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Ladies I Need Insight/Personal Experiences!!!
  • ashtoNicoleashtoNicole
    Posts: 8Member

    Non-Custodial Parental Visitation

    Where should the line be drawn concerning being a mother and the responsibility of the health and well being of your child ... or throwing all that out the window, bending over and abiding by a court ordered parenting plan?!

    ex:  DD6 has just returned from 3wks with ExH (he is awarded 6wks total in the summer).  She was unbathed, ratted hair, fingernails past her fingertips and dirty, teeth not brushed, asthma medication I sent her with was untouched, earrings where matted with hair and dried puss from neglect, and she has gained 10lbs.

    ExH's first wife doesn't let him see their son, I would like to do the same with my daughter ...

    Consequences?!  Repercussions?! 

    I can't take standing back and watching this happen to my daughter!!!

    *I have went back to court with a motion for supervised visitation and it was denied by the judge because ExH is not "physically or sexually abusing the child".

  • deviltwinsmommadeviltwinsmomma
    Posts: 2,316Member
    fuck!! thats neglect!! that's abuse! you need to take pictures and document, document, document all that shit he does. get your self a lawyer.
    my mother used to sing me a song. It went like this: "Life is short, life is shit, and soon it will be over.
  • chaosmomchaosmom
    Posts: 3,846Member
    You can get into legal trouble if you withhold court ordered visitation. You need to start documenting & taking pictures every time she comes home. Get a lawyer (legal aid can help). It is a matter of neglect, not abuse. Get proof & take it back to the courts.
  • chaosmomchaosmom
    Posts: 3,846Member
    May even be beneficial to do a check up with the dr to check on her breathing. Explain that she was with her father & he didn't give her the medicine & you are super concerned. Paper trails are a great thing.
  • ashtoNicoleashtoNicole
    Posts: 8Member
    I have 5 years worth of notes, pictures, detailed documentation.  It didn't make a difference when I went to court.  I also understand the legal side of with holding visitation.  That is why I am upset I have to stand back and watch this happen ...
  • Ashdawn684Ashdawn684
    Posts: 850Member
    First off I am sorry that you are going through this, it sucks!!  Next, take pictures to have for documentation of the incidents.  I would (if you can) talk with an attorney and have your proof.  Get a journal and write down every incident, if you didnt get pictures this time write down her condition the day she came back with date and time. I would not just STOP letting her go if it is court ordered, because it can come back on you.  I would call him to find out what is going on and write down everything! He can get his visitation revoked due to neglect, exspecially if he is not giving her medication.
    ~Live life to the fullest, or die trying~
  • mountainprincess
    Posts: 134Member
    On top of the documentation, can you call CPS the next time she is with him? CPS is bound to investigate all claims of neglect and then you would have a 3rd party documenting the neglect. Have it so they show up towards the end of her visit (I know this doesn't solve your concern for her next visit with him). They will then document everything (including the living conditions) for the court. It could help in getting custody revoked or at least have it set up for supervised visits only.
    As far as the medication goes, are they inhalers? Can you teach her how to use them on her own and have her keep them with her at all times? Also teach her how to use a watch (if she doesn't already) and set the watch alarm to go off when she is supposed to take her medicine.
    If you have the resources can you get her into therapy? Her talking to a counselor about everything may also go a long way to help your case and in the long run, help her deal with what happens at his house.


  • tothemoonandbacktothemoonandback
    Posts: 2,146Member
    mountainprincess said:

    On top of the documentation, can you call CPS the next time she is with him? CPS is bound to investigate all claims of neglect and then you would have a 3rd party documenting the neglect. Have it so they show up towards the end of her visit (I know this doesn't solve your concern for her next visit with him). They will then document everything (including the living conditions) for the court. It could help in getting custody revoked or at least have it set up for supervised visits only.




    This is what I was going to say.  
    Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. - Marilyn Monroe
  • Charlotte_SometimesCharlotte_Sometimes
    Posts: 1,756Member
    Be careful with involving CPS.   Just be careful.  It can work in your favor, or not.  Do you have an attorney?

    Is there anything your ex would agree to on his own in this regard?  Does he take her for every court ordered visit?  Does he pay child support?
    "But a lesson must be lived
    In order to be learned"

    Ani DiFranco, Manhole
  • ashtoNicoleashtoNicole
    Posts: 8Member
    I have called DFS many times in the past. ExH won't answer door nor return their phone calls to set up an appointment for them to visit. Hwy Patrol/City Police won't take any action because it is a "civil matter". ExH agrees on nothing, he does not care how his actions affect our daughter. As long as what he's doing is *against* my wishes for the health and well being of our daughter he is happy. He does not pay his court ordered child support and is on probation every other 2yrs to collect it when I find the time to hound the agency.
  • LA_PygmyHerderLA_PygmyHerder
    Posts: 1,239Member
    Take pictures and document EVERYTHING!! Then I would take it all to a lawyer and file for sole custody. That is neglect pure and simple.
  • tavtas1201
    Posts: 49Member
    This is based on issues with my first son which is years old.  I wouldl tell you first - check how YOUR state views things.  You can call CPS somewhat anonymously and ask what they will do if the child is discovered to be neglected while on court ordered visitation.

