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At my wits end.
  • AnnmarieAnnmarie
    Posts: 11Member



    Hi everyone,
    my name is Annmarie and I am from PA. I found this site while researching
    parenting books on Barns and Noble's website. I could not have found this site
    at a better time, I am dangersly close to my wits end.

    I am married
    to my HS sweetheart and we have 2 beautiful children, a 4yo Boy and a 2yo Girl.
    Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not a patient person, nor dependent. (it
    takes a lot for me to ask for help) But in my current situation, I find myself
    crying more days then not. I am a stay at home mom, not by choice, but I have
    come to love spending so much time with my kids, and now that they are both
    walking/running I am having more fun with them.

    A little
    while back my husband had a setback at work, and we ended up losing a lot of
    money a month. I started to look for a part time job, but with my limited
    availability and lack of work history (at home for almost 3 years) I could not
    find one. A friend of mine called me a few months ago and asked how I felt
    about babysitting her 3 kids. The money was good, and I didn’t have to worry
    about a sitter for my kids. I now am a mom/sitter to my 4yo Boy, a 3yo Boy, my
    2yo Girl, a 2 yo Boy, and a 1yo Girl... On top of it, my husband works crazy hours
    and is gone at 6am and not home till 9-10PM sometimes later. And he works
    almost every other weekend, and we recently went down to one car...

    So I am
    alone all day with 5 kids under 5. I find myself blowing up over little things
    and not handling situations like I should. My children act out when the other
    kids are here and refuse to listen to me, and because they are defiant, soon
    the others follow suit. I can’t even go to the bathroom without someone
    throwing a car at someone else or whatever they can get their hands on. I have
    tried so many different ways to talk to my son who is old enough to understand
    consequences, but he doesn’t seem to care. My daughter is the first to throw a
    punch or car (train, book, sippy cup...) and then screams bloody murder when I discipline
    her.

    I am
    surrounded by family and friends that are either overwhelmed with the thought
    of 5 kids at once, or think that I just need to suck it up and deal. I need
    advice, and someone who understands what it's like to lock their son in his
    room when he's screaming and trying to kick the door down and sit on the steps
    and cry because I feel like a failure, and don’t know what else to do.

    It just
    seems like my situation keeps getting worse, and I am worried about how much more
    I can handle before I crack under the pressure.

    Am I alone?

  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 8,183Member
    No, hon, you're not.  We all go through periods like this, and it's 5x's harder with that many kids around all the time.  

    It sounds like you DESPERATELY need a time out!  Is there any way you can get some one to take YOUR kids for at least a few hours this weekend?  Or maybe g'ma/g'pa can take them overnight?  I was just about where you are a couple of weeks ago when my mom and her hubs came out for a visit.  They stayed at his time share, so were able to take dd overnight...then they took her again for 2 nights in a row.  All my friends I talked to after that commented on how much calmer I sounded, etc., and that had been a REALLY, REALLY shitty week:  I spent 4 hours (plus 2 telephone interviews) interviewing for a position that I not only really wanted, but desperately need.  I found out that week I didn't get it.  So, long story short, getting away from my daughter really helped restore my sanity.

    If there's anybody you trust enough for an overnight, I say ask them.  You clearly need a break!
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • boring_nameboring_name
    Posts: 667Member
    I agree with @BellaBefana a break would be a great idea... 

    I was in a similar situation with watching my sister's kids and my cousin's. I had 5 under 5 then too! (was many years ago) at the time they were 18mos, 2, 4,4,4. Now they are all 19 to 22! 

    A few things that helped me. 
    Sort out a fairly strict schedule and stick to it. Sometimes the behaviors are from lack of structure. Lunch, snack, etc at specific times. 

    Require a nap/quiet time each day.. even for the older ones... it gives you somewhat of a sanity break. My group was put down to 'rest' on the living room floor. Each got a blanket and I turned on a movie. They could stay awake/quiet or nap.. but the only reason to get up was to go potty. (I know many frown on using the TV as a 'babysitter' but sometimes it is necessary IMO and nothing says the show can't be educational)

    Plan activities (goes along with structure). Get them outside to run off energy every day that is possible to. 

    I hope some of this helps with the long run part of the job. I do think in the short term you need a break, maybe even have them find alternative care for a week so you can take a 'vacation' from extra kids? 


    B
  • DreamerDreamer
    Posts: 2,272Member

    Yeppers thats a lot to take on.  I agree you need a little you time. Hard to do sometimes, but Ohhh so necessary to a persons sanity. 

