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I hope i am not blowing this out of proportion
  • Marionettevie
    Posts: 2,253Member
    Thursday night, my husband came home extremely late. He usually is home by 9 or 10PM, and he has an extremely loud car that i know when he got home. i remember hearing his car at around 11:30. and i figured he would be walking through the door soon after. but it took him about half an hour to come inside. i called him twice in that half hour and he did not answer. When he finally did come in, he gave me this story about how he was talking to his mom because the neighbor died and she had left something for him in her will (she used to take care of him), and about how one of his co workers, who is also his classmate, had her grandma pass away while at work, and they had gone out for some drinks together, and he kept getting texts, and said it was that friend. he would go *chuckle chuckle* "fucking tim wont stop texting me telling me what good friend i am"...Well i didn't question it. it all seemed legit, there was nothing weird about his story, actually for all i know they really are true but he just left out the rest. Well come morning, he had already left for school by the time i woke up, and he forgot his cell on the couch. During that time it kept ringing, and i thought that maybe i should look at it in case he was trying to get ahold of me from a friends phone. he had a bunch of text messages from several different people and i was going through them trying to see if they were from him. i came across a girls name "Danielle" that was above my name, meaning he text her after me. so i went through the conversation and saw that they were both being extremely friendly.. he asked her what she liked to do, he invited her to a get together called "the cruise", she told him she barely knew him and he replied to her that she should get to know him. He then asked if she was bothered that he is as old as he is, and she said no. apparently she is pregnant because then she asked why he started talking to her knowing she is pregnant and he told her that he's not one to judge others, then he asked what happened to the father of her baby and she told him she would tell him later over a phone call. the end of the conversation was him telling her to smile. the time stamp on that last text was 12:something AM. so midnight. right around the time he told me Tim was texting him. so i looked for the last text Tim had sent him and it was May11. so that was DAYS before. i went through his call log, and the last three outgoing calls were his mom, then Danielle, and Danielle. the last call was about 20 minutes. Usually if there is some "friendly flirting" (what i like to call flirting that means nothing, usually with your friends)  i dont have a problem. well he came home at noon from school like usual and i told him he left his phone here, and he said "i know!" i was a little pissed because of the conversation he had with this girl. For me that was a little more than Friendly Flirting. He noticed that i was pissed and asked me numerous times what was wrong, and i kept replying "nothing" partially because i kind of wanted to convince myself that i was being a little over dramatic about the whole situation. So he left for work around 1:30, and i had pondered over it all day and i decided that when he fell asleep i would go and look through his texts to see if they had talked again, and what about. i fell asleep and woke up around 1:30AM and i got out of bed quietly and took his phone and went to the living room. He's got one of those phones like the android that has a little puzzle to be able to unlock it his previous code was a question mark. and i tried it three times before i gave up... he had changed the passcode/puzzle to unlock his phone..i dont know what to think....if there was nothing going on he shouldnt have locked his phone. if there was nothing to hide then there would be no reason for that! today i tried to hint to him that i kind of suspect to see if maybe he got nervous or something and confessed. all it did was piss him off he told me i was being a bitch to him. so now i dont know what to think. if i am able to prove that he is cheating then i will probably leave him. how ?i dont know. i dont have a job. my son is 1 year old and it kills me to think i need to put him in daycare. i watching him like a hawk today and saw how to unlock his phone and i will snoop again. i am afraid of what i will find. i also saved her number because he had left it on a piece of paper on the bathroom sink and when i asked whos number that was he told me it was a supplier for work.... my guts are wrnching. i was near a panic attack today! i just dont know what to do!
  • BellaBefanaBellaBefana
    Posts: 8,227Member
    Hon, as we discussed in the chat room, you need to talk to him.  I would tell him exactly what you said here, that his phone continually rang and that you were concerned he was  trying to reach you and this is what you found.  what is going on?

