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Wait for him or move on?
  • MommyIsMyName
    Posts: 19Member

    Ok, this is going to be a little long, but I need some advice.  I met someone amazing and wonderful back in February.  We got serious pretty quick, said those three little words.  Life was great!  I hadn't felt that good with someone in a long, long time.  The best part was he was amazing with my little boy.  The idea of a family was sounding so good and was maybe going to actually be a reality! 

    His story is, he was married twice, first marriage ended in divorce, second marriage his wife passed away in July of last year.  She hadn't even been gone a year when we met, but he said he was ready for someone in his life, and she would want him to be happy.  I was nervous about it, didn't want to fall for him, only to get hurt again.  But I let my heart lead the way.  I was so happy!

    Then, he got distant...stopped answering calls, or texts.  The last time I saw him, he said he didn't want to hurt me, but he needed time to get thru the move.  (he was moving out of his house to be closer to where he worked).  We had amazing sex before he left.  He was very affectionate and all that, just like he was before.  So right before he left, he said he would call me.  That was three weeks and four days ago.  He was going to go to a concert with me, and I texted him, mentioning it.  I finally heard from him on Tuesday.  He texted me saying he couldn't go to the concert.....he had a breakdown a few weeks ago and just wasn't himself.  Again, with "I don't want to hurt you, but I need to be by myself for a little while."   Which makes me believe that he wasn't as ready as he said he was for a relationship so soon after losing his wife.  And I completely understand that.

    But, I miss him.  I love him.  I truly do love him.  I don't want to lose him, however, is that his way of saying don't call me, I'll call you... Do I wait for him?  Do I move on?  I don't want to move on yet.  My heart is still is.  I just don't know what to do.  I'm not calling, or texting or anything.  I want to give him his space so he can mourn and grieve.  I'm just so confused...

  • AnonUser30
    Posts: 1,916Guest
    Start taking baby steps to move on. He's not truly talking to you, and to be honest it's 4 months in or so. See what's out there, and if he shows up while your looking with his shit together and you want him go for it.
  • MommyIsMyName
    Posts: 19Member
    that's what I was thinking too. I did the whole "I'm waiting for you" with my son's dad, only to have it waste almost two years of my life because he was never coming back to me. He's not engaged. I don't want the same thing to happen this time.
  • MamaAce
    Posts: 405Member
    LivinTheDream said:

    Start taking baby steps to move on. He's not truly talking to you, and to be honest it's 4 months in or so. See what's out there, and if he shows up while your looking with his shit together and you want him go for it.



    What she said.....
  • Ms_JAQ
    Posts: 109Member

    Honey I feel for you my situation is very different to yours but essentially I'm also trying to decide wether to wait and see what happens or move on. It's really hard to know what to do, my heart says one thing, my head says something else. I can't make up my mind what I want and every time I think I'm done he pulls me back in.

    I know it's painful but move on now before you get in any deeper. Take if from someone who has spent the last two years waiting around for a guy who was never going to commit - the more energy you invest in this guy the harder it's going to be to get over him. I think you need to make a clean break, it'll hurt like hell but hopefully only for a little while.

    Yes there is still a chance that one day he will get his shit together and come find you but you can't put your life on hold waiting for that to happen.

  • ayregoddessayregoddess
    Posts: 36Member
    I so needed to see this!I spent a great part of last night resisting the urge to text my non committer...I love him and I know he loves me..but I cant keep doing this..go through 6-8 months of intimacy...calls texts every day...multiple times of day..seeing each other every thrid weekend (he lives three hours from me)  and then next 2-3 months nothing...I have known him twelve years...and this is same pattern we were in before I married my husband...now that I am (semi) single again...its been same ole shit!As much as I love him...and kids love him...and we are so happy when we are together...I just cant deal with his commitment issues. 
  • GritsGrits
    Posts: 3,749Member
    That's a tough spot. I can see where he's coming from, for sure. I know if I lost DH, it would be a long time before I'd be worth anyone else's time. But I agree with what everyone else says. Just do you. Let him have his time to work through whatever he's going through right now. If at some point down the road you run into each other and the timing is right, it could be great! But don't torture yourself waiting to see what will happen. If nothing else, he was someone you got to love, and that has love for you. Good luck to you, lady!
    "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn
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