    In my case, the question was "If you raid a drug house and a child is present but was placed in this danger by a non-custodial parent - how long until the custodial parent gets the child back?"

    Answer:  "If we have reason to believe the custodial parent was aware of the danger the non-custodial parent was placing the child in - we might not give the child back."  That ended all court ordered visitation.  I called the state case worker, told her what CPS told me, told them I was aware the father was hanging out with a known drug deaer and I would not be allowing visitation.  I got no flack.

    Now, I could lose c  custody in the stateof MN. 


    Know your state before  you act.
  • Twins911Twins911
    Posts: 212Member
    So sorry for your daughter to be placed in this situation. Courts for custody are tricky. @tavtas1201 is right, call and ask anonymously. 

    All though everything that you described is neglect to any reasonable person, the court might not see it that way even with all the documentation. Where I do think that your child is at risk is with her asthma… Take her to the doctor immediately and get this report of the status of her condition. There is where the court could really pay attention and act on it to give you full custody. 

    Is there non-comunication between you and your ex? Maybe a mediation to sort out and address all of these issues may help. 

    Good Luck momma!
  • ashtoNicoleashtoNicole
    Posts: 8Member

    There is no communication between us and mediation would lead no where.  The court agreed, and stated in the divorce papers that even ordered mediation would be a waste of time, money and effort for both parties. That said, there is a section that follows awarding me final decision making for our daughter ... could I use this to my advantage for her well being?!  Something I need to ask a lawyer to decipher.

    Thank you!

  • ashtoNicoleashtoNicole
    Posts: 8Member

    ExH is 30yrs old and still lives with his parents in a two bedroom duplex.  Does not have his own vehicle, nor holds a job for longer then 6wks.  Another issue I have tried to bring to DFS's attention is DD6 and ExH sleep in the same bed.  I was told "atleast she has a bed to sleep in".  I am losing all faith in our legal system.  I live in Missouri by the way.

    Calling DD's pediatrician in the morning.

  • fantasticalmamafantasticalmama
    Posts: 139Member
    I am so sorry you are going through this.  I couldn't handle it as well as you are. Besides taking her to a pediatrician have you thought about maybe taking her to a child psychologist? If after talking with her if they feel that she was neglected- especially physically they by law have to report it. Also, it would give you more evidence to bring to a judges attention and give your daughter the ability to speak to an adult without a fear of repercussions. My sisters father used to pull similar crap with her when she was little and after a few sessions with a therapist she opened up about a lot more of what was going on during her weekends away. When a parent doesn't take care of a child's cleanliness nor provide reasonable medical care there are usually underlying issues. Also, if you notify CPS and they find out/realize you are the one reporting your ex (they do have caller id and if your ex guesses right that you were the one that made the complaint) the case will automatically be noted as possible misuse of system to gain full custody or revenge. When I interned with CPS in college those cases were always put on the back burner. If you feel that your daughter's well being is in jeopardy to that extent, the best thing to do is have a dr's appointment set up for the same day of her return for a physical- and have the whole thing documented. Once again, my heart goes out to you.
  • momofeveryonemomofeveryone
    Posts: 1,716Member

    he doesnt pay, he doesnt see the kid. tell him that and see what he does. its amazing in ohio how often if you dont persue the child support and they doent persue visitation, the state doesnt care.

     

    we got the house!!!!! i have worked so hard for 5 years to get us in a spot to buy! isnt it cute?!?!?!?
  • [Deleted User]
    Posts: 7,022
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
    well behaved women seldom make history
  • Pumpkinmama
    Posts: 122Member
    I agree with the advice above, take pics and document everything. I'm going through something similar, and the best advice I can offer is to find the right lawyer (it sounds like you're gonna need one to get your daughter out of this situation). Not just any lawyer, they all know the laws and how to proceed in court, but in my experience, there is such a thing as the right lawyer for a case. I had consultations with eight lawyers before finding my lawyer. I explained what was going on to each of them and got mostly "well you have a good case, but not a strong one" responses. Then I called the lawyer I ended up retaining and she immediately expressed an urge to help me and my children. She had me in court the day after I first spoke to her, for an ex parte hearing to get temporary custody and a no contact order against my ex. She's been great and keeps me in the loop about my case. She returns my calls asap, and she prepares me for court every time we have to go.
    So i really do think that the lawyer you choose has a lot to do with the outcome of your case. I started to feel helpless when every lawyer i talked to was telling me that i may or may not get anywhere, but my lawyer seemed to care more, and that made all the difference. In a case where a child is being neglected or abused, you'd think it would be obvious what the court would do, but unfortunately, it's not always black n white, so they can't treat every case like it is. Hang in there, make sure you have proof of everything that's going on and get a good lawyer. Best of luck to you.
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