    If you approach it like that, you aren't actually accusing him of anything.  if this girl is pregnant, perhaps she just needs some help, it may be totally innocent, but unless he's cheated in the past, I think I would give him the benefit of the doubt until you talk to him about it.
    Bite me, cupcake!
  • MommyFaceMommyFace
    Posts: 119Member
    I am so sorry. I went through something quite similar.... He had tried to convince me it was just a friend messing with him... Till she fessed up... All I can say is go with your gut. Just reading it makes me want to go bitch mode and smash his phone with a hammer for you btw. :(
  • SammieSammie
    Posts: 7,281Administrator, Moderator
    First things first, welcome! :) 

    Now, breathe. My goodness, this is a lot to process, hon. I absolutely think everything you're feeling is totally normal and you are handling this a LOT better than most women (including me!!!) would be. There's a lot of details to sort through, a lot of gaps in the story, and it is clear that he's been dishonest about a few things at least. How deep does that dishonesty go? I dunno. @bellabefana is right. You need to sit down with him and have a very serious discussion. Tell him exactly what you know and ask him to fill in the gaps and be completely straightforward and honest. 

    I think you should find out exactly what's going on here before you freak yourself out about leaving, finances, etc. I do understand exactly how you feel. I'm one of those that would be throwing his shit on the lawn and threatening to cut a bitch...and that is so NOT how you want to handle it. So while I can understand the anger & frustration, it is definitely the best idea to sit down with him and sort these things out. I DO agree with you that something is amiss here and that his interactions with Danielle are inappropriate at best especially if he's lying about speaking with her. 

    You can get through this. It may not be as bad as it seems, ya know? Chin up. You're a strong woman!! That's evident by your composure and the self-control you've displayed thus far. 
    >:D<

    community-manager


  • Charlotte_SometimesCharlotte_Sometimes
    Posts: 1,756Member
    I'm sorry, I don't think you are overreacting because he LIED about talking with her.  That right there is enough.  If it was just innocent why not tell you?  

    Yes, reading this makes me nauseous.  I am biased because I have been there but it makes my stomach turn and I could personally not stand to pretend you don't know anymore, it's just helping him to lie.  And him getting pissed at you just seems defensive/guilty to me.

    And the nature of the conversation..?  Telling her she should get to know him, asking if his age bothered her?  Ummm nope.  Not cool at all.

    I think you should confront him as calmly as possible.  I don't have the best track record with the calm part, personally, but it's best if you can take a deep breath and have a discussion.   
    "But a lesson must be lived
    In order to be learned"

    Ani DiFranco, Manhole
  • Peace
    Posts: 2,092Member
    Hello @Marionettevie, welcome!

    I think he needs a wake up call. You don't know if he's cheated, but I think it's safe to say he's planning to. I'm sorry, sweetie.

    You can't stop him, it's just not possible. What you can do is make it crystal clear what will happen if he does. Personally, I would calmly ask him, while holding the baby, if he's going to move out or if you & his child should. No anger, ok? Try your best. No arguing, deadly calm. Tell him you'll need time to get a job & figure out how to do this on your own, that you're going to need financial help to start over with just you & your son. That you want him to have a good relationship with his son, & you'll never do anything to stand in the way...

    Dh needs to see his future.
    And that yours doesn't need to include him.
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,037Member
    Ur not over reacting. He's lying and sneaking around and trying to get with this chick. I would let him do what he's doing for a few days and don't let on that u know how to get into his phone, and then when u have undeniable evidence that's when u hit him with it. At this point he can still deny it and say its nothing and ur just a crazy bitch. Act like everything's ok and give him some rope to hang himself with, and then do exactly what @peace said.
    ~slim shady~
  • LilbitLilbit
    Posts: 1,433Member
    I dunno i maybe the minority buying showed this thread to dh and he agrees, atleast for us what you already saw is enough of a break in trust to warrant action on your part, no need to wait for it to get physical. He lied and is having inappropriate conversations with other women. Both are violations of your trust so hell no your not over reacting call his ass Out on his shit .
  • mommydeliriousmommydelirious
    Posts: 3,253Member
    Oh HELLLL no! This would not fly with me either. You go ahead and overreact all OVER his ass. Wtf, a preg chick? Dude, you can't even respect the family you have, don't go gettin another one!
    Photobucket
  • LilbitLilbit
    Posts: 1,433Member
    And I LOVE @peace's suggestion that's how I would handle it
  • French_momFrench_mom
    Posts: 1,540Member
    See what we told you in the chat last night Evie ? You will always get support, confort and shoulders to lean on in here. 

