Why do all husbands/SOs throw temper tantrums?
  • Lioness
    Posts: 26Member
    I've been married to my husband for the past 12 years, together for the last 15.  Over the past several years, our marriage has been lackluster to say the least.  I have known for some time that once I finish my degree, I will be asking him for a divorce.  This is happening because I am done trying to make a go of a marriage that began with a pregnancy, hasty marriage and my husband telling me he loved me but was not in love with me.

    What I want to know is, is my husband the only man who throws a temper tantrum when things do not go his way?  I'm talking about big and not so big things such as the kids being loud, losing information on a computer or having the Wi Fi in the house interrupted because the microwave is running.  This is probably the thing that my husband does that bothers me the most.  How can I handle these temper tantrums until I can get my children and I out of this situation???
  • AnonUser30
    Posts: 1,916Guest
    Short answer: yes.
  • loveitloveit
    Posts: 1,738Member
    My fb throws temper tantrums!  Not like a two year old on the floor of course but I call them "adult temper tantrums".  I just don't think he can help himself.  After he cools off he realizes what a dumb butt he was being.  But alas they still happen.
  • MysonMason
    Posts: 100Member
    I tell my bf if he can't act like a adult then he will be treated like the children.  Time outs and a butt padle will put things into perspective for him!! lol   Also remind him that children mirror what their parents do.  So If he doesn't like the kids doing it, he shouldn't himself!!  I have also audio recorded bf in the middle of a rant/tantrum!!  He was suprized how he sounded!!
  • GritsGrits
    Posts: 4,370Member
    Yes. They all do it because men are basically large, hairy children.
    "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn
  • loveitloveit
    Posts: 1,738Member

    I think its the testosterone

  • AnonUser23
    Posts: 2,270Guest

    They don't! Not all men act that way, well not real men anyways.

  • curtaincrawlercurtaincrawler
    Posts: 6Member
    YES!! More often than my kid!
  • MissANicole
    Posts: 172Member
    Yea i think the majority of them do but i am known to be a lil bratty myself!
  • Lioness
    Posts: 26Member
    OK, so if all but one response has been affirmative, does anyone have any idea how to deal with this?  I feel better knowing that I'm not alone, but REALLY!  Adult men acting like children when they don't get their way is just not an acceptable way to handle things.  My children DO see my husband throw these fits and they mimic this behavior when they are frustrated.  Does anyone have any ideas?
  • aapmaapm
    Posts: 112Member
    Husbands, boyfriends, SOs.  They all do in some way or another.
  • AnonUser34
    Posts: 1,796Guest
    YES!!! That was easy :D
  • DawnOfANewDay
    Posts: 8Member

    how long till you get your degree?

  • Lioness
    Posts: 26Member
    @DawnOfANewDay I will be finished by the beginning of August, THANK GOD! :)

  • momofdbbmomofdbb
    Posts: 10,900Member
    Yes yes yes!!! That is one of many reasons I am getting a divorce. He would pout and complan so much about when I said no to him buying things like : Xbox, playstation, games , computers and cameras. The kids asked me if I could just say yes to shut him up!!! He bugged me so much about a threesome that my oldest DS actually asked me how much one cost!!! He was tired about his daddy asking me!!! That was one of the last straws. Now he is telling me he won't sign and divorce papers so it won't happen, and he will never pay child support. He is going to have a rude awakening.
    " Wibbly wobbly timey wimey ......." The Doctor
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  • DawnOfANewDay
    Posts: 8Member

    @lioness File for the divorce now.  It will take a few months to get all in order.  If you and the kid/kids don't have a place to stay, have your atty. make a proposal that you stay there with the kids and he move out. Also, have your atty. make another proposal for your DH to pay the mortgage until the house is sold.  You take the utilities.  Worked well for both me and my ex.

