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Married for 10+ years?
  • NikkiNikki
    Posts: 1,877Member

    Please, share your wisdom on how you've stayed married for so long!! What makes your relationship special? How have you lasted so long together? How do you keep things interesting?


    I love hearing stories from successful relationships.  :)

  • Mommyto2AngelsMommyto2Angels
    Posts: 21Member
    Hi, i'm new but I have been married for 11 years. I know thats barely a decade but thought I would drop in my "wisdom" hehe.  I have found that the secret to my personal success is having common interests that we still do together. I find the big problem with a lot of my couple friends is that they dont really DO anything together. He likes one thing and she likes the other. They always have me time (which is great I wish I had more of it!) but they dont really have much together time outside of the kids and family activities. For us its camping, old movies and music. We both love them and we try to do these things together without the kids, just us. Even if it is just a concert in the park or a walk around Garden of the Gods or we send the kids to my sisters for the night and we watch Casablanca its something we enjoy just us. I find that this helps me connect to my husband as a woman instead of a wife and mother.

    Also is we always make sure to show how much we love each other. Through hugs, kisses and actions. Like I make him his lunch everyday and rub his shoulders when he gets home. He takes the kids in the morning on his days off and lets me sleep in. Its little things. :)
  • proudmama
    Posts: 6Member
    DH and I have been married for 17 years.  Like @Mommyto2Angels said having interests in common really helps, as well as the "little things." We make time for each other, it was not always so easy when our children were younger but I firmly believe it has helped us.  Obviously we have our share of problems but we always seem to get past them.  I'm big on communication and I think it drives DH nuts sometimes with how much I want to talk, but I think that it is really important.  
  • TrEr02TrEr02
    Posts: 688Member
    been married for 10 years just this past April...I agree with the above. Sone of the most important things for us is to be able to laugh at yourself, find the humor in bad situations, PICK YOUR BATTLES ( that was a hard one to learn lol ), kiss eachother at least five times a day..when you have 3 kids it can be hard to remember eachother through the day lol, try not to go to bed mad at eachother, get time away from eachother here and there...girls nite!! Those are just some of the things that have really helped us...I still get butterflys in my stomach when he walks into a room too. Love my hubby :x
    We got no food, no jobs...OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!
  • NikkiNikki
    Posts: 1,877Member

    Aww, thanks so much for sharing ladies!!


    I think it's amazing after all those years to be able to still enjoy someones company SO much! And you're all so right, the little things matter the most!

  • TrEr02TrEr02
    Posts: 688Member
    I really think if you find the right one things just fall into place
    We got no food, no jobs...OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!
  • NikkiNikki
    Posts: 1,877Member

    Did it take you a while to figure out that they were "the one", or did you know right away?

  • TrEr02TrEr02
    Posts: 688Member
    it took me a good two years to realize..we have been through a real shit storm together and if we can come out of that still loving eachother ..thats how I knew he was the one
    We got no food, no jobs...OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!
  • Mommyto2AngelsMommyto2Angels
    Posts: 21Member
    With me I knew right away. We met at a Fourth of July BBQ my friend was throwing at her apartments pool and when I saw him I was hooked. He asked me out to dinner and we have been together ever since. Took us only 2 months to say I love you to each other and we were married a year later. He really is my best friend and as silly as it sounds he is my missing piece. While life has had its ups and downs I can honestly say that I love him with all my heart and I am looking forward to growing old with him.
  • Mommyto2AngelsMommyto2Angels
    Posts: 21Member
    What about you @Nikki how long have you been married? We shared I want to hear your story as well! I love hearing how couples are and how they met. Guess I am just a hopeless romantic :D
  • NikkiNikki
    Posts: 1,877Member

    Oh @mommy2o2angels I *was* married (today actually would have been our 5 year anniversary) but am actually divorced. I'm a single and full custodial parent to our awesome 4 year old son :) 


    Still searching for my better half :D

  • Mommyto2AngelsMommyto2Angels
    Posts: 21Member
    Oh no! I am so sorry @Nikki I had no idea. Well I am sure you will find someone great soon, you seem like such a good person! Sometimes it just takes some time right? And while you are looking you still have a wonderful little man in your life you can focus all your love and attention on!
  • NikkiNikki
    Posts: 1,877Member

    @vela I love the no phone in bed policy!!! I don't think I would be able to abide by the rules though. I think I'm addicted to my phone and/or laptop lol!!


    @mommyto2angels it's totally okay!!! And, you're too sweet :) I just consider myself a very lucky person and I couldn't be happier with the path my life is on right now.

