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Do you love your kid(s) more than your husband?
  • ZidashaZidasha
    Posts: 830Member
    My kids always have and always will come first.  I think the reason for that is because they are the only constant I've had in my life and, well, for 9 months they were solely dependent on me and I was the only one that felt every single movement they made inside my belly.  Even now when I'm having a bad day and just want to be left alone they will come up to me and give me great big hugs and kisses and tell me how much they love me when everyone else(Dh included) will stay away.  Melts my heart every time.
    "I have a theory that placenta is brain matter I push out, so with each child I get dumber and dumber." ~ Unknown

  • loveitloveit
    Posts: 1,743Member
    My mother used to always say "husbands are replaceable, children are not". So true! You can always get another husband.
  • WildandFree
    Posts: 1,588Member
    With our children we know every boo boo, every first, every heart ache, every amazing moments. We are the reason they are here and they are the reason we are here. They're the only human beings who've heard my heart beat from the inside and who I loved before I even met them. Don't get me wrong, I love dh but I grew to love him as I got to know him. With my kids... No they had me as soon as I saw two little lines appear. No amount of romantic love can compare to what I have for my little minions.
  • tothemoonandbacktothemoonandback
    Posts: 2,132Member
    My answer, yes.. absolutely.  But I totally agree that it's a 'different' type of love.. I love deeply and have enough room for both of them, but nothing will ever compare to the love I have for my son.
    Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. - Marilyn Monroe
  • Still_ur_mommy
    Posts: 534Member
    @eapple that is beautiful..
  • TruthandjusticeTruthandjustice
    Posts: 68Member
    I love my son tremendously. 

    I love my DH tremendously. 

    If the house were on fire and I could only save one? I'd save my son. 
  • Katescrazymom
    Posts: 1,850Member
    Bottom line: I love my kids unconditionally. I don't love my dh unconditionally. It has never happened, but I'm damn sure that if someone pointed a gun at one of my critters, I'd jump in front of the bullet. I'd like to think I'd try to get dh out of the way, but not at the risk of orphaning our children.
    I expect the same from dh. Could some of that be a man/protector thing?
    Dh knows how I feel. I'm pretty sure he hopes he moves back up the ladder as the kids grow up, though. I l know "we" will be more of my focus as the kids become independant. They are 3 and almost 1, so they're still pretty demanding.
    I don't get women who can choose a man over her child. I don't mean anyone who makes their SO a priority, btw
  • fatchickonabikefatchickonabike
    Posts: 5,502Member
    Katescrazymom said:

    I don't get women who can choose a man over her child. I don't mean anyone who makes their SO a priority, btw

    Same here! There isn't a man on earth I would choose over my daughter.
    "The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shock-proof bullshit detector.” - Ernest Hemingway
  • kay3
    Posts: 55Member
    I love my husband but I love my kids more but thats ok because im sure he loves them more too so it doesnt bother us we both know that if it came down to one of us or the kids living we would both expect the other one to save the kids and let each other go
  • responsible4truth
    Posts: 1Member

    Not to love your children with all of your strength is flat-out wrong. Yet, your spouse is your soul-mate for life.  This thread is troubling to me. The mindset that we "should" love our kids more than our spouse is the very reason so many kids live in broken homes. It is also the reason that kids grow up so entitled. A healthy home recognizes that the mother and father relationship comes first, and the two of them love their children dearly together. We do not do well to neglect unconditional love for our spouse in order to give it to our kids. You get roughly 18 years with each of your kids--love them well.  You get (hopefully) 50+ with your spouse--don't neglect him in the meantime.

    "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."

  • pmci26
    Posts: 2Member

    I don't have a child, so I know that I'm opening myself to be instantly written off as "not understanding," but you know, I am someone's child, so I think I at least get a say.

    I think that if you're married or living as married and have children, you should be really careful about this.  My parents divorced when I was a kid and it was really, really hard on me.  It doesn't have to be about loving someone "more," and yes it may be different - you should certainly be more _protective_ of your children, for instance, because they literally need it - but if you glibly say that of course you love your children more and the question is silly... just be careful.

    I always knew both my parents loved me, but that didn't stop me from wishing for the stability I saw in other families.  I knew they loved me, but seriously, now that I'm grown, I don't talk to my father at all and my mother and I are pretty distant.  Why?  Because I haven't learned how not to be angry at them yet.  My whole childhood, I wished for parents who had loved each other more.  I wished they had worked harder on their relationship.

    I don't think a child necessarily needs two parents.  I don't think it's impossible to navigate a divorce and still raise happy kids.  But I think they do need to feel as secure as possible, and not look up to a couple of people who are together but not fully committed to each other, or who are always putting something else before themselves and their relationship.