    And talk to him. Lay down the law. 
    It is for me to know and you to dot dot dot.
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,700Confessional Manager
    I like peace's suggestion but I worry if he would lash out at you or say you're threatening to take away his child. Sometimes men can get dramatic and territorial and I'd hate for him to lose his mind and forbid hit you or hurt the baby. If you know for a fact he wouldn't do that I would be more ok with you doing what peace suggested. I think what @bellabefana suggested is the way to go. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I wish I had more comfort to offer. Keep us posted please. >:D<

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,037Member
    Oh I def agree he's already crossed the line, I just think if she tries to talk to him he's just going to keep lying and nothing will be accomplished. But I guess if he does, tell him to hit the road ur not stupid. Chasing a pregnant chick when u have a 1 year old ugh what a douche
    ~slim shady~
  • Marionettevie
    Posts: 2,253Member
    sorry it took so long to reply. i hope i have enough time to finish, if not i'll finish at a later time. i ended up in the e.r. last night dehydrated, with my BP at 95/58, and my oxygen in the 80's from food poisoning! Two i.v bags and some nausea meds later i feel a hell of a lot better and i can update!

    i confronted him the night i posted this, while we were getting in bed. i told him what happened and what i felt and what things about that conversation with that girl brought up red flags for me, and what parts of his behavior brought up red flags. he told me the girl is married to a guy that used to be in his company when he was still in the military and he knows who he is and generally doesnt like the guy (i guess the kids a douche bag, to everyone including danielle, his wife) and that she just started work where he works at (he's the manager so he has to train new people), and i guess he recognized her and he was talking to her and that he was trying to be friendly to her. the whole age thing he said it was because everyone at work has made comments about his age because they are all kids from 19-23 years old and hes only 28. he said that the girl had told him that she was having problems with her husband and he told her what she can do in regards to getting money from him for their baby. that he was only telling her the truth that he doesnt judge other people unless they give him a reason to. i explained to him that if he had just even mentioned that the talked to her that night i probably would not have thought anything of it. but tht since he  didnt say anything it seemd as though he was trying to hide something and that, it seemed even more that he was trying to hide something when his phone was locked with a different code. he said his phone locked on its own and he had to override it and change it. he called me yesterday while at work, from work to tell me his phone did it again and he was gonna have to contact the company. he asked me if he had to tell me every time he talked to someone and i said no, its not what im trying to say, what im trying to say is that in this particular instance NOT mentioning speaking to her jsut seemed fishy. he said he would never do anything to cause me to leave. that he doesnt want to jeopardize his family and he wants his baby around him so he wouldnt do anything like that. the whole phone number thing he said it was because he didnt realize that i was talking about her number, he was thinking it was a suppliers number he had also written down on the same day and he got them confused. i told him shes got a pretty easy number that i remember it and if i felt like it i could call her and confront her and he said thats fine. i asked what if i show up and your work one day, will she be weird if i mention im your wife? he said no, she knows i am married. and i said what if i go to the cruise since you asked her to go, he said that that is fine, we can all hang out. im thinking at first he was being friendly but she took it as he was being a little more than friendly and he just kind of went along with it. the day i posted this i was feelng a little sick and he had put his phone on the charger in the bed room and the way our apt is set up you have to go through the bathroom to get to the bedroom and so i locked the door and i looked through his phone (because i had watched him like a hawk and i saw the code he put in) the conversation with her was gone!(this was before i confronted him) but i didnt see him texting anyone through out the day so i think he did get the hint that i was onto his too friendly convo and put an end to it. i am still keeping an eye out just in case he is hiding anything fishy with this girl. because there are girls out there that mess with married men and they know they are married. so for now i guess things are ok but i am gonna be sneaky after a while and see if things kept going. i hope not, but you know i never know. he had also asked why i felt that he would do that with someone he works with since people at work know he is married, i replied that i dont know those people on a personal level. i dont know if they would call you out on your shit, or if they would come tell me. i told him that it would be different if it was with our friends because i know for a fact most of the people we know would come tell me. he said that if there ws something going on his friend tim would be the one to say something because of how he is. but i told him that i dont know that. i dont know him, i know nothing about him. he might not because he doeesnt really know me either. so i cant trust the people he works with. he hugged me and told me that he would never. he is not that kind of person. i really hope not.
  • LilbitLilbit
    Posts: 1,433Member
    I hope everything turns out fine and it really was just a Mis communication. Honestly great job on communicatiting your feelings to him!
  • AloneOverseasAloneOverseas
    Posts: 2,240Member
    Phew! Hope all is well!
    I love purple; I love cats. Imagine if cats were purple ...
  • TurthipoTurthipo
    Posts: 340Member
    I of all people understand where you're at, but i have to say for them sake of you & your little one PLEASE don't let your guard down. My ex was the most wonderful guy in the entire world, asst over applecart in love with him, and never thought he would ever hurt me or our dd. I loved him with my whole soul and then one day things seemed a little off. I was sure more was going on than he wanted to admit (txts, emails involved) but when he was confronted he said everything I needed to hear. I was convinced, and ready to be happy again. When dd was 2 mos old I was hospitalized for nearly a month. While I was in there things seemed funny, he was getting distant again but he reassured me it was just mtn post preg hormones and the stress of being hospitalized and away from my baby. The day I got out of the hospital though, he shattered my world. Broke up with me. For my bff. They were in love, and nothing could change it. They had been waiting for the right time to drop me like a hot pot. 1 wk before Christmas, with a 2.5 month old baby.

