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Lesbian Household Roles
  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 2,929Confessional Manager
    Some of you may remember this post - but I had to repost it. This chick is so very funny. I love her blog. But THIS post was priceless. A reader wrote in to ask her about lesbian household chored and this is her response...Read through it. laugh your butts off. Then let me know how things work out in YOUR house!!! 

    PS - Please visit Effing Dykes for the ENTIRE awesome blog.

    Q: What is that like for lesbians?  Who does what, chore-wise, when everybody's a girl?  

    A:  Kelly, this is actually a great question! 
    Since this isn't 1954, Kelly, I think the short answer to your question about dyke households is:
    The one who does a particular chore is the one who cares more about getting that chore done.
    For instance, at my house:  
    CJ cooks dinner.  There are two reasons for this. 
    1) CJ is a brilliant cook with a penchant for 'hiding' vegetables in recipes so I don't notice them; and 2) I cannot cook, refuse to cook, and, were it left to me, would happily eat Peanut Butter Captain Crunch every night for the rest of my life. 
    I could care less about cooking and good nutrition.  If left to my own devices, I eat like a child.  
    I'll buy a value pack of something enormous (i.e. a large sack of jasmine rice) and eat it, three meals a day, until it's gone.  Then I'll buy six watermelons and do the same thing.  
    I do not care.
    The goal for me is a full belly - you can do it the hard way and spend  hours making Jamaican Pork Stew with Yam, Beans, and Apple Cider-Braised Kale, or you can do it the easy way and buy yourself a fuckload of green grapes and Nutella. CJ cares more about dinner, so...CJ cooks.
    My job is to wash the dishes, which coincidentally, is the chore that CJ hates most. It's only fair. 
    Kelly, I will say that when you're dealing with two lesbians, the division of labor seems...fairer than the deal that I've seen some straight relationships cut.  
    Nobody should have to shop for groceries, cook the meal, and clean up afterwards.  That's re-goddamned-diculous. 
    Lesbians, as a whole (heh) seem to have a firm grip on what is fair when it comes to dividing up the chores. CJ lifts heavy stuff in our house - not because she's the butch, but because I have the upper-arm strength of a deer fetus.
    I have a pathological need to have a bathroom so clean you could eat a snack inside the toilet, so I always clean the bathroom. 
    CJ cleans out the bunny cage, but I sweep up.
    You might be tempted to think that gayelles fall into stereotypical roles - like, whoever is more butch does the 'manly' jobs.  And sometimes that's true - I know butch/femme couples where there's a girly-girl who makes dinner in a ruffly apron while the butch dyke hoses out the gutters. But the difference between straights and gays, in this instance, is - say it with me! - irony.  It's funny to be all Leave It To Beaver when you're a homosexual - it's like playing house! It's fun to play at stereotypical gender roles when you're two women that fuck each other on a regular and unholy basis. 
    But not all lesbians are butches or femmes, obvs. What do two butches in a relationship do about chores?  What would two femmes do?  How would a sporty-dyke and a boi divide household duties?  
    There are centipedes in every house, Kelly, and those centipedes have to die!!!  Who's going to do it?  Who's going to fucking do it???? The answer is simple - the one who is less afraid.  

    Kelly, I would hope (I would fucking hope, in this day and age) that all couples, regardless of sexual orientation, take stock of each person's talents and use them accordingly to divide up chores.  The one that doesn't clean is the one who gets up every morning to let the dog out.  
    The one that always unclogs the drain gets let off the hook when you find maggots in the flour.
    Fair's fair, Kells.  There are clothes to wash and buttons to sew back on.  There's motorcycles to fix and cats who need their claws clipped.  Dinner has to be made and DVDs have to get returned - whoever is more bothered and has time is the one who's going to do the chore.

    Lesbians are not mythical sparkling endangered white pandas from a planet where everyone knows how to cook and the houses smell like french-vanilla candles. We're women who fuck each other and live together and use the same bathroom.  Just like you, Kelly, we have to negotiate things like whose turn it is to buy Q-tips ("They have to actually be Q-tips, baby, don't buy the off-brand kind like you did last time, unless you want me to have a punctured eardrum") and whose turn it is to deal with the landlord.  

    Just because we're two girls doesn't mean the apartment is always clean.  Just because we're women doesn't mean we have a pie cooling on the counter and the plants don't die. There are crusty dishes in every relationship.  Ok?
    And Kells?  For god's sake, withhold sex if you think you're getting a raw deal. Duh.

    ************************************************************************

    In my house we share a lot of the chores. I mostly do the dishes. And the cooking because I love it. She mostly does the trash. Whoever is the least scared is the one that kills the bug. We both vacuum. I mop. She puts away the foldies and mates the socks because I hate it. Either both or neither of us dust. It's a nasty job. She handles the vehicles. We both do the "yardwork" which is moot right now because we live in a townhouse that is maintained by the landlord. We make the kid clean the bathroom. It's split pretty evenly for the most part. 

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • GritsGrits
    Posts: 3,854Member
    I read a post of hers you put up awhile back and ended up on her blog for about an hour reading and laughing my ass off! This part in particular had me spitting out my drink...