  • pmci26
    Posts: 2Member

    FWIW, some here are relating stories about literally being abandoned by a parent who favored a sexual or romantic relationship over their children.  I'm not speaking to anything like that in my comment, just to be clear.  That's flat out neglect and running from one's responsibilities.

  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 7,302Member
    Two different types of love, I agree. 

    Hubby and I love each other very much. We've had the "burning building" discussion. We both agreed that if the other adult was unconscious, we would do everything we could to get the kids out first, then the other adult. Part of it is practicality - the kids are lighter. The other part is that we have been charged with protecting our kids, and, as adults having the conversation, we have given each other permission to choose the children first. The kids are not capable of giving that permission. 

    Of course hubby and I try to achieve balance in our relationships and time management, but if we are pinched for time, which we usually are, we will prioritize the kids. The kids didn't choose to be in this relationship and are at our mercy. We chose to be in our marriage, and, as adults have a lot more power over our day-to-day lives. Eventually, the kids will be grown, and I hope we can shift gears to prioritizing our marriage over the whims of our kids. (I hope we can be there for the kids when they need us, but not necessarily whenever they want us). We'll see. Maybe I'm being young and stupid. 
    image
  • booseneca
    Posts: 232Member
    Yes I sure do!  My DD is only 2 1/2 months old so she hasnt had a chance to disappoint me, lie to me, let me down in any way in contrast to my BF who some days I could take or leave!!  I may sound harsh but I am just being brutally honest.  And he wonders why we haven't had sex since her birth!!  LOL
  • WineyMommyWineyMommy
    Posts: 13Member
    I love DS more than DH & DH has told me he loves DS more than me.

    I'm okay with that.
  • MyInnerGoddessMyInnerGoddess
    Posts: 1,558Member
    @responsible4truth and @pmci26   GOSPEL!  I completely agree.  I happen to be married to a firefighter and I can tell you right now...unless my husband was physically unable to go for our boys, there is no way in hell I could get to them before he would.  The boy's bedrooms are on different levels of the house and assuming it is nighttime...I am going for the youngest and DH is going for the oldest...that simple.  I think if the question were rephrased and set in a different scenario, it might bring about more plausible soul searching, but in this scenario, we are both saving the kids and then going for each other if needed.  My worst fear is losing my dh or my kids...period.  But, I have lost a child.  Granted, it was to illness (truly the worst experience of my life), but I can tell you right now....my dh is the one that carried me through and kept me grounded in reality.  My kids could not do that for me during the loss of dh or another child.  It is a shitty situation all around, but I also believe that if the time ever comes...my natural instincts will kick in and I will do whatever I have to to save whomever I can.  No matter what, my DH and I will walk away with a clear conscience because in the heat of the moment (literally)...you do not THINK...you act, and adrenaline takes over.
    "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them."
    ~ George Bernard Shaw~
  • NY2ATL
    Posts: 140Member
    I love my SO dearly, but the level of love I have for my children I can't put into words. The love is definitely different, but I would choose my kids without even thinking twice. He knows I love my kids more because he said it before. And he also told me that his children comes before me and I have no problem with that. I fell in love with my kids the second I heard their heart beats. I say it everyday, if it came down to it I would die for my kids.
    Growing up my mom chose her Dh over my sisters and I. Even when he attempted to rape me she still chose him over me. She told other people that I was lying. Even when we had to go to court she was calling and begging me to drop the charges so he wouldn't serve time. We're pretty good now, and she's been telling me that she doesn't want to live at her home anymore. I'm guessing she doesn't want to be with him anymore. I guess it's because she realizes that she missing out on her grandchildren's lives.
  • SweetpeaSweetpea
    Posts: 29Member
    I love my husband with all my heart and have complete faith that we will b together forever!! But he could leave if he wanted to and cut all ties after the kids are gone!. My kids are mine forever no matter what they can not change their DNA!!!
  • Gianna
    Posts: 145Member
    ...
  • dawnm
    Posts: 1Member
    It is def a different kind of love ...Your love for your child is absolutely unconditional and although ppl think they have unconditional love for their spouses there most likely  something an adult is capable of doing to another adult that can be unforgivable sometimes, I think the love for a spouse is not unconditional as much as trust or just faith in that person
  • BranBriamom
    Posts: 0Member
    Totally love kids more, at least for now! They need me more. And this time goes fast so I enjoy it now!
  • BaBeeMoMMa
    Posts: 1Member

    Maybe so, could be why I'm not with him anymore..he just didn't view things that same way I did...