  • PurpleFlowersPurpleFlowers
    Posts: 5,591Member
    Well, Ive been married off and on for 19 years to my Dh. We have a love hate relationship. Currently separated but seem to love eachother more now than when we live together... hmmmm, maybe thats the secret! lol Obviously not a good person to give advice ;)
    Stay away from my chocolate and nobody gets hurt!

    I think I like who I am becoming...
  • Mommyto2AngelsMommyto2Angels
    Posts: 21Member
    @Nikki aww thank you, its easy when you have been so welcoming. Its so great to see you have such a positive attitude about it. If only more women today were willing to be upbeat about being single they might attract someone faster! Cause no one wants to be with someone who is down and grumpy (I have a girlfriend like this, always complaining and in such a sour, defeated mood and then wonders why she cant find someone). And having such a positive attitude is so important for your son. I should have you teach my grumpy friend how to be more upbeat!
  • AnonMomAnonMom
    Posts: 2,430Member
    We've been married for 6years today!  WOOHOO!!  Been together for almost 8.  We share interests and thoughts.  We could really be one person...with different genitalia of course....the kind that go well together!  HA!

    It's my first marriage and his second.  What he learned from his first is how to communicate and communication on any level is extremely important.  Communication isn't always easy, but it's necessary.  There is no doubt in my mind that we will see another 6 years.
  • Mommyto2AngelsMommyto2Angels
    Posts: 21Member
    Oh Happy Anniversary @AnonMom! I hope you are doing something fun and special! You sound like you have a great marriage, and I am sure you will have many more anniversaries to come :)
  • AnonMomAnonMom
    Posts: 2,430Member
    imageFirst dance.....It was awesome!
  • Mommyto2AngelsMommyto2Angels
    Posts: 21Member
    Oh you look so beautiful and in love! @AnonMom. I love things like this. Makes me so happy to see two people so in love and still together years later.
  • AnonMomAnonMom
    Posts: 2,430Member
    @Mommyto2angels -- THANK YOU!!  Not sure what we have going on....but I'm sure it'll be a good one!!  As always......
  • AreYouKiddingMe
    Posts: 49Member

    Married 16 years this September.  I heard something one time that really hit home for me.  An old lady that had been married for a very long time said "We never fell out of love at the same time."  That totally says it for me.  We are dedicated to eachother and to making our marriage a priority. We make time for eachother and understand when we each need our "time to be alone".  We also allow each other the freedom to walk away from a disagreement instead of saying something we will regret. Better to discuss things calmly than letting things turn ugly.   

    All that being said, sometimes things just dont work out.  This is my second marriage, my first husband was an abusive DBAG!  He was very dedicated to loving me as well as all the women he was sleeping with. 

    [-X 
  • Mommyto2AngelsMommyto2Angels
    Posts: 21Member
    @AreYouKiddingMe Oh of course, by all means if it isnt working you should leave! I was just mentioning how happy it makes me to see when things work and how important it is to have a positive attitude when looking for that special someone. With so many marriages ending it is so nice and refreshing to see that they can work out and that you can find lasting happiness if both parties are willing to work at it.

    I am so sorry you had such a nasty first husband and I hope your current DH more than makes up for it.
  • LifeofchaosLifeofchaos
    Posts: 987Member
    We've been married 15 years..... And not all those years have been happily ever after. Love unconditionally, accept each other for who they are not who you want them to be and don't ever give up on each other.
  • AreYouKiddingMe
    Posts: 49Member

    @Mommyto2Angels I agree, get out if you need to!  I sure did.  It is nice to see spouses who actually like each others isn't it?

     

  • breezybreezy
    Posts: 3,508Member
    Mommyto2Angels said:

    Hi, i'm new but I have been married for 11 years. I know thats barely a decade but thought I would drop in my "wisdom" hehe.  I have found that the secret to my personal success is having common interests that we still do together. I find the big problem with a lot of my couple friends is that they dont really DO anything together. He likes one thing and she likes the other. They always have me time (which is great I wish I had more of it!) but they dont really have much together time outside of the kids and family activities. For us its camping, old movies and music. We both love them and we try to do these things together without the kids, just us. Even if it is just a concert in the park or a walk around Garden of the Gods or we send the kids to my sisters for the night and we watch Casablanca its something we enjoy just us. I find that this helps me connect to my husband as a woman instead of a wife and mother.

    Also is we always make sure to show how much we love each other. Through hugs, kisses and actions. Like I make him his lunch everyday and rub his shoulders when he gets home. He takes the kids in the morning on his days off and lets me sleep in. Its little things. :)



    It won't be 10 until September but all of this^^ down to the camping.

