Could this be Confessions of a Scary Mommy -- sort of -- but by a man?? I might read it!
  • AnonMomAnonMom
    Posts: 2,410Member
    Here's a NY Times article by the author:

    "How Not to Kill Your Baby"

    Read This, or Be the Worst Parent Ever

    When
    my wife was pregnant with our first child, I read every parenting and
    pregnancy book I could get my hands on. Then I panicked.

    “What to
    Expect When You’re Expecting” warned me that maybe she wasn’t pregnant.
    Maybe her frequent urination was caused by diabetes, and her uterus was
    expanding simply because there was a tumor inside it.

    “Healthy
    Sleep Habits, Happy Child” warned me that if my baby fell asleep in the
    stroller, I would have to stop walking in order to prevent something
    called “motion sleep,” which was vastly inferior to the regular kind.
    According to the book’s author Marc Weissbluth, “I think it is possible
    that unhealthy sleep habits contribute to school-related problems such
    as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and learning
    disabilities.”

    Mr. Weissbluth assured me that the cry-it-out
    method was the most efficient path to good sleep habits. But “The No-Cry
    Sleep Solution” warned me that cry-it-out would lead to “insensitivity
    to your child’s feelings… setting up a pattern in babyhood that will
    follow for the rest of your life in your relationship with your child.”

    What was a new parent to do?

    At
    the time, my wife and I did the only thing we could: our best. We
    pieced together our own approach based on our instincts, the experiences
    of our friends and our parents, and whichever bits and pieces of expert
    advice seemed the most reasonable.

    As the months went by, and I
    became a calmer and more experienced father, I started looking back on
    that torrent of conflicting expert opinion with a new emotion: anger.
    How dare those so-called experts bully parents into obedience?

    If I
    were a serious author, I would have channeled my anger into a Big
    Serious Critique. But I’m a comedy writer, and so I decided to write a
    parody.

    Unfortunately, I soon ran into a problem. One of the few
    hard-and-fast rules of comedy is, “You can’t parody a parody.” It’s like
    making a Xerox of a Xerox. It just doesn’t work.

    That makes the
    parenting genre nearly parody-proof — because it already verges on
    self-parody. If I wanted to take that bullying expert voice to its most
    ludicrous extreme, could I come up with anything better than the
    suggestion that letting your baby nap in a moving baby carriage could
    cause permanent brain damage?

    I was willing to try. I went back to
    the parenting books that had driven me crazy, took the most outrageous
    parts and tried to make them funny-outrageous instead of
    painful-outrageous.

    I took the “What to Expect” warnings about
    other possible causes of pregnancy symptoms and made them just a bit
    more over-the-top. If you have morning sickness, frequent urination and
    strange food cravings, I wrote, that just proves you’ve got hysterical
    pregnancy. And if you have all those things and a positive result on a
    pregnancy test, it merely proves you have “hysterical pregnancy so
    extreme, you have sucked the entire pharmaceutical industry into your
    neurotic web of self-deception.”

    I combined the pro- and
    anti-crying-it-out arguments and turned them into this: “Crying it out
    involves putting your baby in his crib, closing the nursery door, and
    not opening it until morning. When you do return, you will either have a
    happy and self-confident baby who has learned to sleep through the
    night or a psychologically damaged future terrorist who will never sleep
    again. (On the plus side, a nocturnal schedule is a significant career
    advantage for terrorists, so your baby benefits either way.)”

    The
    “What to Expect” list of things to pack in your hospital bag stretches
    across two pages. In addition to massage oils, baby’s first outfit and a
    bottle of champagne, you’re supposed to bring “What to Expect When
    You’re Expecting,” as well as “The What to Expect Pregnancy Organizer”
    and “What to Expect the First Year.”

    My list was more practical. I
    suggested packing a toothbrush; baby’s first outfit; baby’s second
    outfit, for when baby spits up over baby’s first outfit; baby’s third
    through fortieth outfits; grappling hooks and rope to fasten yourself to
    the ground in case a tornado pulls off the roof of the hospital; and
    snacks.

    I’m careful to remind my friends that my book is meant to
    be ludicrous. But if the authors of “What to Expect When You’re
    Expecting,” “The No-Cry Sleep Solution,” or “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy
    Child” read it, I hope they take it seriously. I want them to feel
    like failures for not bringing along their grappling hooks.


  • chaosmomchaosmom
    Posts: 4,186Member
    I would definitely read it if I ever came across it.
  • RahsgirlRahsgirl
    Posts: 329Member
    I too would read this book!! I remember
    what it was like reading those "What To Expect" books before having my first baby and freaking out about every little thing!!
  • AnonUser35
    Posts: 535Guest
    I would read it too. My sister read those books by the "experts". I was like, "No thanks, I'm going to wing it!" And so far, it has worked out!
  • AnonMomAnonMom
    Posts: 2,410Member
    I wing it ALL the time @Kim!!
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 2,472
    I need this book! And grappling hooks. Yanno. We get tornadoes in these here parts!
    Get me a damn beer.
  • AnonMomAnonMom
    Posts: 2,410Member
    LMFAO!!  Didn't even think about that @notsohotmomma!!  Guess I need grappling hooks too....
  • TVmommyTVmommy
    Posts: 451Member
    Someone bought me a copy of What to expect.. I read the first chapter then totally broke my own rule and threw the book in the garbage in a fit of hormone fueled rage over how stupid some of the things sounded. I had never nor ever since thrown a book away! 
    Darling, a true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best! At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires.
  • beambeam
    Posts: 1,579Member
    Winging it myself and very happy I didn't read those books. I do check offical guidelines book that was given to me at the hospital (about fevers, diarreha and vaccinations and such) and listen to my pediatrican but that's it. My SIL is a psychotic obsessive freak who read EVERY book and follows their advice to the letter - she is not well in the head.
    A broken heart is a rite of passage and, looking back, I must have wanted one pretty badly. "Kick me," I demanded, and when somebody finally did, I burst like a cheap piñata. - DAVID SEDARIS
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 6,948
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    well behaved women seldom make history