  • shinygirl3
    Posts: 1Member

    My dad left and never came back when I was 11.  My parents had already been divorced for years and my stepdad had already filled the proverbial shoes.  Mom would not allow us to have meals with the couple as it was bothersome to share the table with 3 young children.  The children were not a priority.

    Mom is now on her 3rd husband, lives about 45 minutes away, and hasn't seen my children nor me in almost 8 years!

    Although my husband tries his best....he still manages to come across as scary, demeaning, judgemental, and condescending.....so YES!!!  I love my beautiful children more than I ever have or ever will love anyone!  They are my favorite people in the world!! 

  • supermomma48
    Posts: 2Member
    I tell my husband all the time that he is everthing to me.... and he is but in the back of my head im wanting to say well, second to my baby girls. but i think he knows that. I love them all its just a different kind of love.... RIGHT?
  • ambellina2113
    Posts: 1Member
    No, I don't love my son more than his father. I love LO unconditionally and will move mountains for him, but the purpose of parenting is to raise a healthy, well-adjusted adult. An adult who will move on to create his own life and family. FI and I will have far more years together than LO and I will. Sacrificing our relationship is the very last thing I want to do--and I firmly believe that doing so would set a terrible example. The world does not revolve around my LO and it's imperative that he is raised knowing that. Mind you--LOs needs come first (especially now), but I do not neglect FI.  
    My parents are a perfect example of a couple who completely forgot they even HAD spouses for 20-some years. Their relationship has suffered tremendously from my sister and I leaving home. They have no idea why they were together in the first place and have been arguing constantly for the last 5 years. They simply don't have much in common anymore. 

  • xenabobb
    Posts: 1Member

    Yes, I do love my husband more!  Don't get me wrong, I'd walk through fire, put myself in the path of a speeding train or take a bullet for my daughter.  I love her more than my own life.  But - I love my husband more.

    And shouldn't that be the way of it?  From the moment my daughter was born, I just KNEW she was only on loan to me.  Children grow up and (ideally) become independent.  They move out of the house.  Yes, they are still our children and we still love them fiercely.  But - I love my husband more.

    He is my partner, my strength, my lover and my best friend.  We pledged to spend the rest of our lives together.  How could I possibly love anyone - even my darling daughter - more?

