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Your Favorite Confession Ever?
  • ScaryMommyScaryMommy
    Posts: 3,367Administrator
    So, I thought it would be fun to have you guys choose the homepage confessions for a change. Leave your favorite confessions here (with the number) and I'll put them into the rotation! Would love to get some new ones up!! 
  • Not_hisAnymoreNot_hisAnymore
    Posts: 285Member
    Can I pick more than one?
  • ScaryMommyScaryMommy
    Posts: 3,367Administrator
    @Not_hisAnymore Absolutely!!
  • Thefinder
    Posts: 1,635Member
    #187358
    was laying on my bed watching
    reruns on ANTM, when ds4 came up the stairs crying after dh wouldnt let
    him play the comp. so i rolled off the bed like a cia agent and rolled
    under it, he went back down saying mommys gone ..lol
  • French_momFrench_mom
    Posts: 1,540Member
    there is too many to browse through now !!!  I got this one

    Confession #190043

    It is for me to know and you to dot dot dot.
  • WhoDatIsWhoDatIs
    Posts: 733Member
    I don't remember the number, but the one that said

    I used to be a perfect mother, then I had children.

    You and me, we go way back.
  • AnonUser33
    Posts: 743Guest
    confession: I know my son is gay. And I can't wait for that very special day
    when he sits me down and finally tells me :)
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,700Confessional Manager
    It made the best of's.. I think it even made the book:

    "I kiss my young teenager goodbye in the morning as she leaves for school, rising above the hormone-fueled snarling and histrionics. Then I close the front door and flip her off, with both hands."

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • BeautifulDefianceBeautifulDefiance
    Posts: 755Member
    @unforgiving- it did make the book that's one of my faves too
    I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

    SMSM_s_5

  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 2,858Confessional Manager
    185233    I'm not a gynecologist, but I know a cunt when I see one.

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • hallfamily727hallfamily727
    Posts: 277Member
    Ugh!  I wish I could find the confession or had written down the number.  It was the one about 'dear officer who pulled me over' b/c the kid was throwing legos at the back of her head.  LOL
  • Lakegirl34
    Posts: 1,786Member
    I don't have the confession # and it was months ago, but it was the one that the mom said (paraphrasing) they would leave the house and the girl would call "birds" and all the birds would show up. Is she the bird whisperer?. I'm not doing it justice bc I still laugh thinking about it.
  • AnonUser31
    Posts: 327Guest
    I'll always love the cookie monster one.
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 12,789Administrator, Moderator
    Listening to my husband chew with his mouth open makes me want to punch him in the face.

    community-manager


  • wtfwit
    Posts: 220Member
    I'm wearing maternity pants. I am not pregnant.Like (12)
    Hug (14)
    OMG, Me Too! (10)
    #190513
  • deviltwinsmommadeviltwinsmomma
    Posts: 2,316Member
    This one is older ...I fuckin love it.
    # 189317
    You think I need anger management classes. FUCK YOU! YOU NEED TO TAKE SHUT THE FUCK UP CLASSES.
    This needs to be made into a t shirt
    my mother used to sing me a song. It went like this: "Life is short, life is shit, and soon it will be over.
  • jezebeldelilahjezebeldelilah
    Posts: 337Member
    Sometimes I delete the thread of my husbands text messages and pretend I'm deleting him out of my life or just deleting his existence. It makes me smile every time.
    I'm new to sm but I like this one because I do it all the time. I'm going to read through some more.
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 12,789Administrator, Moderator
    Oh my GOD, if it were legal, I would beat him to death with a shovel and bury him in the neighbor's yard and pay their dog in bacon to shit on his grave.

    community-manager


  • deviltwinsmommadeviltwinsmomma
    Posts: 2,316Member
    @love this needs to be a hallmark card fo sho lmao
    my mother used to sing me a song. It went like this: "Life is short, life is shit, and soon it will be over.
  • PurpleFlowersPurpleFlowers
    Posts: 5,650Member
    Dont know the confession #, but it went along the lines of... Wish my Dh had a huge dick, not to fuck me with but so he could suck it himself and leave me alone! All of these are great!!!
    Stay away from my chocolate and nobody gets hurt!

