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Toddler boy hitting & pushing mom
  • TranquilTranquil
    Posts: 451Member
    My 2.5 year old boy has started hitting me lately. If I say no to him or say something he doesn't like, he pushes/hits me. I've tried time-outs, stern no's, gentle no's, even the advice of ignoring the situation. I think the ignoring made it worse. Im at my wits end with this. Has anyone had to deal with a situation like this before? My husband keeps telling me that it's up to me to stop it. Our son hit my husband last week and hubby physically took him to the sofa and held his hands down. He never hit him again. But Im just not a physical restraint type of person...I need some advice! Thanks!
  • blkrosemommablkrosemomma
    Posts: 296Member
    Sometimes you really have to take a stand. What your husband did seems to have stopped it and laid some respect guidelines down for DS. My boyfriend is the pushover type and I am a strict disciplinarian type. The cats don't fuck with me and generally listen to my stern "don't jump on the counters" I imagine it will be like that for the kids to, unfortunately the cats also like him better than me. *facepalm* But seriously you're mom, hitting is not ok, don't take it.
  • mamaofboysmamaofboys
    Posts: 393Member
    @a2hboy my DS 2.5 has also started swatting at me when he doesn't like what I have to say but then it's quickly followed by a hug bc he knows he's not supposed to hit. I'm having the hardest time saying no to the hug and putting him in time out. Might be time to pull out the "mom voice" and let him sternly know who's boss. I don't use mine often but when I do the boys know I mean business.
    Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift; that's why they call it the present.
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    Posts: 7,022
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    well behaved women seldom make history
  • Babymakesthree
    Posts: 496Member
    my dd 3 1/2yrs has been getting crazy with it. She woke up and said mommy? so I go up to her and she punched me in the eye. Ive tries time outs, ignoring, spanking, stern talking, reasoning....she jst wont freakin stop getting physical so I am all ready for reading your posts!!
  • TranquilTranquil
    Posts: 451Member
    Thanks ladies. I feel better knowing I'm not alone in dealing with this :). My son is verbal so I know he gets it. He's thinking it's funny which is really irritating me more, of course. He knows it's wrong because he says sorry and gives me a kiss...but dammit I dont even want a sorry at this point, I just don't want him to do it anymore! Arghhh...I'm gonna keep doing the timeouts and keep reinforcing that it's wrong.
  • Emmie
    Posts: 277Member
    I think his Dad needs to back you up on this, since he seems to take Dad more seriously than you.  (Not fair, but the reality sometimes.)   I would keep up with the time outs.  Another SM suggested that after 3 time outs they lose a toy, too.  Might help with your little one.


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    Posts: 7,022
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    well behaved women seldom make history
  • discomoose87discomoose87
    Posts: 45Member
    Ugh, I've been having this same problem. The most infuriating part is that DS thinks hitting me is the funniest thing in the world. So far I've had some minor success with physically holding his hands down until he calms down but it takes a lot of time out of my day. DH backs me up when he can but he works 60-70 hrs/wk so DS doesn't really listen to him because he's never around. The other thing that has seemed to help is that I'm 38 weeks prego and he understands that baby sister is in mommy's tummy and I just remind him that he doesn't want to hurt sister by hitting me.
  • TranquilTranquil
    Posts: 451Member
    SoCaliBeachMum said:

    How long r udoing time outs for?
    At the endof the time out, can he tell you why he was being punished? Heneeds to recognize the undesirable behavior.



    Usually 1 min. He tells me why he got a time out. He fully understands he's doing something wrong.
  • TranquilTranquil
    Posts: 451Member
    MammaTeeRoll said:

    pop his butt, say NO   in your meanest voice, stick the little stinker in his room for a couple minutes. don't scream, just use your meanest, scariest voice.



    I used my mean mommy voice a few days ago, he stopped and looked scared. Didn't do it again that day. Next day it started over.
  • tavtas1201
    Posts: 49Member
    My DS2 started doing this.  I tried the stern noes, we dont hit and timeouts..  his behaviour escalated, and one day he slapped me.  He got a solid connect on it, actually stung.  I snagged his little hand and slapped it right back.  Looked him in the eye and told him you don't hit.  