  • beachygirl721
    Posts: 1Member
    I think it's like comparing apples to oranges. Obviously, in the case of the burning building, I would save the DS's before the DH (& he would do the same). I LOVE my boys & my husband immensely, but most days I LIKE the hubby more LOL
  • WhyDidIDoThis4Times
    Posts: 4Member
    I love my husband but, my children have a different type of love. If my husband does something to me I can alway get a new one but children can never be replaced.
  • Operawife
    Posts: 4Member
    If any husband/SO is a REAL man, he would expect you to grab the babies and get out while he sacrificed himself!!!!! 
  • Bastet
    Posts: 9Member
    Depends on who is behaving and doing what I've asked at a given time! ;-)
  • AvaTara_539
    Posts: 1Member
    I will never love any other human on earth as much as I love my son. EVER.
  • DoraGroot
    Posts: 1Member
    I know that they say that a love for a child is different from any other kind of love. I am proud to say that YES I love my daughter more than my husband. I feel so connected to her, maybe because I gave birth to her and I am the caregiver 24/7. I do way more of the parenting then he does. I also stay home and not work. (not my choice)
    I as well have told my hubby that in a life or death situation and I cannot save her he had better. I would hate him forever if he saved me and not her.
  • Catrinam31
    Posts: 4Member
    Definitely love my kids more. I love my husband but it's not the same :). My mom never came out and told us she chose our step dad over us but it was implied especially since the only thing he knew how to do was discipline and have no kind of relationship with us. Oh well life goes on and I'm over it. Still love my mom and stepdad (Dad) but I can't hold on to that negativity forever. He's actually a lot nicer now that all the kids are out of the house. Plus I think he had a lot of issues then that he never took care of. 
  • MsAsdy
    Posts: 242Member
    I definitely love my kids more than I love my husband. When I stood at the alter with my husband I thought "okay, he's my best friend. He gets me. We're going to work through our marriage together and make something out of it."
    When I held DD3 for the first time my very first though was "Omg...I would willingly die for her without even thinking about it."
    They're our children...but they're MY girls. I made them. Granted, he did help out but in the end I made the choices to eat right, to work out, to vaccinate them, to bring them into the ER when they're sick. DH doesn't do that. He loves them and it's obvious but yeah...a love between a mother and her child is something that's pretty much sacred in my opinion.
    My mom put it really good one day. She said "I would jump in front of a train to save my children. Your father? I'd have to think about it..."
  • momofdbbmomofdbb
    Posts: 9,059Member
    This was one of many arguments we had I said kids first, then DH. He said he should be first then the kids. He said he would get the kids out first in the fire setting but would expect me to get him. He claimed that if I saved him he would then get the kids, yea , no I dont think so. He constantly wanted me to put him first, before doing things for the kids. So, yes let me get you a sandwich chips and a cold drink while the baby is crying to be feed. I know that you can not actually go into the kitchen and get it for yourself so I will you bring it to you. That was a normal day.
    " Wibbly wobbly timey wimey ......." The Doctor
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  • pdxmama
    Posts: 1,489Member
    Yes, I love them more. No question about it.
  • jaelaraejaelarae
    Posts: 30Member
    If my DH betrayed me, I could let him go. I could never let DD go, no matter what.
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    Posts: 7,033
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    well behaved women seldom make history
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 7,302Member
    I love all three of them, but differently. 
    image
  • BookMum
    Posts: 717Member
    This is going to sound terrible, but i love my husband more. I adore my children and would sacrifice my life for them in a heartbeat, and my love for them is unconditional. My heart would become crippled if anything were ever to happen to one of them. But the love i have for them is a more nurturing kind of love, a teaching kind of love...knowing that one day they are going to fly away.
    The love I have for my husband is deeper and more personal. He knows me as i really am, and i know him. We are as close to soul mates as a couple can get. We can communicate without words, we know each others thoughts. He is who I will have to live with when the children grow up and move away.
    Our children are individual and unique souls...my husband and I are one. We are each half of a whole. Dont worry...i realize how cheesy that sounds.
    All in all, i could not survive without any one of them. And thats the honest truth.
    I shall futterwacken...vigorously*
  • 50_shades_mommyhood
    Posts: 1Member
    I can't believe I will admit to this, but yes i do think I love my son more than my husband.  It's probably because his need for me is way more than my husband's need for me.  I mean don't get me wrong I love my husband too, and I know he is the one for me, but my son, his love is beyond anything in this world.  
  • KindredSpiritKindredSpirit
    Posts: 185Member
    I definitely love my DDs more than my husband.  I love my husband very much but my girls are a part of me.
  • AnonUser33
    Posts: 747Guest

    I haven't read any except the first one. I want to answer first then read the other answers.

    I do not love my children more than my husband. Its a different love for me. However my kids are starting high school, both plan on going to college and I know that I will not be spending the rest of my life with them and I do plan on spending the rest of my life with my DH. I know in 4 short years my kids will be off into the reaol world and I will focus most of my attention on the man who has given me reason to breath for 17 years, when no one else, including my children, could.

    I sure hope that doesn't sound awful.

  • prudie74
    Posts: 1Member
    I love my dd way more than I love my dh. I never knew a love like the love I have for her before I had a child. Everyone keeps telling me I have to put my relationship with him first b/c dd will leave one day but it doesn't matter, I will always lover her more than anything in the world.
  • kvhsaw
    Posts: 1Member
    I blogged about this topic and I don't think there is a "right" answer...

    Do I love my son more than my husband?  No. Yes. Sometimes.  Maybe.  The loves are completely different. 

  • mommabearof3mommabearof3
    Posts: 1Member
    I have to say that while I love my SO and kids deeply and differently, I try to keep a bit of distance with the kids. After all, I'm spending the rest of my like with him, whereas my kids are going to grow up and have lives of their own. I raise them with love and affection and discipline when needed, but keep in mind that they will leave when they grow up. My SO gets just as much attention as they do, because I don't want him to feel left out. And God knows, men typically do feel left out. (And yes, his ass had BETTER save the kids over me. But if he didn't come back for me, I'd be pissed.lol)
    M
  • luckymama
    Posts: 94Member
    Kids over husband for sure. I love him dearly, but it just doesn't come close to what I feel for our children.
  • luckymama
    Posts: 94Member
    Plus when they move out, I look forward to doing things I've always wanted to do. DH hasn't sacrificed any of his hobbies, free time or interests to raise kids and I don't expect anything to change when the kids are grown.
  • momof3boys
    Posts: 1Member
    I Love my ds's unconditionally and would save them first in any horrible situation( burning building etc.). That said my love for my dh is also unconditional and one day my 3 will move out and have families and kids and jobs and then it will be just the two of us. :(( So I guess it just a different kind of unconditional love.
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    Posts: 7,033
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