    I think I like who I am becoming...
  • lifeisgood
    Posts: 481Member
    Wow...so many...I can't think of anything specific off the top of my head....but I read them every day. There are some talented quick witted quips in there.  
  • Thisisthenamethatneverendsitgoesonandonmyfriend
    Posts: 1,484Member
    I've been posting some of these to fb and leaving the confessions numbers
  • SammieSammie
    Posts: 7,283Administrator, Moderator
    deviltwinsmomma said:

    This one is older ...I fuckin love it.
    # 189317
    You think I need anger management classes. FUCK YOU! YOU NEED TO TAKE SHUT THE FUCK UP CLASSES.
    This needs to be made into a t shirt



    Yes! I was going to post this one earlier. Hilarious!!

    community-manager


  • notperfectnotperfect
    Posts: 744Member
    I don't know the number or the exact wording, but it had to do with using her child's toy dinosaur for some mommy/daddy playtime  ;)
  • complicatedmom
    Posts: 53Member

    I don't remember the number but

    "If I had a dollar for everytime he smacked my ass or grabbed my tits, I'd have a better ass and bigger tits"

    hehehe

  • battibatti
    Posts: 2,164Member
    Before reading anyone else's, response, my fave is the hissing lady confession. Maybe its cuz I'm biased and know my fave scary is the one who posted it.

    THAT and dino in the butt. OMG...

    SMSM_s_5

  • MaryPoppins25
    Posts: 1,686Member
    There was one about a mom who doesn't believe in spanking who moved a step out of the way when her dd was charging at her and let her run into the wall. Omg lol
  • fatchickonabikefatchickonabike
    Posts: 5,498Member

    The Cookie Monster one may have been mine. I don't know the number, but it went something like this:


    I have always identified with Cookie Monster. "Normally, me would tell you me not going to eat this cookie. But let's face facts: me going to eat this cookie. Me know it, you know it, everybody know it."

    "The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shock-proof bullshit detector.” - Ernest Hemingway
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,700Confessional Manager
    fatchickonabike said:

    The Cookie Monster one may have been mine. I don't know the number, but it went something like this:


    I have always identified with Cookie Monster. "Normally, me would tell you me not going to eat this cookie. But let's face facts: me going to eat this cookie. Me know it, you know it, everybody know it."



    OMG I totally forgot about this one! FREAKING HILARIOUS! 

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 2,858Confessional Manager
    #112230 When I have to take a crap, I use an ex's name. As in: be right back, I gotta take a Bryce.

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • Thefinder
    Posts: 1,635Member
    Like this @DevilTwinsMomma

    http://www.customink.com/designs/scaryangr/mrc0-000q-73cc/hotlink?pc=HL-46120&cm_mmc=hotlink-_-2-_-Body_txt-_-button1

    image
    image
  • Twins911Twins911
    Posts: 212Member
    Oh my GOD, if it were legal, I would beat him to death with a shovel and bury him in the neighbor's yard and pay their dog in bacon to shit on his grave.
    Like (0)
    Hug (0)
    OMG, Me Too! (0)
    #190578

    This ONE take the cake…. I was laughing so hard I peed my pants…. @Love @GirdyOlee
    Like I said T-shirts and mugs r a must! 
    =)) =))
  • deviltwinsmommadeviltwinsmomma
    Posts: 2,316Member
    @TheFinder YESSSSSSSS Fucking amazing!
    my mother used to sing me a song. It went like this: "Life is short, life is shit, and soon it will be over.
  • sidsmommy3sidsmommy3
    Posts: 2,204Member
    I am changing my name to Gertrude. I will only respond or react when addressed as Gertrude. I am notifying NO ONE of this change.





    LOVE this confession!  For years, I have threatened to change my name to Bob...

    Mary :-)

    Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.
  • DemandaDemanda
    Posts: 4,484Member
    LesboMom said:

    #112230 When I have to take a crap, I use an ex's name. As in: be right back, I gotta take a Bryce.




    Yes!  I told my BF about this one (I can't stand his ex Angie) and all these months later, we still call it "taking an Angie."  

    @batti & @madme  - 
    :x
    "The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off." ~ Gloria SteinemPhotobucket
  • battibatti
    Posts: 2,164Member
    @demanda LOL! I forgot about 'taking a Bryce', I love that one xD

    SMSM_s_5

  • CanadianMamaCanadianMama
    Posts: 9,614Administrator, Moderator
    @demanda I totally forgot about that one!!!

