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Fuck
  • BiscuitsMom
    Posts: 48Member
    You would think that I would have learned by now not to be hurt by the shit my mother says/does....

    I'm giving birth to a little boy in about 2 more months. He's my first child, and my mother's first grandchild. I asked if she'd like to come visit when Biscuit is born, and offered to buy her a plane ticket and pay for her food, hotel room, etc.....basically a free vacation.
    She said no thanks, photos are good enough for her, and then flat out told me that she has no desire to come meet him ever, at any time.

    Dude, my bf's family is so excited about this kid that they're annoying me with their visitation demands, but my own mother can't even be bothered to meet the kid.

    I should have known better than to expect her to want to meet her grandson.
    She gave up custody of me when I was 15 because she decided she'd rather live with my step father. (He and I couldn't live in the same house after I got a restraining order against him when he decided that he'd rather fuck me than my mother.)
    Our relationship has been....strained.....ever since.
    I keep trying to make things better between us, and I don't fucking know why I bother.
    I don't even know why her refusal to meet Biscuit upsets me....she's clearly not the type of person I want in my son's life.
    I don't know.....I guess I was just hoping that at least one person from my family would care enough to come visit, but apparently fucking not.
    To top it all off, I only have one friend that's interested in meeting Biscuit...and I'm not sure that counts, considering that my best friend is my bf's father.

    Meh....I made myself sick crying over it this afternoon. Now I just feel numb about the whole thing. I don't know why I even bothered.
    Sorry for the pointless rant....time to hitch up my big girl panties and go finish painting Biscuit's room.
  • irishlassirishlass
    Posts: 6,726Member
    Huge huge hugs. It doesn't matter how many times she has let you down, you will still hope for her to be your mum. I'm sorry that she has hurt you so badly.
    You are doing the right thing. Don't keep laying yourself down to be walked all over. You sound like you will be a terrific mother for little bisuit! >:D<
    "Be who you are and say what you feel. Because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." - Dr. Seuss
  • AnonUser29
    Posts: 1,169Guest
    I am sorry this is happening to you. I know she is your mom and you will always love her, but as is the case with mine, a piece of shit is just that... and very rarely ever changes. You have done your part, you have tried.
  • PurpleFlowersPurpleFlowers
    Posts: 5,650Member
    Wow, thats messed up! Hugs to you >:D<
    Stay away from my chocolate and nobody gets hurt!

    I think I like who I am becoming...
  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,820Member
    (((hugs))) I'm sorry your mom is shitty. Focus on biscuit and you DH's family. You will be a great Mom!
    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • ZidashaZidasha
    Posts: 830Member
    Just keep saying to yourself, It's their loss not yours.  


    >:D< >:D<  hugs to you.
    "I have a theory that placenta is brain matter I push out, so with each child I get dumber and dumber." ~ Unknown

  • momofdbbmomofdbb
    Posts: 9,094Member
    Awe that sucks. I'm sorry she is being so ugly. >:D<
    " Wibbly wobbly timey wimey ......." The Doctor
    " I'm a leafe on the wind..watch how I soar ." Wash :((
    " Oh the wall had it comming.' Sherlock Holmes
    yea I am geek !!
  • TrEr02TrEr02
    Posts: 687Member
    man that sux!! I guess try to count your blessings that his family is very involved and excited. In the end it will be your mothers loss. Keep your chin up girl..soon you will have your amazing lil boy in your arms. Hugs!
    We got no food, no jobs...OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!
  • WildandFree
    Posts: 1,598Member
    I wish you would tell her what an awful person she is! That's her loss, not yours. You deserve better, and I hope you don't contact her ever again, mother or not!!
  • CanadianMamaCanadianMama
    Posts: 9,614Administrator, Moderator
    That's awful!!! She is not any kind of person you, or your son, need to have in your life.

    You may not have family who wants to meet him, but you do have an entire community of women who will love to gush over his photos and share in your joy. I know it's not the same, but you aren't alone >:D<

    community-manager


  • DreamerDreamer
    Posts: 2,266Member

    Awww that really sucks.  I dunno, IMHO, I think its natural you wanting your mom there.  There must have been a time she was a good mom(I hope) pre-douchbag..  thinking maybe the prospect of a grandson might re-kindle her motherly type feelings...

    Terrible she let you down, but at least you know now. You'd have wondered otherwise.  Again, just my thoughts.

    But as you already know and said, you are likely better off.. take comfort in the fact you are surrounded by people that care for you. They are the ones that really matter.

    >:D<
    There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other. Which one are you?
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 8,241Member
    I know it hurts that your mom feels that way, and nothing's going to change that.  She is your mother.  She needs to grow up herself and I think it's pretty big of you to make the offer under these circumstances.

