Okay, for the first part of this story,  you can read this.

Things with my sister have gotten worse. Now her idiot husband is in jail on a $5000 bond for DUI and Felony Assault on a police officer. Her ex (and oldest DS dad) has officially filed a petition for custody. Since he lives 3 hours from her, that pretty much means that if he wins, and at this point I believe he will, then she'll see very little of G. I tried talking to her about the situation last night. She insists on sticking by him thru this mess, and even though I've dealt plenty with the court system here, she doesn't believe me when I tell her how bad this is going to be. So after I got off the phone, I sent her this message on FB since my thoughts are much more clearly expressed in writing...emotions and all, ya know? So if you take the time to read this, thank you in advance, and I would appreciate any input. I'm really not sure I did the right thing, and I'm totally afraid she's going to hate me for it.

Okay, so I'm going to lay it all out for you. As your sister and someone
who REALLY cares about what happens to you and the boys, I hope you
take it and do the right thing. If what I say makes you angry or upset, I
apologize, but you need to hear this.

"First of all, I
appreciate wanting to stick by your husband when things are bad. I hope
you realize that I, of all people, have been there. I don't want you to
believe that the situations are comparable, though. When D was facing
his felony charges, 1. He was 19. We had no kids, weren't married, and
had no responsibilities and 2. He wasn't abusing both prescription and
illegal drugs. Roy has repeatedly shown total disregard for you and the
boys by acting like a fool. The fact that he is facing felony assault
charges says to me that, regardless of what you were told, he DID
assault the arresting officer. It's probably a good bet that there will
be video taped evidence of the altercation between he and the officer(s)
and the charge will stick. No lawyer can get him out of it unless he
has paid many thousands of dollars to the lawyer and others in the court
system. You may not believe it, but it is FACT. I have seen it for
myself. When D was going through his trial, there were 4 others
involved. One died before he could be tried, one was a Marine so the
Marine Corps handled his sentencing, one was David A (rich) and one
testified against everyone else. David A received a pre-trial
diversion and a large fine. The one who was state's evidence also got a
pre-trial diversion. D had a cheap lawyer and got 5 years probation with
10 years in prison on the shelf. He paid a $3000 fine and had to pay
out hundreds in supervision fees, fines, and court costs. See how that
works?? Money talks. The judge is going to throw the book at him in
court, and Roy apparently has no control over his mouth or his actions
while he's using. And he is, you know it and I know it.

Second, you need to think
about how your decision to stick with him while he's in court for the
next year (and please believe that it could take that long if he won't
take an immediate plea agreement) is going to affect you and YOUR boys.
John will win custody of Gabe if you insist on staying in this
situation. I hate to say it, but with the shape your life will be in
(and it will suck the life out of you) while you deal with Roy's mess, I
kind of believe that John's situation might be better for Gabe than
yours. Think about it from the point of view you had a couple of years
ago. If you had known that you and the boys would be suffering like this
because of Roy's actions, you wouldn't have married him. Can you
honestly say that Roy is a good person to have around either Gabe or
Brody right now?? If you can, you're in denial.

Let me tell you what you can expect:

For the next 5-10 years, you will be paying money for Roy's misdeeds. I
mentioned the costs associated with his charges and conviction, but the
lawyer fees will also be huge. He's going to have to have a job and
report for probation. Without a license, who do you think is going to
have to take him? You can't afford to miss that much work, so you can
already count on the arguments that will come up over that. Besides
that, he's going to have a recent felony assault charge on his criminal
record plus a fresh slew of other charges. Who do you think is going to
hire him with charges like that? D still can't get a decent job after
his conviction 11 years ago. Hell, he's been fired over them in the last
two years. And his charges weren't violent. Employers are going to see
Assault on a Police Officer and throw his application in the trash.If he'll assault a cop, he obviously has a problem with authority. So
you and the boys will be living on your income alone. You'll be denied
housing while you live with him because he's been convicted of a violent
crime and multiple felonies. If John does get custody, you could wind
up having to pay child support. The good here does NOT outweigh the
bad. It really doesn't.

I get that you love him, or at least
the person you believed he is/was. But pills are a pretty serious
addiction. He's going to have to hit rock bottom before he changes his
ways. You can not change him. You need to take care of you and the boys
and not worry about him. He is 30 years old. That is more than old
enough to understand that actions have consequences. He should be
worried about you and your family, and it really seems that he is far
more worried about himself. I've seen pill addicts in action. I lived in
the projects, remember? Mom said he slept for 2 days. Did he have his
methadone? It's hard to get out of bed when you're hooked and can't get a
fix. If he really wasn't an addict, he'd be apologetic for his behavior
instead of defending it.

I really care about what happens to
you and you're boys. I love you. You are my sister and you always will
be. If you decide to stay with him, I won't like it, but I'll always be
there for you. I don't think you're being honest with your family or
yourself right now. I believe that your desire to support your husband
comes from a good place, it's just too hard for you to see your
situation clearly right now. If everything else was going well, I'd say
that it was the right thing to do. But your decision to stay with him
while you fight for custody of Gabe will be one you regret. I don't say it because I don't like Roy. I say it because I do love you
and my nephews. It breaks my heart to think that you could lose custody
of either one. I'll leave you alone now. I just want you to know that I
will never judge you. If you want someone you can tell everything to, I
will be that person. I know that we were raised to put our best face
forward to the world, but that's bullshit. Sometimes you need to put it
all out there. I have been there and done too much. I will listen
without offering advice if that's what you need. But I really want you
to have someone you can lean on and be totally honest with, and I am
willing to be this person. Please don't hate me. Please. I just felt
like I had to tell you all of this because no one else will. I love you
little sis! Please call me and unload. You'd be amazed at how good it
feels to be totally honest about things you don't feel like you can talk
about for fear of judgment!

Again, if you made it this far, thank you. I am just at a loss. This is not the type of decision she would have made a couple of years ago. I am so worried for her boys right now.