.......Fuck that.
    L-)
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 1,086
    Much love to the women who keep the HOME FIRES burning while their hubs are deployed.  Thank you women! Thank you to your husbands and families for making a sacrifice for us all!
  • runbitchrunrunbitchrun
    Posts: 907Member
    Here's a good, "don't say to a military wife." My DH was about to go on his first deployment and we were engaged. We went to PSD to fill out his will, not fun, and the woman doing the paperwork says, "oh yeah, the will is good. You guys die all the time." I was flabbergasted.
  • LA_PygmyHerderLA_PygmyHerder
    Posts: 1,230Member
    I respect the hell out of military wives. They put up with so much shit it's insane! Not only are they raising families, being mom and dad to their kids, they're moving at the whim of the government, away from family and friends and anything they know, just to stand by the man they love. Hats off ladies! I know I would be hard pressed to keep my sanity.
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,718Confessional Manager
    Some people just don't fucking think before they say this shit! 

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • I'm not a military wife but the dumbest things I heard was one of our moms in play group say she can relate to the military mom cause her husband traveled internationally for month at a time.

    My husband is in corporate America and travels a lot and in no way do this compare to the stress or distance or even worry of being a military wife.
    Hats off to ALL military wife's. Your love and support is a true testament to the Heros that serve our great nation. I personally thank you all.
  • FierceFierce
    Posts: 93Member
    Nothin' but respect for our men and women in service, and to their families for holdin' it down. <3
  • ArmymamaArmymama
    Posts: 200Member
    I've heard from a military wife once when I made a small complaint about having to go to drill (I'm in the army reserves) 2 months after my son was born. I said I'm going to miss him like crazy! She said to me: "sorry but you signed up for this so do your damn job and don't complain!". Hmm not something nice to say when she understands being away from a loved one for long periods of time. Didn't help I was suffering from PPD. Some people just never think before saying things!
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 1,519
    I want to thank EVERY SINGLE serving member of the US Military and their entire families for the service they give to our country. Your dedication, commitment, an willingness to serve have proven time and time again that there is simply no force on earth like ours.

    To the women who leave their families, and those who stay behind while their husbands leave- you are beautiful. Your strength is beyond measure, and the gift you give of yourself and those you love is priceless. That anyone should doubt this is not just folly, but foul.

    May you and yours stay safe.
  • runbitchrunrunbitchrun
    Posts: 907Member
    In the Navy we have an ombudsman, basically she is a wife of a teammate and is the liason between us wives and the guys when they're deployed. My DH third six month deployment was a combat one in Iraq. This was my first time I was seriously scared for him. Because the men were in no mans land, it would be weeks in between each letter or telephone call.

    The ombudsman called me half way through the deployment saying there has been an accident. They don't know who was involved or if anyone died. WTF lady! Don't call the wives until you have information! I'm still livid... summary is I never trust the ombudsman and that one was an idiot for freaking us out... don't say anything like that to a wife!

    And don't watch the news...
  • mrsabmrsab
    Posts: 24Member
    Ah you guys are awesome! I'm glad there is a large support group. :)

    It sucks because I hear that all the time, even from random people who ask why my husband isn't out shopping with me and our baby. It baffles me because I know if their husbands were in the military and they deployed, they would miss them no matter what!
  • HotSouthernMess
    Posts: 339Member
    What really sucks is that I worked for ATT and they would not let me off to say goodbye to my DH and they would not let me off when he got home from an18-month deployment. I had to lie and say I was sick and go to the dr. And get a note. I got put on verbal warning for that. They do not have unpaid time off and ATT does not have sick days. You have to claim FMLA and hope that your dr will fill out the paperwork and hope that it is approved.

  • mrsabmrsab
    Posts: 24Member
    @MarriageLimbo: If you are talking about the cell phone company, then I am sorry because I hate them! My husband has had them since he was in middle school and he put his line on hold for the deployment and they recently cancelled his line and said he has to pay over 1 grand because he cancelled his line early. It was total bs. He hasn't paid it yet and we are fighting them right now.
  • ktsmamaktsmama
    Posts: 354Member

    I want to thank EVERY SINGLE serving member of the US Military and their entire families for the service they give to our country. Your dedication, commitment, an willingness to serve have proven time and time again that there is simply no force on earth like ours.

    To the women who leave their families, and those who stay behind while their husbands leave- you are beautiful. Your strength is beyond measure, and the gift you give of yourself and those you love is priceless. That anyone should doubt this is not just folly, but foul.