    I'm not sayin this to scare you. I'm hoping though that you can learn from my mistake and have a back up plan just in case. If you can manage to squirrel away some $$ every month for a "emergency" and never have to use it you will be much luckier than us who didn't have the savings to save ourselves when the time called for an escape.
    I truely am hoping that this man of yours is smarter than my ex. That this is harmless and maybe the worry of hurting you kept him from being upfront at first. But my "been burned before" side wants to make sure that you know that you don't need any man who doesn't respect you & the family you have created. Trust in your heart, it is always the truest light in these situations.
    ((Hugs)) here if you need anything
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,037Member
    oh girl i wish u had done what i suggested so u would know for sure....idk but i hope he's telling the truth 
    ~slim shady~
  • BeautifulDefianceBeautifulDefiance
    Posts: 755Member
    He has most definitely stepped over the line. Just by lying about who he was talking to, lying about who's number it was, changing the password. He acts like that because he has something to hide. I agree with @peace that u have to be completely calm. If u aren't he will try to act like u ate the crazy bitch. Yes, wait a few days to let him get "c
    I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

    SMSM_s_5

  • BeautifulDefianceBeautifulDefiance
    Posts: 755Member
    "Comfortable" again. Don't let him know that u know the password or he will change it again and be extra careful not to let u see it. It will give u all the proof u need because u will alway wonder and possibly believe his lies if u don't see actual proof for yourself. He is a dirty, lying, cheating fuckwad who doesn't deserve your time. You and ds will be fine. Things always work out the way they are meant to. Keep your head up and I'm here to talk if u need anything >:D<
    I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

    SMSM_s_5

  • BeautifulDefianceBeautifulDefiance
    Posts: 755Member
    Oops missed the update. I really hope things turn out ok but I really don't believe him. It sounds like he came up with an excuse for everything. Let me ask u this, if her husband was in company with him, why did he have to ask what happened to the baby's father? And really, how that question was worded is key. If he asked about "Baby's father" that doesn't sound like he knows him cuz he would have used the name. And what's with the "get to know me" comment. I'm not trying to make u upset, I just smell something fishy with all this and having been through this, I know every trick in the book.
    I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

    SMSM_s_5

  • Charlotte_SometimesCharlotte_Sometimes
    Posts: 1,756Member
    Oh, I am hoping it was nothing but I am also doubtful.  I'm sorry.  I agree with others, don't let your guard down.

