This sucks @GlitterQueen. I hope there is some kind of not sshitty explanation for them.

@Goddess I dont know how many times I have wanted to hit the bd with my car. Sometimes I thnk the only thing that stops me is the fact that I am making payments on it.

I have been thinking about you all day GQ!!! HUGS!!

unforgiven said:

YOU COOKED FOR HIM?!

I know, RIGHT?!

:x You @GlitterQueen >:D<

Okay
so I asked him..
His dinner was in the oven, He was on the patio. So I said I need to talk to you. I found some condoms in your tool box and i want to know why you have them. He was quiet, closed his eyes like he was trying to remember. i brought the box out. then he remembered. They were from last summer, he got them so he wouldn't get an STD. So i said well why is there one missing and why were you planning on cheating? Why are they in the top of your tool box if they were from last summer?
He said he got them so he wouldn't get an STD when he got drunk. he got them cause he was stressed out, we were having problems. We weren't having sex.  I said so you planned on cheating but never did, you called an escort service. You didn't throw the condoms away and you didn't tell me. I said its hard for me to believe any of that. Why should I believe you. He asked me what I wanted him to do. I said I don't know. I said its all on you, you were being selfish, not thinking of me or the kids. I said do you realize that IF i were to divorce you, that you will be stuck paying at least $800 a month in child support. (all this time i am calm, looking right at him) He said he was being selfish, and only thinking of himself. that he needs me to help support him through the new job. I said all i do is support you, take care of the kids, and support you, give you more freedom then most men get. I said how would you feel if i cheated? I said I can post and add and in 1 hour i will have 5 phone calls. Its easy for me to get a piece of ass. he said he would be upset. I asked him how the hell am i supposed to deal with this. I don't trust you. He said you never trust me, you check my emails. I said yes I do and this is why. He said you will never trust me and I accept that.

Things are let go for now. He said the condom was lost in the house. I don't know that I believe that. but we will talk about this in marriage counseling. I know alot of you will say I need to leave. I don't really want to do that. i am okay now, I am still surprised at how calm I am.

Wow. GQ I am amazed you are so calm. I am sending you major internet hugs.

Glad you kept your wits together. Glad he didn't lose control or get all defensive. Glad you are going to counselling. Glad you are willing to listen and talk ... and let it go at the moment. You are keeping perspective. This is good. Trust in yourself and trust in him to work through this part of your marriage.

Peace.

How do you not lose your shit and toss a bag of his clothes on the lawn in a blaze of glory? 

I'm not going to jump up and down and scream, "He's lying!" because I don't know him or you.  I'm just amazed that you went through the whole day with this and never once lost it.

I do think it was a conscious decision to cheat. I don't want drama, i hate it and I tend to wallow in it. he is the father of my kids. they are young and I want things to work. i know i have a good support system here and with my family if I choose to leave. He knows he is on thin ice now. But at least he mostly told the truth

I always knew that if he were to cheat he would use a condom, so he wouldn't bring shit home to me. The thing is if he would have said something he might have gotten a girl picked for him. I have done it before when I was super pregnant

@Taximom, yes I have done it before. It was with my first baby. we had been swingers the year before so it wasn't a big deal. It was a friend/neighbor and i trusted her. She never went after him and he never went after her. It was just sex. i feel like that was different. it was talked about, discussed and rules set.

If he wants to swing he just needs to talk to me about, and we could maybe start again slowly. He just needs to communicate it to me. I can be a freak but I get bored. So i know I don't have sex with him as often. It kinda gives me a break. And I get to choose the girl, so I don't feel insecure with her around. Its supposed to be only if i know about it, and if i am there kinda thing

@eapple, I don't mind talking about it.

He thought about it, he prepared for it, but for now he has said he did NOT act on it. Don't blow things out of proportion. Don't let others tell you how you should be feeling, should not believe him, etc. only YOU know what is right, true, honest. Not any of us. Keep your wits, keep your cool, keep your perspective and use the marriage counselor to help you work through these issues.

What the fuck is wrong is with these assholes? Who the fuck do they think they are to try and pull this shit? They think they're hot shit they don't know we can go out and get another one just like him? Oh my god I'm tired of women getting shit on by men, whether its the idiot politicians trying to run our lives or these fucking losers we end up with and let run our fucking lives. Why the fuck do we do it? I'm doing the same fucking thing wanting to believe him but being scared to death that I'm being a fool again. I understand why ur ok though, he's been treating u like shit these past months and now u got him by the balls. Make him suffer.

I apologize for the rant I got a little worked up there for a minute

AloneOverseas said:

He thought about it, he prepared for it, but for now he has said he did NOT act on it. Don't blow things out of proportion. Don't let others tell you how you should be feeling, should not believe him, etc. only YOU know what is right, true, honest. Not any of us. Keep your wits, keep your cool, keep your perspective and use the marriage counselor to help you work through these issues.

Exactly.  Btw, I've tried to reflect & not react.

You ladies have been awesome. I am doing good. I want things to be okay, I want our family to grow and prosper and make good memories. It takes work. lots and lots of work. he accepts me for me. even though i am a crazy bitch and I don't trust him. I am going to try to move on, really hoping I am not a fool for it.

I hope for the sake of your family that everything gets out in the open during counseling & you two can work on whatever needs to be fixed. I commend you for staying calm because I would have lost my shit entirely! Trust your heart & your instincts. You know him better than anyone else does. You know what you need.

GQ!!  You are an amazingly strong woman.  So cool, calm and collected! 
>:D<

You must be drained, what a day.
Kudos on keeping it together... >:D<

thanks everyone. I am doing good. I know your here for whatever I need. We will be in therapy and be working on this issue. Marriage is a serious thing to him and I and we want it to work. People make mistakes. I have suspicions but I didn't actually catch him in bed with someone else. Thanks for not crucifying me for trying to make things work.