  • LA_PygmyHerderLA_PygmyHerder
    Posts: 1,230Member
    I think everyone throws a temper tantrum now and again in their own way. I know for a fact I do. And dh does. It's normal and human.
  • Lioness
    Posts: 26Member
    @DawnOfANewDay I would but I need to make sure I'm covered financially until I'm completely done with school.  He is very vindictive, so I can't make my move too soon because I have no idea what he might do in retaliation.  As crappy as that sounds, it is what it is.  I just need to make it through until I'm done.  I also want to relocate, but do not know how long and how much $ that is going to take.  I've been patient this long, a few more months shouldn't be a big issue.
  • AnonDHnDad993
    Posts: 85Member
    @lioness- Sorry to hear your guy acts that way; good luck with your situation.  I get mad from time to time like everyone else, but temper tantrums aren't part of it.
  • GritsGrits
    Posts: 4,370Member
    @Lioness, when DH gets pissy and starts to throw a tantrum, I remind him that I have 3 children who do enough whining already. I tell him when he's ready to discuss the issue like a grown man, then we'll talk about it. Until then I blatantly ignore the shit out of him. Seriously. Nothing worse than listening to a grown man whine like a 3 year old. Nothing. Worse.
    "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn
  • CrashCrash
    Posts: 10,571Member
    My husband used to throw tantrums when we worked together. It took a few years to straighten him out, to the point where only a couple of words would be exchanged.

    Now that we don't work together, I hear he's gone back to his old ways. Meh. As long as I don't have to deal with it.
    Why be a king when you can be a God?
  • fatchickonabikefatchickonabike
    Posts: 6,590Member
    My husband never throws tantrums. Ever. He gets pissed off about things, same as I do, but there's no childish behaviour on his part. He also never gets the man cold. I'm beginning to think I married a mutant - in a good way.
    Part of growing up is learning to forgive your parents for being human.
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 6,948
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    well behaved women seldom make history
  • MotherOf4
    Posts: 8Member
    My husband throw a big fit last week because I embarrassed him while he was on the phone with his friend. I mean WTH Really I embarrassed you. He went all out yelling at me, breaking stuff and some very hurtful things were said to be. All because I embarrassed him . And by the way, he was asking me questions while he was on the phone, and aparently my "tone" made his friend laugh. GRRR
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 6,948
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    well behaved women seldom make history
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 9,696Member
    I throw temper tantrums from time to time. I just get to the point where I am so overstimulated I can't take it anymore. My tantrums are not about saying mean things. It's more like, "Dammit! I am so sick of this mess!" or "That's it! Turn off the tv, the noisy toys, and go somewhere else so I can have five minutes of relative peace and solve this problem I'm working on."
    image
    “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” ― Joseph Campbell
  • MotherOf4
    Posts: 8Member
    @ MammaTeeRoll. No he was not drinking. We were just leaving to pick up our likds from his mothers house. We had a date night the night before, which was real nice. Till this happened.
  • Lioness
    Posts: 26Member
    @MamaTeeRoll  I hadn't really thought of it in that way, but the husband definitely dislikes his plans not going the way he wanted them to.  His temper tantrums include stomping around the house, slamming/throwing things and being mean and nasty to everyone in his path.  Getting frustrated is one thing, acting like a child is another matter.  I'm tired of trying to raise someone who should have grown up a long time ago.
  • serenitynowserenitynow
    Posts: 2,210Member
    "Man-trums" is what I call them and my dh has them at times. More noticeably around his man-period time of the month
  • psycomompsycomom
    Posts: 13Member
    This is freakin' AMAZING!!! i thought I was alone, i truly thought no one else had these same issues. I love love love this community!!!!
  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,819Member

    I tell my bf if he can't act like a adult then he will be treated like the children.  Time outs and a butt padle will put things into perspective for him!! lol   Also remind him that children mirror what their parents do.  So If he doesn't like the kids doing it, he shouldn't himself!!  I have also audio recorded bf in the middle of a rant/tantrum!!  He was suprized how he sounded!!



    This is awesome!!
    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • meandmy243meandmy243
    Posts: 9,474Member
    My guy has had one and it was cause of disappointment.. He does get whiny though.. My ex would blow over anything.. I hated it.. I was always walking on egg shells..
    let them eat cake! because id rather have pie!!!
  • My h has them. About anything and everything. He full on throws himself around and jumps around. He throws worse tantrums than out 3yo ds. I recorded him once to try go show him how ridiculous he acts, but he says I'm just full of it. And when our ds does stuff that he does I feel terrible for getting on him because it truly isn't his fault, he sees daddy acting like that and so it must be ok. It's fuxking not, sure I get frustrated from time to time, But I have never thrown a tantrum like he does. Uhh rant over just damnit man, why are you an overgrown baby????
  • SisyphusSisyphus
    Posts: 873Member

    I think everyone throws a temper tantrum now and again in their own way. I know for a fact I do. And dh does. It's normal and human.