    Check out www.survivinginfidelity.com and read the stories there and see how many times guys end up getting involved with someone outside their marriage because the other woman had "marital problems" and they decided to play counselor.  A lot of times being the knight in shining armor is very hard to resist.  Maybe there isn't any intent to cheat or be deceptive but here comes some damsel in distress and their ego is stroked by helping her out and that's how shit starts.  

    It's just all too familiar to me, including the reasons he has given you to try and assure you things are fine. :(   Please be cautious.
    "But a lesson must be lived
    In order to be learned"

    Ani DiFranco, Manhole
  • nessamommynessamommy
    Posts: 671Member
    I had a boyfriend who cheated on me all the time, but always told me what I wanted to hear, and I never had any actual proof. He is also my oldest daughter's father. I finally broke it off when I found out he was sleeping with someone else while I had to stay 7 days in the hospital with our sick infant.
    Your dh's story sounds awfully fishy. Just be careful. Trust is a very hard thing to regain once someone has lost it.
    *Hugs* I really hope he is telling the truth, and that he will prove to you that he is a trustworty person again.
    If life gives you lemons, squirt lemon juice in life's eye!
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 12,784Administrator, Moderator
    This is just the cynical voice of experience here, ok? NOT to imply that you can't trust your man... but -- after being caught having inappropriate text/calls, many men (and women) start deleting those messages as soon as they are read, in case their significant other gets the urge to snoop again.
    If you've got a detailed text/call log option on your wireless bill, I'd keep an eye on it.

    community-manager


  • Peace
    Posts: 2,092Member
    Hmm. You may have stopped this by confronting it so quickly. His lying or coming up with excuses is only natural. We wouldn't expect him to confess his intentions to you.

    I really hope that's it. I think you're a smart woman who won't easily be fooled.

    Tbh, I'm not buying this story. There are huge holes in it. Although him being a lousy liar actually gives me hope.
    it would be wise to start putting aside any amount of $, no matter how small like @turthipo suggested. Even if you need to get a part time job. Your dh is going to school & will have a better future, but remember both of you should be working towards being able to provide for yourselves. There's nothing wrong with making sure you & your child will be ok no matter what happens.
    You never want to feel as if you don't have options.

    Maybe this is the perfect time to have a talk about your relationship & what you both can do to improve it? I hope this works out how you want. This may be a time of renewal of sorts for you two.
    Good luck! >:D<
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,037Member
    Yeah his phone just happened to lock itself right after u went thru it, then the messages are gone... He talked to her several times but didn't recognize the number. Also he totally lied about it being his friend tim that he was texting, who he hadn't talked to for days. How did he explain that one? He knew it wasn't tim, he knew he was texting this chick. He's lying. Get a detailed phone bill.
    ~slim shady~
  • Charlotte_SometimesCharlotte_Sometimes
    Posts: 1,756Member
    shadylane said:

    Yeah his phone just happened to lock itself right after u went thru it, then the messages are gone... He talked to her several times but didn't recognize the number. Also he totally lied about it being his friend tim that he was texting, who he hadn't talked to for days. How did he explain that one? He knew it wasn't tim, he knew he was texting this chick. He's lying. Get a detailed phone bill.



    Yeah, that.

    Most cell phone companies, you can look online and see exactly what numbers have been called or texts sent.  BTDT, sad to know all this crap but I do.

    I am wondering the same as @shadylane -- what was his answer about talking to Tim? As he claimed at first?

