Saturday Coffee Talk!
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 1,519
    Morning ladies- I need some ~O) and 3 more hours of sleep....We have our huge family reunion today, and it is always highly entertaining. Joy.


    So, because I am sure this is going to be a topic of discussion at my family reunion, I figured I'd bring it here for our coffee talk:


    What do you ladies think about raising a child "gender neutral"? This refers to not referring to them as a boy or girl, and not dressing them in gender specific clothing or giving them gender specific toys.




    ~O) ~O) TALK!!!
    (morning @lauriebizz- how was your daisies meeting?)
  • irishlassirishlass
    Posts: 7,057Member
    Oohh Im not a fan, personally. I firmly believe that our job as a parent is to prepare our children for the world that we live in. I dont think major gender stereotyping is a good idea, but there are certain customs within our culture that divides the genders. Plus, scientifically speaking, boys and girls are different. Their brains work differently. 
    My son wears 'boy' clothes. When we are playing dress up, he has put make up on his face, worn my dresses and he has a baby doll, all typical 'girl' behaviours. His toys are not necessarily gender specific, but his clothes are. I dont want my son to be a point of ridicule, i dont want his clothes to be a conversation point necessarily, and i dont want him to be the 'weird kid'. 

    p.s. i love family reunions! 
    "Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." - Dr. Seuss
  • Peace
    Posts: 3,230Member
    Good morning! Interesting topic...

    I think it's odd.
    I don't think kids should be limited to gender specific toys, etc., but should be allowed to experience & play with anything. Be it trucks, dolls, whatever. See what they like.

    It seems kids have a natural affinity to grouping things in their mind...gender, race, hair color, height. As if it helps them find their identity & place in the world. I'm of the mindset to accept that AND expand on it to show them that they can relate to everyone, regardless of gender or color.

    Not a fan of subjecting children to "social experiments", that they have no say in participating.
  • OpheliaOphelia
    Posts: 4,866Member
    G'morning. Taking Stink and my 2 little cousins to the Basset hound parade today. It's so cute! Hundreds of hounds waddling down the boardwalk.

    I dont think I could do gender neutral. I mean, I dont really force "you're a girl so you wear this and play with this", but I do tell her she is a girl. She usually goes around in a tiara, her firefighter costume and her plastic high heels carrying a baby doll and a firetruck. She loves to play with cars and makeup.

    My cousin's wife only lets her daughter wear oink or purple and she's only allowed to have "girl toys". She looks down her nose at me when we go to my aunt's and Stink walks in with a firetruck in her hand.
    Nothing left to do but smile, smile, smile.. -Grateful Dead<3
  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,819Member
    Morning @chocoholic ~O) Drinking coffe and more coffee...

    My Daisy meeting was awesome! Nothing like a room full of 5-7yr old girls to take your worries away. We made leis with foam flowers :)

    As for gender neutral, I suppose it's up to the parents to determine how they want to raise their child, though I think it would be awfully hard to do. Since it's not mainstream, I would think it might make the child feel different especially if the parent is continually explaining to others in the presence of the child.

    My DD7 digs for worms in glitter tennis shoes.
    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • crystyncrystyn
    Posts: 29Member
    Morning shift quit hitting his snooze button two hours ago so it's coffee, coffee and more coffee for me.

    Can't say I'd go for it. Will definitely teach him it's okay to do whatever as long as it's not harmful but gender will be part of his identity and don't want him to be singled out cause he doesn't understand that being a boy is part of being him. He'll be a he. If he's a he who wants to play barbies with the girls I'll say good on him. The barbie kid was the one who learned to interact well with girls at a young age when I was a kid.
  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,819Member
    @crystyn good point about the barbies!
    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • AnonMomAnonMom
    Posts: 2,410Member
    Aaaahhhhh COFFEE!!!  I must get up and get a cup....

    Gender neutral child rearing.......I guess it depends on HOW neutral.  Example: the parents that recently -- after how many years??? -- told the world what gender their child was.  OVER BOARD in my opinion.  He may have been "neutral" in their eyes, but he was an outcast in everyone else's.  I can't imagine how he felt when they were out.  That had to have been difficult for all involved.  Keeping your child from NOT playing cars if she's a she or playing Barbies if he's a he isn't right either.  As women we sit here and say we wish our husbands were more gentle/loving/understanding/compassionate....well, boys need to learn it somehow, somewhere.  Seeing it acted out by others is one thing, acting it out themselves is entirely different.  Do I think that LEGOS should have gender specific sets?  Yes and no.  Yes I think they should have stuff for all interests.  No I do not think they need to be in boy or girl toy aisles.  They need to be in the LEGO aisle. 

    For my son's first birthday I got him a ride in car and his first baby doll.  He obviously enjoys his cars to this day, but he also plays dolls with his sister when she's here.
  • tothemoonandbacktothemoonandback
    Posts: 3,934Member
    Just a few sips in to my coffee so far.

