A lot of that seems excessive and jerky to me.

How old were you when he'd wake you up to redo your chore?

That's excessive, and punching in the face no matter the age is abuse. Period.

Sleep deprivation is not healthy for growing children, punching someone is assault, and using a belt is excessive.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/11/07/living/effects-of-physical-discipline/index.html

where did you get that i agree with that.

@cantgetright- I'm sorry, I mis-read what you said. You felt the belt was ok, I thought you meant the belt was wrong, and the others were ok. 

@onetime I was always taught that there is a difference between being beaten and being disciplined.

put yourself in my moms shoes. whei i was in 7th grade i was 5'10" 150lbs football player and dads only home once  week if that my mom is 5'2" 100lbs soaking wet in her winter clothes. what are you supposed to do. saw go to your room your grounded. that just didnt work for me.

I understand but at the same time look at the amount of kids in gangs, dropping out of school, go to wal-mart and go to a toy isle for tem minutes and see if you dont see at least one kid screaming and yelling at his parents to buy him something now when i was growing up I knew if i did something like that there would be consequences and IMO thats what the belt did was to serve as a reminder more than a punishment.

@Laurie im sorry to hear that he had to go through that. My dad was an awesome guy and dad. he just had two jobs and was going to school. he was a bouncer at night and the place would let the bounces drink. and even after he was a drinker. and thats usually when those things happened. my dad was was a great guy always there when i needed help in school i could call when he wasn't there he loved me he just couldnt control himself when he drank or was really mad. when my dad died i was destroyed because my mom didnt tell me how bad his condition was to try and protect me but all that did was deny us the ability to talk about everything before he died. and I know im inheriting his temper. Which is why I dont drink. 

We have to agree to disagree because my parents took everything from my room but my mattress and put my toys, games in storage and grounded me to my room once I got home from school. and it still didn't matter. it didn't bother me at all. what do you do then? not let your kid go to school?

My dad was beaten with a horse whip by his stepdad often and his younger siblings were sexually molested.  By the time he was 15 he had left home to fend for himself at whatever relative would take him in.  He had to work for everything he had.  His mom turned a blind eye to EVERYTHING that all her kids were going through. 

Fast forward to him having kids....he had a temper.  More so when he had been drinking.  We got spanked with a spoon, the hand, a belt.  Never beaten.  Never excessively...in my opinion.  But because of what my dad went through as a child, he knew he didn't want to treat HIS kids like that.  We never got beaten with a horse whip while holding on to the scratching post. 

My son seldom gets a swat on the butt or smack in the mouth.  Not because I don't want to or think that it's abuse.  It's because we have a blended family and my husband's ex accused of him of abuse for spanking their child after they were divorced...even though it had happened at both their hands while married.  If it can't happen to one set of kids then it shouldn't happen to the any of them.  Couldn't have his kids do something without a smack and then turn around and have my son do the same thing but get a smack.  Time outs sometimes don't work.  Taking things away sometimes doesn't work.  My son is a self-entertainer.  He can entertain himself with a stick for hours.  It doesn't matter if his electronics are taken away or he can't go outside or he's restricted to his room.  It's hard to know what 'punishment' is going to work or what should be used.  I worry all the time about how he will actually turn out in the end if he keeps talking back the way he is right now.  I think 'punishment' -- a better phrase being 'consequences' for wrong actions -- is imperative in child rearing.  What is too much for one family may be exactly what works for another.

You seem to understand the most important part about what happened in your past -- That you don't want to do that to your kids.  On a subconscious level it sounds like you are acknowledging that it may have not been okay.  You can rationalize the harsh actions by saying, "what was my mom supposed to do?"  And that's okay.  As long as you ALWAYS remember that you don't want to do that to your kids.  Keep that nugget in the back of your mind.  Move past what happened to you and focus on being the best dad you can be to YOUR kids.  The way you AND your wife see YOU being the best dad.  It will always be a part of you, but let it be a small part and a guide of what you DON'T want to be.  Because it sounds like that's NOT how you want to treat your kids.

 

@LivinTheDream I didn't say that. said that normal methods didnt work for me. and that it seems that my oldest is following suit. thats why I asked what would you do then to find out what else to do since the belt is out of the question in my house. and that if we put our son in his room of course he wants out, but its not some huge deal to him. and normal punishments do not work. thats why I here for Honest Opinions and alternatives. 

@LivinTheDream I didn't say that. said that normal methods didnt work for me. and that it seems that my oldest is following suit. thats why I asked what would you do then to find out what else to do since the belt is out of the question in my house. and that if we put our son in his room of course he wants out, but its not some huge deal to him. and normal punishments do not work. thats why I here for Honest Opinions and alternatives. 