    Everyone is right, you have bf's family around you.  Embrace them as your own.
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • DaBOMB
    Posts: 273Member

    OMG!!  What a horrible bitch she is!!!  I'm so sorry that you had the misfortune of having that selfish horrible woman give birth to you.  And IMO it seems that's all she did.  I would take a bullet for my son.  She would rather be with a pedophile/rapist than to protect her child. 

    It's natural to want her to be a real mother... but she won't be.  I'm so sorry for that... my heart is breaking for you.  No child should ever ever have to realize that their "mom" is not much of a mom after all... no matter how old you are. 

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. 

  • booseneca
    Posts: 232Member
    My heart is breaking for you as well mama! Take comfort in the fact that you know how you're NOT going to raise your biscuit!! Any mother who lets that shit go on and turns the other cheek to it doesnt deserve to have kids in the first place. You're gonna be 1000 times the mom she could ever dream of being and you know what....she KNOWS it!! Thats why shes so resentful towards you!! You're gonna be a success at something she was a clear FAILURE at!! You and your beautiful baby are gonna be just fine!! You can be the mother she never was and raise him how a real woman should!! Best of luck to you baby!!
  • tothemoonandbacktothemoonandback
    Posts: 2,143Member
    She doesn't deserve to meet him.  She doesn't deserve to know the pleasure of what it's like to be a grandmother.  She's nothing more than your egg donor, I'm so sorry this is the hand you were dealt.. that has to be devastating.  The one thing she probably taught you that is the most valuable, is what type of mother NOT to be, and has left you a blank canvas to create the type of mother you WANT to be.  Congrats on the biscuit, I'd love to see pictures once he's here!!
    Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. - Marilyn Monroe
  • pennypenny
    Posts: 807Member
    I am so sorry you're having to do this without a mother who will be there for you. I just don't understand how people can do that to their kids. Your bf's family sounds like they will be a wonderful addition to your support network.
  • anonymommy
    Posts: 1,430Member
    Big hugs. I know it took a lot to put yourself out there like that and I'm sorry it ended up the way it did. The birth of your son should be a happy time and I have a feeling that if she had taken you up on your offer, she would have also done her best to suck the joy out of it for you. >:D<
  • canadamom
    Posts: 867Member
    It is really sad that she can't be the mother you want and need. I know that hurts. It says more about her than you. 

    She might not be ready to be a grandma.  She might be punishing you for the previous situation. If she is still with your stepfather, he may have set "rules" about her seeing you and being involved in your life as retribution for you protecting yourself. There may be other reasons that she cannot explain right now.

    It doesn't mean the situation won't change once the baby is born, nor does it mean it will either.

    Live in the truth but be open to the situation changing.  Not exactly keeping hope that the situation is going to change - because that uses up a lot of energy and emotion - but more accepting how things are now and acceptance that it may or may not change. I had to do this when I was having problems with my kids.
  • MouseMouse
    Posts: 85Member
    Your mom and your situations sucks.  If there was anyway we could take away the hurt and anger you are going through I know we would. 
    Don't outsmart your common scense
  • blkrosemommablkrosemomma
    Posts: 296Member
    I know this is really hard. My mother and I went through some tough times but it did get better. Through the tough times, however, I did what I had too. Through her decision to take drugs over her kids I opted out. Said fuck her and went on my marry way. 10 years later and I live 2000+ miles away, she's clean and got her head out of her ass, our relationship has never been better. 

    Sometimes the hardest things to do are the right things. You don't need anyone in your life that doesn't want you in theirs and as hard as it maybe you have to do what's best for you. Reveling in the love and support that your SO's family is offering could help ease the pain of the "loss" of your mom. I know my BF's family's support means the world to me. 

    Sorry for what you are going through though.  >:D<
  • PrimalbitchPrimalbitch
    Posts: 1,283Member

    I'm so sorry girl.  That kind of stuff always hurts. 

     

    >:D<

    ETA:  I think it makes you a kick ass person that you keep trying to work it out with her.  It means you are optimistic and want what is the best.  I admire you for that.  Although we know what the outcome is likely to be, the fact that you keep trying is just awesome. 

  • lolafllolafl
    Posts: 217Member

    It's so sad how some people are missing that "chip" that makes them human.  I think it's perfectly normal to reach out to your mom when you are about to become one.  This is a big life changer for you & for most people.  It would make sense that you would think becoming a grandmother would be a big deal for her - it's HUGE for most people.  Unfortunately, she's just not one of those people that seem to care about anyone but themselves - sorry.

    Someday she may regret the way she lived her life & the choices she made but right now all you have to focus on is getting ready for Biscuit (I LOVE that) and taking care of yourself.

    As for friends, try a "new mom" group locally.  It's great because you have a built in playmate for baby when he's born & you have someone that knows exactly what you're going through.