    As for the gender neutral thing..I've never 'pushed' my DS towards boy stuff.. I have no problem with it, but I don't think I could do it.  If he wanted a barbie or doll or something, no problem with that, but he's really seemed to naturally gravitate towards stereotypical boy stuff.
    Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. - Marilyn Monroe
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,718Confessional Manager
    I don't push my daughter towards anything specific. She's into cars right now, I think it's cute... I'm secretly glad she's not into Princesses but that may change. Not giving her any sense of gender though is a little extreme for me. I'm giving her the basics as a parent, I'm sure she'll develop her own tastes, personality, likes, and dislikes all on her own. As long as she's not hurting herself or anyone else she can do whatever she like. ~O) I really like these coffee talks! 

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • SassySassy
    Posts: 4,488Member
    Morning. I'm going to pass the fuck out againas soon as I get SO dropped off to take his FE exam. No coffee for me!

    I don't think its right to force a child to be raised gender neutral. At the sa,e time I think its ok to buy baby dolls for little boys and tonka trucks for girls.
  • PurpleFlowersPurpleFlowers
    Posts: 6,043Member
    Goodmorning. Just on my 1st cup so far. I dont understand the purpose of raising a child gender neutral. Dont kids generally gravitate towards their specific gender? My boys both had dolls when they were little and I didnt have a problem with that, but where does it end?
    Stay away from my chocolate and nobody gets hurt!

    I think I like who I am becoming...
  • Mommyliciousx4Mommyliciousx4
    Posts: 1,768Member
    Except for the rare cases..................I think penis=boy and vagina=girl and to "hide" that is selfish on the parents part.
    What they need to make gender neutral are the toy/clothing choices. My ds LOVES Hello Kitty right now, he's even worn his sisters undies.
    The child needs to know its sex and chose its lifestyle according to that. The parents just need to be there to support and love them.


  • onetimeonetime
    Posts: 2,223Member
    I think raising a child gender neutral is silly. I believe that if you raise your child to be accepting of all people, and are that way your self, and the child grows up to identify more so on the opposite gender's spectrum, they will be open with you about it, you will be accepting, and they will be happier. I can't imagine that a transgendered person with open, accepting, and loving parents would feel tortured by having worn the "wrong" clothes or playing with the "wrong" toys as a child.

     For instance, if you have a boy, and he grows up to identify as female, and you are an open and accepting person, while he was growing up, and requesting barbie dolls and tutus, you will oblige and give him those things. When the child grows up and openly identifies that they are transgendered, I genuinely believe they will not be upset that as a child, he was given gifts such as GiJoe.

    I believe that gender neutral robs children of identification, and that even if they grow up to be transgendered, you have still robbed them of that identity. Acceptance and openness is more important, IMHO. 

    ***ETA: I don't believe giving a child toys geared toward the opposite sex is gender neutral, that's just letting them play with they want.
    Suck it up buttercup!
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,125Member
    Got my carmel vanilla latte oh yeah. I feel sorry for that kid, for the rest of his life he's going to be known for that. Those parents did a lot more harm than good. Dd is naturally girly, she loves clothes, purses, shoes, dolls, all of it. I never really encouraged it but my parents are constantly telling her how pretty she is, how cute she looks etc which I don't like. I don't want her to think looks are so important. But I don't think parents should force their kids to be gender neutral if its not what comes natural to them. Just let them be who they are, whether its a girly girl or girly boy, tomboy or boy's boy. Btw, I knew that kid was a boy, all that effort to keep it a secret was pointless. Dumbasses
    ~slim shady~
  • Mommyliciousx4Mommyliciousx4
    Posts: 1,768Member
    Opinions based on clothing/toy choices should be neutral, I hear so many ppl say stuff like "that's a girls toy" or "that's for a girl"
    If a kid of any sex is happily playing or wearing something the adults should be intelligent enough to see the happiness and leave it alone. (Hope I'm not going off topic)
  • PurpleFlowersPurpleFlowers
    Posts: 6,043Member
    @chocoholic, why is this going to be a topic at your reunion? Is someone doing this?
    Stay away from my chocolate and nobody gets hurt!

    I think I like who I am becoming...
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 1,519
    @momof2boys42, yes one of my cousins is raising her daughter "neutrally" and her partner refers to himself as a "mapa" (ma for mama, pa for papa combined). Her and her sister both don't allow toys with batteries and dress their children very gender neutral.

    We have a very, very eclectic and interesting family :)
  • MegsueMegsue
    Posts: 1,846Member
    Morning ladies, just starting cup #2.
    The whole gender neutral thing throws me for a loop. I'm not sure how that's even realistically possible to do. Girls wear pants too, and they're not always pink or purple. My DS3 has a glow worm that is his "baby" that he feeds and changes etc.
    I had a discussion about this with my BFF, who is a lesbian. She brought up an interesting theory that she thinks parents who do this do it out of fear that not only will their child possibly too feminine or masculine, but also may "turn" gay if you push them too much to act their gender. I had never thought of it that way. She said she'd only thought of it because of a comment that her mother had made about trying so hard to get her to be girly her whole life, had made her rebel. Crazy I know, but IMHO so is raising your children in a gender neutral environment.
  • MamaAce
    Posts: 404Member
    I think it's ridiculous. I have no problem with boys playing with girl toys and vice versa, but the neutral thing so that people can't tell what they are is wrong. And you're basically setting that kid up to be confused and most likely depressed and all sorts of psychological problems. 

    Not sure if any of you had seen or heard about this family in Canada...they got a lot of crap about it.


    Here's another one too