  • Lioness
    Posts: 26Member
    psycomom said:

    This is freakin' AMAZING!!! i thought I was alone, i truly thought no one else had these same issues. I love love love this community!!!!



    I too am glad to see that I am not alone in dealing with this childish behavior.  If so many of us are dealing with this particular issue, how can we help them see what they are doing and ask them to change?
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 2,472
    I throw the tantrums in this house. If you were married to my husband, you would too.
    Get me a damn beer.
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 6,948
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    well behaved women seldom make history
  • monstamomonstamo
    Posts: 486Member
    My man doesn't abuse anyone, but he throws man-trum with the best of them and usually blames me for pushing him to that level. I don't tread around lightly or afraid, in fact sometimes I laugh because he looks like an idiot. Then it is game on...
  • BCImthegrownupBCImthegrownup
    Posts: 93Member

    When DH starts a tantrum, I usually look at him and ask him who the adult is. If that doesn't work I tell him to get the hell out of the house until he's done, or go call his mommy if he wants to act like he's 3. I've got two kids, I don't need to have a grown one to. My 5 year old doesn't even throw tantrums like he does. 


  • cupcakelover
    Posts: 1Member
    Yes, I refer to my husband as "my 4 year old".  I actually married a man 9 years older then me thinking he might be more mature.  What a joke.  
  • SuburbanKenzoSuburbanKenzo
    Posts: 43Member
    MotherOf4 said:

    My husband throw a big fit last week because I embarrassed him while he was on the phone with his friend. I mean WTH Really I embarrassed you. He went all out yelling at me, breaking stuff and some very hurtful things were said to be. All because I embarrassed him . And by the way, he was asking me questions while he was on the phone, and aparently my "tone" made his friend laugh. GRRR



    Hmmmm, are we sharing a hubby? Sounds an awful lot like mine :P
    why give 100% when 35 will get you paid & laid? - Kenny Powers :-P
  • SuburbanKenzoSuburbanKenzo
    Posts: 43Member
    You know @Lioness, I think we too also share a hubby.
    I'm feeling the way you are in the fact that I just want to leave his ass, take my daughter and go as far away as possible. It's not that easy for myself so I totally sympathize with you. I am going to pray for you as well as myself, hoping that whatever Higher Being will help us out. Everyone deserves a miracle once in a while, right?

    why give 100% when 35 will get you paid & laid? - Kenny Powers :-P
  • twinmommy2004
    Posts: 254Member

    My husband throws tantrums about hair in the sink, food not completely washed off the dishes or recycling, the children complaining, nobody listening to him, having to recheck the lights after he has locked up for the night and someone needed something downstairs and the cat getting under his feet.  This is just to name a few of the things that will start him to ranting and stomping about the house like an overgrown three year old.  And lord help you if you mock him - then it gets worse.  And when he is flat out angry at me - i.e. we just had a shouting match - he will stop talking to me for days.  Frankly, those are the worst, because I never know when it is going to end - sometimes he will growl at me for 3-4 days in a row and because I work from the house and he is a SAHD I am trapped with the pouty jerk all day. And then he wonders why I don't always want to spend time hanging out with him. (Um, because you crticize me for my housekeeping abilities and get annoyed if I don't have an opinion on which link will give you the best deal on something we don't need, maybe?)


    Don't get me wrong, I have thrown a tantrum or two myself, but I do try to rage and finish quickly - I am a little afraid of my own anger and keep tabs on it as best as I can.  Plus, the older I get the more I really believe that staying angry is just a massive waste of your life - I find the saying 'staying angry at someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick' to be something I believe in.