    We also do other things separately with out the kid or spouses. And not expecting to be married to the same man after 10 years. Grow and change and go with the flow.
  • Lakegirl34
    Posts: 1,742Member
    My husband and I met at 15, started dating at 19 and were married at 26. We've been together 17 years, married for 11. He's my best friend first and my husband second. We make each other a priority and genuinely enjoy spending time together but also have our own interests too. We have our share of disagreements but have learned over the years what battles to pick w/ one another and most importantly to laugh off the small stuff; and most of it's small stuff.
  • DaBOMB
    Posts: 275Member
    Dh and I have been together for 25 years... married for 20 of them. The trick is to always attemp to treat the other person the same way you want to be treated. Show each other that you care about them above all others. And call the bullshit when you see it. We fight. Sure thing. And there are times when we want to kill each other. But we are in it. And we have a life and a family that's more important than any bs arguement.
  • pennypenny
    Posts: 796Member
    @AreYouKiddingMe, that woman was a genius. Been together nearly 18, married for 4.5 years. We are an excellent match for each other most of the time. For us, it's compatible nerddom and senses of humor, knowing when to let things slide and when to stand your ground, and being open and honest in communication. I have never, ever said "sure, go ahead" when I meant "you better stay home w/ me." We have a combination of shared and separate interests, so we get to enjoy life both together and separately. We also have separate money - we use a joint account and card for bill paying and household expenses, and keep the rest in our separate accounts. Since we have different money managing styles, this has saved us a ton of tension over the years.
  • DoesMyAssLookBig
    Posts: 82Member

    Met my dh when I was 15, he was 18.  Been together ever since, married for 19 years this past March. 

    We moved away from all of our family and friends when we were young (military), and I really think the distance made it easier to stay together through the first couple of years (the hardest).  His mother meddled like crazy at first, and our marriage would never have survived her if we didn't move away.  It's amazing how just getting away from her drama saved us.  We came to rely soley on each other during those first few years, and (still being military and far away from family) we still only rely on each other.

    My dh and I are best friends, have common interests, and I think one of the most important things for us, at least, is that we try to keep it fun.  We act silly, and are laughing more often than not.  When we do fight, the end of the argument most often ends with us laughing.  Something as ridiculous as the dog farting ends most of our fights.

    BTW - things could just have easily turned out dramatically different for us.  He grew up with a mom who married/divored eight times (actually, I guess she's on to #9 now - commonlaw) to mostly various low-life scum, several of who were genuine bad guys (a child molester, a couple of abusive guys, etc.); his father remarried a woman who disliked my dh, and as a result they didn't have much to do with him.  Luckily, my family has been incredibly stable, and my husband considers them his real family.  We often joke that he loves my dad more than me.  :)

     

  • PhDMommyPhDMommy
    Posts: 715Member
    I married my best friend and the love of my life five years ago today.  I think it helps that we were best friends before we were a couple and to echo @LifeofChaos "Love
    unconditionally, accept each other for who they are not who you want
    them to be and don't ever give up on each other. "   We've been through some tough times already but we've never given up or stopped believing in one another. 


    image
    Ts'i mahnu uterna ot twan ot geifur hingts uto.
    No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
  • PhDMommyPhDMommy
    Posts: 715Member
    DoesMyAssLookBig said:

    We moved away from all of our family and friends when we were young (military), and I really think the distance made it easier to stay together through the first couple of years (the hardest).  His mother meddled like crazy at first, and our marriage would never have survived her if we didn't move away.  It's amazing how just getting away from her drama saved us.  We came to rely soley on each other during those first few years, and (still being military and far away from family) we still only rely on each other.



    OMG this ^^ crazy MIL and all!   Only we're not military.  We moved to England for the first three and a half years of our marriage for my PhD (my advisor is English, got a job offer over there and asked us to follow).  Someone told me before our wedding that it was a great thing for us to be moving so far away because that way there was no where for us to run other than each others arms forcing us to work things out! 
    Ts'i mahnu uterna ot twan ot geifur hingts uto.
    No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.
  • kristina
    Posts: 6Member

    I started dating my husband when we were both 19. However, I was a 19 year old single mom of a DS age 2months living at home with my parents at the time.  I knew he was the one when he gave away his tickets to see THE CURE because I my baby was sick and no one wanted to babysit.  We have been married over 12 years and in that time he adopted my son (when he was 4 years old as law said we had to be married for one year), we have dealt with his fathers struggle with cancer and passing, horrendous in law issues (a whole other story), infertility and miscarraige (our DD was born in 2003 after help with clomid), a move across the country, job changes, bankruptcy and depression issues with our now DS16. It has been a rollarcoaster !  It definatly has not been easy and still isnt at times, but my sister recently asked if getting older has changed the way my husband and I look at each other I answered honestly that I cant "see" his gray hair and hardly notice if he has gained weight unless he points it out because in my mind I see a teenager standing on my moms doorstep with a movie in one hand and infant cold medicine in the other. Believe me-I've conjoured up that image a lot...

