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He's worse than I feared
  • BlessieBlessie
    Posts: 1,496Member
    It's crazy, but it's GOOD crazy! ;)
  • MyInnerGoddessMyInnerGoddess
    Posts: 1,558Member
    I am so fucking jealous.....
    "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them."
    ~ George Bernard Shaw~
  • TerrapinDragonfly
    Posts: 76Member
    @MyInnerGoddess Well you wont be tonight when my friend smacks my glasses off my face!
  • MyInnerGoddessMyInnerGoddess
    Posts: 1,558Member
    OHHHHH...noooooo.  I still don't get her thought process anyway.  I mean seriously...who HASN'T had a crush on a guy right?  She has laid claim to something that is not hers to begin with, and though she likes him, reality is that it is wrong for her to be upset with you over emotions that you cannot control, number one, and also to try to dictate who HE likes.  Kinda doesn't work that way.  The bottom line is that if she really is your friend, she will be happy for you even if it is a little bit of a blow to her up front.  And if not, then hopefully she can differentiate her professional life from her personal life.Yes, be gentle in your explanation, but at the same time, just remember that YOU are not doing anything wrong.  I am SO excited for you!
    "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them."
    ~ George Bernard Shaw~
  • TerrapinDragonfly
    Posts: 76Member
    @myinndergoddess We are like sisters and can get really competitive. She has confided in me a lot over a long time about her fondness of him and has lately been getting jealous of ppl who are happy in love... so all that combined I think I am going to get a bad reaction but I just can't let this go on any longer because I love her and I am not a liar so I just can't feel like I am sneaking (Aside from the usual don't kiss and tell stuff)
  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,820Member
    Honey, do you think you are reading too much into this?  I do think you have an obligaiton to discuss it with your friend.   And I would certainly slow down a tad. 
    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,820Member
    I just see red flags all over the place - maybe it's because I've been in an abusive relationship before. I really hope for the best, but I can't seem to think that your rushing things a bit.
    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • TerrapinDragonfly
    Posts: 76Member
    @lauriebizz I know I am trying very hard to slow down but that is also very hard. I probably am reading too much into it, I always do. I am just going to tell her what I practiced in the post above I guess, get through it (hopefully it wont be that bad) and then continue trying to slow things down as he tries to get more romantic I guess. Blech. Just want to have fun and follow my heart.


    I do want to say again, though, that I actually know everyone he knows and know his X's at least to some degree and abusive is the last way anyone would ever describe him, and his X's are all strong, independent women who don't take crap from anyone and don't have a bad thing to say about him.. just that he's good in bed. lol
  • MyInnerGoddessMyInnerGoddess
    Posts: 1,558Member
    Ahhhh, now I understand.  Yes, that makes it a little more difficult, but honestly, in the end, I think she will understand...but it also may take a little time.  Hard to tell how anyone will react, but it sounds like she has kinda worked herself into a bit of a fantasy world of him if she has crushed on him this long and there has never been any indication on his part that he has any interest in her?  That sounds much colder than I mean for it to, in fact I don't want it to sound cold at all.  I hope your friend is understanding and supportive.
    "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them."
    ~ George Bernard Shaw~
  • TerrapinDragonfly
    Posts: 76Member
    @myinnergoddess you are absolutely right she has been fantasizing about him for almost 5 years... like she wont take enough interest in other men because she holds out hope for him.. but so does every other woman in this town. This woman just happens to be the only one out of all of those women whose feelings I care about, and who has enjoyed telling me about him quite a bit...
  • MyInnerGoddessMyInnerGoddess
    Posts: 1,558Member
    Wow...this could be messier than it seems, but it is completely unhealthy for anyone to be so absorbed in a fantasy that they cannot see reality and it seems she is stuck there.  (((hugs))) to you.  I cannot even predict what her reaction will be.  But it is true that you need to clear your conscience and be honest with her.
    "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them."
    ~ George Bernard Shaw~
  • AnonUser24
    Posts: 2,607Guest
    So I'm curious about what makes him the man that every woman in town wants? Is it his looks? Is he rich? Very rarely would it be personality, as harsh as it sounds. Please tell :)
  • TerrapinDragonfly
    Posts: 76Member
    @freedomlover Well he is always very, very kind. He is incredibly smart, educated. He travels on vacation a lot, very wealthy- he owns at least 3 houses (which are in some of the most prized land areas) plus rental properties, owns his own business, he is one of the sexiest men in town visually (mind you our town is a mecca of hot men because it is a hippie oasis where everyone rides bicycles, eats organic, grows their own food, boats, hikes, etc) everyone in town kisses his ass for some reason (including men), he has a reputation for treating women like princesses even after 5 years, he is apparently good in bed, he throws some of the best parties, yada yada yada yada