    And on the occasion or two when my kids have chimed in to scold me for making daddy angry, I have told them flat out that they don't get to pile on.

    the secret to happiness is not getting what you want, it's wanting what you get
  • fatchickonabikefatchickonabike
    Posts: 6,590Member
    Walking on eggshells around someone's unpredictable moods is a shitty way to live. I'm so sorry you guys have to do that. I wish men would just grow up!
    Part of growing up is learning to forgive your parents for being human.
  • MommyLovesMiles
    Posts: 34Member
    It's funny, I was thinking the same this am when my husband snapped at our 6 month old for babbling "too loudly." Yes, he woke up early than he normally does. But here I am trying to get his stuff ready for the day, me ready for work and my husband is annoyed he can't listen to the news and read his twitter because the baby wants attention. Give me a break.
  • fatchickonabikefatchickonabike
    Posts: 6,590Member
    @MommyLovesMiles, good grief. As if a six-month-old is going to understand that he should lower his voice!
    Part of growing up is learning to forgive your parents for being human.
  • Lioness
    Posts: 26Member

    My husband throws tantrums about hair in the sink, food not completely washed off the dishes or recycling, the children complaining, nobody listening to him, having to recheck the lights after he has locked up for the night and someone needed something downstairs and the cat getting under his feet.  This is just to name a few of the things that will start him to ranting and stomping about the house like an overgrown three year old.  And lord help you if you mock him - then it gets worse.  And when he is flat out angry at me - i.e. we just had a shouting match - he will stop talking to me for days.  Frankly, those are the worst, because I never know when it is going to end - sometimes he will growl at me for 3-4 days in a row and because I work from the house and he is a SAHD I am trapped with the pouty jerk all day. And then he wonders why I don't always want to spend time hanging out with him. (Um, because you crticize me for my housekeeping abilities and get annoyed if I don't have an opinion on which link will give you the best deal on something we don't need, maybe?)


    Don't get me wrong, I have thrown a tantrum or two myself, but I do try to rage and finish quickly - I am a little afraid of my own anger and keep tabs on it as best as I can.  Plus, the older I get the more I really believe that staying angry is just a massive waste of your life - I find the saying 'staying angry at someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick' to be something I believe in.


    And on the occasion or two when my kids have chimed in to scold me for making daddy angry, I have told them flat out that they don't get to pile on.



    @twinmommy2004, this sounds eerily similar to my situation.  I posted thinking that I might find one or two others that may understand what I deal with but the sheer volume of responses that validate my experiences are humbling. 

    Is there anything we can do to help our SO to snap out of this destructive behavior?  Thanks for all the support!

     
  • twinmommy2004
    Posts: 254Member

    @lioness - I don't know of anything that helps - we are going to counseling which is not really helping.  more and more I am becoming convinced that the only way to rid yourself of the tantrums is to rid yourself of the tantrum thrower.

    the secret to happiness is not getting what you want, it's wanting what you get
  • Lioness
    Posts: 26Member
    I have to say, things have taken an interesting turn at home.  I had the chance to talk to my husband about all that has been bothering me.  I told him that I feel like our relationship is broken and it's time to fix it or scrap it.  He was surprised to hear me say that the relationship is broken and I think it opened his eyes.

    Last night, we were watching TV and someone on a show was throwing a major temper tantrum.  I commented that there is no need for that kind of behavior out of an adult and it's one of my biggest pet peeves.  It's OK to get upset etc. but it's not OK to stomp around and be mean to those around you.  I said that person on the TV needed a slap upside the head.  My husband said "how many times have you wanted to do that to me because I was acting like that"?  HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  He actually understands! I was honest and told him that there are many times I would have liked to.  From there we had a discussion about when he does it and my observations about it. 

    I think he finally (at least for now) understands some of the things I need to have changed if I am going to stay in this relationship.  Only time will tell if this is a permanent change or just another temporary insight that will quickly be lost.
  • episcopal
    Posts: 1,851Member
    @Lioness, I was going to ask if the two or at least one of you had been to counseling.  If neither of you have, do you see it as a possibility?  As I've read more of your entries, it has become clear to me how dire the state of your relationship is.  But you might want to ask yourself if counseling could be one last ditch effort to save your relationship.  I cannot see your relationship having even a remote chance of recovering without intervention from a professional. 

    However, by the sound of some of your posts, you have come to the conclusion that leaving him is your only option.  If that is the case, then you need to see an attorney right away,  I'm concerned about the manipulative behavior on his part that you mention.  

    Hugs coming your way...
  • organicbabyorganicbaby
    Posts: 2,020Member
    An adult that behaves like a child is a child that was never properly taught how to behave. I do not think that, generally speaking, they can be fixed. I like to not enter into their nasty game. Upset? Fine, eventually you will not be. Not talking? Fine, eventually you will. If I go for it the fights become epic, I get really mad easily and I do not like myself much like that. If I argue, eventually, I become the beast so I have learnt to not care about other people's trantum