  • LifeofchaosLifeofchaos
    Posts: 984Member
    Im so sorry you have that stupid bitch for a mother!!!!! She doesn't deserve to be a part of your or biscuits life. I can imagine how bad it hurts but you are better off without her!
    ((((((hugs))))))
  • MistyStacy_2010MistyStacy_2010
    Posts: 487Member
    When you try to put lace on a turd, no matter how pretty the lace, its still a turd. 
    I am sorry you have a crappy turd of a mother but look at all the support you have here from these ladies! WE are excited for you and DEMAND tons and tons of pictures so we can love little biscuit (how cute) as much as you do!! 
    Keep your head up lady, we are here for you!!
    You are not my thong, so get out of my ass!!
  • BiscuitsMom
    Posts: 48Member
    Thanks, ladies. <3<br />I'm mostly over it, now. I've always known she was a shitty mom - I was just hoping she'd be a better grandmother, since she would get all of the fun and none of the responsibility.

    @canadamom - I'm almost 30, and her next birthday is her 50th, so it's not like I'm making her a grandmother prematurely or anything. And she split up with my step father a year after I moved out....she's dated many men in the years since, but she's currently single.

    Today she told me the reason why she wasn't coming was her cats. She's a low level hoarder with objects, but is really bad with cats. She had just over 30 of them last time I checked. (Which was 2 1/2 years ago.) She said she doesn't want anyone to go into her house to take care of the cats while she's not there, and she doesn't want to get rid of any. Which I can actually understand....I would be ashamed for anyone to be in my house too, if I were her.

    So....meh.....it is what it is. I've survived 1/2 my life without her, so I'm sure I can survive not having her here for Biscuit.

    On a more positive note, my landlord stopped by today, saw the paint job we did on our bedroom and Biscuit's bedroom, and said we were more than welcome to paint the rest of the house at our discretion, just to save the receipts and he'd reimburse us for the paint. He even asked to take the paint chip for the color we picked for our bedroom, because he and his wife are painting their house, and he liked it a lot. (Behr Chinese Jade....we picked colors that reminded us of our trip to Grand Cayman last year, so there's lots of blues and light greens and sandy colors. Very tropical, lol.)

    And now Biscuit is asking for some chocolate ice cream to be delivered via umbilicus...he's been good today, so I think I'll indulge him. ;)
  • canadamom
    Posts: 867Member
    @BiscuitsMom - Well, I am going to be 45 this August so 50 doesn't seem that old.  MyDD is only 17 right now, so I won't be ready to be a grandma at 50!!

    It sounds like she has issues getting in her way - (hoarding which is a mental illness) - that prevent her from being there that have nothing to do with you or biscuit.  So don't think you are not worth her time, she just can't let go of her own roadblocks.

    Do you have an Aunt who could be the surrogate grandma from your side of the family?
  • BiscuitsMom
    Posts: 48Member
    @canadamom - Everyone in my family has babies when they're young. My mother gave birth to me 5 days before her 21st birthday, and everyone else has had kids by the age of 23 at the latest. I'm the weird one for waiting as long as I have!

    I'd be tempted to let her pin it all on the hoarding issues, except for the part where she originally told me last week that she doesn't ever want to meet him.
    I think she just realized today that she could use the cat issue as an excuse so that I wouldn't be mad at her and stop sending her money.

    I have 2 aunts. One I haven't spoken to in years and lives halfway across the country. The other lives 2 hours away from me, and has also declined to visit after Biscuit is born, although she did say that if I want to bring him to meet her when he's old enough to travel, that we'd be welcome.
  • AnonUser33
    Posts: 743Guest

    I am so sorry you got one of those mothers. (((hugs)))

    Adopted grammas are easy to come by and lots of times they are way more awesome than a real gramma. I say you find lil biscuit some adopted grammas.

  • beachmommybeachmommy
    Posts: 2,523Member

    @biscuitsmom - my mom sounds like your mom's twin.  I am 36 and just had my 1st baby in Feb.  She actually flew over and saw him.  But I haven't heard from her since. And rumor has it she spoke poorly about her "visit" when she came back.

    She also chose her BF over me when I was 17.  She has repeatedly promised to rejoin my life only to go MIA right after her promises.  She does this about every year and a half.  About 5 years ago I made a promise to myself that I will no longer hold out hope for her to change.  It is what it is.

    I was so excited when she came over to see DS.  But now that she is repeating the pattern with him - I don't want her around at all.  She can hurt me.  Not my kids. 

    And now I want some chocolate ice cream.  thanks!

    My beach is still Sandy....
  • mouthlikeatrucker
    Posts: 6Member
    @beachmommy - your mom is a CUNT & you are so much better off without her! My mother is currently trying to convince my DD that she is bipolar to give her an "out" for her bad behavior ... ugghh... why do they not see how damaging their behavior is!
  • BlahMommy
    Posts: 9Member
    I'd love to give you a gigantic hug and some really good chocolate right now. Admitting the truth about your mother does not make accepting in any easier. It sounds as though you will be a great mother. And adopted grandmas are awesome and can love and spoil just the same. >:D<
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