    There was the amazing one about everything a mom does, it ended in "they call me mom" but I'll be damned if I can remember it. @Love you're good at these things, find it for me!!

    community-manager


  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 1,551
    @canadianmama

    If you are talking about this one:

    Confession #127336
    I put salt in my coffee this morning. My hair is unwashed. I haven't slept in 2 years. I regularly injure myself on small plastic objects. I envy my pets' daily routine. I depend on caffeine and sesame street. I. Am. Mom.
    Like (410)
    Hug (65)
    OMG, Me Too! (199)
    #127336


    That was mine ;)
  • CanadianMamaCanadianMama
    Posts: 9,614Administrator, Moderator
    YES @Chocoholic! That's the one!!! I thought you were responsible for that greatness!! THAT is my favourite confession ever! 

    community-manager


  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,700Confessional Manager
    That one was pretty freaking epic @chocoholic =D>

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • lifeisgood
    Posts: 481Member
    I loved a realllly old one....I don't even remember how it went entirely...but it was addressed to parent's of easygoing children judging those with live wires.
  • fatchickonabikefatchickonabike
    Posts: 5,498Member
    lifeisgood said:

    I loved a realllly old one....I don't even remember how it went entirely...but it was addressed to parent's of easygoing children judging those with live wires.


    I remember that one. It was something like, "As the mother of a firecracker, I confess I do a little happy dance whenever a new firecracker joins a family. Who sits calmly in time-out NOW, bitch?"


    That was a good one!

    "The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shock-proof bullshit detector.” - Ernest Hemingway
  • lifeisgood
    Posts: 481Member
    Hahaha...yes...it wasn't mine...but as the mother of 2 out of 3 firecrackers...i could totally relate!!
    Didn't it say something about ..until you have one, don't tell me how to handle him??? Cracked me up...

  • CalliopemarieCalliopemarie
    Posts: 4,341Member
    I liked the one that said something about their cat piercing their boob
    i am insane!!! mwahahahaha
  • wonderwomanx3
    Posts: 467Member
    I liked the one about the cat that was stolen & returned minus his balls
  • mommyof2_76
    Posts: 343Member
    Wasn't there one about the neighbors dog taking a shit on their lawn and they were going to pour Bacon grease on it so the neighbor could see the dog it its own shit. I loved that one.
  • Beach_HippieBeach_Hippie
    Posts: 126Member
    I don't know if this would be called my "favorite" confession, but it made me cry and really left an impression on me...which is hard to do because I'm notorious for not giving much of a fuck.

    Confession #136840
    I need to euthanize my 20 year old cat. She's blind and unable to keep herself clean. She's been with me through 2 marriages and lived in 4 states w/ me. How am I going to kill my best friend for the last 20 years?
  • Beach_HippieBeach_Hippie
    Posts: 126Member

    Confession #140307
    My 4-year old asked me, "Mommy, what is a hooker?" I told her, "It's a woman who puts worms on hooks for people who like to fish, but don't like to touch worms." She totally bought it.
    (All I could think was, "And if you do it yourself, as often as you can, you would soon be a Master Baiter and would have no need for a Hooker!")

    Confession #141942
    Free to Good Home: Lazy, unresponsive asshole. Doesn't clean, doesn't cook, doesn't fuck, only plays video games and smokes pot. Includes his clothes, toys and some food. Housebroken, but still has lousy aim. 555-123-4567

    Confession #146889
    I got no sex on Valentine's Day (or all week for that matter). Tonight, I catch DH jerking off in the shower. I got a glass of cold water, reached up over the top of the shower curtain and dumped it on him. I'm not sorry.

  • Beach_HippieBeach_Hippie
    Posts: 126Member

    Oh, and one of the best ones ever...
    Confession #152454
    While at my MIL's house, I lost my cell phone. She called it and we found it...but when she handed it to me it read, "1 missed call from FUCKING BITCH"...ok...well then...umm...I guess she knows how I really feel now.

  • Beach_HippieBeach_Hippie
    Posts: 126Member

    I saw this one recently...

    Confession #190913

    DH/DD5 used the last of my $28 a bottle of salon shampoo as bubble bath. I just used 2-in-1 flea & tick shampoo to wash my hair. Not only do I smell pine fresh, but fleas & ticks cross the street when they see me coming.

  • SuperHeroMama
    Posts: 33Member
    @ beach hippie #140307 that one is HILARIOUS!!!
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