  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,844Member
    Mommyto2Angels said:

    With me I knew right away. We met at a Fourth of July BBQ my friend was throwing at her apartments pool and when I saw him I was hooked. He asked me out to dinner and we have been together ever since. Took us only 2 months to say I love you to each other and we were married a year later. He really is my best friend and as silly as it sounds he is my missing piece. While life has had its ups and downs I can honestly say that I love him with all my heart and I am looking forward to growing old with him.



    This ^^^

    Been married 10yrs now.  I'm my husband's 3rd wife - LOL.  Anyway we have been through a shit storm as well and thankfully it seems to be one or the other - we support each other.  He is my best friend and would rather go out for a beer with me than his buddies.  I am truly blessed with my husband. 
    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,844Member
    DaBOMB said:

    Dh and I have been together for 25 years... married for 20 of them. The trick is to always attemp to treat the other person the same way you want to be treated. Show each other that you care about them above all others. And call the bullshit when you see it. We fight. Sure thing. And there are times when we want to kill each other. But we are in it. And we have a life and a family that's more important than any bs arguement.




    and this ^^^^ 

    Oh and don't argue in front of the kids about kid shit... agree with each other and then argue it out in private. Always back each other up.
    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • goldie
    Posts: 108Member
    Been married for 23 years.  He is my best friend and my soul mate.  We respect each other, and have many of the same interests, but also have outside interests so we're not up each other's ass all the time.  Have two great kids, and still have lots of good sex.
  • CSmith
    Posts: 40Member
    I've been married for 17 years. The secret is: seperate bathrooms and seperate bank accounts. I really think you have to respect each others space and individuality, you have to stay your own person. Couples really only fight about 3 things, money and work(who has more and/or does more), family (kids and in-laws),and sex(recognizing each others needs). If you work out those three issues, you've got it made.
  • crazybroad
    Posts: 91Member
    me and my love have been together for 13 years and have three kids. we ARE NOT MARRIED and have outlasted every couple we know that has been married. i am perfectly content living in sin. i guess we last so long because we are both crazy, stubborn, lively, obsessed with eachother people!
  • Tripplus2Tripplus2
    Posts: 31Member
    My husband and I will be married 13 years in September.  We have 5 boys that keep us on our toes, and they leave little private time for us. I don't think there's one big secret to a happy marriage, but I will say we work at our marriage every single day.  Some days are great, some not so great.  One thing that does help is that we give each other 15 min. in the morning before the kids wake up.  It's our quiet time to say good morning, work out a problem, talk about our plans for the day or just be with one another.  It helps to start the day out on a good note (even though it doesn't always stay that way).
  • mummyof3
    Posts: 1Member
    Hi ive just signed up so Im new... so hello to you all!!! 
    Ive been married for 8yrs and I tell ya my husband and I have been through so much together we have had our highs and we have certanly had our lows... but getting through it all has been a challenge and I think the only way to get through it all was sticking by each other and being there when times did get tough. We also have 3 wonderful children and there my rock. My husband and I also spend time together just us to. We made a promise on our wedding day that every yr we would go away for a night or we just find a babysitter and stay at home and have us time. We tell each other everyday that I love you. and everytime he leaves or I leave for work and come home there is always a kiss to say goodbye or hi im home.  so far so good!!!! :) 
     
  • StarsStars
    Posts: 1,058Member
    Lifeofchaos said:

    We've been married 15 years..... And not all those years have been happily ever after. Love unconditionally, accept each other for who they are not who you want them to be and don't ever give up on each other.



    This ^^^ Accept who they are.  Don't think you can change them.  If something bugs you its best to figure out if its something you can live with in the long run.  If the answer is no then its best to hang it up or CHANGE YOU.  That's your only option. 
    I've been married for 5 years to my best friend and lover so I'm not quite at the 10 year mark but I will say that we love each other more than the day we married.  He loves me for who I am and vice versa.  Are there things tht irk us...sure but their little things and things we can say fuck it to.  
    apsycho

  • GritsGrits
    Posts: 3,749Member
    We've been married 9 years in September this year, together almost 12. It hasn't always been easy. There have been times when we've teetered at the brink of falling off, but we stuck it out, and I'm so glad we did.

    The way we love each other and the reasons why have changed, but we've definitely still got it.

    Pick your battles, don't sweat the small stuff (and it's mostly small stuff), and the good old golden rule...that will take you a long way. And sex. As much as you can get. Lots and lots of sex.
    >:)
    "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn
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