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Happy Fathers Day Asshole! (Venting)
  • LiveLoveLaughLiveLoveLaugh
    Posts: 61Member
    Okay so let me start by giving you a little background-
    I am married to a good man whom I love and adore(most days) We have been together for 6 year and married for almost 3. we recently welcomed our son who is almost 2  He has 3 daughters with his ex wife and they live  in a different town about 3 hours away from us. Which I think is WONDERFUL! LOL anyway My Dh works ALOT and its very rare that they come visit us. Maybe once a month or once every 2 months- it really depends. When they do come visit He picks them up friday afternoon, we hangout with them all saturday and then they leave around noon on sunday. I know that this is hard on him and He misses them ALOT.

    So here is my Rant-
    Today I asked DH want he wanted to do for Fathers Day! Its his second one with our little guy So i thought that He would be excited and say " I really want to spend the day with P at the park or take him somewhere fun!" But instead he says "nothing".... I asked "so do you want to go somewhere special to eat and he says "no"... I m starting to get kinda annoyed at this point WTF? all you ever want to do is something special on fathers day!!! Always making a big deal about it! WTF???!!! So he then he says " I dont want to do anything because it makes me sad that the girls are not going to be here.....This Statement totally set me off! Okay so you don't want to spend fathers day with the one kid that IS here because they others aren't around? How fucked up is that? I know our son is only 2 and he has no clue right now but im thinking "so when our son turns 5 and wants to do something special for daddy for fathers day your going to tell him NO thanks because U miss his sisters? Totally F*cked up if you ask me! Now i feel like he Favors his daughters over our son. I get that he misses them and it does suck that they cant all be there with him but why cant he appreciate the one thats isable to be with him on fathers day EVERY year?
    I was so pissed and hurt that i told him that from now on Fathers Day does not exist in our house anymore- and to not expect anything from me on that day JERK!
    any thoughts?
  • SassySassy
    Posts: 2,441Member
    Well, I can see where you're coming from, but father's day is about his being a father to all his children, and only 1/4 of them are represented that can be depressing. Cut him a little slack! Maybe he will change his mind, maybe if it is that important to him he should try to arrange a visit on fathers day from the girls. 
  • AnonUser33
    Posts: 743Guest

    I can understand why you are hurt but I agree with @Sassy. Is there anyway to meet up for dinner with his girls or arrange to meet them at a park for a picnic lunch? He sounds like a good man and a good father. It probably is very apinful for him to not see his girls as much as he would like.

    I am very sorry you are feeling so badly about this. I really hope that you can work something out that is nice for all of you.

     

  • OtakuHimeOtakuHime
    Posts: 357Member
    I'd feel pretty upset for the 2 year old. Just because some of the kids aren't there doesn't mean cancel it. Father's day and Mother's day is for the kids too.
  • LiveLoveLaughLiveLoveLaugh
    Posts: 61Member
    I totally get that he misses them but he should be thankful that he has at least one of his children here with him. That's better then spending the day without any of them. @sassy no they live 3hrs away and DH has to work that weekend. I cant go get them.cuz their mother hates me and likes to talk shit to me.
  • southerngal
    Posts: 43Member
    I understand where he is coming from, its tough to be in his position, Id also be quite sad. But that said, he should try and celebrate with his son regardless or you can just celebrate fathers day on a day that his girls are around. Start your own tradition, your own special day for Fathers day. 
    'if you cant fly then run, if you cant run then walk, if you cant walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward'

    Dr Martin Luther King, Jr.
  • BeerWenchBeerWench
    Posts: 2,820Member
    I'm sure there is guilt. Can you arrange for a phone call from the girls?

    Having been a stepmom for the past 10yrs, anything you can do to help your/his relationship with biomom will be good. I have little contact with biomom as well, but try not to say negative things about her.

    Hugs, it's not an easy place to be in for you or him. Try to support him.
    :¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•** She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten**•-:¦:-•:*'""*:• -:¦:-
  • AnonMomAnonMom
    Posts: 2,410Member
    I
    made an effort for many years to make sure ALL the kids thought about
    their dad on Father's Day. Four years ago we moved.....they never think
    about him. Birthday, father's day, Christmas, Easter,
    Thanksgiving....they never think about him.
    We're four years into this behaviour, or lack there of, and he finally
    realized in the last year or so that he does have a child here that
    does give him attention and recognition and loves him. It's been a
    difficult emotional journey for him, but one he needed to go through and
    one I needed to allow him to go through on his own while I supported
    him in the back ground without letting MY feelings get in the way too
    much. Voicing my feelings is so much better than making it about me,
    because it's not about me. It's about him. He needed to have that
    rollercoaster of emotions on his own. And he still does. There are
    days that his emotions are very evident and others when it's not, but I
    know it's there. Being upset with him, mad at him, that does nothing to
    allow him to work it out and figure it out for himself...which he needs
    to do.

    When the day comes, your husband will love on your son. I know
    he will because I've seen it happen first hand. But don't get upset with him if he has bouts of sadness for what he misses. 

    And really?? Dad's
    want to take their kids to the park?? I thought they wanted to fish and
    drink beer?? Or work in the yard or clean the garage or watch whatever
    sport is on the TV?? Maybe that's all he wants to do anyway...don't be disappointed if he doesn't want to make a big deal out of it...it is his day after all.  And remember him.  Celebrate it as though everything was right with the world.  He still deserves it...he is a dad after all.
  • AnonUser25
    Posts: 547Guest
    I totally can see where you're coming from but I can see his point too. I would be hurt just like you are, but try to understand his view in this. Maybe talk to him about how he feels about his daughters and go from there? Maybe a heart to heart might make him realize he's kinda pushing you and your son away. I know with some guys it takes literally drawing them a picture for them to get what you're saying. Good luck!
  • LiveLoveLaughLiveLoveLaugh
    Posts: 61Member

    Thanks ladies for the imput- I know I am totally over reacting but I feel like he is being unfair to our son. I sure "rescheduleing" the day would work but it could be weeks before that happens... I guess it is his day and we will do whatever he wants even if it is "nothing" his loss i suppose....

  • MsAsdy
    Posts: 242Member
    I may be the only one to say this but a big part of me was like "Way to go girl!!" when I read what you said to him. Lol. I'd love to be able to say something like that to DH when he's being a dipshit and not wanting to spend any time with his girls. Hopefully he'll figure it out. Maybe he's just exhausted from working and was having himself a little pity party.
    Maybe once you've calmed a bit or you guys have left the matter lie for a little bit, you can talk to him about why you were upset and hurt and maybe he'll be a little more careful in the future. I totally get why you're mad. This is your baby boy and he deserves just as much attention as his girls do. I get that he misses them. Maybe it's also because they're older and he can connect with them more. I know my mom said that for the first one or two years we were around our dad didn't have much to do with us but once we turned into "little people" he was playing with us all the time. Men are able to connect with children more once the kiddos can talk and react and have little imaginations going wild. Until that time, its hard for men to make the connection to children.
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