    and so he is turning this treatment onto ME which is hard to resist... plus then he turns around and says things to me like, "You make me so nervous" ......I make HIM nervous? How in the world do I make HIM nervous? I got nothin. He makes ME run smack into counters and flusters ME... but apparently he didn't notice me run into the counter because he was too busy trying not run into anything himself. The worst/best part about all that is there are much hotter women in this town that he doesnt want... I am NOT a gorgeous woman. I am about 20lbs overweight, glasses, no chin, no ass, etc. He said that when he first fell for me he saw me and he loved my long braids and as soon as we started talking I wanted to talk about math and books and, in his words, "things about life and topics of substance that I really care about" and so he was hooked. Before he ever kissed me we had hours of conversation where we connected our wits. It was NOT flirty, I was being very guarded and we were analyzing things and debating things, having more of a discussion about topics of interest. He needed intellectual stimulation in order to get into the heat of the moment and kiss me..



    Basically I am usually at least one step ahead of of the game but I am no match for this. Every indicator in my gut/intuition, intellect/logic, lady sex parts,  heart, etc is telling me THIS IS THE BEST MAN THAT WILL EVER FALL INTO YOUR LAP.. DONT F IT UP DUMMY!!!
  • AnonUser24
    Posts: 2,607Guest
    Wow he sounds like my kinda man ;) lol. Just kidding. I hope everything works out for you two!
  • TerrapinDragonfly
    Posts: 76Member
    @freedomlover yeah I think he is any woman's kind of man, he could make any woman happy and he could have pretty much any woman. I have no idea WHY he wants ME but he has wanted me for a long time. I just don't get it at all but that doesn't change the fact that he does or that he is who he is...
  • TerrapinDragonfly
    Posts: 76Member
    Well the woman that I live with who is my boss, is 20 years older than me, a strong woman, the best person I know, and has been friends with the woman I have been worried about for over a decade laughed when I told her the situation at hand. She laughed because this woman I was worried about and I have this habit of always buying the same shoes, silverware- you name it we have the same of it. She said, "What is it with you guys and always liking the same things." And then she proceeded to tell me the man in question is one of the most honest and well put together men that she knows. She said the company he keeps is impeccable and that he is completely trustworthy.



    So that makes everything easy, seeing as she has always been the moral compass and ring leader of everyone.


    No more worries, just fun and free from here.

    I'm not worried about my X now either. One of my closest girl friends and guy friends went out to dinner with him today and said he was as happy as a clam.

    I worry myself up all the time about other people because I am so terrified to hurt them. This is what my boss/roommate said to me from the get-go when I ended the relationship. She said, "You are always worried about other people before yourself, right now it is time to just do what makes you happy and not worry about anybody else but your own self."

    So cool. I can do this. I can plan this man's party, have as much fun as possible this spring and who the hell cares about the rest. Doors are opening up for me to travel to NY, California, Various Locations in South America... hey why not France? I already have enough credits to apply for my bachelors within the year, excellent job opportunities and I just lost 30 lbs. What the hell am I worried about?

    I've been doing back breaking work, been completely selfless, dealing with traumatic loss after loss (death after death over and over for years now), heroin addicts, unemployment, poverty, car repair issue after car repair issue, an abortion I was intimidated into- I've been living that hell for the past 6 years and now I'm worried about people's feelings when I have this entire beautiful life in front of me?

    That's what's out of control- not my situation. My situation is beautiful and I am so thankful for it and the friends that I am blessed with and this future that I have earned 10 times over.

    Funny what a little humor can shed light on.


    And oh boy speaking of humor, now that the ladies in the house all know I am getting teased like it's goin' out of style.
  • MyInnerGoddessMyInnerGoddess
    Posts: 1,558Member
    You Go Girl!  Now that is the attitude you NEED!  So happy for you!
    "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them."
    ~ George Bernard Shaw~
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