    Dont have any advice on handling that many kiddos, but I am sure there are some ladies here who have some advice there. :)

    But on the personal level. Make time for yourself. A half hour or an hour a few times a week for ...whatever.  You have to remmeber that your well being does affecr those kids. Got to look after yourself too. Even if its just a long soak in the tub after everyone is gone to bed and a chocolate bar. ;)

    There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other. Which one are you?
  • Katescrazymom
    Posts: 1,849Member
    I do home daycare, and I have a madatory quiet time, 1-2:00.  Or longer if everyone cooperates. Here is your floor pillow (ok they'e cheap dog beds, don't judge), your water bottle and your blanket.  Little ones who nap early and mess up the schedule still go in the playpens, but with a couple toys, until they kick up a big fuss.  They can watch the tv or read or do a puzzle, but it must be quiet, and very little talking is allowed.  We talk about the show or movie after. They've all gotten used to it.  My ds is 13 months, there is are 16 and 21 month girls, two boys and my dd who will all be 4 this summer, a 4 yo boy, a 5 yo girl and boy, a 6 yo girl, a 7 yo boy and an 8 yo girl.  The older ones have school every other day or every day, some are onlyhere mornings or afternoons, one mom is a nurse, and one dad is a policeman, so obviously they are not all here at the same time, but the more structure we have, the better.  The chaos still gets to me sometimes, but the the better I am at planning activities and strapping them into highchairs or booster seats or getting them to the table, the better my day goes.  I don't do anyone any favors when I relax the schedule.
  • AnnmarieAnnmarie
    Posts: 11Member

    Thanks everyon for the support and advice, much needed nd appreciated!

    @BellaBefanna - I agree, I am lacking some me time.  Unfortuinatly I wont be able to get a break for about 2 more weeks when my mom and gm take the kids for the weekend since I am in a wedding.  But their is light at the end of the tunnel, lol.

    @Boring_name - Right before I started watching all these extra kids, I had started a "star chart" for my kids.  (supper nanny)  It worked great with my 2 so I have one for all the4 tddlers.  The idea is we have 8 things on the schedule that everyone can earn a star.  Eating all there breakfast, cleaning up the toys after free play, being good at the park, etc...  I think they are young enough that simply not getting a star is upsetting enough without any extra incentives (ie - getting so many stars during the week gets a special prize at the end of the week.  I just think thats too long of a time span for them to understand.)  On the schedule is a designated "quiet/disney movie time"  3 out of 4 toddlers more times then not will jump on the couch, wrestle, fight, do anything but sit an be quiet...  My dicipline method is...  First warning, second remove child from other kids and make him/her sit with me, and then time out for x minuts for x age (4 minuts for 4yo, also supper nanny) I also have a time slot for story time, they listen better, but not always.  I also have nap time.  I try to keep the schedule the same times, lunch at 12, nap at 2.  But it seems even with the organization they dont want to listen and just do whatever they want to do.  Am I doing this wrong?

    @Dreamer - haha, I try but by the time I finally get them down and quiet it's close to 10 at night, I dont have the energy to even wash my hair, lol!  Also I noticed the quote you posted I think yesterday about Courage, and how its the little voice that says tomorrow will be better.  I tell my son while tucking him in at bed time if he was not a good listener that today was a bad day, but we can try again tomorrow, because tomorrow is a new day.  If that is the defination of courage, that makes me feel so much better!  Thanks for sharing that quote!

    @Katescrazymom - my kids 4yo boy and 2yo girl are very hyper active, the 2yo boy I watch is also very hyper active.  Short attention spans, and are constently on the move.  I have a hard time gettin them to sit still long enoug to eat lunch.  The 3yo Boy I watch is totaly different, he tunes out with the tv on, like a zombie.  He has no problem with quiet time, but the other 3 are just too active.  Is their a way to calm them down?  I had started taking them all to my local libery for stories and sing alongs.  I thought they would get used to having to sit and be quiet in a public place, but the more I went the louder they got (im assuming they got used to the souroundins and felt comfortable enough to be louder)  Any ideas for hyper active kids that seem to have ants in their pants? They don't even have the attention span to collor for more the like 20 minuts.  I have done arts and crafts with them, paints, stickers, masks, we even made puppets out of pipe cleaners, but after about 15-20mins or so I lose them, and they start gettng up and running around.

    Thanks so much, im feeling a little better knowing im not alone.

     

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    Posts: 7,052
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    well behaved women seldom make history
  • luckymama
    Posts: 94Member
    I don't have any advice, but I'm also a stay at home mom that never planned to be one. Reading this, all I can think is God bless you for taking on all these kids. No wonder you are stressed out! Sending hugs your way!
  • TrEr02TrEr02
    Posts: 688Member
    shewww girl..bless your heart! I couldnt take on any more kids, my three is enough!! You deff need a break or a girls nite. My husband works crazy ass hours and every other weekend too, it gets very lonely. Good luck hugs!!
    We got no food, no jobs...OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!
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