    He may figure you won't call his bluff, when you say things like "If I showed up at work" or "What if I went to the cruise".... he knows what answer will appease you and figures you will not actually do those things and besides, what else CAN he say without making you more suspicious?

    I have heard the same sort of thing.  I have said "what if I went through the phone right now, you're telling me I'd find nothing?" and been told "you will find NOTHING, I swear" and it was a bluff.  I took the phone, found plenty.  :(

    "But a lesson must be lived
    In order to be learned"

    Ani DiFranco, Manhole
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,037Member
    I would call the girl and ask her, she didn't seem to be too interested in him so she will probably tell u the truth. Also, why did he ask for her number to begin with? To talk to her about her pos baby daddy, yeah right
    ~slim shady~
  • Charlotte_SometimesCharlotte_Sometimes
    Posts: 1,756Member
    @Turthipo  damn.  What a horrible story.  :(    So sorry you went through that.    My exH carried on with another woman for the entire first NINE months we were together!  To make it easier we had a long distance relationship but we still saw each other at least 3x a month (we were six hours apart) and sometimes I spent weeks at his place and I never had a clue.  He met her at the same time he met me but when we got serious he just never dropped her.  Meanwhile she goes online and knows who I am on various forums and such and she befriends me and she and I talk on the PHONE all the time, for months, her knowing all the while who I am and me having no clue.  At some point she got it into her head that a threesome was possible cuz he told her I was bi, and she really thought we could live in some fantasy land poly thing.  Um no!  And she turned out to be a real psycho a la Glenn Close's character in that cheating movie with Michael Douglas, the name of which is totally escaping me at the moment.   But she looked like her, and she was way older than me, old enough to be my mom.  He dumped her and she showed up at his apartment and banged on the door for hours and called repeatedly, making suicide threats, then she came stalking me at my place and I had to call the cops on her more than once.  It was awful.


    And I still married him after all that! 
    :((

    ETA Fatal Attraction.  I don't know why I couldn't remember that!?
    "But a lesson must be lived
    In order to be learned"

    Ani DiFranco, Manhole
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,037Member
    Omg @Charlotte_Sometimes that is crazy! What are people thinking
    ~slim shady~
  • katz_meowkatz_meow
    Posts: 4,247Member
    Yeah, @Marionettevie, I'd have to say that I agree his story sounds kind of fishy.  Particularly the phone lock and the texts disappearing.  Maybe you can put a pda spy app on his phone.  You would be able to go online and see all his phone activity, even the stuff he deletes.  And the app is completely hidden from him, 
    Also, you have to remember this, people who cheat are masters of deception.  (in alot of cases, anyhow)

    They tell you what they think you need to hear, they hide things, they tell you to ask so and so, all the while knowing that their story will be backed up.  And as far as confronting the girl?  Well there's no way you can be sure that she would tell you the truth either. 
    Judgement comes in many forms but never scarce or shy
  • SomeDude
    Posts: 140Member
    If I were in human resources, I'd freak if one of my managers was calling, texting, and talking to a subordinate at midnight after seeing her at a bar.
  • lifeisgood
    Posts: 481Member
    @SomeDude - excellent point....and why is a pregnant chick meeting her married boss at the bar?? Did I read that right?? 
  • GritsGrits
    Posts: 3,757Member
    That whole story is just full of holes. Everyone above me has pointed them out, but coming from someone who had a rather inappropriate flirtation/emotional affair, he's really not being truthful. I was really good at convincing DH that I wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary. Then he found out I was lying, and boy did they come unraveled quick! This was before texting was really a big deal, so there was none of that, but there were things I couldn't explain away.

