Hi sweetie :) I know EXACTLY what you are going through. I have had issues with my DS7 forever. I distinctly remember crying in the ped's office when he was 2 yrs old, begging him to help me because something was "wrong" with my baby. It has taken me 5 yrs to finally get someone to listen. He has finally been diagnosed as Early Onset Bipolar...about a month ago. Things got really bad & we are still in the process of stablizing him. But I know all about being abused by my kid.

We have holes in the walls from his rages. He has broken too many things to count. I have had bruises all over me from trying to restrain him. I had a traumatic ulceration & severe gum bruising from a headbutt. I have been embarrassed countless times as he threw himself down on the floor in the grocery store or started throwing things from the shelf because I asked him to hang on a sec. I have been made to look crazy as his teacher, psych & therapist couldn't fathom this sweet, loving child being so...horrible. So I started video taping him so they could see. But no matter what he has done physically, the emotional scars are the worst.

I have heard him say:
I hate you
I want to die
I want to kill/hurt myself
I have never loved you & I don't care about you
I will kill you

Any time you need to talk or want to ask some questions, I am always available. You are on a scary road, my friend. But it does get better. (Oh, and sorry for the really long post!)

2 things I forgot:

Ask your therapist or psychiatrist to teach you how to safely restrain him. I use a modified version of the basket hold. It will be safer for you both if you can do that. You do not have to allow him to physically hurt you.

*IF* you do get a dx of Bipolar, I highly recommed that you get the book The Bipolar Child. It is a huge resource in understanding what is going on. And with understanding comes the power to help control it. I got a used copy in great condition for less than $4.50 including shipping from Amazon.

@crazybroad They were video taping you!? Are you serious? That is so fucking far from ok! I'm really sorry that you had to go through that today, but for what it's worth I've been in almost the exact same place and there is hope! My ds7 isn't bipolar, but he does have PDD/High Functioning Autism. He was diagnosed right before he turned 5. I knew very early on that something was different about him and suspected autism, but around 3.5 or so the really intense behavioral problems started. He was kicked out of a kindercare center. Well, they decided it wasn't a "good fit" for him. Yeah, HE probably wasn't a good fit for the kids he was terrorizing, lol. From there things got worse, but I was his target. Hitting, kicking, spitting, headbutting, screaming at me, calling me a motherfucker, the list goes on and on. But none of that hurt as much as it did when I would see him turn his aggression inward and hit himself or bang his head on the wall or the floor. Like @chaosmom said, it was all directed at me. When he went to his special ed preschool he was very well behaved. When his sister was born he did try to hurt her a few times, but I quickly put a stop to that by not giving him the opportunity. I too started videotaping him at home sometimes so that people wouldn't think I was crazy. It was a very hard time for me bc I didn't understand why my son hated me so much and I felt so alone and isolated bc I was afraid to take him anywhere for fear of the tantrums and meltdowns he might have. I have on more than one occasion had to leave a full cart in the aisle of a store and carry him like a football under my arm kicking and screaming the whole way. Around this time a therapist explained to me that he didn't hate me, and it was common for kids with behavioral issues to act out with their primary caregivers bc they know that we love them and aren't going to leave them no matter what. Small consolation I know, but it makes sense.
So, to give you a little hope... My ds is now 7, almost done with 1st grade and is like a different kid. He is on medication, and it's done wonders for him. I really struggled with the decision to put him on meds at such a young age! (5.5yo or so) but I'm glad I did. I have tried weaning him a bit thinking maybe he really doesn't need them anymore, but... He does! He still has his moments, but nothing like he was a couple years ago. When something sets him off now I'm able to calm him, whereas before he was totally unreachable. He's a pretty great kid, likes school and being a big brother, tells me he loves me and even has a few friends. It's been a long road and things are far from perfect, but they are so much better! If you want to talk feel free to pm me. Hang in there, I know it feels impossible sometimes but there is hope.

Yeah, @chaosmom I can't count the number of stares and dirty looks I've had, but offers of help... ZERO! I've had someone call CPS once, that was laughable.

I'm going to be honest, while I would never stand around and stare or God forbid video tape a tantrum, it would never occur to me to offer my help. I would offer it to someone I knew but never to a stranger, not that I wouldn't want to I just wouldn't want to overstep any boundaries. How would you want a stranger to approach you?

@notperfect, for me, a simple "Is there anything I can do?" would be great! We may say no or we may be a little abrupt but it's only because we are dealing with extraordinary circumstances. I know a lot of the time, I am a combination of scared, frustrated, embarrassed, mentally & physically exhausted and just knowing there is one person out there that isn't looking at me like I'm a failure would make a huge difference in my mental state.

Out of curiousity...has he had more anger issues since starting the ADHD medicine? Is he on a stimulant?

He might need to come off of it altogether. Bipolar has many of the same ADHD symptoms, just tends to be a little more extreme with the distractability, lack of focus & hyperness. Just use caution because if he is bipolar, a lot of meds (esp antidepressants & adhd meds) can cause them to cycle & much more intensely then normal if not kept in check by a mood stablizer. I learned that the hard way.

But seriously, any time you need to talk or just vent or need to hear that you aren't alone, I am willing to chat. Any explosive tantrum, regardless of the cause, is a scary thing to handle by yourself.

(((hugs)))

Glad that you are working towards a solution! It has helped me feel more in control knowing that we are trying to do something about it. Don't give up even though it may get more frustrating before you & your son get some relief.

Just a quick side note: my dr told me that some people do great on Abilify at the low doses while others need to jump up to 5 mg fairly quickly. If the dose is low & he needs it to be higher, it *could* make him more anxious/pissed off.

I love when people offer help or tell me I'm doing a good job. Sometimes I accept, sometimes I don't but it's always nice for someone to offer.

Glad things are moving in the right direction!

Thank you and I will def look into that! 

Hugs  so sorry you are going though this, I been there and had it all done to me too. My ex abused me and so did my little son. It's not easy, my heart breaks for you. I left my ex finally about 10 years ago sadly after I left him. I placed my son in a placed that promised him help. Well he had the kinda schedule he needed, and my ex STOLE all his medical records and they inturn had an doctor that believed only the father should raise the children.. he was a foreigner, and said there was nothing wrong with my son and I had Munchins by Proxy.My ex never once tried getting our son help or going to his sessions which in the end did more harm to me. So to make the long story short I lost custody of my children cause I failed one of my court pschy test's from trying to prove I was abused all the years I was and also had no Dr records since my ex stole them all.So please if you decide to leave for domestic abuse... make sure you have a paper trail and have someone else hold it for you. Cause I didn't I have that and was afraid to call police. In the end my daughter did stand up at the courts saying I was abused also he abused our son. They turned around told him he better never ever place an hand on our child again and was given custody of our children... yes i said it right. I really did loose my mind that year. But loosing my children, kicked me in the side and I straighten my life out and found a loving guy I been married too now for 9 years and honestly the best thing ever occur to me was taking my son as I was abused my both my EX and my son but taking my daughter was the worse thing ever I eventually got her back many years later...