I have a million kids...ok only 9 but sometimes it feels like a million...I am not big on corporal punishment but is a tool in my arsenal. I am a HUGE fan of writing. Of making the child write what they did was wrong, how it impacted themselves and others, what they could have done differently in paragraph format on several sheets of notebook paper front and back. Its a punishment that could be adapted to many different situations. I am also one who believes let the punishment fit the crime...I get inventive...my kids hate to hear I will let you know what your punishment is later cause that means I want to think about it. Discipline in my eyes should always be about correcting behavior as opposed to punishment. I don't just want them to stop what they were doing...I want them to make them think. That actions have consequences and repercussions and if they don't want  to deal with those, they should not do the actions. 

That seems excessive.. When I was growing up, my mom handled all the punishment. Yes she hit us but never with a belt.. well not me anyways. But I have to admit, she did punch me in my face n slap me around in my teen years for TRYING to get brave.. I so deserved it. But a man is so much meaner and stronger. I would have been terrified! :( I have woken my oldest up to pick up something i told him to 10 freaking times but not that late at night.

I don't think the first three are terribly unreasonable. Then again, my dad was pretty cruel to us so maybe that's why it doesn't seem so out of line. We got spanked with a belt by him, and my mom used a wooden spoon. I've used the spoon on my own kids (rarely), but for the most part, it's just a scare tactic that gets their asses in line, stat. Majority of the time, they are very respectful, mindful little offspring.

However, I think the punching in the face is absolutely unacceptable. It's one thing to smack a smart-mouthed teenager across the cheek, but punching--as others have said--is straight up abuse/assault.

Not only do I think the punching was abusive, I think interfering with your sleep was abusive too. In fact, preventing a person from sleeping is now part of many domestic violence checklists. It just shows such disregard for your human needs. I'm sorry you experienced it. 

Most of what you shared is, in my opinion, abusive. It's not how I was raised, nor is it how I have chosen to parent. don't get me wrong, my parents made mistakes, but no belts or objects were ever used, and it was rare I ever got spanked. Course I was an angel <my Mom is laughing from Heaven at that one> Anyway, you seem almost defensive towards your dad's choice of punishments. I guess if it worked for you and you hold no resentments and have a happy healthy relationship now, then so be it. What is right for one isn't always right for another. I definitely however think the punching is extreme. Just my opinion

Why ask for an opinion and then in turn make up every excuse for why your father had to do it.  This may seem far fetched but are you using this behavior as a gauge for how you treat your child(ren)? And are looking for other's to tell you that "it's okay?" It's not okay. No matter how petite your mother was or the extent of your childish charades should your father have been allowed to punch you, assume position, or other excessive forms of correcting your behaviors.  I don't believe that assuming the assault and degradation you received as a child kept you from joining gangs, being a public nuisance, or a spoiled brat- in fact being in an abusive or neglectful home is one of the most prevalent mitigating circumstances to joining gangs, dropping out of school, running away from home ect. 

@fantasticalmoy @laurie no this is not how my husband treats my children. We haven't answered because we've been busy & I just got out of the hospital. We will come back to this thread when we have a moment. No need to be snarky. In fact, I'm going to ask him to remove this thread since people on here know me irl and I'd rather them not know every bit of my business or imply like @fantasticalmama that our children who are five and one and a half are treated. I don't want physical punishment in our house and we were arguing about how his dad treated him as a child and whether it was abuse or not & what ways are acceptable for punishing children. So fine, there's all of our business.

Oh and for those of you that asked: our littlest gets distraction or a firm "no!" and removal from whatever he was getting into. He's pretty mellow and small and that has been more than sufficient. Our oldest is five, and we used to spank his bottom and use time outs. I don't like spanking and would rather it be an absolute last resort. Hitting to teach not to hit is counterproductive IMO so we are looking for more creative avenues. Amazingly enough, he's been totally well behaved the last week so nothing has been necessary at this point.

No @hmr you weren't. @fantasticalmana was the only one I meant to tag. My apologies.

No worries @freedomlover :) and @laurie no, we do not punch our children or tell our oldest to assume the position or anything like that. My response as soon as he decided to post that was that it was abusive and absolutely degrading no matter what followed by an article that explains how physical discipline affects children as adults citing exactly some of his own personal issues because they mirror some of his issues as an adult. No, I will not, nor will I ever tolerate any kind of abuse in our house, and I apologize for making you worry that we were hurting our children since you actually know me. And yes, we love each other. I wanted him to come here to see how different people punished their kids and how I was not the only person that would think that what his dad did crossed the line & also other creative ideas for discipline for the ages 4-6 (as I said, our littlest is not in need currently bc he hasn't hit that age yet).