    First of all, a manager/subordinate relationship that extends past working hours is generally frowned upon, especially if the people involved are married to others. At the very least, it's very inappropriate no matter what type of relationship it is. I have never had a boss of the opposite sex want to hang out at a bar after work, especially if there was a family at home waiting for him. Second of all, phones do not reset themselves. Sorry, but they don't. He changed the password, and I'd bet if you called the phone company, they could confirm it for you. You don't have to let on that you're doing anything, but I'd do a little Private Eye work if I were you. It may cost a little money upfront, but maybe not, and at least then you would KNOW. There's nothing like the unknown to drive you crazy. So don't let it. @Charlotte_Sometimes and @katz_meow have excellent suggestions. Take them up on it and find out for yourself. Cheaters like to have their cake and eat it too. If that wasn't the case, then they wouldn't be cheating, they'd be moving on.

    So sorry you're going through this, but I don't think you've reached the end. I'm sure it makes you feel better to think you have, but go with your gut. His behavior is suspect at the very least. I'd go to the "cruise", maybe even surprise him there and see what his reaction is.
    "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn
  • DontpooponthedogDontpooponthedog
    Posts: 240Member

    Do you really need proof of him cheating?  What will that change?  You believed he could do that to you.  You are already paranoid.  You showed you don't completely trust him.  No amount of proof of him cheating/not cheating is going to change these problems without a large amount of time and work on both of your parts. 

    Good luck on any choices you make.

  • Charlotte_SometimesCharlotte_Sometimes
    Posts: 1,756Member
    shadylane said:

    Omg @Charlotte_Sometimes that is crazy! What are people thinking



    LOL yeah could have been a Lifetime movie.   bigger question is WTF was I thinking, marrying him?  ;) But by this time my DS was already calling him "Daddy" and he begged and pleaded.  Honestly don't know if he ever cheated on me again but I know that he lied to me the whole time we were married, about everything, so I would not be surprised at all if he cheated too.
    "But a lesson must be lived
    In order to be learned"

    Ani DiFranco, Manhole
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,022
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    well behaved women seldom make history
  • Marionettevie
    Posts: 2,253Member
    yeah, there are some things i find kind of strange still. he said that he was texting tim and that the texts from him should be there. that he doesnt know why i didnt see them. i am letting him think i forgot about it before i go around snooping again. he is lazy, he wont be going through the trouble of hiding it all so much when he thinks i let it go. there really are more things i worry about than, "omg he doesnt love me anymore" or something like that. The fact that his mother has LOTS of money, and was able to squeeze money out of his dad when he was 22 for "child support". who knows what he will tell her if i leave him, and who knows what kind of legal action she will want to take. his dad and step mom love me. but of course they will side with him if he lies about why i left. i am not the kind of person that would ever keep his son from him, unless of course he was physically aggressive or something like that. Ugh, this is so annoying, lol! especially because i hadnt even noticed her name in his inbox until right when i was gonna put the phone down!! it was kind of like "wait, i didnt see that earlier!" lol!  and i hate that he's got everything to fall back on, and i dont. i do want to show up at random to his work and stuff. i am gonna give him his space and keep a GOOD eye on him and see what he does and how he acts and stuff. unfortunately i cant get any records because of the service he has. (i dont know if anyone has heard of cricket)

    oh and her husband. they were both in Rear D. and the kid was an asshole, so he never really spoke to him or anything. he recognized her and he was like "oh you are this guys wife" and she said yeah but whatever and now i dont know what to do, and he started telling her what to do and how to go to Jag and stuff. thats the story he gave me. which i can see because i know PLENTY of girls that we have helped before by telling them to go to jag
      i think i found her fb too. apparently shes super christian but has tattoos and piercings..... wtf! AND she graduated a year AFTER ME from the SAME high school. i know who she is......i remember her......ugh!
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,037Member
    u can still go online to his phone account, if u don't know the password there's a secret question that probably won't be too hard to figure out. my bf did it to me and even changed my password and secret question so i couldn'tget into my account and wasn't allowed to change my own password, even though it was my name on the account and his name was not on it
    ~slim shady~
  • Charlotte_SometimesCharlotte_Sometimes
    Posts: 1,756Member
    @shadylane I don't think so, I have Cricket too and I don't think there is a way to look at a record of texts and calls via this service.
    "But a lesson must be lived
    In order to be learned"

