Funeral vs. Viewing etiquette – need Advice please
  • NotSoSilentLurkerNotSoSilentLurker
    Posts: 155Member

    If you are not very close with the family of the deceased,
    but absolutely want to show your support in their time of loss, is it better to
    go to the “wake/viewing” or the actual funeral? <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />


    Here is my situation :   a woman
    I volunteered with passed away very unexpectedly; I knew her well enough to know
    her husband and children, but not enough that we would socialize as families
    etc. (her husband would know my face I am sure, but probably not be able to remember
    my name)  We live in the same neighborhood,
    and anytime we saw each other we would always chat, etc., but I never went in
    her house or invited her in mine kind of thing


    I feel for her family so much (3 kids between the ages of 8 –
    12) and absolutely want to support them in any way I can, I am just trying to
    figure out what is “appropriate” and i don't think i will be able to attend both things.


  • shouldcleanshouldclean
    Posts: 2,808Member
    Its more appropriate to go to the wake. Funerals are usually families/close friends.
  • i_am_a_thunderbirdi_am_a_thunderbird
    Posts: 1,672Member
    In those cases, I go to the wake.

    It's a nice way to show your respect. I think the funeral is more personal, for family and people who were really close with the deceased.
  • AnonUser23
    Posts: 2,270Guest
    The viewing/wake. That is where you give your condolences. Funerals are for family and close friends.
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 6,948
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    well behaved women seldom make history
  • bendorbreak bendorbreak
    Posts: 494Member
    I think just go to the viewing. Thats how we have always done it in my family. We go, say what we have to, sometimes send some flowers to the funeral home. Depending on who it was. The funeral itself, at least for us, is a bit harder to deal with and can be religious. And the people who attend the funeral go to what i guess is the wake afterwards. Ive never known what its called. I think that is also reserved for family and maybe very close friends.
  • NotSoSilentLurkerNotSoSilentLurker
    Posts: 155Member
    Thanks so much for all the quick advice!!
  • anonymommy
    Posts: 1,652Member
    I agree with everyone else--go to the wake/viewing.
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,125Member
    If u didn't know her well enough that u would feel uncomfortable at the funeral, just go to the viewing. But if u feel strongly about it there is nothing wrong with going to the funeral of someone u admired and respected even if u didn't know them well personally. The family won't think its weird, they will appreciate it. Either way is acceptable.
    ~slim shady~
  • NotSoSilentLurkerNotSoSilentLurker
    Posts: 155Member

    Thanks again all.   Now it appears that quite a few of the other people we volunteer with are planning on attending the actual funeral, so i may end up going to that. 


    It is just horrible that I  will be attending attending a 38 year old woman's funeral :(

  • Meg11
    Posts: 51Member
    I say go to the viewing and then leave a card in the mailbox offering him/them help or whatever they might need. Remind him who you are and tell him you are just down the street should he need anything. Even bring by the card with a meal in a few days once everything has calmed down. 
  • momofdbbmomofdbb
    Posts: 10,900Member
    As a person who has had a funeral for a close family member recently , the viewing at least. The day of the funeral they might not even notice if your there or not. I swear the Pope could have attended my daughters funeral and I would have not noticed. People have came up to me and told me how they liked the service and I honestly didn't see them, and they said they even talked to me!! So viewing at least sign the book and / or send a card. That is what I would do. I myself am going to a friends grandmothers wake but not the funeral, I can't get off work short notice.
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