    There are
    centipedes in every house, Kelly, and those centipedes have to die!!!
     Who's going to do it?  Who's going to fucking do it????
    "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." ~Audrey Hepburn
  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 2,929Confessional Manager
    @grits This is the one - but I deleted all my content a while back and HAD to repost this one. :) 

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • French_momFrench_mom
    Posts: 1,566Member
    hum  my list is long :

    Laundry, vaccum, dishes, all the room in the house besides his computer room. That means 10 rooms. I do the grass. Shovel the snow off both porch. 
    And i work 40hrs/weeks. Very phycical too. 


    He does the trash. 


    But he will do what ever when i *ask* him to do it. With the answer does it have to be now ?  well yeah if not you will forget about it and I will have to do it too.
    He will sometimes cook. 
    It is for me to know and you to dot dot dot.
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,715Confessional Manager
    This is still so freaking hilarious!

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • LoveLove
    Posts: 12,847Administrator, Moderator
    And I STILL lmfao at this, each and every time I read it:

    There are centipedes in every house, Kelly, and those centipedes have to die!!!  Who's going to do it?  Who's going to fucking do it????

    community-manager


  • LoveLove
    Posts: 12,847Administrator, Moderator
    Lesbians are not mythical sparkling endangered white pandas from a planet where everyone knows how to cook and the houses smell like french-vanilla candles.



    =))

    community-manager


  • stinkersmommystinkersmommy
    Posts: 1,388Member
    ROTFFLMAO
    Glitter Words
    [Glitterfy.com - *Glitter Words*]
  • BeautifulDefianceBeautifulDefiance
    Posts: 755Member
     CJ lifts heavy stuff in our house - not because she's the butch, but because I have the upper-arm strength of a deer fetus

    OH MYGOD! Lmao over here right now
    =)) =))
    I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

    SMSM_s_5

  • CrashCrash
    Posts: 8,526Member
    Yeah I read that entire blog in about 4 days also. Funny funny shit. Even though I do a lot gay stuff, apparently. Eh.
    See ya in another life, sister!
  • pdxmama
    Posts: 1,470Member
    So. Fucking. Funny. I was dying about the centipedes too!
  • episcopal
    Posts: 1,482Member
    Absolutely hysterical!  Has anyone been to the blog?  Major LMAO!!!
  • Charlotte_SometimesCharlotte_Sometimes
    Posts: 1,756Member
    Hilarious! 

    I will admit that this is one lesbian household where it is pretty unfair.  DW does a lot more than me.  I have no justification for this, not really.  I'm just kind of lazy and she's just pretty damned indulgent.  No other way to put it.

    DW cooks 95% of the dinners.  I make the grocery lists and do most of the meal planning which she says is a help because her biggest thing is not knowing what to make.  We make the teenagers do the dishes.  DD9 is in charge of 3 catboxes and the recycling.  Everyone takes turns with dog walking (2 dogs and we're in an apartment)... though I admit I am much more likely to end up NOT having first-morning walking duty. 

    I do most of the laundry and I clean the bathroom because I am nitpicky about it.
    DW feeds the cats, makes the morning coffee, and deals with any / all phone calls or knocks on the door because I have, well, issues.  ;)  That's a biggie.  She also usually ends up doing the vacuuming though I do protest and offer to do it.

    DW also does the fixing, well along with DS20, and the stereotypically "male" stuff like car maintenance, hanging up things on the wall, basically anything requiring tools.  And she also kills the bugs, unless it's a spider, then I have to take over because she's terrified of spiders.

    But she gets silly and, well, kind of macho about certain things she thinks she SHOULD do and is often like this but not just about groceries:

    image



    "But a lesson must be lived in order to be learned" Ani DiFranco, Manhole
    "Screw you guys! I'm going home." Eric Cartman
  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 2,929Confessional Manager
    Omg @charlotte_sometimes wifey and I are just like that with the groceries! We took in $250 worth of food the other day in ONE TRIP!

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,715Confessional Manager
    @charlotte_sometimes I do the same thing!  =))

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 2,929Confessional Manager
    @Episcopal her blog is so hilarious

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • episcopal
    Posts: 1,482Member
    I look forward to checking it out again, @LesboMom.  Thanks!

    I'm the same way with groceries.  I hate making two trips!  When I hear the words, "two trips," I want it to be about two vacations!
  • AnonUser33
    Posts: 743Guest

    I loved this. Thanks for sharing.

    Is it just me or does this little guy  =))  make anyone else crack up almost as much as the comment? HMMM maybe I am weirder than I thought

  • unforgivenunforgiven
    Posts: 12,715Confessional Manager
    He always makes me smile @unknown1.

    confessional-manager

    "What looks like torture is a time to rejoice
    What sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
    When what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
    And I say I don't know you
    But you say it's finished"
  • LesboMomLesboMom
    Posts: 2,929Confessional Manager
    @unknown1 I DO love that little guy.

    confessional-manager

    Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. -- Helen Keller
  • Peace
    Posts: 2,250Member
    I forgot about her! Last time I spent hours reading her blog too...she is too funny!
    Thanks for this...I need to share this post!
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