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Finding motivation to do things that NEED to be done?
  • weezerweezer
    Posts: 290Member
    So, I'm getting my shit together to leave my abusive husband (see this thread for background), and I'm really really struggling. I don't want to go to a shelter (since that would mean giving up my pets and most of my stuff) and I won't be able to physically leave until mid-July (when he's out of town for a week and I'm able to get help packing and leaving), so I'm focusing on getting everything figured out right now that I can so that it's as easy as possible to leave.

    So far, I know I need to:
    -find a place to live (tentatively done, although I have to go sign a lease on July 1st)
    -apply for housing assistance (I got the forms, but I have not filled them out yet)
    -talk to legal aid and see what my options are child support and custody-wise so that I can try to prevent STBXH from contacting me and seeing our baby (haven't done anything about this yet)
    -find a free/low cost therapist (haven't done anything about this yet)
    -get formally assessed for ADHD and referred to a psychiatrist so that I can be prescribed medication for it (haven't done this yet, I need to call my doctor again still)
    -start packing the stuff that won't be missed and getting rid of the stuff that I don't want to/can't keep (haven't started yet)
    -put my name on the waiting list for daycare for my son (haven't done anything about this yet)
    -complete my application for school in the fall (almost done)
    -apply for student loans (haven't done anything about this yet)
    -just before I leave, talk to CPS to make sure that my stepson is not neglected, since I am 90% responsible for his care, and I doubt his dad will pick up much slack without me there (haven't done anything about this yet)

    Soooooo obviously I have a lot to do and not all the much time to do it in. But I am struggling with it so much. It's not that I don't want to leave - there is no emotion keeping me here and I have zero affection for STBXH - but I am just dragging my feet about everything. Today for example, I woke up at 8am and intended to get up, eat breakfast, get everything prepped for dinner, go to the housing subsidy office to apply and then go to legal aid to try to get a walk-in appointment or book an appointment for later in the week. Instead I sat around in my housecoat until nearly 2pm, then left the house so late that I just made it to the housing subsidy office in time to pick up some blank forms, and missed the legal aid office's hours completely. And I didn't eat anything. (I pretty much haven't eaten all week.) I know that this shit is REALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT. I know. Iknowiknowiknow. I just can't get my shit together and I don't know why.

    WTF is my problem? Can someone kick me in the ass or tell me what is wrong with me?
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  • DreamerDreamer
    Posts: 2,266Member

    You want to leave, but leaving means change.  And even though you want/need/crave the change.. Change is HARD.  At least it is for me.

    My only advise is pick one thing a day..and do it.  Even if its just one, its one less then you need to do/worry about./ Most of the stuff on your list is a phone call or two, a few forms.

    You CAN do this.  Remember you HAVE to if you want to leave in the best possible way.

    There is no ass kick emotioncon, so a  >:D< will have to do.

    There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other. Which one are you?
  • sunnymommasunnymomma
    Posts: 2,244Member
    Change is scary. I think your going into mental hibernation to protect yourself from the scary world. The task at hand is overwhelming and very hard to start. You have all your ducks in a row, great start. Im very proud of you. You seem organized so thats not the issue. Maybe theres some anxiety in there. Maybe a fear of it all not going smooth, something happening preventing your plan from going as planned? One step at a time. Tomorrow is a new day. Make a new plan to get stuff done tomorrow. Get 1 thing thats high priority done and 1 thats low and take it from there. If you are feeling that you cant leave the house tomorrow, do something at home. fill out 1 page, take a break and fill out another one later. Maybe set an alarm for yourself. When it goes off its time to start filling out paper work. Or something like that. 
    “There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”
    ― John Lennon
  • shadylaneshadylane
    Posts: 3,037Member
    i do the exact same shit, i have no explanation for it other than it sucks to have to do shit like that even though u know it has to be done and its to help urself. it still sucks. i think maybe its b/c u get so overwhelmed by having so much to do that u can't do anything. depression and anxiety don't help either. i try to get just one thing accomplished every day and i feel like i'm doing good. if u put too many things on ur list u will end up not doing any of it b/c its too overwhelming and u don't know where to start. make a list in order of importance and just aim for one a day, most important things first. even though u beat urself up b/c technically u should be able to do more, ur still taking care of a kid and house so one thing is an accomplisment. u can so do this, u got the ball rolling and now u just have to get the details squared away. one thing i can tell u is get an order of protection when u leave and he will not be able to see the child or contact u and still have to pay child support.
    ~slim shady~
  • Charlotte_SometimesCharlotte_Sometimes
    Posts: 1,756Member
    I agree with @shadylane  --- at least those sound like my reasons.  I am currently doing the same thing, with different stuff that I really need to do.  I have all the time in the world to do the stuff yet day after day I put it off.  I am rapidly approaching the deadline to apply to my university of choice for transfer, I have an incomplete in one class because I still owe the professor 2 research papers, I am out of money yet I have a whole room full of ebay items to list, I still have cars at the house I moved out of that I need to deal with.

    Basically BIG stuff that costs me money and I don't deal with it...and I don't get it and then I hate myself for my inaction.

    What I have learned though is action follows action.  Often doing one thing will motivate you enough to do more.  It's just tough getting yourself do do ONE thing in the first place, I know.
    "But a lesson must be lived
    In order to be learned"

    Ani DiFranco, Manhole
  • TurthipoTurthipo
    Posts: 340Member
    @weezer I have nothing other than support and a shoulder .. I'm in Banff if you need anything I may be able to help (if i remember correctly you're in Alberta) I have family in Edmonton
  • weezerweezer
    Posts: 290Member
    Thanks all. I think tomorrow I'll set a few alarms to make sure that I get in the shower by 9am at the latest. It's a lot easier to get shit done when I'm already up, showered, and dressed! I think my priority for tomorrow will be getting an appointment with legal aid. Hopefully I'll be able to actually make the appointment for tomorrow, but if not then at least I will book it. Honestly, I think I would be waaaaaay better off if I got in to see a psychiatrist and got medication FIRST... but that will take too long. So I'll have to suck it up.

    @Turthipo thanks! I'm in E-town as well. :)

    @MammaTeeRoll good idea with the animal rescue programs, I hadn't thought of that! I know of a few good ones, I'll send a couple of emails...when I get the motivation.

    UGH! Seriously, I am a smart capable woman, I can do this shit! Honest, I can. Maybe. Sorta. Ugh. At least I fed myself and my stepson tonight, right? That's something.
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  • CrashCrash
    Posts: 8,215Member
    @Weezer...I'll call you tomorrow and yell at you til you get up and do something, how about that? Lol. I'm kidding. Kind of. I have to be up at 7 to get the kids off to school. But I know how it is. If you've got no one to hold you responsible for doing something for yourself, especially, it's easy to let something slide. Don't make me drive over there!
    See ya in another life, sister!
  • DreamerDreamer
    Posts: 2,266Member
    lol what @Curious said.  There are a few of us Albertans, coming to kick you into gear IS an option.  :D
    There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other. Which one are you?
  • CrashCrash
    Posts: 8,215Member
    I'm only 2 hours away! Dum dum dum!
    See ya in another life, sister!
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