    Ani DiFranco, Manhole
  • katz_meowkatz_meow
    Posts: 4,247Member
    Yes, as far as cricket goes, you cannot go online to see a call or text record.  you CAN install a phone spy app on his phone, though, if it's an android or Blackberry phone, and I urge you to do this...It will cost you a few dollars, but I promise you it will be worth it.  It will either give you the peace of mind you need to move on in the relationship, or it will give you the proof you need (although may not want)  that he is in fact lying to you.
    Judgement comes in many forms but never scarce or shy
  • Charlotte_SometimesCharlotte_Sometimes
    Posts: 1,756Member
    You can also install a keylogger on his computer...

    http://download.cnet.com/Elite-Keylogger/3000-2162_4-10383364.html
    "But a lesson must be lived
    In order to be learned"

    Ani DiFranco, Manhole
  • katz_meowkatz_meow
    Posts: 4,247Member
    Good Idae @Charlotte_Sometimes.  I didn't even think of that one...
    Judgement comes in many forms but never scarce or shy
  • Marionettevie
    Posts: 2,253Member
    i asked him for the code the other day and he made a stupid lie about how it locked itself out again. and then purposedly put in a zigzag until the phone put out a message saying that if he tried more it would lock out and he'd have to go online to do it! i know he is hiding  something and i just need to give it a little time to find out. i can try to see if i can install something on it but can i do tht without being able to get into his phone? and i dont need a key logger on his laptop, he leaves that open for me to view. i can log into his email and everything if i wanted. i think he does tht so i dont suspect anything

  • Sassymom78Sassymom78
    Posts: 9Member
    I would call or text the girl just to get a straight story. If he's telling the truth, then she has nothing to hide. Don't worry about what people might think about it. You have a family to protect and if she has any decencey she will understand that.
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,037Member
    yep that's what i would do. but maybe he has another girl, that one didn't seem that into him. but yeah just act like u have totally forgotten about this and everything is fine, apparently he's so dumb that he's not deleting stuff on his phone or he would have let u look at it. what kind of phone is it? @katz_meow can she put a spy app on it without knowing the password?
    ~slim shady~
  • katz_meowkatz_meow
    Posts: 4,247Member
    no. @ shady. she'd have to have the password. cricket is now carrying the iPhone tho...perhaps its time to surprise him with a new phone? install the app before giving it to him...lol. I can be a sneaky bitch if the situation calls for it...
    Judgement comes in many forms but never scarce or shy
  • Marionettevie
    Posts: 2,253Member
    its some sort of samsung. i dont remember what its called.  i'd have to look at it and see if i can see the name of it.
  • Peace
    Posts: 2,092Member
    Dontpooponthedog said:

    Do you really need proof of him cheating?  What will that change?  You believed he could do that to you.  You are already paranoid.  You showed you don't completely trust him.  No amount of proof of him cheating/not cheating is going to change these problems without a large amount of time and work on both of your parts. 

    Good luck on any choices you make.



    I don't understand that either. Why waste your time & energy on some covert operation to catch him?
    No rational person could read what you wrote & think nothing is going on.
    I don't like the gotcha red handed game going on here. He's playing you. It's now a game.
    It's beneath you.
    If you two can't address the real issue & grow from this, I'd really like you to step back & think what your future plans should be.
    I'm really sorry you're going through all this... >:D<
  • GingersnapGingersnap
    Posts: 7,326Member
    Hrm. You could drop his phone in the toilet and tell him to get a new one and a new place to live. You don't trust him. He doesn't sound trustworthy. You don't need him.

    Easy for me to say, though. I'm not in your shoes. 
    image
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,037Member
    its just that if she doesn't know for sure, he's just going to keep denying it. he's not going to address the real issue or grow from it until he's forced to admit it. i suppose u could just straight up tell him u don't believe him and u know he's lying and make him leave til he tells the truth.
    ~slim shady~
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