    May you and yours stay safe.




    ^^ What she said!!! ^^

    My whole childhood my dad was in the National Guard. Gone one weekend a month, and 2 weeks every summer. I count my blessings that he was never deployed during his service. But I was aso always extremely proud of what he did!

  • TypoFaeryTypoFaery
    Posts: 1,936Member
    @mrsab everytime I got that fricken comment when hubby was in the Army I would just smile sweetly and say "Well then I guess your husband has no right to complain because he knew what a bitch you were when he married you. At least mine misses me when he is gone." and walk away. *hugs* dont let the snarky bitches get you down. They are just pissed because they couldnt hang with it themselves.
  • HotSouthernMess
    Posts: 339Member
    @Mrsab no it was telco. I worked for them. It was a good paying union job but unreasonable OT hours and horrible work practices.
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 6,948
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    well behaved women seldom make history
  • AnonUser23
    Posts: 2,270Guest

    My dh left a few days ago on deployment :( Yes, I knew exactly what I was getting into but it doesn't mean I haven't cried a few times this week, been stressed out and honestly a little scared. We will have zero contact for months, not even e-mail. I have to have a biopsy on a lump I found on my neck in a few weeks, my son is sick with the flu and I have a double ear infection. Only one of my good friends have called to see how I was doing this week. Everyone has the right to complain at times! If you don't want to listen or be a shoulder to cry on at times then you aren't a very good friend!

    @mrsab whoever said that to you is a jerk. I have no idea why some people have to say such things when you are already feeling down. I'm sorry

    >:D<
  • stinkersmommystinkersmommy
    Posts: 1,887Member
    My heart goes out to all the Military wives and I have only slight understanding of what they go thru. My hunny is a oil rig tech and is gone three weeks a month and I worry my ass off about him going to a rig that blows up (they do a lot more often then you think) and my worry is a lot less realistic then they're hubbys getting shot at and being gone a lot longer. So I cannot understand such a heartless comment and greatly appreciate these women and THIER scarifices because they are truly amazing women. @handtowellady feel free to vent away at me anytime cuz I know handling everything alone sucks ass some days
  • Chevys_Mommy
    Posts: 258Member
    A few days ago I had a post about how I was really stressed because my DF was at an away drill for the first time since our DD was born and someone commented "you knew he was in the army when you got engaged" I suppose that just means in suppose to suck it up and keep my mouth shut? I havent had to deal with deployment yet, but hearing suck it up, or anything of that sort when you're really needing support, completely sucks.
  • Sleeplessinnc
    Posts: 67Member
    That is like saying you shouldn't vent about your children because you knew what you were getting into when you got pregnant- and I don't think anyone here would say that! I can honestly say I did NOT know what I was getting into when I married my military spouse. I love him more today than I did the day we got married. I worry about him more and more. I thought it would get easier but it has only gotten harder. I didn't know how hard it would be to have to explain to my little girl why daddy is gone. That yes of course he still loves us but he can't come home. When i got married (pre kids) I didn't comprehend the love I would feel for my girls and how seeing them sad would rip my heart out. How I would worry all the time. I didn't know how hard it would be to move to a new place with no support network to speak of all whe keeping a smile on my face. I had no clue what I was in for and though I would marry him again in a heartbeat- people who say things like that really piss me off!
  • ZidashaZidasha
    Posts: 831Member
    Yes, true, you married him you knew he would be going on deployments...BUT....if you've never been around a military family or have military experience you don't REALLY know how it is AND you don't know that yes, the military tends to screw you over.  On the other hand even if you do have experience with military NOTHING can prepare you for the emotional aspect of having a loved one miss out on so much and the not being able to talk to them on a daily basis.  Not knowing if they are ok or not.

    Big hugs to you.  I wouldn't let it bother you too much with that comment. I don't know that person that said that to you but I bet that person has never personally had to deal with a deployed loved one.  You are a strong woman and I admire and respect most military spouses.
    "I have a theory that placenta is brain matter I push out, so with each child I get dumber and dumber." ~ Unknown

  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,718Confessional Manager
    It's one thing to know it's going to happen. It's a whole other thing to be prepared for it. And even when you THINK you're prepared for it, sometimes you're just not. 

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • notperfectnotperfect
    Posts: 1,246Member

    I think it's amazing that you "knew what you were getting into" and decided to do it anyways. Kudos to you and your husband.


     

    ^:)^