    His lip started quivering because his hand hurt and he was shocked.  I don't use physical punishment, so that was a first.  "I don't yike that mommy.  I don't yike you hit me."

    "Well, I don't lik you hitting me.  How about we both don't hit any more?"... 

    "Okay.  Kiss it Mommy?"

    "You kiss mine first.  You make owies, you kiss thme"

    He kissed me, I kissed him.  Now when he thinks he is going to hit, I just remind him "we don't hit."  surprisingly, this worked.
  • Persephone
    Posts: 107Member
    I like MamaTeeRolls advice for using your biggest, scariest voice. 

    When DS hit me, if I could I would catch his hand before he hit me (if I was lucky) and say sternly:  "WE DON"T HIT.  If you do it again, you go to the calm spot (time out)."

    If he did it again to me or anyone, it was calm spot time.  He does his temper tantrum in the calm spot, then calms down for 2 min., and then we wrap it up with an an apology.  Are you sorry for hitting mommy/daddy/the cat/whomever?. 

    To me, the apology is very important, because it gives the incident emotional closure.  Even if they don't understand now, it becomes a process where they understand and a regimen for you to get used to.  And if DS doesn't apologize, then if he wants to do just about anything, it requires the apology.  And then we move on. 

    It's been pretty effective.  DS usually behaves pretty well around me.  He knows what my limits are and respects them.  Ironically, I think I might have posted the same thing like 4 months ago.  Sometimes kids are in the transition period to test and to see what the boundaries are.  It's an uncomfortable period, and it can be really frustrating.  But if you're consistent, they'll see the light.

    Good luck.
  • Persephone
    Posts: 107Member
    Oh, and one last thing:  when DS2.5 goes to calm spot, I get down to his level and say in a low, stern voice why he is there, and say 2 minutes of calm time (one minute for each year).That's important.  They hit, you discipline, saying why, the discipline wraps up, and you repeat why again, and reconcile.

    Basically this is the Supernanny approach, so the supernanny website has it, and you can see it in action on youtube.
  • TranquilTranquil
    Posts: 451Member
    Persephone said:

    Oh, and one last thing:  when DS2.5 goes to calm spot, I get down to his level and say in a low, stern voice why he is there, and say 2 minutes of calm time (one minute for each year).That's important.  They hit, you discipline, saying why, the discipline wraps up, and you repeat why again, and reconcile.

    Basically this is the Supernanny approach, so the supernanny website has it, and you can see it in action on youtube.



    Great! I'll check te supernanny site.

    We MAY have had a breakthrough this evening, but only time will tell :)
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,022
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    well behaved women seldom make history
  • TranquilTranquil
    Posts: 451Member
    I think I layed down the law today but he is a very very stubborn child, and I know this might start again tomorrow. I am so hoping this is just a phase.
  • Persephone
    Posts: 107Member
    Good luck Tranquil.  I really empathize with you, because I was there a couple of months ago, and I'm sure I'll be there again in.  I think the consistency is great not just for them but for you; and as you get into the habit, they know what to expect and it makes it easier for you on those bad days because you're used to the routine, too. 

    What has comforted me is knowing that as they grow, there are those awkward moments when they change, and you're not sure what to do, but it's an opportunity for you to grow, too, and to give that guidance, and the awkward moment passes.


  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,022
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    well behaved women seldom make history
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,022
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    well behaved women seldom make history
  • jaelaraejaelarae
    Posts: 30Member
    DD (almost 23 mos) went through this for a couple of months (like 21 & 22 mos) and has recently stopped. I read everything I could about this and here's what worked- a simple and consistent consequence. She'd hit me, I'd immediately get down to her level and sternly say, "We don't hit- we only hug" and then give her a hug or make her give me a hug. After a short period of time, she'd hug me immediately after hitting me. Then she'd go to hit me, stop herself, and hug me instead. She usually only hit me, but I shared the technique w/DH and my MIL who is her only "babysitter" in case she hit one of them.
    I was pretty upset about this, but fortunately it was a short phase. Now she'll let out a sharp scream when she gets frustrated- it's annoying, but better than cracking the bridge of my nose with the remote. She has a speech delay (only 12 words at 23 mos) so not being able to express herself frustrates her.
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